Re: Re: For the New Spouses

May 25, 2011

One of the sub streams in this conversationis the need for AS (male or female) to be independent and not follow theherd mentality. It is evident in the discussion about pop starswith young girls screaming and swooning at concerts etc with the AS femaleswondering what all the fuss was about. This is very much a part of what I amas an AS and I sometimes obsess about doing things my way and thinkingthings through in my own time. I want to make up my mind about thingsrather than follow a popular opinion or belief.This has a downside however as AS folkcan ignore the experience of others or not realise that doing things ontheir terms is very much a part of the whole problem. I guess tryingto achieve the right balance is the key.Just my own opinion.Greg dx AS at 53To: aspires-relationships Date: 24/05/2011 08:32 PMSubject: Re: Re: For the New SpousesSent by: aspires-relationships helen_foisy wrote:<< I do believe though, that because AS can tend to get focused onspecial interests, that if sex addiction or other deviant behavior becomes their special interest, it can be more problematic, and certainly create more problems for them. >>Not only that, I can see visual porn becoming an obsession with lots ofAS men because it allows them to channel their sexuality in a way wherethey don't encounter the pressure of interacting emotionally with another human being.This topic has been discussed at length in forums for NT women partneredwith AS men. Many of these men have withdrawn from their spouses sexually, yet continue to have a very active sex life with their computers where no one can make any demands of them and all of the sexis solely on their terms.Not sure what you mean by " deviant behavior " , so I can't comment.Are you referring to consentual alternative sexualities like fetishism and/or BDSM, or something along more criminal lines like pedophilia?<< There has been some work done on young AS people and sexuality.I believe Newland has linked some articles by Isabelle Hunault (probably mis-spelling her name here, too tired to look up.) Others, such as Meyer, has also commented extensively on this. >>Helen, if you have any links that you care to share, I would appreciateknowing about them. Meanwhile, I'll do some googling on my own.<< I think that like NT women, AS women are less likely to find anyinterest in porn or having a " roving eye " because women's brainsare simply wired differently and there is a biological reason for that. I'vealso often thought that AS women in particular are probably less inclined to be find much to get excited about in photographic imaginesof men we don't know, period. >>I think it depends on the woman and the nature of the pornography. Mostporn leaves me cold, yet not all porn.<< I was certainly old enough to be afflicted with that, and theirmusic was very new and exciting (it still stands the test of time IMHO) but asfar as the hysteria surrounding them, I just thought, " how dumb. " Really, it's not like I was ever going to meet these celebrities, and furthermore, I didn't know a thing about them as people. >>I'm with you, Helen. I don't get it either.<>Mass hysteria accounts for a good bit of the collective swooning seen innews reports of Beatlemania. The mechanics of that have very little todo with The Fab Four themselves.There is also a show business element to a lot of that crazy screamingbehavior. Record companies have been known to seed the crowd with youngwomen charged to intentionally create the sort of emotional climate thatothers will emulate. It only takes a few girls to kick off the frenzy.<< My husband and I concluded perhaps that's an AS girl thing. TheAS girls and young women I've known seem more sensible compared to their peers, although, alas, that seems to create social difficulty for themas then they have less in common with their peers. >>I don't think it's an issue of being sensible as much as it's one wherethe AS girls may be less likely to mimic (in this case teen) cultural cues. Otherwise, I agree.<>No celebrity crushes for me, sorry. However, my AS sister was a Donny Osmond and Bobby Sherman addict big time. Blech.I guess I just don't tend to respond emotionally to that which is inaccessible to me. Same reason I don't go to open houses for luxury real estate that is far beyond my financial reach. Seems like a waste of time (not to mention a recipe for envy) to me.Good topic, Helen.Best,~CJ

May 25, 2011

I'm with you 100%!

_______________________________

My husband and I were talking about Beatlemania the other day. I was certainly

old enough to be afflicted with that, and their music was very new and exciting

(it still stands the test of time IMHO) but as far as the hysteria surrounding

them, I just thought, " how dumb. " Really, it's not like I was ever going to meet

these celebrities, and furthermore, I didn't know a thing about them as people.

