Re: Selfish people don't deserve to be loved.

[Guest guest]

Dear

and My Lovely Lady Tami

(and, notice that me calling you *lovely*

has nothing to do with you, Tami Darling :-)!)

I have realized that one of major thing

that often hurts me is: not being overtly,

honestly and totally Selfish! Not fully focusing

on clearly understanding, knowing and standing

with " what I want " and trying to " speculate " on

what others might want, think, say, do or wish

and sometimes even trying to bend over backwards

in my effort to " please " them!

I have noticed that doing so has almost always

created pain and suffering for me and I don't

know if it has really helped " others " !

It has also made me many times " expect " things

from " others " in place of just " doing " and " trying

to get " what I really want! This has many times

created fights, arguments, conflicts, disappointments

and heartbreaks that have only resulted because

of my unexamined 'expectations'.

I have noticed that thinking that I " should " do things

for others has many times also made me more

'judgmental' towards myself and the world - and,

influenced by this I have often seen world through

this 'colored' perception! I have passed 'judgments'

on many - but, mostly hurt only myself!

It has also made me lose track of " my " business

and spend my time and " energy " on " speculating "

" what others want " and sometimes I even on

" what others " should " want " . It has meant that

I have often lacked the clear understanding of

" what I want " and as a result has lacked a

position to 'stand' and 'work'!

It has often left me in somebody else's business

with no one home to really listen to or understand

myself - because Only One that could was out

" speculating " on others!

In fact, I am beginning to see that lack of clear

understanding of 'what I want', lack of total

focus on 'what I want' as a major cause of

most of my pain and suffering as well as the

much of the harm that I have caused to others.

This and " fear " ...

and, I don't if these [1. fear 2. not clearly knowing

'what I want' 3. not firmly standing on 'what I

want'] are connected or not.

Do you?

Regards,

ac.

[ NNB ]

>

>

>

> For me,

> Everything I do, comes out of selfishness

>

> When I take care of you

> It is only because it makes *me* feel good

>

> And if I take care of me

> It is only because it makes *me* feel good

>

> So, I am selfish

> How about you?

>

> Second thing:

>

> What is deserved to be loved anyway???

>

>

>

> If I love *me* I love you

> So, you are deserved to be loved?

> Don't take it too personal baby

> My love to you has nothing to do with you

>

> Any questions?

>

> T

>

> -- Selfish people don't deserve to be loved.

>

> I found this one as an underlying belief yesterday and thought

there

> might be someone else who would benifit from the discovery.

>

> Of course my mind is " too evolved and enlightened " to sign off on

this

> one, but my heart didn't know that it wasn't true. It has been

running

> me almost all my life.

>

> When I believe that thought I:

>

> * Have little patience with overtly selfish people.

> * Don't ask for what I want if I think there is a chance that

another

> will not want to give it.

> * Get embarrassed if I ever find I have done the above.

> * Invalidate, sometimes hate, others for wanting what they want.

> * Feel superior and seperate from others.

> * Hate myself (after all, I am secretly selfish and I " don't

deserve

> love. " )

> * Suffer in silence.

> Without that thought I would:

>

> * Have space in my world for people who are overt about wanting

what

> they want.

> * Feel free to ask for what I want.

> * Feel free to say no when I want to. After all, If saying no could

> mean that I'm selfish, and selfish people don't deserve to be

loved, my

> hands are tied aren't they.

> * Not resent others for asking.

> * Serve others by giving them a chance to know what I want and then

> chose to provide it or not.

> * Be more in touch with Reality. After all, all you have to do is

> look around to see that Life apparently accepts selfish people...

like

> me.

> * Maybe even find myself loving people (or myself) even when

they're

> selfish.

>

> TA:

>

> * Selfish people deserve to be loved. Well, duh.

> * I am entitled to be selfish. Appartently so, because here I am.

>

> * By being selfish I am straight with others about where I am at

and

> what I believe I need at the moment. This creates a clearing for

me to

> have it/them.

