Re: work on the work (vivian)

October 23, 2006

well, that's the realization i'm looking for, vivian.

i'm as honest as i know how to be when doing the work.

to the best of my ability i answer the questions with the desire to know the

truth.

i am truly doing the best i know how to do.

i don't want to come to realize my best is not good enough here.

thank you,

jeremy

In a message dated 10/23/2006 8:34:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

vbarning@... writes:

The work can't make you feel worse, only you and your thoughts (about The

Work and other things) can do that.

The Work doesn't promise happiness. It promises a way to examine your mind

on paper and only if you are really honest.

The Work doesn't make you feel defective. Your story about the Work is doing

that.

It is not uncommon to feel some depression early on in doing the Work. It

comes from the realization of what fools we've been all our life. How we've

spun stories and believed them and acted on them as if they are the truth.

Vivian

[Loving-what-<W

i am angry and disappointed in The Work because it " lies " to me. it makes

me feel worse, and i can't see through my thoughts. it makes me feel

defective and " left out " of the happiness it promises. The Work should work!

1. of course it's true! check the advertising!

2. in my experience, it really dosen't make me feel more clear, more

peaceful or more happy with the issues i " work " on. so, NO. i don't know.

3. i feel resentful and angry. i read katie's " wisdom " and think: fraud.

bullshitter. it makes me feel trapped in my own prison w/ no way out.

doomed to repeat the same painful experiences over and over again because i

can't

see through " the lie " (what if the painful truth is just the truth?). a lot

of the time the turnarounds make me feel worse than the original statements.

it feels like an intense pressure in my heart, very painful.

4. i don't know. i would just think the work was an exercise in denial and

self-deception.self-deception...but wouldn't keep trying to get it ri

of the need to keep trying. maybe find something else. i would let go of the

hope of the work " working " . which actually might be more peaceful! *but i

don't want to. i want to get it right!*

TA's

the work shouldn't work. this seems to be the reality of it for me. why

keep trying to make it happen?

i should " work " . as in, i feel broken and confused sometimes, and i think i

shouldn't. well, this is true. as in, maybe if i really did the work more

often, every day, it would start sinking in.

i should work harder at doing the work. maybe this is true. except that it

feels painful and confusing to do it most times, so maybe the kindest thing

is to leave it alone. which i also do!

okay, i feel like i'm in a hall of mirrors...

thanks for reading!

jeremy

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

October 23, 2006

i have no problem being petty, it's the " truth is always kinder " part that i

have problems seeing. thanks for your replies ; )

jeremy

In a message dated 10/23/2006 10:18:52 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

vbarning@... writes:

I'd recommend that you keep doing worksheets and be sure they are about

other people or situations outside yourself. remember that it is ok to be

petty.

If there is someone to facilitate for you that is very helpful.

Vivian

[Loving-w<W

i am angry and disappointed in The Work because it " lies " to me. it makes

me feel worse, and i can't see through my thoughts. it makes me feel

defective and " left out " of the happiness it promises. The Work should work!

1. of course it's true! check the advertising!

2. in my experience, it really dosen't make me feel more clear, more

peaceful or more happy with the issues i " work " on. so, NO. i don't know.

3. i feel resentful and angry. i read katie's " wisdom " and think: fraud.

bullshitter. it makes me feel trapped in my own prison w/ no way out.

doomed to repeat the same painful experiences over and over again because i

can't

see through " the lie " (what if the painful truth is just the truth?). a lot

of the time the turnarounds make me feel worse than the original statements.

it feels like an intense pressure in my heart, very painful.

4. i don't know. i would just think the work was an exercise in denial and

self-deception.self-deception...but wouldn't keep trying to get it ri

of the need to keep trying. maybe find something else. i would let go of the

hope of the work " working " . which actually might be more peaceful! *but i

don't want to. i want to get it right!*

TA's

the work shouldn't work. this seems to be the reality of it for me. why

keep trying to make it happen?

i should " work " . as in, i feel broken and confused sometimes, and i think i

shouldn't. well, this is true. as in, maybe if i really did the work more

often, every day, it would start sinking in.

i should work harder at doing the work. maybe this is true. except that it

feels painful and confusing to do it most times, so maybe the kindest thing

is to leave it alone. which i also do!

okay, i feel like i'm in a hall of mirrors...

thanks for reading!

jeremy

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

October 23, 2006

I'd recommend that you keep doing worksheets and be sure they are about other

people or situations outside yourself. remember that it is ok to be petty. If

there is someone to facilitate for you that is very helpful.

