Guest guest Posted September 11, 2011 Report Share Posted September 11, 2011 ** - my comments > > Personally, I find the newcomer's concept of creating some AS rules for survival meritous. Others in the AS adult community have written books or essays on this subject before, but it's always interesting to visit the topic from a fresh perspective. ** I remember having only one " rule " (if you want to call it that) when I joined ASPIRES back in 2007. That was to keep telling myself " the best years are in front of me.. the best years are in front of me. " That is what kept me going, when I didn't know how I would cope living with both AS and AD/HD. Oh and another rule, which is in my comment below about respect. > Those that don't agree are free to voice their opinion and say why it may work for some, but not others. We do that here all the time. Differing opinions help us see the " big picture. " ** Differing opinions, differing countries, differing cultures, differing ways of thinking, differing ways about how to cook something, and differing ways to go about living our lives. > However, I'm not sure what's going on with the newcomer taking a shot at a member about something or other, and frankly it is best if we don't know. It just wasn't a good idea. ** That's like a rookie (first-year player) on any sporting team (basketball, football, futbol, baseball, cricket, hockey, etc.) taking a verbal shot at a veteran on the same team. You just don't do things like that. It's an unwritten rule on in any team's locker room (including this forum's " locker room " ). A rookie/newbie making verbal/written jabs at a veteran will only cause problems in the locker room. That is one of the reasons why teams can have dissension in the locker room. When I came onto ASPIRES back in 2007 - had I taken a shot at Bill (those who know who Bill was) or Helen or anyone else who was on there then, it would not have been the right thing to me to do. Regardless if it is a sports team or this team (the Aspires crew) or any other team, it's all about respect and trust. If a newbie/rookie, etc. doesn't respect the veterans (those of us in this forum who have been on here for at least a while) on any sports team, the veterans ARE NOT going to respect the rookies/newbies. And why should they? Simply said, if you want the veterans to repsect you as a rookie/newbie, you must respect the veterans - no other alternative. > When I first approved the newcomer's posts I thought it was a query, but I am rapidly forming the opinion that this is an issue that began in another discussion group and got carried over to this one. If that is the case, this brings us to one of ASPIRES list rules. > > *What happens here, stays here, and what happens elsewhere, stays elsewhere* > > We don't mention names of people from other discussion groups or the issues discussed there. > > We also don't " cross post, " meaning lifting text from another group's conversation and posting it here *without that author's permission.* ** Talking behind a person's back is never a good thing to be doing. Doesn't matter if you were having issues with a person in a different online group or with someone who is in a different social group in the same neighborhood and who could possibly live in the same neighborhood as you. Another unwritten rule. > We also don't " cross post, " meaning lifting text from another group's conversation and posting it here *without that author's permission.* ** Also known as plagaraism, which could result in a lawsuit involving monetary damages and other things. Never a good thing. > Let's just chalk up the current misunderstanding as just that, and carry on with the discussion. Any more baiting, insults, accusations etc. and the parties involved will be moderated. > - Helen > Moderator of ASPIRES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2011 Report Share Posted September 11, 2011 wrote: >> However, I'm not sure what's going on with the newcomer taking a shot at a member about something or other, and frankly it is best if we don't know. It just wasn't a good idea. > ** That's like a rookie (first-year player) on any sporting team (basketball, football, futbol, baseball, cricket, hockey, etc.) taking a verbal shot at a veteran on the same team. You just don't do things like that. It's an unwritten rule on in any team's locker room (including this forum's " locker room " ). A rookie/newbie making verbal/written jabs at a veteran will only cause problems in the locker room. That is one of the reasons why teams can have dissension in the locker room. > > When I came onto ASPIRES back in 2007 - had I taken a shot at Bill (those who know who Bill was) or Helen or anyone else who was on there then, it would not have been the right thing to me to do. Regardless if it is a sports team or this team (the Aspires crew) or any other team, it's all about respect and trust. If a newbie/rookie, etc. doesn't respect the veterans (those of us in this forum who have been on here for at least a while) on any sports team, the veterans ARE NOT going to respect the rookies/newbies. And why should they? Simply said, if you want the veterans to repsect you as a rookie/newbie, you must respect the veterans - no other alternative. Bravo, ! IMX, there is no quicker way to shoot oneself in the foot. Even though Aspies often have difficulty interpreting the " hidden curriculum " of the social world, very few seem to miss this lesson in earning a welcome and learning to fit in. The Aspie may be oblivious to other social nuances, yet still seem to understand on an instinctual level that one just doesn't aggressively ride into town like Wayne, all whoopin' and hollerin' (as Judy so beautifully put it) and announcing that there is a new sheriff in town. Even worse is to ride into town on a high horse and inform an existing community that one has The Answer to how others should <insert your choice>. Few people react positively to those who proselytize, whatever their message might be. However, I've got one that's even better. I once witnessed a newcomer to a volunteer-based community in my town introduce himself as wanting to lead the group. Why? Because he didn't agree with the way in which the group leader was doing her job! [The newcomer was NT, thus had no excuse for not understanding why this sort of introduction is a Bad Move.] I'm not saying that all newcomers should be " seen and not heard " . Far from it. Newcomers to community often have wonderful ideas to share. However, it's the manner in which those ideas are expressed that often determine what sort of message will be received. Ultimately, everyone makes social errors in judgment occasionally. It's how a person reacts to feedback about their error that is key and can tell a lot about them as a person. [ made a reference to this in an earlier post.] Does the newcomer attempt to clarify their faux pas in a non-aggressive manner, expressing some regret for the norm violation? Or do they continue to aggressively defend themselves and escalate their message to the point of vitriol? Fortunately, most people choose the former. Just my thoughts.... Best, ~CJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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