Guest guest Posted May 27, 2007 Report Share Posted May 27, 2007 Life has ALWAYS been easy. Haven't you made it till here? It may have not always looked like you thought it should. And good you notice. Love, Am 27.05.2007 um 18:44 schrieb nel stevens: > >> >> What's IN IT FOR *YOU*?? >> >> Well, you're here, so there must be something to being here, for you. >> >> I don't think that anyone *should* be here. The world is big enough >> for any of us. And everyone of us takes his world to wherever he >> goes. If you don't get it here, you get it somewhere else in your >> world. And if you don't get it soon, you will get it before the end >> of time. >> >> That said... >> >> What for do you need what you expected to get here? > > Somehow, life gets easier the more i unravel it. > ~nel > >> If you got it, >> what would you do next? >> >> Love, >> >> >> >> Am 23.05.2007 um 21:26 schrieb Vivian Barning: >> >>> You omitted, What's in it for me to continue reading the messages >>> on this Board. That is certainly a factor as well. >>> >>> Vivian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2007 Report Share Posted May 28, 2007 > >> > >> What's IN IT FOR *YOU*?? > >> > >> Well, you're here, so there must be something to being here, for you. > >> > >> I don't think that anyone *should* be here. The world is big enough > >> for any of us. And everyone of us takes his world to wherever he > >> goes. If you don't get it here, you get it somewhere else in your > >> world. And if you don't get it soon, you will get it before the end > >> of time. > >> > >> That said... > >> > >> What for do you need what you expected to get here? > > > > Somehow, life gets easier the more i unravel it. > > ~nel > > > >> If you got it, > >> what would you do next? > >> > >> Love, > >> > >> > >> > >> Am 23.05.2007 um 21:26 schrieb Vivian Barning: > >> > >>> You omitted, What's in it for me to continue reading the messages > >>> on this Board. That is certainly a factor as well. > >>> > >>> Vivian > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 28, 2007 Report Share Posted May 28, 2007 >> Life has ALWAYS been easy. Haven't you made it till here? > Well...it has been kinder than for others i know... .... what " others " ? Your life. When has it not been easy? What can you possibly imagine about life that is NOT easy? Any situation? Any place where it's hard to find out what to do? It may be if you don't know what's life is about. Some goals may seem difficult to reach. But what has that to do with life? You are not on a mission. There is no goal you have to reach. Get that clear and there is nothing hard to do. >> It may have not always looked like you thought it should. > Yes. And the funny thing is that i thought it was more complicated > than it is. It sure had to seem like that. Life doesn't need your approval nor your help. > Maybe my life feels easier because i get more quiet by accepting it > on face value, i am not sure. But i get to fear the future: To me, i > feel that my life seems to thrive by emotional pain and joy, and gets > me in situations to experience one after the other. We see how violent > and peaceful all Nature is...maybe it is no coincidence, it is for a > reason. You must know. You're the creator of peace and violence. Look at a spider eating catching a bug and call it " violence " . Look at little puppies fighting. Or is it playing? How would *you* know? But watch at how you shift depending on the label you give it. Watch how you project pain. I mean, look at me: someone tells me about how she broke her leg and didn't even realize it. She kept walking and there was a lot of blood. She just fainted. Well, when she told me this story, I fainted, too. You don't need a broken leg to faint! :-) > Maybe, " loving what is " , leads to its turnaround anyway..does it make > sense? To it's own turnaround? When I experience pain, I know my mind is off. The turnaround can get me closer to the truth. Or at least show me the other options. > >> And good you notice. > > what? That life is easy. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 , I have an image in my mind of you fainting and your two boys jumping around you trying to wake you up. Daddy!!!!! Love, nne > But watch at how you shift depending on the label you give it. > > Watch how you project pain. I mean, look at me: someone tells me > about how she broke her leg and didn't even realize it. She kept > walking and there was a lot of blood. She just fainted. Well, when > she told me this story, I fainted, too. > > You don't need a broken leg to faint! :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 > > >> Life has ALWAYS been easy. Haven't you made it till here? > > Well...it has been kinder than for others i know... > ... what " others " ? > > Your life. When has it not been easy? What can you possibly imagine > about life that is NOT easy? Any situation? Any place where it's hard > to find out what to do? I don't need to imagine, i have situation. I had a first meeting with someone that i will do Maybe a business transaction