Vivian

[Loving-what-<W

i am angry and disappointed in The Work because it " lies " to me. it makes

me feel worse, and i can't see through my thoughts. it makes me feel

defective and " left out " of the happiness it promises. The Work should work!

1. of course it's true! check the advertising!

2. in my experience, it really dosen't make me feel more clear, more

peaceful or more happy with the issues i " work " on. so, NO. i don't know.

3. i feel resentful and angry. i read katie's " wisdom " and think: fraud.

bullshitter. it makes me feel trapped in my own prison w/ no way out.

doomed to repeat the same painful experiences over and over again because i

can't

see through " the lie " (what if the painful truth is just the truth?). a lot

of the time the turnarounds make me feel worse than the original statements.

it feels like an intense pressure in my heart, very painful.

4. i don't know. i would just think the work was an exercise in denial and

self-deception.self-deception...but wouldn't keep trying to get it ri

of the need to keep trying. maybe find something else. i would let go of the

hope of the work " working " . which actually might be more peaceful! *but i

don't want to. i want to get it right!*

TA's

the work shouldn't work. this seems to be the reality of it for me. why

keep trying to make it happen?

i should " work " . as in, i feel broken and confused sometimes, and i think i

shouldn't. well, this is true. as in, maybe if i really did the work more

often, every day, it would start sinking in.

i should work harder at doing the work. maybe this is true. except that it

feels painful and confusing to do it most times, so maybe the kindest thing

is to leave it alone. which i also do!

okay, i feel like i'm in a hall of mirrors...

thanks for reading!

jeremy

October 23, 2006

I have been a Course in Miracles student for a couple of years. It teaches

forgiveness in the sense that " what you thought your brother did, did not

occur " .

Recently I felt as if I reached a plateau and wham!, came across Byron

. It was amazing. Everything she says is in line with what the Course

teaches AND she has a real step-by-step way of true forgiveness.

What I have found is that I should not skip over the " How does the thought

make you feel? " step. If I just think thoughts about how I feel, I really

don't accomplish anything, but I need to allow myself to really sit with the

experience of the feeling. It is not easy to sit with misery, anger,

resentment or whatever and to really look at the feeling, because my natural

reaction is to suppress it to try and avoid the hurt. But it is only in the

looking of how the thought really makes me feel that relief and the ability

to turn it around with integrity comes.

I truly do not experience a single feeling of discomfort that is not a

direct result of a thought I have about it. Life happens in total

perfection, it is only ever my desire to change this perfection that makes

me miserable.

To me this is what 's work accomplishes, letting all my little

illusions and attempts at creating my version of reality go and experiencing

the joy that remains.

That's my story and I am sticking to it!

October 24, 2006

I think I'd have trouble with that as well. I've never heard say that.

Where did you pick that up?

Vivian

[Loving-w<W

i am angry and disappointed in The Work because it " lies " to me. it makes

me feel worse, and i can't see through my thoughts. it makes me feel

defective and " left out " of the happiness it promises. The Work should work!

1. of course it's true! check the advertising!

2. in my experience, it really dosen't make me feel more clear, more

peaceful or more happy with the issues i " work " on. so, NO. i don't know.

3. i feel resentful and angry. i read katie's " wisdom " and think: fraud.

bullshitter. it makes me feel trapped in my own prison w/ no way out.

doomed to repeat the same painful experiences over and over again because i

can't

see through " the lie " (what if the painful truth is just the truth?). a lot

of the time the turnarounds make me feel worse than the original statements.

it feels like an intense pressure in my heart, very painful.

4. i don't know. i would just think the work was an exercise in denial and

self-deception.self-deception...but wouldn't keep trying to get it ri

of the need to keep trying. maybe find something else. i would let go of the

hope of the work " working " . which actually might be more peaceful! *but i

don't want to. i want to get it right!*

TA's

the work shouldn't work. this seems to be the reality of it for me. why

keep trying to make it happen?

i should " work " . as in, i feel broken and confused sometimes, and i think i

shouldn't. well, this is true. as in, maybe if i really did the work more

often, every day, it would start sinking in.

i should work harder at doing the work. maybe this is true. except that it

feels painful and confusing to do it most times, so maybe the kindest thing

is to leave it alone. which i also do!

okay, i feel like i'm in a hall of mirrors...

thanks for reading!

jeremy

October 24, 2006

Hi,

Many others have seen the similarities between the Course in Miracles and .

You explain really well the importance of really taking in the feelings. Many

rush through the steps and say them almost automatically and then wonder why

their life isn't changing.

Thank you,