Guest guest Posted September 21, 2006 Report Share Posted September 21, 2006 Do I want to get a reply from you? The question is: Do you want to reply me? If you do that is what I want And I am only talking to myself Who else is out there??? -- Re: I don't really know. > > ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this group? > how often did you repeat yourself? > how often did you " get people into " your play? > how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to persecutor ...? > how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar dynamics? > th,lr > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2006 Report Share Posted September 21, 2006 > AC.. I don't get the part where you wont leave her because of her > parents and your parents.. > GEt in 2006... > Those days are over... Time to live your life.. > THe way you want.. Reality check The way he WANTS to live his life Is to be with his wife How do I know that? He is with her!!!! So I know tat he is confused thinking he doesn't want to be with her He is where he wants to be So everything is good and perfect T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2006 Report Share Posted October 20, 2006 If you currently intend to remain in this marriage, you might want to consider looking at your morning routine. Is it true that you need preparation time in the morning? Are you absolutely sure? Imagine life without this preparation time: ie. a happier wife not threatening to kill you. Have you ever heard the expression " Man plans and God laughs " ? Can you really be sure your preparation time " to think, to clear my mind, to set my goals and priorities and to really get ready for the day " accomplishes any of that? I used to think my edge in business over my competitors was the time spent in planning and thinking ahead. I eventually realized it was mostly a waste of time and something usually happened that I could not foresee and did not enter into my plans. Perhaps you can examine further your wife's thoughts that " it is not for people with families " and see if there isn't some truth in it. Waking up at 3:30 AM and getting too little sleep and contending with a job, children and a wife doesn't sound like a good formula to me. Vivian I don't really know. I have really wanted to have ample " preparation " time in the morning! I have believed that it gives me SPACE to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my mind, to set my goals and priority and to really get ready for my day. One major thing that I think I have really wanted but have been always missing in my family life is: About two hours (or maybe, little more) in the morning for... o Meditation (15 minutes) o Yoga (30 minutes) o Planning the day (15 minutes) o Study spirituality, meditation, growth, learning, psychology, philosophy, management, communication, technology. (45 minutes) o Checking email (15 minutes) o Good nutrition (egg protein or salmon) (15 minutes) I don't do it because I have seen my wife many times shout at me, hit me, abuse me, curse me, and blame me because of doing it. I have tried talking to my wife several times about it and asking her permission to allow me to do it and have expressed my willingness to sleep two hours less to make time for it. In response, she has told me that she doesn't want me to do any of this, it is not for those with families and she will do her best to make sure that I don't do any of it. She had gone as far as to say that if required, she will kill me if she has to make sure that I don't do these things. I have tried talking to her parents, her borthers, my parents, freinds and pretty much everyone has advised her to give me freedom to do it - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. Many times, I have tried to do it in hiding and have setup alarm to getup around 3.30AM or so - usually she has gotten up soon after and has started shouting at me at finding me doing any of the above things. Sometimes when shouting has not really worked, she has started shouting at children and has threatened to hit or kill them if I don't change. She has said that by doing these things I am being very " corrupt " . I have totally failed to understand the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it and when I have tried to understand it; it has really driven me nuts i.e. I have never understood why someone would act this way because of seemingly innocent things like my reading what I like to read. When I don't do it - sometimes, I greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel very bad, sometimes, I feel like leaving her and but, then I stop thinking of our children, her parents and my parents. When I don't do it - I feel that there is something lacking in my day. I feel that I am not really ready. I feel I am not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I feel that I don't have clear idea of what I want to do in the day. Unless I do that, I feel at kind of loss and I feel I am not able to perform at the level I want to. When I don't do it - sometimes, I try to do some of it at office or much worse without planning my day, I end up spending my time in unplanned, undocumented, unconscious way and then I feel I am not fully ready to face my manager, my superior . I don't feel confident in facing them. I don't feel sure whether I am doing my " duty " with intelligence, planning and preparedness that I think I owe to my job. It gives me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like hiding from people and I feel uncomfortable having this feeling that by working in a " lesser " way that I think my job deserves and I am capable of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel like a lair. I feel living below my integrity. When I don't get to do it - sometimes I try to leave for office early so that I can do it at office. But, in office I don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, doing it will mean that I should stay longer to finish rest of the work - which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I have to drop my daughter at her school which means I can not really come early anyway. When I don't do it - sometimes I try to stay late at office and make time to do it. When I say that to my wife - my wife shouts, complains and I usually change my plan because f it. When I don't do it - sometimes, I greatly resent it and sometimes I shout at my wife because of it. And, this is just the beginning of restrictions that my wife puts one me. Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to my brother. If talk to my brother... I shouldn't ask him about his studies or advise him regarding his career (but, I should definitely do that to my wife's brother.). I should try my best to make sure that my sister doesn't study and doesn't become have good working career. I don't comprehend any of it. Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing anything and I lose all my motivation. I think my wife has been greatly successful in manipulating me with her temper, her " hate " , her complains and I have ended 'giving up' most times. She has gotten away with things that I thought were quite bizarre, insane and not worth doing to any human being and my high 'tolerance' level has allowed that to happen. I am not sure whether my " attitude " [of being put up with it] has done more good or bad. And, I am not sure what I should do in the future. Someone said: *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end up being unkind to the oppressed; you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** I don't clearly know what I should really do. Of course, if I don't does anything major, the same story is likely to just keep repeating itself endlessly in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2006 Report Share Posted October 20, 2006 > > I have really wanted to have > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > mind, to set my goals and priority and > to really get ready for my day. [...] > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > to stay late at office and make time to > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > wife shouts, complains and I usually > change my plan because f it. > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > at my wife because of it. > > And, this is just the beginning of > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > advise him regarding his career (but, I > should definitely do that to my wife's > brother.). I should try my best to make > sure that my sister doesn't study and > doesn't have a good working career. > I don't comprehend any of it. > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > anything and I lose all my motivation. > I think my wife has been greatly > successful in manipulating me with her > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > have ended 'giving up' most times. She > has gotten away with things that I > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > not worth doing to any human being and > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > that to happen. > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > [of being put up with it] has done more > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I > should do in the future. > > Someone said: > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > up being unkind to the oppressed; > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** > Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. ~ Elie Wiesel. Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed -- Luther King, Jr. > I don't clearly know what I should > really do. > > Of course, if I don't does anything > major, the same story is likely to just > keep repeating itself endlessly in the > future. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2006 Report Share Posted October 20, 2006 I notice you keep shifting the ground of what is the issue. If someone responds to you about A regarding your wife, you shift and complain about B. Try solving A and then congratulate yourself on that and take time to enjoy it before moving to B. Globally all the issues you've built up again her are just too much to deal with, or at least that is how it would appear to me if I had to face all that. Vivian Re: I don't really know. > > I have really wanted to have > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > mind, to set my goals and priority and > to really get ready for my day. [...] > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > to stay late at office and make time to > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > wife shouts, complains and I usually > change my plan because f it. > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > at my wife because of it. > > And, this is just the beginning of > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > advise him regarding his career (but, I > should definitely do that to my wife's > brother.). I should try my best to make > sure that my sister doesn't study and > doesn't have a good working career. > I don't comprehend any of it. > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > anything and I lose all my motivation. > I think my wife has been greatly > successful in manipulating me with her > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > have ended 'giving up' most times. She > has gotten away with things that I > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > not worth doing to any human being and > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > that to happen. > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > [of being put up with it] has done more > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I > should do in the future. > > Someone said: > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > up being unkind to the oppressed; > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** > Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. ~ Elie Wiesel. Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed -- Luther King, Jr. > I don't clearly know what I should > really do. > > Of course, if I don't does anything > major, the same story is likely to just > keep repeating itself endlessly in the > future. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2006 Report Share Posted October 20, 2006 Adythia, You know exactly what you need to do. You chose to live this way. I respect why you will decide to live your life the way you want to, It is difficult to comprehend why you think you are doing your kids a favor. You are part of it, you make yourself part of that story and you will be until you make another choice. That is only my story, I feel for your kids, you are not a victim until you chose to be one. Is that true? hell yeah!! for me anyway. with all my respect, adithya_comming wrote: I have really wanted to have ample " preparation " time in the morning! I have believed that it gives me SPACE to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my mind, to set my goals and priority and to really get ready for my day. One major thing that I think I have really wanted but have been always missing in my family life is: About two hours (or maybe, little more) in the morning for... o Meditation (15 minutes) o Yoga (30 minutes) o Planning the day (15 minutes) o Study spirituality, meditation, growth, learning, psychology, philosophy, management, communication, technology. (45 minutes) o Checking email (15 minutes) o Good nutrition (egg protein or salmon) (15 minutes) I don't do it because I have seen my wife many times shout at me, hit me, abuse me, curse me, and blame me because of doing it. I have tried talking to my wife several times about it and asking her permission to allow me to do it and have expressed my willingness to sleep two hours less to make time for it. In response, she has told me that she doesn't want me to do any of this, it is not for those with families and she will do her best to make sure that I don't do any of it. She had gone as far as to say that if required, she will kill me if she has to make sure that I don't do these things. I have tried talking to her parents, her borthers, my parents, freinds and pretty much everyone has advised her to give me freedom to do it - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. Many times, I have tried to do it in hiding and have setup alarm to getup around 3.30AM or so - usually she has gotten up soon after and has started shouting at me at finding me doing any of the above things. Sometimes when shouting has not really worked, she has started shouting at children and has threatened to hit or kill them if I don't change. She has said that by doing these things I am being very " corrupt " . I have totally failed to understand the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it and when I have tried to understand it; it has really driven me nuts i.e. I have never understood why someone would act this way because of seemingly innocent things like my reading what I like to read. When I don't do it - sometimes, I greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel very bad, sometimes, I feel like leaving her and but, then I stop thinking of our children, her parents and my parents. When I don't do it - I feel that there is something lacking in my day. I feel that I am not really ready. I feel I am not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I feel that I don't have clear idea of what I want to do in the day. Unless I do that, I feel at kind of loss and I feel I am not able to perform at the level I want to. When I don't do it - sometimes, I try to do some of it at office or much worse without planning my day, I end up spending my time in unplanned, undocumented, unconscious way and then I feel I am not fully ready to face my manager, my superior . I don't feel confident in facing them. I don't feel sure whether I am doing my " duty " with intelligence, planning and preparedness that I think I owe to my job. It gives me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like hiding from people and I feel uncomfortable having this feeling that by working in a " lesser " way that I think my job deserves and I am capable of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel like a lair. I feel living below my integrity. When I don't get to do it - sometimes I try to leave for office early so that I can do it at office. But, in office I don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, doing it will mean that I should stay longer to finish rest of the work - which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I have to drop my daughter at her school which means I can not really come early anyway. When I don't do it - sometimes I try to stay late at office and make time to do it. When I say that to my wife - my wife shouts, complains and I usually change my plan because f it. When I don't do it - sometimes, I greatly resent it and sometimes I shout at my wife because of it. And, this is just the beginning of restrictions that my wife puts one me. Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to my brother. If talk to my brother... I shouldn't ask him about his studies or advise him regarding his career (but, I should definitely do that to my wife's brother.). I should try my best to make sure that my sister doesn't study and doesn't become have good working career. I don't comprehend any of it. Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing anything and I lose all my motivation. I think my wife has been greatly successful in manipulating me with her temper, her " hate " , her complains and I have ended 'giving up' most times. She has gotten away with things that I thought were quite bizarre, insane and not worth doing to any human being and my high 'tolerance' level has allowed that to happen. I am not sure whether my " attitude " [of being put up with it] has done more good or bad. And, I am not sure what I should do in the future. Someone said: *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end up being unkind to the oppressed; you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** I don't clearly know what I should really do. Of course, if I don't does anything major, the same story is likely to just keep repeating itself endlessly in the future. --------------------------------- Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Yahoo! Small Business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this group? how often did you repeat yourself? how often did you " get people into " your play? how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to persecutor ...? how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar dynamics? th,lr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 hi tami are you talking to yourself, generally to the list, or to rose? and do you want to get a reply by/of rose? lr > You know what I think? > I think ac is my teacher > A teacher of how to be a listener, > A listener to someone in need, > Even though that you think that he is off topic > > May I add that I fail this lesson over and over again > Cause I care less about his marriage > > Tomorrow is a new day > > T > > -- Re: I don't really know. > > ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this group? > how often did you repeat yourself? > how often did you " get people into " your play? > how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to persecutor ...? > how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar dynamics? > th,lr > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 hey tami, is anything wrong? you responded! )) wow! ) to me your latest words are like " philosophy " . at the moment i feel no impulse to reply to your former mail, i wanted to know