I can certainly appreciate that some male celebrities are very attractive, but,

why young women practically swoon over them, I don't get it. My husband and I

concluded perhaps that's an AS girl thing. The AS girls and young women I've

known seem more sensible compared to their peers, although, alas, that seems to

create social difficulty for them as then they have less in common with their

peers.

I would be interested to hear from both AS and NT women on this one. And if you

were an NT woman who had crushes on celebrities as a young teen, I'd be curious

to understand why. I won't mock you I just wish to be enlightened, LOL.

- Helen, 56, self dx'd AS, dx'd ADD

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

May 25, 2011

Liz Cademy wrote:

> I really don't know anything about this! Not from lack of interest, but

because it's one of the things stbX never told me about. And I mean never ...

all the information I have is from public adults-only forums. And the posts

there are heavy on the engineering details and light on the sensory aspects.

Too bad he didn't share with you, Liz. In more libertine circles, it

could make for a great show-and-tell dinner topic. lol

I'm familiar with those websites to which you refer. Some of these

gadgets are mighty sophisticated. There are also online groups

available for those folks who like to debate the engineering details out

to the Nth decimal place. <snore>

Best,

~CJ

May 25, 2011

Thanks Jeanie,

I used to be considerable more um... shall we say... judgemental about things. Trying to learn to be more thoughtful so it's nice to get some positive feedback. :-)

The folk on here come and go. Both AS and not. I've been here off and on for quite a few years. And the focus of the list seems to fluctuate some. Sometimes those of us 'with' have gone off on topics that the rest aren't so comfortable with just as they sometimes go off on topics I'm not so happy about... so! I guess it all comes around in the end. Maybe... LOL If you read in the archives you will see a lot of input from folk with. I always liked what Bill Loughman had to say when he was posting. Along with others.

Jennie AS

Re: For the New Spouses

Dear Jennie,Thank you for lending some understanding into what I have experienced that many on the spectrum feel. You're right, the parallel is their need to pathologize - yet now we're way into adulthood so no thanks!! It makes me very sad to see this NT sincerity in their pathologizing, even adding sex-addiction to the pathology which is on par with pure psychopathology (psychopaths) as far as psychology concerns itself with incurrability. While they may have understandable and legitimate grips about their ex's as not-very-good men, dumping the "pathology" paradigm on ALL people of a certain dx is just way too much. Lol, even the DSM industry has not gone this far yet although I'm sure they will try if ever a legitimate opening occurs, you know, for "helping" more people, lol.I'll be on daily digest for a short while not wishing to get upset in reading by such "innocent" and very sincere stereotyping. It is like how you posted in your other encouraging post for more responses to word things differently, lol, I can see why there are not many responses by self-advocates on this forum that I've seen so far, it is just way outnumbered deeply into the "pathology" paradigm!Let me stereotype to add just a couple of the many good things about those on the ND spectrum: sweetness (meaning yes, sometimes shocking honesty but also very quick to understand and forgive others of the same) and enduring trust. A friend referred me here so I'm sure there is good in the forum too, like you! So I'll come around again, but yet I can never pander to injustice. Thank you so much Jennie for the sunshine you bring! :)Jeanie>> Actually I think if you look beyond the humor in this it can serve to help people see that the stereotyping of people can be done to anyone. It also might help people see how others outside their group see them and their behaviors. I can see how this really might make a person think...if they wanted. So yes, it's meant to be funny, and some of it IS funny but it can serve more of a purpose. If spouses wish to stay together it would certainly help for the NT to see and hopefully FEEL what it's like to be diagnosed, to have traits that you may consider good and positive be marked out as negative (i.e. bad). To feel the sense of indignance that things you treasure about yourself are considered 'bad' or 'needing fixed' or 'annoying'... etc. > > Just my thoughts,> > Jennie AS

May 25, 2011

> Liz Cademy wrote:

>

>> I really don't know anything about this! Not from lack of interest, but

because it's one of the things stbX never told me about. And I mean never ...

all the information I have is from public adults-only forums. And the posts

there are heavy on the engineering details and light on the sensory aspects.

>

> Too bad he didn't share with you, Liz. In more libertine circles, it

> could make for a great show-and-tell dinner topic. lol

And I bet that we could have made a bit of money on his invention, too. [i have

an MBA in Finance, and am currently starting my own business.]

