Re: Pain sensitivity in aspies/HFA?

July 19, 2011

My Aspie husband would not even consider working out with me, even if he wanted to work out--because I would be trying to tell him what to do. There are ways that I wish he would take care of himself, but I can't do anything about it. My husband doesn't seem to be overly sensitive, physically. In fact, many sensations that would drive me crazy don't even show up on his radar.

Sandy

Subject: Pain sensitivity in aspies/HFA?To: aspires-relationships Date: Tuesday, July 19, 2011, 7:59 AM

So one of the obstacles my Aspie/HFA hubby and I deal with is his incredibly high level of sensitivity when it comes to physical pain. No, I don't whack him around - I'm actually talking about when we go to the gym. He recently gained a lot of weight for a skinny fellow, and my efforts to get him to a gym and work out usually end with a lot of pain complaints and he gives up after about 10 sit ups and 10 minutes of cardio, complaining that it "hurts" or that he "can't do it."

For two or three days after these workouts he will take a lot of time to point out how "sore" he is and talk about it and obsess about it. I don't think letting him avoid health and wellness is an option, but I'd love to hear from Aspies or their spouses about any ideas on how to redirect his fixation on the workout "pain" or help me understand his response. I work out and it hurts for days, but I don't complain because I understand it is part of the workout to feel that pain and rebuild new muscle - he seems to let the obsession over the pain take him to a place where giving up seems like the best choice and I could use some advice on how to get him fit without tossing him off the treadmill in anger, haha.

Danica, 30F, newlywed spouse of Aspie/HFA 26 yr old

July 19, 2011

My dream is to have an exercise machine that charges a battery, and

the TV and computer are powered only by that battery, so before you can

sit down and watch TV, someone has to spend 20 minutes on a pedal

machine to generate the juice!***I've wanted one of these for years! Andromeda

July 19, 2011

http://www.econvergence.net/electro.htm---

Subject: RE: Pain sensitivity in aspies/HFA?To: aspires-relationships Date: Tuesday, 19 July, 2011, 18:51

My dream is to have an exercise machine that charges a battery, and the TV and computer are powered only by that battery, so before you can sit down and watch TV, someone has to spend 20 minutes on a pedal machine to generate the juice!***I've wanted one of these for years! Andromeda

July 19, 2011

I had this problem develope with the onset of peuberty. Physical exersion was agonizing for days and days afterwards. The only thing that made it go away for me was getting a physical job where I had to support my wife and children. It took months of collapsing at home after work until my wife told me I still needed to be part of the family.

Everyone did their best " poor Phil, you the man. Way to take one for the team. " , to encourage me.

So short answer, I had no choice. Is his health and well-being threatened enough?

That' all I got.

Sent from my Motorola ATRIX™ 4G on AT & T

> So one of the obstacles my Aspie/HFA hubby and I deal with is his incredibly

> high level of sensitivity when it comes to physical pain. No, I don't whack> him around - I'm actually talking about when we go to the gym. He recently> gained a lot of weight for a skinny fellow, and my efforts to get him to a

> gym and work out usually end with a lot of pain complaints and he gives up> after about 10 sit ups and 10 minutes of cardio, complaining that it " hurts " > or that he " can't do it. "

> > For two or three days after these workouts he will take a lot of time to> point out how " sore " he is and talk about it and obsess about it. I don't> think letting him avoid health and wellness is an option, but I'd love to

> hear from Aspies or their spouses about any ideas on how to redirect his> fixation on the workout " pain " or help me understand his response. I work> out and it hurts for days, but I don't complain because I understand it is

> part of the workout to feel that pain and rebuild new muscle - he seems to> let the obsession over the pain take him to a place where giving up seems> like the best choice and I could use some advice on how to get him fit

> without tossing him off the treadmill in anger, haha. > > Danica, 30F, newlywed spouse of Aspie/HFA 26 yr old

July 19, 2011

> My Aspie husband would not even consider working out with me, even if he

wanted to work out--because I would be trying to tell him what to do. There are

ways that I wish he would take care of himself, but I can't do anything about

it. My husband doesn't seem to be overly sensitive, physically. In fact, many

sensations that would drive me crazy don't even show up on his radar.