if you had felt an impulse to get a reply. lr > Do I want to get a reply from you? > > The question is: > Do you want to reply me? > If you do that is what I want > > And I am only talking to myself > Who else is out there??? > > -- Re: I don't really know. > > > > ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this group? > > how often did you repeat yourself? > > how often did you " get people into " your play? > > how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to persecutor ...? > > how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar > dynamics? > > th,lr > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 > > I have really wanted to have > ample " preparation " time in the morning! ***Is this true? I hear that you are not ususally doing it, so, you don't Really want it. YOu want to avoid your wife's reactions more than you want the above. > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > mind, to set my goals and priority and > to really get ready for my day. ***SO, you need this time in the morning in order to really get ready for your day. Is that true? Can you think of times when you didnt 'get ready' and everything was fine? Can you find at least 3Examples? > > One major thing that I think I have > really wanted but have been always > missing in my family life is: > > About two hours (or maybe, little > more) in the morning for... > > o Meditation (15 minutes) > > o Yoga (30 minutes) > > o Planning the day (15 minutes) > > o Study spirituality, meditation, > growth, learning, psychology, > philosophy, management, communication, > technology. (45 minutes) > > o Checking email (15 minutes) > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or > salmon) (15 minutes) > > > I don't do it because I have seen my > wife many times shout at me, hit me, > abuse me, curse me, and blame me > because of doing it. ***Yes, you want *peace* with your wife more than the above listed things. Good to know. If I was choosing to live with someone who had said and did these things, I would probably choose not to have the things you listed in my life as well. > > > I have tried talking to my wife > several times about it and asking her > permission to allow me to do it and > have expressed my willingness to sleep > two hours less to make time for it. ***You need your wife's permission, Is that true? And please don't give me another explaination of her reactions, I hear you the first time. > > In response, she has told me that she > doesn't want me to do any of this, it > is not for those with families and she > will do her best to make sure that I > don't do any of it. She had gone as far > as to say that if required, she will > kill me if she has to make sure that I > don't do these things. ***Your wife's answer is very clear. What part of it do you not understand? When we ask for permission from someone No is always an option as an answer that they may give. She is sharing with you what she believes, and you choose to live with it. ***Interesting. Well, if someone will tell me that they will kill me, I may beleive them or not. And I do what I want to do and see what happens. I would question all the things that keep me in a relationship with someone who says they would kill me. Inquire into what you think you need with this relationship. > > > I have tried talking to her parents, > her borthers, my parents, freinds > and pretty much everyone has advised > her to give me freedom to do it > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. ***Not surprising since she has been so clear all along. THis is her integrity and nothing is swaying her from it. She gives you quite an amazing example of someone living from their integrity and not being talked out of it. She REALLY believes her story, doesnt she? > Many times, I have tried to do it in > hiding and have setup alarm to getup > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has > gotten up soon after and has started > shouting at me at finding me doing any > of the above things. Sometimes when > shouting has not really worked, she has > started shouting at children and has > threatened to hit or kill them if I > don't change. She has said that by > doing these things I am being very > " corrupt " . ***Again, she gives you clearly her story. No wonder she doesnt want you to do these things! She believes she is saving you from corruption!! > > I have totally failed to understand > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it > and when I have tried to understand it; > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I > have never understood why someone would > act this way because of seemingly > innocent things like my reading what I > like to read. ***Forget *your* idea of logic and reasoning. She believes her story of why you should not do these things and tells you clearly. What dont you understand about that? > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel > very bad, sometimes, I feel like > leaving her and but, then I stop > thinking of our children, her parents > and my parents. ***Your *STORY* about your children (wow...amazing to me that your story is that this situation is BEST for your children in any way ~ your story is just as insane as hers and isnt it interesting that we all believe our own story) and your *STORY* about your parents keeps you here, not your wife and her insane rantings and threats.. > > When I don't do it - I feel that there > is something lacking in my day. ***Only because you are running a story of *needing* to do these things which you do not do. Again, you may want to question the idea that you *Need* to *Prepare* when you dont. I feel > that I am not really ready. I feel I am > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I > feel that I don't have clear idea of > what I want to do in the day. Unless I > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I > feel I am not able to perform at the > level I want to. > ***Of course you feel these things. It matches your story. > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try > to do some of it at office or much > worse without planning my day, I end up > spending my time in unplanned, > undocumented, unconscious way and then .. I feel > like a lair. I feel living below my > integrity. ***That's because you are. > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes > I try to leave for office early so that > I can do it at office. But, in office I > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, > doing it will mean that I should stay > longer to finish rest of the work - > which my wife doesn't allow. ***Which YOU dont allow so that you dont have to deal with wife's reaction. Your wife DOES NOT control you AT ALL. Not one little bit. Your thinking about what your wife says and does controls you only TOTALLY. Plus, I > have to drop my daughter at her school > which means I can not really come early > anyway. ***Good that you drop your daughter at her school and therefore cannot leave early. You need to leave early, is that true? > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > to stay late at office and make time to > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > wife shouts, complains and I usually > change my plan because f it. ***No kidding. How many times does she have to shout for you to hear her answer? And how many times do you have to ask in order to remember? No wonder she is shouting...you dont seem to be hearing this. > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > at my wife because of it. ***Lovely mirror image here. > > And, this is just the beginning of > restrictions that my wife puts one me. ***This is the beginnign of the restrictions YOUR THINKING puts on YOU. Of course. As long as you both keep running the stories you are running and beleiving them, this will go on and on and on. The list is endless. And you are okay with that because you stay. Can you notice that? > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > advise him regarding his career (but, I > should definitely do that to my wife's > brother.). I should try my best to make > sure that my sister doesn't study and > doesn't become have good working career. > I don't comprehend any of it. ***What is to comprehend? She is believing what she thinks and living from that place, jsut like you. You make this complicated, not her. She is sharing her belief system with you, plan and simple. > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > anything and I lose all my motivation. > I think my wife has been greatly > successful in manipulating me with her > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > have ended 'giving up' most times. ***Your wife has never manipulated you. You want something from her so you do what she wants. Are you still enjoying the story of being her victim? It is only a story. She has no control over you and you know it. Big smoke screen to avoid seeing this doesnt make it any less true. YOur thinking and your thinking alone keep you here. And that's a good thing to know, and not good or bad, just is. She > has gotten away with things that I > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > not worth doing to any human being and > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > that to happen. ***She is your mirror. And it is your thinking that allows all things, not your *tolerance*. > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > [of being put up with it] has done more > good or bad. ***None of your business. The concepts of good and bad are useless. And, I am not sure what I > should do in the future. ***Again, None of your business. Try being present and understanding that...forget the " future'. > > Someone said: > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > up being unkind to the oppressed; > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** > > > > > I don't clearly know what I should > really do. ***Inquire and find out why you are choosing to live this way. It has nothing to do with your wife. > > Of course, if I don't does anything > major, the same story is likely to just > keep repeating itself endlessly in the > future. ***Glad you noticed!