Guest guest Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 And all the things you saw in other people's eyes... can you find them in yourself? Love, Am 30.06.2006 um 00:02 schrieb Adithya K: > I came back to USA after spending 3 weeks in India. > > In India, I experienced heat and humidity. I traveled on some > roads that were very jerky. I walked in the lanes that were dirty, > muddy and dark. I experienced power cuts and mosquito bites. I > even had some verbal arguments. I witnessed some self-obsession, > vain and jealousy. > > Yet, in general, I was quite peaceful. Plus, I had a feeling of > liveliness and intensity combined with openness, eagerness and self- > belief. > > > I came to USA with high energy and enthusiasm... > > yet, due to reasons yet unknown to me, I started experiencing > fear, doubts and low-grade unease very soon. With most people that > I met, I felt as if they were afraid, as if they were uneasy > within, as if they were trying to hide something. As if I had > entered a place that was highly secretive, a place where people > were afraid as if they thought others were plotting something > against them. > > I felt as if most people are plagued with the 'inner guilt'*. The > guilt that arises when you live with the constant feeling of 'not > doing what you know you should do' and 'doing what you know you > shouldn't do'. As if they were living with a feeling of having > lost their integrity. > > > And, even in myself, I noticed a subtle fear as if I had to be > always watchful, vigilant. As if I needed to constantly protect > something, as if something within was always at risk... > > In some eyes, I saw fear that I had missed seeing for some time. > As if they thought, I was a threat or if 'talking to me' or just > 'talking' itself was a risk. > > I saw hostility in some eyes that I had missed seeing for a while > as if I was some 'unwanted' human embodying unknown dangers for > them... > > > [interestingly, I felt this way even around people of Indian > origin too provided they have been in USA for any considerable [4+ > years] length]. > > I don't know why... > > > > ---- > > *I guess, It is kind of 'guilt' that I might feel if I was aware > of my younger brother dying of hunger while I was feasting on 21 > course dinner with my fat wife in an expensive restaurant with the > money that my father gave me long time back to buy my supplies for > my brother medicines... > > It is kind of 'fear' that I might have in this situation fearing > my father might see it, fearing that my younger brother might see > it... > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 > > And all the things you saw in other people's eyes... can you find > them in yourself? I can pretty much find everything in myself. Yet, I notice that what I notice in people like is something different than what I notice in people like Saddam. > > Love, > > > Am 30.06.2006 um 00:02 schrieb Adithya K: > > > I came back to USA after spending 3 weeks in India. > > > > In India, I experienced heat and humidity. I traveled on some > > roads that were very jerky. I walked in the lanes that were dirty, > > muddy and dark. I experienced power cuts and mosquito bites. I > > even had some verbal arguments. I witnessed some self-obsession, > > vain and jealousy. > > > > Yet, in general, I was quite peaceful. Plus, I had a feeling of > > liveliness and intensity combined with openness, eagerness and self- > > belief. > > > > > > I came to USA with high energy and enthusiasm... > > > > yet, due to reasons yet unknown to me, I started experiencing > > fear, doubts and low-grade unease very soon. With most people that > > I met, I felt as if they were afraid, as if they were uneasy > > within, as if they were trying to hide something. As if I had > > entered a place that was highly secretive, a place where people > > were afraid as if they thought others were plotting something > > against them. > > > > I felt as if most people are plagued with the 'inner guilt'*. The > > guilt that arises when you live with the constant feeling of 'not > > doing what you know you should do' and 'doing what you know you > > shouldn't do'. As if they were living with a feeling of having > > lost their integrity. > > > > > > And, even in myself, I noticed a subtle fear as if I had to be > > always watchful, vigilant. As if I needed to constantly protect > > something, as if something within was always at risk... > > > > In some eyes, I saw fear that I had missed seeing for some time. > > As if they thought, I was a threat or if 'talking to me' or just > > 'talking' itself was a risk. > > > > I saw hostility in some eyes that I had missed seeing for a while > > as if I was some 'unwanted' human embodying unknown dangers for > > them... > > > > > > [interestingly, I felt this way even around people of Indian > > origin too provided they have been in USA for any considerable [4+ > > years] length]. > > > > I don't know why... > > > > > > > > ---- > > > > *I guess, It is kind of 'guilt' that I might feel if I was aware > > of my younger brother dying of hunger while I was feasting on 21 > > course dinner with my fat wife in an expensive restaurant with the > > money that my father gave me long time back to buy my supplies for > > my brother medicines... > > > > It is kind of 'fear' that I might have in this situation fearing > > my father might see it, fearing that my younger brother might see > > it... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 > > > > And all the things you saw in other people's eyes... can you find > > them in yourself? > > I can pretty much find everything in myself. > > Yet, I notice that what I notice in people > like is something different than what > I notice in people like Saddam. > > > > > > > Love, > > > > > > Am 30.06.2006 um 00:02 schrieb Adithya K: > > > > > I came back to USA after spending 3 weeks in India. > > > > > > In India, I experienced heat and humidity. I traveled on some > > > roads that were very jerky. I walked in the lanes that were > dirty, > > > muddy and dark. I experienced power cuts and mosquito bites. I > > > even had some verbal arguments. I witnessed some self- obsession, > > > vain and jealousy. > > > > > > Yet, in general, I was quite peaceful. Plus, I had a feeling > of > > > liveliness and intensity combined with openness, eagerness and > self- > > > belief. > > > > > > > > > I came to USA with high energy and enthusiasm... > > > > > > yet, due to reasons yet unknown to me, I started experiencing > > > fear, doubts and low-grade unease very soon. With most people > that > > > I met, I felt as if they were afraid, as if they were uneasy > > > within, as if they were trying to hide something. As if I had > > > entered a place that was highly secretive, a place where people > > > were afraid as if they thought others were plotting something > > > against them. > > > > > > I felt as if most people are plagued with the 'inner guilt'*. > The > > > guilt that arises when you live with the constant feeling > of 'not > > > doing what you know you should do' and 'doing what you know you > > > shouldn't do'. As if they were living with a feeling of having > > > lost their integrity. > > > > > > > > > And, even in myself, I noticed a subtle fear as if I had to be > > > always watchful, vigilant. As if I needed to constantly protect > > > something, as if something within was always at risk... > > > > > > In some eyes, I saw fear that I had missed seeing for some > time. > > > As if they thought, I was a threat or if 'talking to me' or just > > > 'talking' itself was a risk. > > > > > > I saw hostility in some eyes that I had missed seeing for a > while > > > as if I was some 'unwanted' human embodying unknown dangers for > > > them... > > > > > > > > > [interestingly, I felt this way even around people of Indian > > > origin too provided they have been in USA for any considerable > [4+ > > > years] length]. > > > > > > I don't know why... > > > > > > > > > > > > ---- > > > > > > *I guess, It is kind of 'guilt' that I might feel if I was > aware > > > of my younger brother dying of hunger while I was feasting on 21 > > > course dinner with my fat wife in an expensive restaurant with > the > > > money that my father gave me long time back to buy my supplies > for > > > my brother medicines... > > > > > > It is kind of 'fear' that I might have in this situation > fearing > > > my father might see it, fearing that my younger brother might > see > > > it... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 There is no one out there *YOU* are always my story So, if I think: " I felt as if most people are plagued with the inner guilt " I would put it this way: I *had the story* that most people are plagued with the inner guilt Why would I tell that story about them??? Is it because they where really plagued with the inner guilt? Is it me the one who feel inner guilt and I project it on them? I don't know What do you think? Love, T -- Re: Coming back . . . And all the things you saw in other people's eyes... can you find them in yourself? Love, Am 30.06.2006 um 00:02 schrieb Adithya K: > I came back to USA after spending 3 weeks in India. > > In India, I experienced heat and humidity. I traveled on some > roads that were very jerky. I walked in the lanes that were dirty, > muddy and dark. I experienced power cuts and mosquito bites. I > even had some verbal arguments. I witnessed some self-obsession, > vain and jealousy. > > Yet, in general, I was quite peaceful. Plus, I had a feeling of > liveliness and intensity combined with openness, eagerness and self- > belief. > > > I came to USA with high energy and enthusiasm... > > yet, due to reasons yet unknown to me, I started experiencing > fear, doubts and low-grade unease very soon. With most people that > I met, I felt as if they were afraid, as if they were uneasy > within, as if they were trying to hide something. As if I had > entered a place that was highly secretive, a place where people > were afraid as if they thought others were plotting something > against them. > > I felt as if most people are plagued with the 'inner guilt'*. The > guilt that arises when you live with the constant feeling of 'not > doing what you know you should do' and 'doing what you know you > shouldn't do'. As if they were living with a feeling of having > lost their integrity. > > > And, even in myself, I noticed a subtle fear as if I had to be > always watchful, vigilant. As if I needed to constantly protect > something, as if something within was always at risk... > > In some eyes, I saw fear that I had missed seeing for some time. > As if they thought, I was a threat or if 'talking to me' or just > 'talking' itself was a risk. > > I saw hostility in some eyes that I had missed seeing for a while > as if I was some 'unwanted' human embodying unknown dangers for > them... > > > [interestingly, I