with. I always talk in Plural/Last name with people i do not know..That person called me now to schedule a second meeting. But now addressed me by my first name and by singular. Needless to say it did not sit well with me. As he so happens to be a man and older than me, i continue to speak to him respectfully to maintain distance. So i am trying to figure out a good way to re-set being addressed in the plural. Btw, anyone, if you know something good? It has happened before and my effort " please address me in the Plural " only worked when there were people around.. when there were not the tone changed again..it is the patronizing tone. So i 'd like to find something. >It may be if you don't know what's life is > about. Some goals may seem difficult to reach. But what has that to > do with life? > You are not on a mission. According to your opinion what Is it about? > There is no goal you have to reach. > > Get that clear and there is nothing hard to do. The easy way would be to address him back by first name..But then sarcasm would be in the background...Or maybe say " cut off the Singular " . Maybe I don't need him to like me... > >> It may have not always looked like you thought it should. > > Yes. And the funny thing is that i thought it was more complicated > > than it is. > It sure had to seem like that. Life doesn't need your approval nor > your help. > > > Maybe my life feels easier because i get more quiet by accepting it > > on face value, i am not sure. But i get to fear the future: To me, i > > feel that my life seems to thrive by emotional pain and joy, and gets > > me in situations to experience one after the other. We see how violent > > and peaceful all Nature is...maybe it is no coincidence, it is for a > > reason. > You must know. > > You're the creator of peace and violence. > > Look at a spider eating catching a bug and call it " violence " . > > Look at little puppies fighting. Or is it playing? How would *you* know? > > But watch at how you shift depending on the label you give it. > > Watch how you project pain. I mean, look at me: someone tells me > about how she broke her leg and didn't even realize it. She kept > walking and there was a lot of blood. Too terrifying... >She just fainted. Well, when > she told me this story, I fainted, too. Good call! > You don't need a broken leg to faint! :-) No, there is no snake. There is no rope either. Is a fear of them real? > > Maybe, " loving what is " , leads to its turnaround anyway..does it make > > sense? > To it's own turnaround? Why not? nel > When I experience pain, I know my mind is off. The turnaround can get > me closer to the truth. Or at least show me the other options. > > > >> And good you notice. > > > > what? > That life is easy. > > Love, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2007 Report Share Posted May 29, 2007 >>>> Life has ALWAYS been easy. Haven't you made it till here? >>> Well...it has been kinder than for others i know... >> ... what " others " ? >> >> Your life. When has it not been easy? What can you possibly imagine >> about life that is NOT easy? Any situation? Any place where it's hard >> to find out what to do? > > I don't need to imagine, i have situation. Good! Let's look at it. > I had a first meeting with someone that i will do Maybe a business > transaction with. I always talk in Plural/Last name with people i do > not know..That person called me now to schedule a second meeting. But > now addressed me by my first name and by singular. > Needless to say it did not sit well with me. As he so happens to be a > man and older than me, i continue to speak to him respectfully to > maintain distance. > So i am trying to figure out a good way to re-set being addressed in > the plural. > Btw, anyone, if you know something good? > It has happened before and my effort " please address me in the Plural " > only worked when there were people around.. when there were not the > tone changed again..it is the patronizing tone. > So i 'd like to find something. Oh, he's not talking in the plural to you? Yes, that's a tough point in life. So... how does that make your life " not easy " ? Other than the thought that he's patronizing you? Do you struggle to eat, sleep, breathe? And when he's not around - I guess in the moment he isn't - How is your life hard? >> It may be if you don't know what's life is >> about. Some goals may seem difficult to reach. But what has that to >> do with life? >> You are not on a mission. > According to your opinion what Is it about? Life? It's not " about " anything. It just is. >> There is no goal you have to reach. >> >> Get that clear and there is nothing hard to do. > > The easy way would be to address him back by first name..But then > sarcasm would be in the background...Or maybe say " cut off the > Singular " . Maybe I don't need him to like me... The easy way would be to get clear what you prefer: a buisness partner or someone who talks to you in the plural. You want Both? Then keep looking! This guy is willing to be your business partner, and he is adressing