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 dear AC In your business as usual.. time to live my life the way i want.. That was for me.. i forgot.. love, roslyn > > > > I have really wanted to have > > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > > mind, to set my goals and priority and > > to really get ready for my day. > > > > One major thing that I think I have > > really wanted but have been always > > missing in my family life is: > > > > About two hours (or maybe, little > > more) in the morning for... > > > > o Meditation (15 minutes) > > > > o Yoga (30 minutes) > > > > o Planning the day (15 minutes) > > > > o Study spirituality, meditation, > > growth, learning, psychology, > > philosophy, management, communication, > > technology. (45 minutes) > > > > o Checking email (15 minutes) > > > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or > > salmon) (15 minutes) > > > > > > I don't do it because I have seen my > > wife many times shout at me, hit me, > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me > > because of doing it. > > > > > > I have tried talking to my wife > > several times about it and asking her > > permission to allow me to do it and > > have expressed my willingness to sleep > > two hours less to make time for it. > > > > In response, she has told me that she > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it > > is not for those with families and she > > will do her best to make sure that I > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far > > as to say that if required, she will > > kill me if she has to make sure that I > > don't do these things. > > > > > > I have tried talking to her parents, > > her borthers, my parents, freinds > > and pretty much everyone has advised > > her to give me freedom to do it > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. > > > > Many times, I have tried to do it in > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has > > gotten up soon after and has started > > shouting at me at finding me doing any > > of the above things. Sometimes when > > shouting has not really worked, she has > > started shouting at children and has > > threatened to hit or kill them if I > > don't change. She has said that by > > doing these things I am being very > > " corrupt " . > > > > I have totally failed to understand > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it > > and when I have tried to understand it; > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I > > have never understood why someone would > > act this way because of seemingly > > innocent things like my reading what I > > like to read. > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like > > leaving her and but, then I stop > > thinking of our children, her parents > > and my parents. > > > > When I don't do it - I feel that there > > is something lacking in my day. I feel > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I > > feel that I don't have clear idea of > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I > > feel I am not able to perform at the > > level I want to. > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try > > to do some of it at office or much > > worse without planning my day, I end up > > spending my time in unplanned, > > undocumented, unconscious way and then > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my > > manager, my superior . I don't feel > > confident in facing them. I don't feel > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with > > intelligence, planning and preparedness > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like > > hiding from people and I feel > > uncomfortable having this feeling that > > by working in a " lesser " way that I > > think my job deserves and I am capable > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel > > like a lair. I feel living below my > > integrity. > > > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes > > I try to leave for office early so that > > I can do it at office. But, in office I > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, > > doing it will mean that I should stay > > longer to finish rest of the work - > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I > > have to drop my daughter at her school > > which means I can not really come early > > anyway. > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > > to stay late at office and make time to > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > > wife shouts, complains and I usually > > change my plan because f it. > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > > at my wife because of it. > > > > And, this is just the beginning of > > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > > advise him regarding his career (but, I > > should definitely do that to my wife's > > brother.). I should try my best to make > > sure that my sister doesn't study and > > doesn't become have good working career. > > I don't comprehend any of it. > > > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > > anything and I lose all my motivation. > > I think my wife has been greatly > > successful in manipulating me with her > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She > > has gotten away with things that I > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > > not worth doing to any human being and > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > > that to happen. > > > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > > [of being put up with it] has done more > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I > > should do in the future. > > > > Someone said: > > > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > > up being unkind to the oppressed; > > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** > > > > > > > > > > I don't clearly know what I should > > really do. > > > > Of course, if I don't does anything > > major, the same story is likely to just > > keep repeating itself endlessly in the > > future. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 > > > > I have really wanted to have > > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > > mind, to set my goals and priority and > > to really get ready for my day. > > > > One major thing that I think I have > > really wanted but have been always > > missing in my family life is: > > > > About two hours (or maybe, little > > more) in the morning for... > > > > o Meditation (15 minutes) > > > > o Yoga (30 minutes) > > > > o Planning the day (15 minutes) > > > > o Study spirituality, meditation, > > growth, learning, psychology, > > philosophy, management, communication, > > technology. (45 minutes) > > > > o Checking email (15 minutes) > > > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or > > salmon) (15 minutes) > > > > > > I don't do it because I have seen my > > wife many times shout at me, hit me, > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me > > because of doing it. > > > > > > I have tried talking to my wife > > several times about it and asking her > > permission to allow me to do it and > > have expressed my willingness to sleep > > two hours less to make time for it. > > > > In response, she has told me that she > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it > > is not for those with families and she > > will do her best to make sure that I > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far > > as to say that if required, she will > > kill me if she has to make sure that I > > don't do these things. > > > > > > I have tried talking to her parents, > > her borthers, my parents, freinds > > and pretty much everyone has advised > > her to give me freedom to do it > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. > > > > Many times, I have tried to do it in > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has > > gotten up soon after and has started > > shouting at me at finding me doing any > > of the above things. Sometimes when > > shouting has not really worked, she has > > started shouting at children and has > > threatened to hit or kill them if I > > don't change. She has said that by > > doing these things I am being very > > " corrupt " . > > > > I have totally failed to understand > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it > > and when I have tried to understand it; > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I > > have never understood why someone would > > act this way because of seemingly > > innocent things like my reading what I > > like to read. > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like > > leaving her and but, then I stop > > thinking of our children, her parents > > and my parents. > > > > When I don't do it - I feel that there > > is something lacking in my day. I feel > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I > > feel that I don't have clear idea of > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I > > feel I am not able to perform at the > > level I want to. > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try > > to do some of it at office or much > > worse without planning my day, I end up > > spending my time in unplanned, > > undocumented, unconscious way and then > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my > > manager, my superior . I don't feel > > confident in facing them. I don't feel > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with > > intelligence, planning and preparedness > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like > > hiding from people and I