felt this way even around people of Indian > origin too provided they have been in USA for any considerable [4+ > years] length]. > > I don't know why... > > > > ---- > > *I guess, It is kind of 'guilt' that I might feel if I was aware > of my younger brother dying of hunger while I was feasting on 21 > course dinner with my fat wife in an expensive restaurant with the > money that my father gave me long time back to buy my supplies for > my brother medicines... > > It is kind of 'fear' that I might have in this situation fearing > my father might see it, fearing that my younger brother might see > it... > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 There is this picture of a naked man and women hugging This picture is made of combination of many dolphins I was told that young children Don't see the man and the women, only the dolphins The reason is that they have no grasping point in there mind of the intimate image Got my point? -- Re: Coming back . . . And all the things you saw in other people's eyes... can you find them in yourself? Love, Am 30.06.2006 um 00:02 schrieb Adithya K: > I came back to USA after spending 3 weeks in India. > > In India, I experienced heat and humidity. I traveled on some > roads that were very jerky. I walked in the lanes that were dirty, > muddy and dark. I experienced power cuts and mosquito bites. I > even had some verbal arguments. I witnessed some self-obsession, > vain and jealousy. > > Yet, in general, I was quite peaceful. Plus, I had a feeling of > liveliness and intensity combined with openness, eagerness and self- > belief. > > > I came to USA with high energy and enthusiasm... > > yet, due to reasons yet unknown to me, I started experiencing > fear, doubts and low-grade unease very soon. With most people that > I met, I felt as if they were afraid, as if they were uneasy > within, as if they were trying to hide something. As if I had > entered a place that was highly secretive, a place where people > were afraid as if they thought others were plotting something > against them. > > I felt as if most people are plagued with the 'inner guilt'*. The > guilt that arises when you live with the constant feeling of 'not > doing what you know you should do' and 'doing what you know you > shouldn't do'. As if they were living with a feeling of having > lost their integrity. > > > And, even in myself, I noticed a subtle fear as if I had to be > always watchful, vigilant. As if I needed to constantly protect > something, as if something within was always at risk... > > In some eyes, I saw fear that I had missed seeing for some time. > As if they thought, I was a threat or if 'talking to me' or just > 'talking' itself was a risk. > > I saw hostility in some eyes that I had missed seeing for a while > as if I was some 'unwanted' human embodying unknown dangers for > them... > > > [interestingly, I felt this way even around people of Indian > origin too provided they have been in USA for any considerable [4+ > years] length]. > > I don't know why... > > > > ---- > > *I guess, It is kind of 'guilt' that I might feel if I was aware > of my younger brother dying of hunger while I was feasting on 21 > course dinner with my fat wife in an expensive restaurant with the > money that my father gave me long time back to buy my supplies for > my brother medicines... > > It is kind of 'fear' that I might have in this situation fearing > my father might see it, fearing that my younger brother might see > it... > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 There is no one out there *YOU* are always my story So, if I think: " I felt as if most people are plagued with the inner guilt " I would put it this way: I *had the story* that most people are plagued with the inner guilt *****How about going....further: Drop the " I had the story " and see that what is happening is really that " there is a story... " " You " who " had " it are really just a momentary arising in consciousness with the attribution of enclosing (being the repository of) this particular story. You didn't will it. The story arose. And, if there is identification with it, then " you " - Tami - arise along with it. In the absence of the identification, there is just a story, many stories, coming and going, like the clouds, empty of any " truth " value. Just a momentary shape, configuration, collection of atoms, changing, moment to moment. Why would I tell that story about them??? Is it because they where really plagued with the inner guilt? Is it me the one who feel inner guilt and I project it on them? I don't know What do you think? *****As you insightfully note in your first sentence at the top of the email: " there is no one out there. " So there is no " they " who is (or is not) plagued with inner guilt. There is simply guilt...arising....at some point, perhaps, perceived. The misstep is then assigning the conscious perception to a static " me " who it is thought to " have " that perception/thought, along with a whole lotta other thoughts and now you have " a person. " ;-) The misstep is like a magician's sleight-of-hand which allows the trick, the magic, to seem to truly happen. Can it be seen as it happens? This is what is sometimes called " freedom from the known, " because it can't be " seen " by some " one, " although the seeing can happen. Cheers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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