> * " Ego's don't love they want something. " In my belief I was

> insisting that no one come from their ego, and of course it was my

ego

> making the demand. I've been so full of it.

> * Love never argues on the side of guilt. When I notice that I am,

I

> can also notice that I have abandoned Love. Love includes the

selfish in

> it's embrace.

> * I deserve to be loved and it has nothing, nothing, to do with

> whether I am selfish or not.

>

>

[Guest guest]

One more thing

For me, pleasing others is not a disgraceful thing.

When you please others to get something back

It can be painful

Cause your happiness depend on others " grace "

However

When you please for the love of seeing someone you love happy

It can be so much fun

Cause your happiness depend on the joy of giving

I noticed that pleasing the man I love makes me happy

So for me pleasing is a recipe for happiness

Let me explain what pleasing means for me:

Doing things I know that other person love

Like, buying a cake cause this guy loves to eat

It makes me happy

I need to be aware of not having sex

When I don't want to, just to please the man I love

When I was with zigi

I just wanted to hug and kiss

He become hot for me and wanted more

I loved him so much, and I didn't want him to suffer

So I had sex with him

It is a " bad " thing for me

I need to learn to say no

But sometimes others happiness seem to be more important to me

With my new boyfriend I will try to communicate on that issue

And find a solution that is good for both of us

If the new boyfriend is

I think I will need to beg for sex

Oh well, T

> Dear

>

> and My Lovely Lady Tami

>

> (and, notice that me calling you *lovely*

> has nothing to do with you, Tami Darling :-)!)

>

> I have realized that one of major thing

> that often hurts me is: not being overtly,

> honestly and totally Selfish! Not fully focusing

> on clearly understanding, knowing and standing

> with " what I want " and trying to " speculate " on

> what others might want, think, say, do or wish

> and sometimes even trying to bend over backwards

> in my effort to " please " them!

>

> I have noticed that doing so has almost always

> created pain and suffering for me and I don't

> know if it has really helped " others " !

>

> It has also made me many times " expect " things

> from " others " in place of just " doing " and " trying

> to get " what I really want! This has many times

> created fights, arguments, conflicts, disappointments

> and heartbreaks that have only resulted because

> of my unexamined 'expectations'.

>

> I have noticed that thinking that I " should " do things

> for others has many times also made me more

> 'judgmental' towards myself and the world - and,

> influenced by this I have often seen world through

> this 'colored' perception! I have passed 'judgments'

> on many - but, mostly hurt only myself!

>

> It has also made me lose track of " my " business

> and spend my time and " energy " on " speculating "

> " what others want " and sometimes I even on

> " what others " should " want " . It has meant that

> I have often lacked the clear understanding of

> " what I want " and as a result has lacked a

> position to 'stand' and 'work'!

>

> It has often left me in somebody else's business

> with no one home to really listen to or understand

> myself - because Only One that could was out

> " speculating " on others!

>

> In fact, I am beginning to see that lack of clear

> understanding of 'what I want', lack of total

> focus on 'what I want' as a major cause of

> most of my pain and suffering as well as the

> much of the harm that I have caused to others.

>

> This and " fear " ...

>

> and, I don't if these [1. Fear 2. Not clearly knowing

> 'what I want' 3. Not firmly standing on 'what I

> want'] are connected or not.

>

> Do you?

>

>

> Regards,

> ac.

>

>

> [ NNB ]

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> > For me,

> > Everything I do, comes out of selfishness

> >

> > When I take care of you

> > It is only because it makes *me* feel good

> >

> > And if I take care of me

> > It is only because it makes *me* feel good

> >

> > So, I am selfish

> > How about you?

> >

> > Second thing:

> >

> > What is deserved to be loved anyway???

> >

> >

> >

> > If I love *me* I love you

> > So, you are deserved to be loved?

> > Don't take it too personal baby

> > My love to you has nothing to do with you

> >

> > Any questions?