feel > > uncomfortable having this feeling that > > by working in a " lesser " way that I > > think my job deserves and I am capable > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel > > like a lair. I feel living below my > > integrity. > > > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes > > I try to leave for office early so that > > I can do it at office. But, in office I > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, > > doing it will mean that I should stay > > longer to finish rest of the work - > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I > > have to drop my daughter at her school > > which means I can not really come early > > anyway. > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > > to stay late at office and make time to > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > > wife shouts, complains and I usually > > change my plan because f it. > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > > at my wife because of it. > > > > And, this is just the beginning of > > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > > advise him regarding his career (but, I > > should definitely do that to my wife's > > brother.). I should try my best to make > > sure that my sister doesn't study and > > doesn't become have good working career. > > I don't comprehend any of it. > > > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > > anything and I lose all my motivation. > > I think my wife has been greatly > > successful in manipulating me with her > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She > > has gotten away with things that I > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > > not worth doing to any human being and > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > > that to happen. > > > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > > [of being put up with it] has done more > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I > > should do in the future. > > > > Someone said: > > > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > > up being unkind to the oppressed; > > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** > > > > > > > > > > I don't clearly know what I should > > really do. > > > > Of course, if I don't does anything > > major, the same story is likely to just > > keep repeating itself endlessly in the > > future. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 Roslyn wrote... Time to live your life.. > The way you want.. From B. Isn't that exactly what AC is doing? Why argue with his reality? He is doing what he is supposed to be doing. How do I know? Because he is living HIS life. There is nothing else that AC can do. --- catherineantle wrote: > > > > > > > I have really wanted to have > > > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > > > mind, to set my goals and priority and > > > to really get ready for my day. > > > > > > One major thing that I think I have > > > really wanted but have been always > > > missing in my family life is: > > > > > > About two hours (or maybe, little > > > more) in the morning for... > > > > > > o Meditation (15 minutes) > > > > > > o Yoga (30 minutes) > > > > > > o Planning the day (15 minutes) > > > > > > o Study spirituality, meditation, > > > growth, learning, psychology, > > > philosophy, management, communication, > > > technology. (45 minutes) > > > > > > o Checking email (15 minutes) > > > > > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or > > > salmon) (15 minutes) > > > > > > > > > I don't do it because I have seen my > > > wife many times shout at me, hit me, > > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me > > > because of doing it. > > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to my wife > > > several times about it and asking her > > > permission to allow me to do it and > > > have expressed my willingness to sleep > > > two hours less to make time for it. > > > > > > In response, she has told me that she > > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it > > > is not for those with families and she > > > will do her best to make sure that I > > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far > > > as to say that if required, she will > > > kill me if she has to make sure that I > > > don't do these things. > > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to her parents, > > > her borthers, my parents, freinds > > > and pretty much everyone has advised > > > her to give me freedom to do it > > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. > > > > > > Many times, I have tried to do it in > > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup > > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has > > > gotten up soon after and has started > > > shouting at me at finding me doing any > > > of the above things. Sometimes when > > > shouting has not really worked, she has > > > started shouting at children and has > > > threatened to hit or kill them if I > > > don't change. She has said that by > > > doing these things I am being very > > > " corrupt " . > > > > > > I have totally failed to understand > > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it > > > and when I have tried to understand it; > > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I > > > have never understood why someone would > > > act this way because of seemingly > > > innocent things like my reading what I > > > like to read. > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel > > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like > > > leaving her and but, then I stop > > > thinking of our children, her parents > > > and my parents. > > > > > > When I don't do it - I feel that there > > > is something lacking in my day. I feel > > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am > > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I > > > feel that I don't have clear idea of > > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I > > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I > > > feel I am not able to perform at the > > > level I want to. > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try > > > to do some of it at office or much > > > worse without planning my day, I end up > > > spending my time in unplanned, > > > undocumented, unconscious way and then > > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my > > > manager, my superior . I don't feel > > > confident in facing them. I don't feel > > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with > > > intelligence, planning and preparedness > > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives > > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like > > > hiding from people and I feel > > > uncomfortable having this feeling that > > > by working in a " lesser " way that I > > > think my job deserves and I am capable > > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel > > > like a lair. I feel living below my > > > integrity. > > > > > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes > > > I try to leave for office early so that > > > I can do it at office. But, in office I > > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, > > > doing it will mean that I should stay > > > longer to finish rest of the work - > > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I > > > have to drop my daughter at her school > > > which means I can not really come early > > > anyway. > > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > > > to stay late at office and make time to > > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > > > wife shouts, complains and I usually > > > change my plan because f it. > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > > > at my wife because of it. > > > > > > And, this is just the beginning of > > > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > > > advise him regarding his career (but, I > > > should definitely do that to my wife's > > > brother.). I should try my best to make > > > sure that my sister doesn't study and > > > doesn't become have good working career. > > > I don't comprehend any of it. > > > > > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > > > anything and I lose all my motivation. > > > I think my wife has been greatly > > > successful in manipulating me with her > > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She > > > has gotten away with things that I > > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > > > not worth doing to any human being and > > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > > > that to happen. > > > > > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > > > [of being put up with it] has done more > > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I > > > should do in the future. > > > > > > Someone said: > > > > > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > > > up being unkind to the oppressed; > > > you end up playing part in killing the > innocents.**** > > > > > > > === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 your right tami.. and anyway i was in his business.. theres organizations for women being abused by their husbands but i dont know of any for men but maybe there is one out there..maybe one on the internet.. usually its women who stay with someone who is abuisive.. but im sure there are men out there in the same boat. And will be in that boat.. till they are ready to leave.. People who are abused give up thier power. and tend to need a group for support.. but i dont know that.. its just something i assume and in other business again. never mind.. i guess i assume ACs wife is the problem.. DR phil says people treat us the way we allow them to treat us.. But it sounds like if he gets mad back it will be worse. it sounds very scary to me.. and thats my story.. only.. AC--I dont like psychiatry but i do think some sort of group might be helpful.. like a support group for abused spouses.. boy then she would really really be mad.. oh well.. never mind me.. i will go back to my own business.. love, roslyn -- In Loving-what-is , Tami wrote: > > > AC.. I don't get the part where you wont leave her because of her > > parents and your parents.. > > GEt in 2006... > > Those days are over... Time to live your life.. > > THe way you want.. > > Reality check > The way he WANTS to live his life > Is to be with his wife > How do I know that? > He is with her!!!! > > So I know tat he is confused thinking he doesn't want to be with her > > He is where he wants to be > So everything is good and perfect > > T > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 As katie would say.. no new stories.. they are ancient.. im sure i have done things for my parents as well. AC -im just as guilty says we cant make anyone else happy. love, roslyn -- In Loving-what-is , " catherineantle " wrote: > > > > > > > > I have really wanted to have > > > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > > > mind, to set my goals and priority and > > > to really get ready for my day. > > > > > > One major thing that I think I have > > > really wanted but have been always > > > missing in my family life is: > > > > > > About two hours (or maybe, little > > > more) in the morning for... > > > > > > o Meditation (15 minutes) > > > > > > o Yoga (30 minutes) > > > > > > o Planning the day (15 minutes) > > > > > > o Study spirituality, meditation, > > > growth, learning, psychology, > > > philosophy, management, communication, > > > technology. (45 minutes) > > > > > > o Checking email (15 minutes) > > > > > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or > > > salmon) (15 minutes) > > > > > > > > > I don't do it because I have seen my > > > wife many times shout at me, hit me, > > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me > > > because of doing it. > > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to my wife > > > several times about it and asking her > > > permission to allow me to do it and > > > have expressed my willingness to sleep > > > two hours less to make time for it. > > > > > > In response, she has told me that she > > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it > > > is not for those with families and she > > > will do her best to make sure that I > > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far > > > as to say that if required, she will > > > kill me if she has to make sure that I > > > don't do these things. > > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to her parents, > > > her borthers, my parents, freinds > > > and pretty much everyone has advised > > > her to give me freedom to do it > > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. > > > > > > Many times, I have tried to do it in > > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup > > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has > > > gotten up soon after and has started > > > shouting at me at finding me doing any > > > of the above things. Sometimes when > > > shouting has not really worked, she has > > > started shouting at children and has > > > threatened to hit or kill them if I > > > don't change. She has said that by > > > doing these things I am being very > > > " corrupt " . > > > > > > I have totally failed to understand > > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it > > > and when I have tried to understand it; > > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I > > > have never understood why someone would > > > act this way because of seemingly > > > innocent things like my reading what I > > > like to read. > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel > > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like > > > leaving her and but, then I stop > > > thinking of our children, her parents > > > and my parents. > > > > > > When I don't do it - I feel that there > > > is something lacking in my day. I feel > > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am > > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I > > > feel that I don't have clear idea of > > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I > > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I > > > feel I am not able to perform at the > > > level I want to. > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try > > > to do some of it at office or much > > > worse without planning my day, I end up > > > spending my time in unplanned, > > > undocumented, unconscious way and then > > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my > > > manager, my superior . I don't feel > > > confident in facing them. I don't feel > > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with > > > intelligence, planning and preparedness > > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives > > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like > > > hiding from people and I feel > > > uncomfortable having this feeling that > > > by working in a " lesser " way that I > > > think my job deserves and I am capable > > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel > > > like a lair. I feel living below my > > > integrity. > > > > > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes > > > I try to leave for office early so that > > > I can do it at office. But, in office I > > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, > > > doing it will mean that I should stay > > > longer to finish rest of the work - > > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I > > > have to drop my daughter at her school > > > which means I can not really come early > > > anyway. > > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > > > to stay late at office and make time to > > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > > > wife shouts, complains and I usually > > > change my plan because f it. > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > > > at my wife because of it. > > > > > > And, this is just the beginning of > > > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > > > advise him regarding his career (but, I > > > should definitely do that to my wife's > > > brother.). I should try my best to make > > > sure that my sister doesn't study and > > > doesn't become have good working career. > > > I don't comprehend any of it. > > > > > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > > > anything and I lose all my motivation. > > > I think my wife has been greatly > > > successful in manipulating me with her > > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She > > > has gotten away with things that I > > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > > > not worth doing to any human being and > > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > > > that to happen. > > > > > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > > > [of being put up with it] has done more > > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I > > > should do in the future. > > > > > > Someone said: > > > > > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > > > up being unkind to the oppressed; > > > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I don't clearly know what I should > > > really do. > > > > > > Of course, if I don't does anything > > > major, the same story is likely to just > > > keep repeating itself endlessly in the > > > future. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 i thought he was living his life according to the dictates of his wife. but i guess it is according to the dictates of his thinking just like all of us.. its all for spiritual growth. yes , he is living his life perfectly for what ever he needs to learn. and i should mind my own business. thanks rh - In Loving-what-is , Barning wrote: > > Roslyn wrote... > Time to live your life.. > > The way you want.. > > From B. > Isn't that exactly what AC is doing? Why argue with > his reality? He is doing what he is supposed to be > doing. How do I know? Because he is living HIS life. > There is nothing else that AC can do. > > --- catherineantle wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > I have really wanted to have > > > > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > > > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > > > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > > > > mind, to set my goals and priority and > > > > to really get ready for my day. > > > > > > > > One major thing that I think I have > > > > really wanted but have been always > > > > missing in my family life is: > > > > > > > > About two hours (or maybe, little > > > > more) in the morning for... > > > > > > > > o Meditation (15 minutes) > > > > > > > > o Yoga (30 minutes) > > > > > > > > o Planning the day (15 minutes) > > > > > > > > o Study spirituality, meditation, > > > > growth, learning, psychology, > > > > philosophy, management, communication, > > > > technology. (45 minutes) > > > > > > > > o Checking email (15 minutes) > > > > > > > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or > > > > salmon) (15 minutes) > > > > > > > > > > > > I don't do it because I have seen my > > > > wife many times shout at me, hit me, > > > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me > > > > because of doing it. > > > > > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to my wife > > > > several times about it and asking her > > > > permission to allow me to do it and > > > > have expressed my willingness to sleep > > > > two hours less to make time for it. > > > > > > > > In response, she has told me that she > > > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it > > > > is not for those with families and she > > > > will do her best to make sure that I > > > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far > > > > as