you in the singular. " he should adress me in the plural " - investigate that and get clear what business partner you want to have. He seems to be more comfortable with the singular. Either you respect that or you don't. But how do you expect from him to respect your wishes if you don't respect his? >>>> It may have not always looked like you thought it should. >>> Yes. And the funny thing is that i thought it was more complicated >>> than it is. >> It sure had to seem like that. Life doesn't need your approval nor >> your help. >> >>> Maybe my life feels easier because i get more quiet by accepting it >>> on face value, i am not sure. But i get to fear the future: To me, i >>> feel that my life seems to thrive by emotional pain and joy, and >>> gets >>> me in situations to experience one after the other. We see how >>> violent >>> and peaceful all Nature is...maybe it is no coincidence, it is for a >>> reason. >> You must know. >> >> You're the creator of peace and violence. >> >> Look at a spider eating catching a bug and call it " violence " . >> >> Look at little puppies fighting. Or is it playing? How would *you* >> know? >> >> But watch at how you shift depending on the label you give it. >> >> Watch how you project pain. I mean, look at me: someone tells me >> about how she broke her leg and didn't even realize it. She kept >> walking and there was a lot of blood. > Too terrifying... For her it wasn't. She was living reality. The fear doesn't come from that. >> She just fainted. Well, when >> she told me this story, I fainted, too. > > Good call! > >> You don't need a broken leg to faint! :-) > > No, there is no snake. There is no rope either. Is a fear of them > real? If by " real " you mean something that can harm you: yes. it's a thought and if you believe it, you suffer. If you mean something else... the fear may be, but you are not. >>> Maybe, " loving what is " , leads to its turnaround anyway..does it >>> make >>> sense? >> To it's own turnaround? > Why not? > nel well, turnarounds aren't " the truth " . You know what's true. You know what's not. >> When I experience pain, I know my mind is off. The turnaround can get >> me closer to the truth. Or at least show me the other options. >>> >>>> And good you notice. >>> >>> what? >> That life is easy. >> Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2007 Report Share Posted May 30, 2007 > > >>>> Life has ALWAYS been easy. Haven't you made it till here? > >>> Well...it has been kinder than for others i know... > >> ... what " others " ? > >> > >> Your life. When has it not been easy? What can you possibly imagine > >> about life that is NOT easy? Any situation? Any place where it's hard > >> to find out what to do? > > > > I don't need to imagine, i have situation. > Good! Let's look at it. > > > I had a first meeting with someone that i will do Maybe a business > > transaction with. I always talk in Plural/Last name with people i do > > not know..That person called me now to schedule a second meeting. But > > now addressed me by my first name and by singular. > > Needless to say it did not sit well with me. As he so happens to be a > > man and older than me, i continue to speak to him respectfully to > > maintain distance. > > So i am trying to figure out a good way to re-set being addressed in > > the plural. > > Btw, anyone, if you know something good? > > It has happened before and my effort " please address me in the Plural " > > only worked when there were people around.. when there were not the > > tone changed again..it is the patronizing tone. > > So i 'd like to find something. > Oh, he's not talking in the plural to you? > > Yes, that's a tough point in life. > > So... > > how does that make your life " not easy " ? Other than the thought that > he's patronizing you? > > Do you struggle to eat, sleep, breathe? > > And when he's not around - I guess in the moment he isn't - How is > your life hard? What? Of course not.. All i meant is that life is not all the time smooth sailing. > >> It may be if you don't know what's life is > >> about. Some goals may seem difficult to reach. But what has that to > >> do with life? > >> You are not on a mission. > > According to your opinion what Is it about? > Life? > > It's not " about " anything. > > It just is. > > >> There is no goal you have to reach. > >> > >> Get that clear and there is nothing hard to do. > > > > The easy way would be to address him back by first name..But then > > sarcasm would be in the background...Or maybe say " cut off the > > Singular " . Maybe I don't need him to like me... > The easy way would be to get clear what you prefer: a buisness > partner or someone who talks to you in the plural. Ah. This is the mistake. I try to correct his behavior. Thank you. What would be the best way to handle things when I am being asked to correct my behavior? Of course over any action that is legal, moral etc- so i do not have any obligation to comply-. > You want Both? > > Then keep looking! > > This guy is willing to be your business partner, and he is