> >

> > T

> >

> > -- Selfish people don't deserve to be

loved.

> >

> > I found this one as an underlying belief yesterday and thought

> there

> > might be someone else who would benefit from the discovery.

> >

> > Of course my mind is " too evolved and enlightened " to sign off

on

> this

> > one, but my heart didn't know that it wasn't true. It has been

> running

> > me almost all my life.

> >

> > When I believe that thought I:

> >

> > * Have little patience with overtly selfish people.

> > * Don't ask for what I want if I think there is a chance that

> another

> > will not want to give it.

> > * Get embarrassed if I ever find I have done the above.

> > * Invalidate, sometimes hate, others for wanting what they want.

> > * Feel superior and seperate from others.

> > * Hate myself (after all, I am secretly selfish and I " don't

> deserve

> > love. " )

> > * Suffer in silence.

> > Without that thought I would:

> >

> > * Have space in my world for people who are overt about wanting

> what

> > they want.

> > * Feel free to ask for what I want.

> > * Feel free to say no when I want to. After all, If saying no

could

> > mean that I'm selfish, and selfish people don't deserve to be

> loved, my

> > hands are tied aren't they.

> > * Not resent others for asking.

> > * Serve others by giving them a chance to know what I want and

then

> > chose to provide it or not.

> > * Be more in touch with Reality. After all, all you have to do is

> > look around to see that Life apparently accepts selfish

people...

> like

> > me.

> > * Maybe even find myself loving people (or myself) even when

> they're

> > selfish.

> >

> > TA:

> >

> > * Selfish people deserve to be loved. Well, duh.

> > * I am entitled to be selfish. Appartently so, because here I am.

> >

> > * By being selfish I am straight with others about where I am at

> and

> > what I believe I need at the moment. This creates a clearing for

> me to

> > have it/them.

> > * " Ego's don't love they want something. " In my belief I was

> > insisting that no one come from their ego, and of course it was

my

> ego

> > making the demand. I've been so full of it.

> > * Love never argues on the side of guilt. When I notice that I

am,

> I

> > can also notice that I have abandoned Love. Love includes the

> selfish in

> > it's embrace.

> > * I deserve to be loved and it has nothing, nothing, to do with

> > whether I am selfish or not.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

> Dear

>

> You asked:

> " How do I begin to being romantic with myself? "

>

> Good question,

> I really don't know the answer to that one.

>

> However I do want to point out one thing

> Don't try to do it, to gain his romantic interest in you.

>

> Cause that would be trying to manipulate him.

And another reason I have found for not loving myself

Just so that others would love me, is

It doesn't work that way!

With all the respect to the reflection theory

When you love yourself

It wouldn't guarantee me loving you

Whether I love you or not, AS NOTHING YO DO WITH YOU

And it has everything to do with me (or, how much I love myself)

Example:

I think I am a HOT women

And it doesn't make every man to think that I am hot,

If you know what I mean?

Feeling smart, T

[Guest guest]

Hi a.c,

I laughed when I read your message, ti made me happy. Yes , my husband does

mind and does not want me to have sex with someone else and yes I do mind that

he cares.

adithya_comming wrote:

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > For me,

> > > Everything I do, comes out of selfishness

> > >

> > > When I take care of you

> > > It is only because it makes *me* feel good

> > >

> > > And if I take care of me

> > > It is only because it makes *me* feel good

> > >

> > > So, I am selfish

> > > How about you?

> > >

> > > Second thing:

> > >

> > > What is deserved to be loved anyway???

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > If I love *me* I love you

> > > So, you are deserved to be loved?

> > > Don't take it too personal baby

> > > My love to you has nothing to do with you

> > >

> > > Any questions?

> > >

> > > T

>

>

[Guest guest]

dear adriana.. i dont think it is you that your husband is

rejecting.. or your body.. I think its sex.. he is rejecting..

hes probably not very sexual.. and its his story not you.. of course..