There seem to be two sorts of sensitivity in Aspies: very and non.

I'm a Very. I have some fairly extreme tactile issues -- I can't wear cashmere

or angora or other soft, fine fibers. At 54, I still have trouble with sock

seams. And don't you dare try to tickle me ... I can think of no skin sensation

worse than tickling. [i'm actually ok with deep pressure and sensations that

border on painful -- my pain tolerance is quite high.] I have other sensory

sensitivities, but the tactile ones are the most extreme, and they are currently

my most obvious Aspie trait.

My ex didn't seem to have any sensory sensitivities at all. He would often be

unaware of subtle things that would drive me nuts. And he loves tickling/being

tickled, to the point of sexual fetish. When this is added to his weak theory of

mind (he never understood why I didn't want him to talk about tickling or

licking me, because it felt so good to him. Obviously I was lying for some

devious purpose), this led to disaster.

--Liz

July 19, 2011

Our Aspie daughter was diagnosed with Joint Hypermobility, Fibromyalgia and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome when she was 8. As I understand it, joint laxity is often co-morbid with Asperger's – which, in our daughter's case, led to her difficulties with

pain.

Her knees actually bend forward by 15 degrees – she expends greater energy in to walk and run, she fatigues more easily, and she experiences far greater levels of pain following exercise. She's 16 now and it's taken many, many years of physical therapy

and getting her active to get her to a place where she can tolerate the " normal " aches and pains associated with physical activity.

One of the important things we learned as parents was to always respond to her complaints about pain kindly by acknowledging her experience and offering support with the following questions: " Okay, you feel pain, what are you going to do to take care of

yourself? " " Do you need a hot bath, pain medication, something to eat, a nap, or a massage? "

Hadassah

July 20, 2011

, it is very likely he is sore from a long period without exercise. He does

very rigorous work as a luthier, but the cardiovascular stuff and overall

fitness seems lacking. We do ride bikes all over town to get him workouts

without the " gym " and he seems very interested in that, but in this current

heatwave, we're kind of stuck staying indoors to avoid ozone warnings and 100+

heat daily.

I'm not in disagreement with your beliefs about working out, but often times

we're kind of hampered by the weather when it comes to outdoor

exercise/activity. I'm sure once Fall comes I will have a much happier Aspie on

my hands. I just want his body healthy because his job requires heavy lifting

and a lot of repetition and hard physical labor and he seems to be experiencing

a lot of pain from that due to not being in shape after a winter of no exercise

and a lot of cozy food.

Thank you so much for your input.

Danica

>

> Hi Danica,

>

> I'm not sure if I'm reading the situation correctly, but could

> your Aspie, through lack of excercise generally have allowed himself to

> get lazy and stiff so that every movement feels like hard and painful

> work? I know that's something one would only normally expect in

> someone over twice his age, but could something perhaps have happened

> to demotivate him from engaging in physical activities?

>

> My own perhaps somewhat eccentric view about workouts is that they are a

> waste of time and energy, and that there are much better ways of getting

> healthy excercise, like walking or cycling instead of driving, rushing

> around town on foot to do the shopping, having some ongoing project

> like building a wall and/or moving earth in the garden, washing the car

> by hand, using the steps instead of an elevator in public buildings.

> cleaning external windows with two cloths and a bucket of water,

> scrubbing patio tiles clean. These are all examples of combining

> excercise with saving and doing something useful at the same time.

>

> My dream is to have an excercise machine that charges a battery, and

> the TV and computer are powered only by that battery, so before you can

> sit down and watch TV, someone has to spend 20 minutes on a pedal

> machine to generate the juice!

>

> What I'm suggesting is that if you can come up with some kind of

> physical activity that at the same time achieves a useful purpose, you

> may have better success in motivating your Aspie.

>

> --- Pain sensitivity in aspies/HFA?