adressing > you in the singular. Good point.. it stops bothering me. > " he should adress me in the plural " - investigate that and get clear > what business partner you want to have. > He seems to be more comfortable with the singular. Either you respect > that or you don't. But how do you expect from him to respect your > wishes if you don't respect his? This is the point. He gets to feel comfortable- when i feel like i restrain myself just so that i do not even slightly annoy anyone. nel > >>>> It may have not always looked like you thought it should. > >>> Yes. And the funny thing is that i thought it was more complicated > >>> than it is. > >> It sure had to seem like that. Life doesn't need your approval nor > >> your help. > >> > >>> Maybe my life feels easier because i get more quiet by accepting it > >>> on face value, i am not sure. But i get to fear the future: To me, i > >>> feel that my life seems to thrive by emotional pain and joy, and > >>> gets > >>> me in situations to experience one after the other. We see how > >>> violent > >>> and peaceful all Nature is...maybe it is no coincidence, it is for a > >>> reason. > >> You must know. > >> > >> You're the creator of peace and violence. > >> > >> Look at a spider eating catching a bug and call it " violence " . > >> > >> Look at little puppies fighting. Or is it playing? How would *you* > >> know? > >> > >> But watch at how you shift depending on the label you give it. > >> > >> Watch how you project pain. I mean, look at me: someone tells me > >> about how she broke her leg and didn't even realize it. She kept > >> walking and there was a lot of blood. > > Too terrifying... > For her it wasn't. She was living reality. > > The fear doesn't come from that. > > >> She just fainted. Well, when > >> she told me this story, I fainted, too. > > > > Good call! > > > >> You don't need a broken leg to faint! :-) > > > > No, there is no snake. There is no rope either. Is a fear of them > > real? > If by " real " you mean something that can harm you: yes. it's a > thought and if you believe it, you suffer. > > If you mean something else... the fear may be, but you are not. > > > >>> Maybe, " loving what is " , leads to its turnaround anyway..does it > >>> make > >>> sense? > >> To it's own turnaround? > > Why not? > > nel > well, turnarounds aren't " the truth " . > > You know what's true. You know what's not. > > >> When I experience pain, I know my mind is off. The turnaround can get > >> me closer to the truth. Or at least show me the other options. > >>> > >>>> And good you notice. > >>> > >>> what? > >> That life is easy. > >> > Love, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2007 Report Share Posted May 31, 2007 Dear Nel, > > I had a first meeting with someone that i will do Maybe a business > > transaction with. I always talk in Plural/Last name with people i do > > not know..That person called me now to schedule a second meeting. But > > now addressed me by my first name and by singular. > > Needless to say it did not sit well with me. As he so happens to be a > > man and older than me, i continue to speak to him respectfully to > > maintain distance. > > It has happened before and my effort " please address me in the Plural " > > only worked when there were people around.. when there were not the > > tone changed again..it is the patronizing tone. > > So i 'd like to find something. > Oh, he's not talking in the plural to you? > > Yes, that's a tough point in life. > > So... > > how does that make your life " not easy " ? Other than the thought that > he's patronizing you? > > Do you struggle to eat, sleep, breathe? > > And when he's not around - I guess in the moment he isn't - How is > your life hard? What? Of course not.. All i meant is that life is not all the time smooth sailing. *** how do you know that, other than for your story? I mean, you are having a great day, you feel the sun shine, the birds sing... and the thought of your business partner comes in. What changes? How? Only a thought appeared, and look how you attach other thoughts on it. That's the only time life's not smooth sailing. But before that, wasn't it smooth? ... > > The easy way would be to address him back by first name..But then > > sarcasm would be in the background...Or maybe say " cut off the > > Singular " . Maybe I don't need him to like me... > The easy way would be to get clear what you prefer: a buisness > partner or someone who talks to you in the plural. Ah. This is the mistake. I try to correct his behavior. Thank you. *** You're welcome What would be the best way to handle things when I am being asked to correct my behavior? Of course over any action that is legal, moral etc- so i do not have any obligation to comply-. *** First, thank the person asking for asking - if that is what feels right for you. Then see if what the person asks for complies with your integrity. Say " yes " if it does, and " no " if it doesn't. And notice when you feel " no " and say " yes " . > You want Both? > > Then keep looking! > > This guy is willing to