Its his business.

in my opinion, roslyn

-- In Loving-what-is , wrote:

>

> Dear ,

>

> Am 12.08.2006 um 00:56 schrieb A D:

>

> > That is true for me. I am 34 years old,

> > I spend my life trying to please others because I felt I was not

> > good enough and never knew how to ask for what I wanted.

> What I hear is that you tried to get what you wanted by trying to do

> to others what you thought would get your their approval.

>

> > Most of you know that my husband is neglecting me and does not want

> > any romantic or sexual relationship with me,

> Good, you know what your husband does not want.

>

> > how can I blame him?

> Well, sounds like already know how to do it, and that you do it well!

> No need for advice, here.

>

> > i have been neglecting myself my whole life.

> Is that true? Your whole life?

>

> > Anyway, I invited him to a 4 day conference I had with my company

> > and he said yes, he came. He is even more clear that he does not

> > want to have a relationship with me other than a friendship, that's

> > fine.

> > In the past, I would have started acting out , rejecting him .

> > This time I know I love him, I respect what he feels , at the same

> > time I can still express my love for him, still hug him, asked for

> > what I wanted and ended up having sex ( he said he did it because I

> > ask for it) not because he really wanted to do it.

> > I could feel bad about it, at the same time I really don't , I'm

> > beggining to ask for what I want, people have the right no say no.

> > At the end of the trip he still said he does not want to have a

> > romantic relationship with me or sex,

>

> > my question to all of you is: how do I beging to being romantic

> > with myself?

>

> > ok, I got it, I can start by buying myslef some flowers.

> Sure, if you like being bought flowers, and no one's ready for the

> job...

>

> > How do I beging to have sex with myself? other than masturbating.

>

> > I'm rejecting myself sexually

> Get clear! What is it, that you don't like about your body? Do a

> worksheet on your body. Not to like it more, not to accept yourself,

> but to find out. First get to know your thoughts, then welcome them.

> " My body should... " or " This body should... " whatever is more

> effective to you.

>

> > and that's why he is rejecting me sexually and romatically, is that

> > true? Sometimes I get confused.

> He is rejecting you sexually and romantically because that's his job.

> It's what he can do, what he does best. It gives HIM what he wants.

> At the time. And it is HIS business.

>

> You have been trying to rule his business all these years. Now it's

> time to take care of yours. He may follow or not.

>

> > Any thoughts?

> Oh, dear... plenty!

>

> > love,

> >

> Love,

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ___________________________________________________________

> Der frühe Vogel fängt den Wurm. Hier gelangen Sie zum neuen Yahoo!

Mail: http://mail.yahoo.de

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

This post resonated and has really stayed with me. Not only is this

one of my underlying beliefs, I also felt, as you say, " my mind

is 'too evolved and enlightened' to sign off on this one, but my

heart didn't know it wasn't true. " Admitting that there are some

beliefs that are 'beneath me,' so to speak, is helpful in that it has

prompted me to look more deeply into a couple more beliefs that I

didn't want to admit that I had. And getting back to the UB itself,

it's so interesting how it has affected how I feel about people I

perceive to be overtly selfish. Thanks for sharing this, .

Karin

>

> I found this one as an underlying belief yesterday and thought there

> might be someone else who would benifit from the discovery.

>

> Of course my mind is " too evolved and enlightened " to sign off on

this

> one, but my heart didn't know that it wasn't true. It has been

running

> me almost all my life.

>

> When I believe that thought I:

>

> * Have little patience with overtly selfish people.

> * Don't ask for what I want if I think there is a chance that

another

> will not want to give it.

> * Get embarrassed if I ever find I have done the above.

> * Invalidate, sometimes hate, others for wanting what they want.

> * Feel superior and seperate from others.

> * Hate myself (after all, I am secretly selfish and I " don't

deserve

> love. " )

> * Suffer in silence.

> Without that thought I would:

>

> * Have space in my world for people who are overt about

wanting what

> they want.

> * Feel free to ask for what I want.