>

> So one of the obstacles my Aspie/HFA hubby and I deal with is his

> incredibly high level of sensitivity when it comes to physical pain. No,

> I don't whack him around - I'm actually talking about when we go to the

> gym. He recently gained a lot of weight for a skinny fellow, and my

> efforts to get him to a gym and work out usually end with a lot of pain

> complaints and he gives up after about 10 sit ups and 10 minutes of

> cardio, complaining that it " hurts " or that he " can't do it. "

>

> For two or three days after these workouts he will take a lot of time to

> point out how " sore " he is and talk about it and obsess about it. I

> don't think letting him avoid health and wellness is an option, but I'd

> love to hear from Aspies or their spouses about any ideas on how to

> redirect his fixation on the workout " pain " or help me understand his

> response. I work out and it hurts for days, but I don't complain because

> I understand it is part of the workout to feel that pain and rebuild new

> muscle - he seems to let the obsession over the pain take him to a place

> where giving up seems like the best choice and I could use some advice

> on how to get him fit without tossing him off the treadmill in anger,

> haha.

>

> Danica, 30F, newlywed spouse of Aspie/HFA 26 yr old

>

July 20, 2011

Philip, I think Seth is in the same spot - he wasn't working nearly as often

back in Los Angeles due to a saturated work market, and here in Tulsa he is

swamped with work because he is a savant with luthier work and no one else is as

skilled (hooray for my Aspie!) - he is getting tremendous back pain from a

larger belly on his normally skinny body coupled with weak muscles, so I

suggested the gym to help get him " in shape " for his job. I think like you said

this may be a matter of finding workouts he feels comfortable doing coupled with

time and the eventual reality that if he doesn't exercise, he could injure

himself and harm his livelihood and income. Lucky for him I am a powersuit wife

and we have no kids - but I'd like to have a child and so would he, so making

sure he is fit and healthy to perform his job is important.

Danica

> > So one of the obstacles my Aspie/HFA hubby and I deal with is his

> incredibly

> > high level of sensitivity when it comes to physical pain. No, I don't

> whack

> > him around - I'm actually talking about when we go to the gym. He recently

> > gained a lot of weight for a skinny fellow, and my efforts to get him to a

> > gym and work out usually end with a lot of pain complaints and he gives up

> > after about 10 sit ups and 10 minutes of cardio, complaining that it

> " hurts "

> > or that he " can't do it. "

> >

> > For two or three days after these workouts he will take a lot of time to

> > point out how " sore " he is and talk about it and obsess about it. I don't

> > think letting him avoid health and wellness is an option, but I'd love to

> > hear from Aspies or their spouses about any ideas on how to redirect his

> > fixation on the workout " pain " or help me understand his response. I work

> > out and it hurts for days, but I don't complain because I understand it is

> > part of the workout to feel that pain and rebuild new muscle - he seems to

> > let the obsession over the pain take him to a place where giving up seems

> > like the best choice and I could use some advice on how to get him fit

> > without tossing him off the treadmill in anger, haha.

> >

> > Danica, 30F, newlywed spouse of Aspie/HFA 26 yr old

>

July 20, 2011

Hadassah, thank you for this. I'm definitely going to use your supportive prompt

as we find out what works for my husband.

Danica

>

> Our Aspie daughter was diagnosed with Joint Hypermobility, Fibromyalgia and

Complex Regional Pain Syndrome when she was 8. As I understand it, joint laxity

is often co-morbid with Asperger's – which, in our daughter's case, led to her

difficulties with pain.

>

> Her knees actually bend forward by 15 degrees – she expends greater energy in

to walk and run, she fatigues more easily, and she experiences far greater

levels of pain following exercise. She's 16 now and it's taken many, many years

of physical therapy and getting her active to get her to a place where she can

tolerate the " normal " aches and pains associated with physical activity.

>

> One of the important things we learned as parents was to always respond to her

complaints about pain kindly by acknowledging her experience and offering

support with the following questions: " Okay, you feel pain, what are you going

to do to take care of yourself? " " Do you need a hot bath, pain medication,

something to eat, a nap, or a massage? "

>

> Hadassah

>

July 20, 2011

You're most welcome!

The hard part is that doing it this way takes patience but it truly changes the response from " Ow, I hurt! Oh, woe is me! " to " I hurt, I'm going to do something about it, and if I need your help – I'll tell you. "