I think of this as Aspie obsession gone wrong ... stbX thinks of his obsession

as shameful, so he doesn't talk about it, or even fully accept it to himself,

and it has caused major problems in his life.

--Liz

May 26, 2011

Helen and Greg,I have experienced this same thing, and sometimes it has had a downside for me as well- I am learning to re-evaluate everything in terms of not just letting this subtext dictate, but looking beyond it to play out different choices, rather than eliminate the ones that seem to be following the crowd out of hand. Thanks for posting.To:

aspires-relationships Sent: Wed, May 25, 2011 9:49:38 PMSubject: Re: For the New Spouses

Hi Greg,

Thank you for your take on this. I gain a lot of insight from your posts, but feel sad that such insights have come at great cost to you.

I continually have to check myself for that "my way" thinking too, and really "hear" what others are communicating. When I am am not so caught up in anxiety and feeling under threat, that I am unable to take on board anything going on outside my own extremities, and I can let myself be infused with others feelings, and ideas, I feel better.

- Helen

>

> << I do believe though, that because AS can tend to get focused on

> special interests, that if sex addiction or other deviant behavior

> becomes their special interest, it can be more problematic, and

> certainly create more problems for them. >>

>

> Not only that, I can see visual porn becoming an obsession with lots of

> AS men because it allows them to channel their sexuality in a way where

> they don't encounter the pressure of interacting emotionally with

> another human being.

>

> This topic has been discussed at length in forums for NT women partnered

> with AS men. Many of these men have withdrawn from their spouses

> sexually, yet continue to have a very active sex life with their

> computers where no one can make any demands of them and all of the sex

> is solely on their terms.

>

> Not sure what you mean by "deviant behavior", so I can't comment. Are

> you referring to consentual alternative sexualities like fetishism

> and/or BDSM, or something along more criminal lines like pedophilia?

>

> << There has been some work done on young AS people and sexuality. I

> believe Newland has linked some articles by Isabelle Hunault

> (probably mis-spelling her name here, too tired to look up.) Others,

> such as Meyer, has also commented extensively on this. >>

>

> Helen, if you have any links that you care to share, I would appreciate

> knowing about them. Meanwhile, I'll do some googling on my own.

>

> << I think that like NT women, AS women are less likely to find any

> interest in porn or having a "roving eye" because women's brains are

> simply wired differently and there is a biological reason for that. I've

> also often thought that AS women in particular are probably less

> inclined to be find much to get excited about in photographic imagines

> of men we don't know, period. >>

>

> I think it depends on the woman and the nature of the pornography. Most

> porn leaves me cold, yet not all porn.

>

> << I was certainly old enough to be afflicted with that, and their music

> was very new and exciting (it still stands the test of time IMHO) but as

> far as the hysteria surrounding them, I just thought, "how dumb."

> Really, it's not like I was ever going to meet these celebrities, and

> furthermore, I didn't know a thing about them as people. >>

>

> I'm with you, Helen. I don't get it either.

>

> << I can certainly appreciate that some male celebrities are very

> attractive, but, why young women practically swoon over them, I don't

> get it. >>

>

> Mass hysteria accounts for a good bit of the collective swooning seen in

> news reports of Beatlemania. The mechanics of that have very little to

> do with The Fab Four themselves.

>

> There is also a show business element to a lot of that crazy screaming

> behavior. Record companies have been known to seed the crowd with young

> women charged to intentionally create the sort of emotional climate that

> others will emulate. It only takes a few girls to kick off the frenzy.

>

> << My husband and I concluded perhaps that's an AS girl thing. The AS

> girls and young women I've known seem more sensible compared to their

> peers, although, alas, that seems to create social difficulty for them

> as then they have less in common with their peers. >>

>

> I don't think it's an issue of being sensible as much as it's one where

> the AS girls may be less likely to mimic (in this case teen) cultural

> cues. Otherwise, I agree.

>

> <>

>

> No celebrity crushes for me, sorry. However, my AS sister was a Donny

> Osmond and Bobby Sherman addict big time. Blech.

>

> I guess I just don't tend to respond emotionally to that which is

> inaccessible to me. Same reason I don't go to open houses for luxury

> real estate that is far beyond my financial reach. Seems like a waste

> of time (not to mention a recipe for envy) to me.