to say that if required, she will > > > > kill me if she has to make sure that I > > > > don't do these things. > > > > > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to her parents, > > > > her borthers, my parents, freinds > > > > and pretty much everyone has advised > > > > her to give me freedom to do it > > > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. > > > > > > > > Many times, I have tried to do it in > > > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup > > > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has > > > > gotten up soon after and has started > > > > shouting at me at finding me doing any > > > > of the above things. Sometimes when > > > > shouting has not really worked, she has > > > > started shouting at children and has > > > > threatened to hit or kill them if I > > > > don't change. She has said that by > > > > doing these things I am being very > > > > " corrupt " . > > > > > > > > I have totally failed to understand > > > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it > > > > and when I have tried to understand it; > > > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I > > > > have never understood why someone would > > > > act this way because of seemingly > > > > innocent things like my reading what I > > > > like to read. > > > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel > > > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like > > > > leaving her and but, then I stop > > > > thinking of our children, her parents > > > > and my parents. > > > > > > > > When I don't do it - I feel that there > > > > is something lacking in my day. I feel > > > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am > > > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I > > > > feel that I don't have clear idea of > > > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I > > > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I > > > > feel I am not able to perform at the > > > > level I want to. > > > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try > > > > to do some of it at office or much > > > > worse without planning my day, I end up > > > > spending my time in unplanned, > > > > undocumented, unconscious way and then > > > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my > > > > manager, my superior . I don't feel > > > > confident in facing them. I don't feel > > > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with > > > > intelligence, planning and preparedness > > > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives > > > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like > > > > hiding from people and I feel > > > > uncomfortable having this feeling that > > > > by working in a " lesser " way that I > > > > think my job deserves and I am capable > > > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel > > > > like a lair. I feel living below my > > > > integrity. > > > > > > > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes > > > > I try to leave for office early so that > > > > I can do it at office. But, in office I > > > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, > > > > doing it will mean that I should stay > > > > longer to finish rest of the work - > > > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I > > > > have to drop my daughter at her school > > > > which means I can not really come early > > > > anyway. > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > > > > to stay late at office and make time to > > > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > > > > wife shouts, complains and I usually > > > > change my plan because f it. > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > > > > at my wife because of it. > > > > > > > > And, this is just the beginning of > > > > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > > > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > > > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > > > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > > > > advise him regarding his career (but, I > > > > should definitely do that to my wife's > > > > brother.). I should try my best to make > > > > sure that my sister doesn't study and > > > > doesn't become have good working career. > > > > I don't comprehend any of it. > > > > > > > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > > > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > > > > anything and I lose all my motivation. > > > > I think my wife has been greatly > > > > successful in manipulating me with her > > > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > > > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She > > > > has gotten away with things that I > > > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > > > > not worth doing to any human being and > > > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > > > > that to happen. > > > > > > > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > > > > [of being put up with it] has done more > > > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I > > > > should do in the future. > > > > > > > > Someone said: > > > > > > > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > > > > up being unkind to the oppressed; > > > > you end up playing part in killing the > > innocents.**** > > > > > > > > > > > === message truncated === > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 ¡°I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am¡¯ or how to look upon the world or myself¡± Yet in this learning is Salvation born. And WHAT YOU ARE will tell you of Itself. ACIM Ch 31 V (p660 in my book) This is a link (for me). It is the not knowing of what I have become (apparently a human body) which causes WHO I REALLY ( a being of love itself)am to become apparent. Ganagaji apparently says the same thing. Any part of the human experience can be used as a tool to lead back to the STATE OF REAL. For example laying sick on your back on a hospital bed (which is not really happening) can lead to an inquiry to find your way back (home). Similarly inquiry into experiences of ¡°romantic love¡± (which is transient and illusory) can be used as a too; to get back to the real state. It is the inquiry into the condition rather than the condition itself which is useful. > catherineantle wrote: > > > > > > I have really wanted to have > > ample " preparation " time in the morning! > > > ***Is this true? I hear that you are not ususally doing it, so, you > don't Really want it. YOu want to avoid your wife's reactions more > than you want the above. > > > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my > > mind, to set my goals and priority and > > to really get ready for my day. > > ***SO, you need this time in the morning in order to really get > ready for your day. Is that true? Can you think of times when you > didnt 'get ready' and everything was fine? Can you find at least > 3Examples? > > > > > > > One major thing that I think I have > > really wanted but have been always > > missing in my family life is: > > > > About two hours (or maybe, little > > more) in the morning for... > > > > o Meditation (15 minutes) > > > > o Yoga (30 minutes) > > > > o Planning the day (15 minutes) > > > > o Study spirituality, meditation, > > growth, learning, psychology, > > philosophy, management, communication, > > technology. (45 minutes) > > > > o Checking email (15 minutes) > > > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or > > salmon) (15 minutes) > > > > > > I don't do it because I have seen my > > wife many times shout at me, hit me, > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me > > because of doing it. > > > ***Yes, you want *peace* with your wife more than the above listed > things. Good to know. If I was choosing to live with someone who > had said and did these things, I would probably choose not to have > the things you listed in my life as well. > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to my wife > > several times about it and asking her > > permission to allow me to do it and > > have expressed my willingness to sleep > > two hours less to make time for it. > > > ***You need your wife's permission, Is that true? And please don't > give me another explaination of her reactions, I hear you the first > time. > > > > > > In response, she has told me that she > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it > > is not for those with families and she > > will do her best to make sure that I > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far > > as to say that if required, she will > > kill me if she has to make sure that I > > don't do these things. > > > ***Your wife's answer is very clear. What part of it do you not > understand? When we ask for permission from someone No is always an > option as an answer that they may give. She is sharing with you > what she believes, and you choose to live with it. > > > ***Interesting. Well, if someone will tell me that they will kill > me, I may beleive them or not. And I do what I want to do and see > what happens. I would question all the things that keep me in a > relationship with someone who says they would kill me. Inquire into > what you think you need with this relationship. > > > > > > > > I have tried talking to her parents, > > her borthers, my parents, freinds > > and pretty much everyone has advised > > her to give me freedom to do it > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so. > > > ***Not surprising since she has been so clear all along. THis is her > integrity and nothing is swaying her from it. She gives you quite > an amazing example of someone living from their integrity and not > being talked out of it. She REALLY believes her story, doesnt she? > > > > > Many times, I have tried to do it in > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has > > gotten up soon