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Re: I snapped...

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> I feel pride but,

*****It's not " your " doing. Feelings of pride, hate, joy, grief, ...

we are not the Author, merely the instrument through which they arise.

> at the same time, I know it's not my choice to do

> all this.

*****Yes. Exactly.

> It's how this is all suppose to play out and I feel I'm

> just along for the ride observing.

*****Bingo!

> It feels I'm making the decisions

*****That is how it is supposed to play out. Kind of " rules of

engagement " within phenomenality.

> but who's really doing the deciding?

> I don't know.

*****Why must there be a " who " ?

We are deeply conditioned to believe that there is a persistent,

on-going entity which is the doer, the one who chooses, decides,

dictates. It might be useful to question that, explore it.

What is this...thing...which it is believed, unquestioningly, to

endure, unchanging, from moment to moment? Is the self, the entire

" me~network, " *real*?

Or is it just a thought, or a succession of thoughts thought

successively in very rapid motion (like the illusion of movement

generated by a movie...examine each frame slowly, there is no motion,

nothing...happening, but run the frames by, quickly, and voila! there

is the appearance/illusion of action, of something happening).

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> *****Why must there be a " who " ?

>

> We are deeply conditioned to believe that there is a persistent,

> on-going entity which is the doer, the one who chooses, decides,

> dictates. It might be useful to question that, explore it.

>

> What is this...thing...which it is believed, unquestioningly, to

> endure, unchanging, from moment to moment? Is the self, the entire

> " me~network, " *real*?

>

> Or is it just a thought, or a succession of thoughts thought

> successively in very rapid motion (like the illusion of movement

> generated by a movie...examine each frame slowly, there is no

motion,

> nothing...happening, but run the frames by, quickly, and voila!

there

> is the appearance/illusion of action, of something happening).

>

I like that stop-motion example. Interesting.

I'm coming to understand that I cannot take credit for my actions.

It's as if the Me (all bundled with her particular beliefs,

abilities, and inabilities combined) blended into this construct,

this Matrix, will produce an almost predictable chemical-like

reaction.

For example...

She comes across a book. Because of her particular curiosity to that

type of material, she reads it. Because of her level of openness, she

assimilates the information and it changes her perception of the

world. With the change in perception, her behavior changes. Her

behavior changes and the feedback from the world is now altered.

Because of the alteration, another book comes into her path, or

another enlightening person, and that starts the cycle over again.

Her particular form of curiosity, her openness, her ability to

assimilate new information and assert new behavior... none of that is

under her conscious doing. It's a natural unfolding of character.

Life's so cool. I'm glad I'm here for the ride.

:-)

Hypegia

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>

> As a child I identified with many stories of unhappiness and felt

> intimidated by my family, schoolmates and life in general.

>

> As I got into my twenties, I started awakening out of my nightmare

> and gradually identified with stories of assertiveness and

> popularity. (I credit the Tao Te Ching with the initial awakening and

> then The Work came later.)

>

> There was always one type of personality that always had intimidated

> me: the stereotypical catty girl with a smart mouth that not many

> liked to confront.

>

> Hee hee. I took care of that this week. Well. I snapped on her. And

> for me, that was such an accomplishment of sorts. Did it. And now

> that it's done I have no desire to uphold that mentality that made me

> do it in the first place.

Ah...snapping...One of the innocent pleasures in life..

Go, Hypegia go!

nel

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