>

> Good topic, Helen.

>

> Best,

> ~CJ

>

May 26, 2011

Thanks Helen. Your posts in the pasthave been rather helpful to and I took some hints from them to try to improvethings with my wife.Conducting relationships on my own termshas proved frightfully costly as my wife and daughters have given up. Irecall trying to get my wife to go to therapy with me after a couple ofsessions which did not go well. She had suggested this years agoand now that I want to do so it comes down to it finally being on my termsnot hers.We both have to decide if we want therelationship to continue for that to happen I guess. Greg dx AS at 53To: aspires-relationships Date: 26/05/2011 11:53 AMSubject: Re: For the New SpousesSent by: aspires-relationships Hi Greg, Thank you for your take on this. I gain a lot of insight from your posts,but feel sad that such insights have come at great cost to you.I continually have to check myself for that " my way " thinkingtoo, and really " hear " what others are communicating. When Iam am not so caught up in anxiety and feeling under threat, that I am unableto take on board anything going on outside my own extremities, and I canlet myself be infused with others feelings, and ideas, I feel better.- Helen> > < special interests, that if sex addiction or other deviant behavior> becomes their special interest, it can be more problematic, and > certainly create more problems for them. >>> > Not only that, I can see visual porn becoming an obsession with lotsof > AS men because it allows them to channel their sexuality in a waywhere > they don't encounter the pressure of interacting emotionally with> another human being.> > This topic has been discussed at length in forums for NT women partnered> with AS men. Many of these men have withdrawn from their spouses > sexually, yet continue to have a very active sex life with their > computers where no one can make any demands of them and all of thesex > is solely on their terms.> > Not sure what you mean by " deviant behavior " , so I can'tcomment. Are > you referring to consentual alternative sexualities like fetishism> and/or BDSM, or something along more criminal lines like pedophilia?> > << There has been some work done on young AS people and sexuality.I > believe Newland has linked some articles by Isabelle Hunault> (probably mis-spelling her name here, too tired to look up.) Others,> such as Meyer, has also commented extensively on this. >>> > Helen, if you have any links that you care to share, I would appreciate> knowing about them. Meanwhile, I'll do some googling on my own.> > < interest in porn or having a " roving eye " because women'sbrains are > simply wired differently and there is a biological reason for that.I've > also often thought that AS women in particular are probably less > inclined to be find much to get excited about in photographic imagines> of men we don't know, period. >>> > I think it depends on the woman and the nature of the pornography.Most > porn leaves me cold, yet not all porn.> > < was very new and exciting (it still stands the test of time IMHO)but as > far as the hysteria surrounding them, I just thought, " how dumb. " > Really, it's not like I was ever going to meet these celebrities,and > furthermore, I didn't know a thing about them as people. >>> > I'm with you, Helen. I don't get it either.> > < attractive, but, why young women practically swoon over them, I don't> get it. >>> > Mass hysteria accounts for a good bit of the collective swooning seenin > news reports of Beatlemania. The mechanics of that have very littleto > do with The Fab Four themselves.> > There is also a show business element to a lot of that crazy screaming> behavior. Record companies have been known to seed the crowd withyoung > women charged to intentionally create the sort of emotional climatethat > others will emulate. It only takes a few girls to kick off the frenzy.> > << My husband and I concluded perhaps that's an AS girl thing.The AS > girls and young women I've known seem more sensible compared to their> peers, although, alas, that seems to create social difficulty forthem > as then they have less in common with their peers. >>> > I don't think it's an issue of being sensible as much as it's onewhere > the AS girls may be less likely to mimic (in this case teen) cultural> cues. Otherwise, I agree.> > <>> > No celebrity crushes for me, sorry. However, my AS sister was a Donny> Osmond and Bobby Sherman addict big time. Blech.> > I guess I just don't tend to respond emotionally to that which is> inaccessible to me. Same reason I don't go to open houses for luxury> real estate that is far beyond my financial reach. Seems like a waste> of time (not to mention a recipe for envy) to me.> > Good topic, Helen.> > Best,> ~CJ>