be your business partner, and he is adressing > you in the singular. Good point.. it stops bothering me. *** great! Now you don't make yourself dependent from him. And you can still ask him to adress you in plural. And now you come from a different place when you ask. Did you notice where you came from, when you asked, before? Can you find a difference? > " he should adress me in the plural " - investigate that and get clear > what business partner you want to have. > He seems to be more comfortable with the singular. Either you respect > that or you don't. But how do you expect from him to respect your > wishes if you don't respect his? This is the point. He gets to feel comfortable- when i feel like i restrain myself just so that i do not even slightly annoy anyone. *** yes. And that's what the " he should... " and the " I don't want him to feel comfortable " feel like. You don't want him as your business partner, because he doesn't do what you want him to do. But you'll keep him around, in case no one better suited to you turns up. nel *** Love, --------------------------------- Yahoo! Clever: Stellen Sie Fragen und finden Sie Antworten. Teilen Sie Ihr Wissen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2007 Report Share Posted May 31, 2007 > I don't need to imagine, i have situation. > I had a first meeting with someone that i will do Maybe a business > transaction with. I always talk in Plural/Last name with people i do > not know..That person called me now to schedule a second meeting. But > now addressed me by my first name and by singular. > Needless to say it did not sit well with me. As he so happens to be a > man and older than me, i continue to speak to him respectfully to > maintain distance. > So i am trying to figure out a good way to re-set being addressed in > the plural. > Btw, anyone, if you know something good? > It has happened before and my effort " please address me in the Plural " > only worked when there were people around.. when there were not the > tone changed again..it is the patronizing tone. > So i 'd like to find something. > It sounds like you should snap on this guy. I mean, you can go around respecting everybody and some are going to see it as a sign of weakness to walk all over. I'm going through a situation at work where one girl I work with doesn't 'get' me. My personality rubs her the wrong way and she continuously makes snide remarks. I think she should respect me and I realized (by turn-around) that I don't respect myself by not telling her what the consequences of her actions wil be if they continue as they are. There's no kindness in holding myself back. And, she's gonna get it out of me the next time I see her. From there, the ball's in her court. I don't know the fear of correcting other people's behavior. It's not possible to correct other people's behavior. That is up to them. What you ARE free to do, however, is take a stand on what you expect out of them and the consequences if they don't change. Then it's up to them to correct their behavior or not and it's up to you to honor yourself and do what you say. If you know you inherently respect people, then tell him that you've done nothing but respected him. You don't take kindly to his patronizing tone (because you don't - that's your reality) and inform him of the course of action you'll take if he doesn't shape up. The correcting of behavior is left up to him. Loving What Is doesn't mean falling in love with being other people's doormats if that is NOT what you enjoy. Be kind to yourself first and respect your own reality and speak your truth. Ever respectfully, Hypegia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 > > Dear Nel, > > > > I had a first meeting with someone that i will do Maybe a business > > > transaction with. I always talk in Plural/Last name with people i do > > > not know..That person called me now to schedule a second meeting. But > > > now addressed me by my first name and by singular. > > > Needless to say it did not sit well with me. As he so happens to be a > > > man and older than me, i continue to speak to him respectfully to > > > maintain distance. > > > It has happened before and my effort " please address me in the Plural " > > > only worked when there were people around.. when there were not the > > > tone changed again..it is the patronizing tone. > > > So i 'd like to find something. > > Oh, he's not talking in the plural to you? > > > > Yes, that's a tough point in life. > > > > So... > > > > how does that make your life " not easy " ? Other than the thought that > > he's patronizing you? > > > > Do you struggle to eat, sleep, breathe? > > > > And when he's not around - I guess in the moment he isn't - How is > > your life hard? Dear A. > What? Of course not.. All i meant is that life is not all the time > smooth sailing. > > *** how do you know that, other than for your story? I mean, you are having a great day, you feel the sun shine, the birds sing... and the thought of your business partner comes in. What changes? How? Only a thought