> * Feel free to say no when I want to. After all, If saying no

could

> mean that I'm selfish, and selfish people don't deserve to be

loved, my

> hands are tied aren't they.

> * Not resent others for asking.

> * Serve others by giving them a chance to know what I want and

then

> chose to provide it or not.

> * Be more in touch with Reality. After all, all you have to do

is

> look around to see that Life apparently accepts selfish people...

like

> me.

> * Maybe even find myself loving people (or myself) even when

they're

> selfish.

>

> TA:

>

> * Selfish people deserve to be loved. Well, duh.

> * I am entitled to be selfish. Appartently so, because here I

am.

>

> * By being selfish I am straight with others about where I am

at and

> what I believe I need at the moment. This creates a clearing for me

to

> have it/them.

> * " Ego's don't love they want something. " In my belief I was

> insisting that no one come from their ego, and of course it was my

ego

> making the demand. I've been so full of it.

> * Love never argues on the side of guilt. When I notice that I

am, I

> can also notice that I have abandoned Love. Love includes the

selfish in

> it's embrace.

> * I deserve to be loved and it has nothing, nothing, to do with

> whether I am selfish or not.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

For me,

Everything I do, comes out of selfishness

When I take care of you

It is only because it makes *me* feel good

And if I take care of me

It is only because it makes *me* feel good

So, I am selfish

How about you?

Second thing:

What is deserved to be loved anyway???

If I love *me* I love you

So, you are deserved to be loved?

Don't take it too personal baby

My love to you has nothing to do with you

Any questions?

T

-- Selfish people don't deserve to be loved.

I found this one as an underlying belief yesterday and thought there

might be someone else who would benifit from the discovery.

Of course my mind is " too evolved and enlightened " to sign off on this

one, but my heart didn't know that it wasn't true. It has been running

me almost all my life.

When I believe that thought I:

* Have little patience with overtly selfish people.

* Don't ask for what I want if I think there is a chance that another

will not want to give it.

* Get embarrassed if I ever find I have done the above.

* Invalidate, sometimes hate, others for wanting what they want.

* Feel superior and seperate from others.

* Hate myself (after all, I am secretly selfish and I " don't deserve

love. " )

* Suffer in silence.

Without that thought I would:

* Have space in my world for people who are overt about wanting what

they want.

* Feel free to ask for what I want.

* Feel free to say no when I want to. After all, If saying no could

mean that I'm selfish, and selfish people don't deserve to be loved, my

hands are tied aren't they.

* Not resent others for asking.

* Serve others by giving them a chance to know what I want and then

chose to provide it or not.

* Be more in touch with Reality. After all, all you have to do is

look around to see that Life apparently accepts selfish people... like

me.

* Maybe even find myself loving people (or myself) even when they're

selfish.

TA:

* Selfish people deserve to be loved. Well, duh.

* I am entitled to be selfish. Appartently so, because here I am.

* By being selfish I am straight with others about where I am at and

what I believe I need at the moment. This creates a clearing for me to

have it/them.

* " Ego's don't love they want something. " In my belief I was

insisting that no one come from their ego, and of course it was my ego

making the demand. I've been so full of it.

* Love never argues on the side of guilt. When I notice that I am, I

can also notice that I have abandoned Love. Love includes the selfish in

it's embrace.

* I deserve to be loved and it has nothing, nothing, to do with

whether I am selfish or not.

[Guest guest]

> >

> >

> >

> > For me,

> > Everything I do, comes out of selfishness

> >

> > When I take care of you

> > It is only because it makes *me* feel good

> >

> > And if I take care of me

> > It is only because it makes *me* feel good

> >

> > So, I am selfish

> > How about you?

> >

> > Second thing:

> >

> > What is deserved to be loved anyway???

> >

> >

> >

> > If I love *me* I love you

> > So, you are deserved to be loved?

> > Don't take it too personal baby

> > My love to you has nothing to do with you

> >

> > Any questions?

> >

> > T