May 26, 2011

,It is very much a case of not beingopen or flexible to those other influences, but the need to work thingsout ourselves is very compelling. In some ways it is a bit frighteningto take things on faith rather than thinking them through. Need tobe aware here that our assumptions about what we finally decide on arenot flawed as that leads to the wrong choice or direction. Beingopen to doubt and seek further input from others is what we often ignoredoing. Greg dx AS at 53To: aspires-relationships Date: 26/05/2011 12:41 PMSubject: Re: Re: For the New SpousesSent by: aspires-relationships Helen and Greg,I have experienced this same thing, and sometimes it has had a downsidefor me as well- I am learning to re-evaluate everything in terms of notjust letting this subtext dictate, but looking beyond it to play out differentchoices, rather than eliminate the ones that seem to be following the crowdout of hand. Thanks for posting.To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wed, May 25, 2011 9:49:38 PMSubject: Re: For the New Spouses Hi Greg, Thank you for your take on this. I gain a lot of insight from your posts,but feel sad that such insights have come at great cost to you.I continually have to check myself for that " my way " thinkingtoo, and really " hear " what others are communicating. When Iam am not so caught up in anxiety and feeling under threat, that I am unableto take on board anything going on outside my own extremities, and I canlet myself be infused with others feelings, and ideas, I feel better.- Helen> > < special interests, that if sex addiction or other deviant behavior> becomes their special interest, it can be more problematic, and > certainly create more problems for them. >>> > Not only that, I can see visual porn becoming an obsession with lotsof > AS men because it allows them to channel their sexuality in a waywhere > they don't encounter the pressure of interacting emotionally with> another human being.> > This topic has been discussed at length in forums for NT women partnered> with AS men. Many of these men have withdrawn from their spouses > sexually, yet continue to have a very active sex life with their > computers where no one can make any demands of them and all of thesex > is solely on their terms.> > Not sure what you mean by " deviant behavior " , so I can'tcomment. Are > you referring to consentual alternative sexualities like fetishism> and/or BDSM, or something along more criminal lines like pedophilia?> > << There has been some work done on young AS people and sexuality.I > believe Newland has linked some articles by Isabelle Hunault> (probably mis-spelling her name here, too tired to look up.) Others,> such as Meyer, has also commented extensively on this. >>> > Helen, if you have any links that you care to share, I would appreciate> knowing about them. Meanwhile, I'll do some googling on my own.> > < interest in porn or having a " roving eye " because women'sbrains are > simply wired differently and there is a biological reason for that.I've > also often thought that AS women in particular are probably less > inclined to be find much to get excited about in photographic imagines> of men we don't know, period. >>> > I think it depends on the woman and the nature of the pornography.Most > porn leaves me cold, yet not all porn.> > < was very new and exciting (it still stands the test of time IMHO)but as > far as the hysteria surrounding them, I just thought, " how dumb. " > Really, it's not like I was ever going to meet these celebrities,and > furthermore, I didn't know a thing about them as people. >>> > I'm with you, Helen. I don't get it either.> > < attractive, but, why young women practically swoon over them, I don't> get it. >>> > Mass hysteria accounts for a good bit of the collective swooning seenin > news reports of Beatlemania. The mechanics of that have very littleto > do with The Fab Four themselves.> > There is also a show business element to a lot of that crazy screaming> behavior. Record companies have been known to seed the crowd withyoung > women charged to intentionally create the sort of emotional climatethat > others will emulate. It only takes a few girls to kick off the frenzy.> > << My husband and I concluded perhaps that's an AS girl thing.The AS > girls and young women I've known seem more sensible compared to their> peers, although, alas, that seems to create social difficulty forthem > as then they have less in common with their peers. >>> > I don't think it's an issue of being sensible as much as it's onewhere > the AS girls may be less likely to mimic (in this case teen) cultural> cues. Otherwise, I agree.> > <>> > No celebrity crushes for me, sorry. However, my AS sister was a Donny> Osmond and Bobby Sherman addict big time. Blech.> > I guess I just don't tend to respond emotionally to that which is> inaccessible to me. Same reason I don't go to open houses for luxury> real estate that is far beyond my financial reach. Seems like a waste> of time (not to mention a recipe for envy) to me.> > Good topic, Helen.> > Best,> ~CJ>