after and has started > > shouting at me at finding me doing any > > of the above things. Sometimes when > > shouting has not really worked, she has > > started shouting at children and has > > threatened to hit or kill them if I > > don't change. She has said that by > > doing these things I am being very > > " corrupt " . > > ***Again, she gives you clearly her story. No wonder she doesnt > want you to do these things! She believes she is saving you from > corruption!! > > > > > > I have totally failed to understand > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it > > and when I have tried to understand it; > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I > > have never understood why someone would > > act this way because of seemingly > > innocent things like my reading what I > > like to read. > > > ***Forget *your* idea of logic and reasoning. She believes her > story of why you should not do these things and tells you clearly. > What dont you understand about that? > > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like > > leaving her and but, then I stop > > thinking of our children, her parents > > and my parents. > > > ***Your *STORY* about your children (wow...amazing to me that your > story is that this situation is BEST for your children in any way ~ > your story is just as insane as hers and isnt it interesting that we > all believe our own story) and your *STORY* about your parents keeps > you here, not your wife and her insane rantings and threats.. > > > > > > When I don't do it - I feel that there > > is something lacking in my day. > > > ***Only because you are running a story of *needing* to do these > things which you do not do. Again, you may want to question the > idea that you *Need* to *Prepare* when you dont. > > > > I feel > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I > > feel that I don't have clear idea of > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I > > feel I am not able to perform at the > > level I want to. > > > > ***Of course you feel these things. It matches your story. > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try > > to do some of it at office or much > > worse without planning my day, I end up > > spending my time in unplanned, > > undocumented, unconscious way and then > . I feel > > like a lair. I feel living below my > > integrity. > > > ***That's because you are. > > > > > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes > > I try to leave for office early so that > > I can do it at office. But, in office I > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus, > > doing it will mean that I should stay > > longer to finish rest of the work - > > which my wife doesn't allow. > > ***Which YOU dont allow so that you dont have to deal with wife's > reaction. Your wife DOES NOT control you AT ALL. Not one little > bit. Your thinking about what your wife says and does controls you > only TOTALLY. > > > Plus, I > > have to drop my daughter at her school > > which means I can not really come early > > anyway. > > > ***Good that you drop your daughter at her school and therefore > cannot leave early. You need to leave early, is that true? > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try > > to stay late at office and make time to > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my > > wife shouts, complains and I usually > > change my plan because f it. > > ***No kidding. How many times does she have to shout for you to > hear her answer? And how many times do you have to ask in order to > remember? No wonder she is shouting...you dont seem to be hearing > this. > > > > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout > > at my wife because of it. > > > ***Lovely mirror image here. > > > > > > And, this is just the beginning of > > restrictions that my wife puts one me. > > > ***This is the beginnign of the restrictions YOUR THINKING puts on > YOU. Of course. As long as you both keep running the stories you > are running and beleiving them, this will go on and on and on. The > list is endless. And you are okay with that because you stay. Can > you notice that? > > > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or > > advise him regarding his career (but, I > > should definitely do that to my wife's > > brother.). I should try my best to make > > sure that my sister doesn't study and > > doesn't become have good working career. > > I don't comprehend any of it. > > ***What is to comprehend? She is believing what she thinks and > living from that place, jsut like you. You make this complicated, > not her. She is sharing her belief system with you, plan and simple. > > > > > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing > > anything and I lose all my motivation. > > I think my wife has been greatly > > successful in manipulating me with her > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I > > have ended 'giving up' most times. > > ***Your wife has never manipulated you. You want something from her > so you do what she wants. Are you still enjoying the story of being > her victim? It is only a story. She has no control over you and > you know it. Big smoke screen to avoid seeing this doesnt make it > any less true. YOur thinking and your thinking alone keep you here. > And that's a good thing to know, and not good or bad, just is. > > > > > > She > > has gotten away with things that I > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and > > not worth doing to any human being and > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed > > that to happen. > > > ***She is your mirror. And it is your thinking that allows all > things, not your *tolerance*. > > > > > > I am not sure whether my " attitude " > > [of being put up with it] has done more > > good or bad. > > ***None of your business. The concepts of good and bad are useless. > > And, I am not sure what I > > should do in the future. > > > ***Again, None of your business. Try being present and > understanding that...forget the " future'. > > > > > > > Someone said: > > > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end > > up being unkind to the oppressed; > > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.**** > > > > > > > > > > I don't clearly know what I should > > really do. > > > ***Inquire and find out why you are choosing to live this way. It > has nothing to do with your wife. > > > > > > Of course, if I don't does anything > > major, the same story is likely to just > > keep repeating itself endlessly in the > > future. > > > ***Glad you noticed!!! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2006 Report Share Posted October 21, 2006 > your right tami.. and anyway i was in his business.. Yep, and looks like you still are... > theres organizations for women being abused by their husbands > but i dont know of any for men but maybe there is one out > there..maybe one on the internet.. usually its women who stay with > someone who is abuisive.. but > im sure there are men out there in the same boat. > And will be in that boat.. till they are ready to leave.. sweetheart, you're in his business again... > People who are abused give up thier power. and tend to need a group > for support.. > but i dont know that.. its just something i assume > and in other business again. never mind.. good you noticed. > i guess i assume ACs wife is the problem.. nope. Your thoughts that there is a problem are a problem. To you. > DR phil says... who cares, ask you! > > AC--I dont like psychiatry but i do think some sort of group might be > helpful.. like a support group for abused spouses.. boy then she would > really really be mad.. Work your thoughts, THEN give suggestions. Look at it that way: AC goes through all of this, so that *you* can get " it " . Once you got clear, he no longer has to go through this stuff. > oh well.. never mind me.. i will go back to my > own business.. Good luck! > love, roslyn Love, ___________________________________________________________ Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 24, 2006 Report Share Posted October 24, 2006 -- OK i will get out of ACs business.. I need to get myself clear my thoughts see a problem. Right. I suppose this means i need a group this one. what he needs he knows much better than i .. .. thanks roslyn - In Loving-what-is , wrote: > > > your right tami.. and anyway i was in his business.. > Yep, and looks like you still are... > > > theres organizations for women being abused by their husbands > > but i dont know of any for men but maybe there is one out > > there..maybe one on the internet.. usually its women who stay with > > someone who is abuisive.. but > > im sure there are men out there in the same boat. > > And will be in that boat.. till they are ready to leave.. > sweetheart, you're in his business again... > > > People who are abused give up thier power. and tend to need a group > > for support.. > > but i dont know that.. its just something i assume > > and in other business again. never mind.. > good you noticed. > > > i guess i assume ACs wife is the problem.. > nope. Your thoughts that there is a problem are a problem. To you. > > > > DR phil says... > who cares, ask you! > > > > > AC--I dont like psychiatry but i do think some sort of group might be > > helpful.. like a support group for abused spouses.. boy then she would > > really really be mad.. > Work your thoughts, THEN give suggestions. > > Look at it that way: AC goes through all of this, so that *you* can > get " it " . > > Once you got clear, he no longer has to go through this stuff. > > > > oh well.. never mind me.. i will go back to my > > own business.. > Good luck! > > > love, roslyn > > > Love, > > > > ___________________________________________________________ > Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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