May 31, 2011

Greg,It does. When you have one thing in mind, it is easy to focus on that detail, and want to get there as quickly as you can, while others add other things to it- and spend a very long time on what feels like going off on a tangent, dealing with something that appears unrelated (getting dinner on the way to the beach, for example). It can feel as if someone is not interested in what we were originally planning. I am having to rethink my reaction when someone appears to have gone off on a completely different tangent, and realize that it is like that- they are planning side things, but not completely ditching the plan to go to the beach, as it were. I like your explanation and analogy- I am learning to recognize this when it happens, but think you have made it

crystallize better for me.Thanks,To: aspires-relationships Sent: Thu, May 26, 2011 7:40:13 PMSubject: Re: Re: For the New Spouses

,

What you wrote is consistent with what

I am getting at. From my perspective I am not always open to other

ways of thinking about something that is still congruent with the big picture

but because I start getting into the detailed level of thinking I ignore

or do not observe and admit that it is valid. Big picture wise an

outcome can be a product of different ways to achieve.it.

Then too, from an NT perspective while

outcomes are important, the process for them is also important, while in

my view the outcome or goal is the focus and the process to achieve it

is the most efficient. This is where NT folk can have multiple expectations

about an outcome, say, go to the beach, but lets stop off and pick up so

and so and have dinner on the way, while my immediate reaction is drive

to the beach and not have those other parallel agenda items thought about.

Does that make sense?

Greg dx AS at 53

From:

Princess

To:

aspires-relationships

Date:

27/05/2011 06:38 AM

Subject:

Re:

Re: For the New Spouses

Sent by:

aspires-relationships

Greg,

I think I know what you mean. Sometimes, I believe that the other

person is saying that it is an either/ or situation, whereas if I wait

and ask questions rather than getting worried about this either' or situation

that I perceive, when it is not really like that, I will find out that

things are all right. This is the kind of black-and-white thinking

I have had to ask for help with: when I see that things lie on a

continuum, often it is because I am going only along one dimension where

there are many others that will work. My asking for sharing is kind

of new- before I acknowledged being AS I did much less of this. Sometimes

the other person will share too, and I need that sharing. Is this

along the lines you mean?

To: aspires-relationships

Sent: Thu, May 26, 2011 1:57:51 AM

Subject: Re: Re: For the New Spouses

,

Big picture is important. I believe that AS folk sometimes due to

their inflexibility and due to their narrow interests often find it difficult

to see the big picture. For instance, relationships are multifaceted

and being able to experience and appreciate the different facets requires

a broader appreciation of what the relationship is about, why it developed,

and where it needs to go. That requires a lot of discussion and sharing,

and if the narrowness of our interests precludes that it has a detrimental

effect.

Greg dx AS at 53

From: Princess

To: aspires-relationships

Date: 26/05/2011

03:05 PM

Subject: Re:

Re: For the New Spouses

Sent by: aspires-relationships

Greg.

I have been guilty of that. Still, there is the sense that if I just

go with everyone else's flow and never try to understand what happened,

then it is something that will work for a week or an evening or an occasion,

but I cannot take it with me. If I can examine it enough to understand

it, and frequently I can- carefully and slowly with willing input from

others- and then I can apply it in the future. I am learning that

there is a big picture, even if I cannot see it- and that if I keep trying

to look, it will either become clear on its own, or I can ask others for

help. Still, it is so easy to take the lazy way out and not ask for

that help. (Well, lazy to me.)

To: aspires-relationships

Sent: Wed, May 25, 2011 11:43:41 PM

Subject: Re: Re: For the New Spouses

,

It is very much a case of not being open or flexible to those other influences,

but the need to work things out ourselves is very compelling. In

some ways it is a bit frightening to take things on faith rather than thinking

them through. Need to be aware here that our assumptions about what

we finally decide on are not flawed as that leads to the wrong choice or

direction. Being open to doubt and seek further input from others

is what we often ignore doing.

Greg dx AS at 53

From: Princess

To: aspires-relationships

Date: 26/05/2011

12:41 PM

Subject: Re:

Re: For the New Spouses

Sent by: aspires-relationships

Helen and Greg,

I have experienced this same thing, and sometimes it has had a downside

for me as well- I am learning to re-evaluate everything in terms of not

just letting this subtext dictate, but looking beyond it to play out different

choices, rather than eliminate the ones that seem to be following the crowd

out of hand. Thanks for posting.

To: aspires-relationships

Sent: Wed, May 25, 2011 9:49:38 PM

Subject: Re: For the New Spouses

Hi Greg,

Thank you for your take on this. I gain a lot of insight from your posts,

but feel sad that such insights have come at great cost to you.

I continually have to check myself for that "my way" thinking

too, and really "hear" what others are communicating. When I

am am not so caught up in anxiety and feeling under threat, that I am unable

to take on board anything going on outside my own extremities, and I can

let myself be infused with others feelings, and ideas, I feel better.

- Helen

>

> << I do believe though, that because AS can tend to get focused

on

> special interests, that if sex addiction or other deviant behavior

> becomes their special interest, it can be more problematic, and

> certainly create more problems for them. >>

>

> Not only that, I can see visual porn becoming an obsession with lots

of

> AS men because it allows them to channel their sexuality in a way

where

> they don't encounter the pressure of interacting emotionally with

> another human being.

>

> This topic has been discussed at length in forums for NT women partnered

> with AS men. Many of these men have withdrawn from their spouses

> sexually, yet continue to have a very active sex life with their

> computers where no one can make any demands of them and all of the

sex

> is solely on their terms.

>

> Not sure what you mean by "deviant behavior", so I can't

comment. Are

> you referring to consentual alternative sexualities like fetishism

> and/or BDSM, or something along more criminal lines like pedophilia?

>

> << There has been some work done on young AS people and sexuality.

I

> believe Newland has linked some articles by Isabelle Hunault

> (probably mis-spelling her name here, too tired to look up.) Others,

> such as Meyer, has also commented extensively on this. >>

>

> Helen, if you have any links that you care to share, I would appreciate

> knowing about them. Meanwhile, I'll do some googling on my own.

>

> << I think that like NT women, AS women are less likely to find

any

> interest in porn or having a "roving eye" because women's

brains are

> simply wired differently and there is a biological reason for that.

I've

> also often thought that AS women in particular are probably less

> inclined to be find much to get excited about in photographic imagines

> of men we don't know, period. >>

>

> I think it depends on the woman and the nature of the pornography.

Most

> porn leaves me cold, yet not all porn.

>

> << I was certainly old enough to be afflicted with that, and

their music

> was very new and exciting (it still stands the test of time IMHO)

but as

> far as the hysteria surrounding them, I just thought, "how dumb."

> Really, it's not like I was ever going to meet these celebrities,

and

> furthermore, I didn't know a thing about them as people. >>

>

> I'm with you, Helen. I don't get it either.

>

> << I can certainly appreciate that some male celebrities are

very

> attractive, but, why young women practically swoon over them, I don't

> get it. >>

>

> Mass hysteria accounts for a good bit of the collective swooning seen

in

> news reports of Beatlemania. The mechanics of that have very little

to

> do with The Fab Four themselves.

>

> There is also a show business element to a lot of that crazy screaming

> behavior. Record companies have been known to seed the crowd with

young

> women charged to intentionally create the sort of emotional climate

that

> others will emulate. It only takes a few girls to kick off the frenzy.

>

> << My husband and I concluded perhaps that's an AS girl thing.

The AS

> girls and young women I've known seem more sensible compared to their

> peers, although, alas, that seems to create social difficulty for

them

> as then they have less in common with their peers. >>

>

> I don't think it's an issue of being sensible as much as it's one

where

> the AS girls may be less likely to mimic (in this case teen) cultural

> cues. Otherwise, I agree.

>

> << I would be interested to hear from both AS and NT women on

this one. >>

>

> No celebrity crushes for me, sorry. However, my AS sister was a Donny

> Osmond and Bobby Sherman addict big time. Blech.

>

> I guess I just don't tend to respond emotionally to that which is

> inaccessible to me. Same reason I don't go to open houses for luxury

> real estate that is far beyond my financial reach. Seems like a waste

> of time (not to mention a recipe for envy) to me.

>

> Good topic, Helen.

>

> Best,

> ~CJ

>

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