appeared, and look how you attach other thoughts on it. That's the only time life's not smooth sailing. But before that, >wasn't it smooth? As you said: Life is. My story goes: I enjoy the day....i get attached to the -admittedly- beautiful Nature.. But to keep enjoying the stunning days for a longer period i need it either to be increasing in beauty constantly or to reset my feelings " down " . The former will not happen. A small " negative " thought will do, I identify with it. And voila…. I get to feel. If life is smooth. Then it is also Not. Each one's opposite is its measuring unit. But you can attach only to joy and detach from stress, correct? For how long are you able to keep up positivity ? Or do you not differentiate them? > > > > The easy way would be to address him back by first name..But then > > > sarcasm would be in the background...Or maybe say " cut off the > > > Singular " . Maybe I don't need him to like me... > > The easy way would be to get clear what you prefer: a buisness > > partner or someone who talks to you in the plural. > > Ah. This is the mistake. I try to correct his behavior. Thank you. > *** You're welcome > > What would be the best way to handle things when I am being asked to > correct my behavior? Of course over any action that is legal, moral > etc- so i do not have any obligation to comply-. > *** First, thank the person asking for asking - if that is what feels right for you. Then see if what the person asks for complies with your integrity. Say " yes " if it does, and " no " if it doesn't. And >notice when you feel " no " and say " yes " . What does Integrity mean? My conditions to accept the other person? > > You want Both? > > > > Then keep looking! > > > > This guy is willing to be your business partner, and he is adressing > > you in the singular. > > Good point.. it stops bothering me. > > *** great! Now you don't make yourself dependent from him. From his intention? >And you can still ask him to adress you in plural. And now you come from a different place when you ask. Did you notice where you came >from, when you asked, before? Can you find a difference? " Thank you for calling me by my first name. So that I can answer to it, i am looking forward to a good business cooperation frame " > > " he should adress me in the plural " - investigate that and get clear > > what business partner you want to have. > > He seems to be more comfortable with the singular. Either you respect > > that or you don't. But how do you expect from him to respect your > > wishes if you don't respect his? > > This is the point. He gets to feel comfortable- when i feel like i > restrain myself just so that i do not even slightly annoy anyone. > > *** yes. And that's what the " he should... " and the " I don't want him to feel comfortable " feel like. if i let another person relax i will feel like i have even more space for myself? >You don't want him as your business partner, because he doesn't do what you want him to do. But you'll keep him around, in case no one >better suited to you turns up. And? take care, nel > *** Love, > > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! Clever: Stellen Sie Fragen und finden Sie Antworten. Teilen Sie Ihr Wissen. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 > It sounds like you should snap on this guy. Snapping is easy. There are people who go looking for it. > I mean, you can go around > respecting everybody and some are going to see it as a sign of weakness > to walk all over. It happens. Maybe i am not respectable-enough looking. Or acting. > I'm going through a situation at work where one girl > I work with doesn't 'get' me. My personality rubs her the wrong way and > she continuously makes snide remarks. I think she should respect me and > I realized (by turn-around) that I don't respect myself by not telling > her what the consequences of her actions wil be if they continue as > they are. There's no kindness in holding myself back. And, she's gonna > get it out of me the next time I see her. From there, the ball's in her > court. > > I don't know the fear of correcting other people's behavior. It shows that you care when you correct someone. This how the offender receives it..Why would he/she stop? >It's not > possible to correct other people's behavior. You can not correct them. If you think you can but it does not happen you may get to suffer. >That is up to them. What > you ARE free to do, however, is take a stand on what you expect out of > them and the consequences if they don't change. Then it's up to them to > correct their behavior or not and it's up to you to honor yourself and > do what you say. Of course. If you are in a position to be true to your word. > If you know you inherently respect people, then tell him that you've > done nothing but respected him. You don't take kindly to his > patronizing tone (because you don't - that's your reality) and inform > him of the course of action you'll take if he doesn't shape up. The > correcting of behavior is left up to him. I will try your advise. > Loving What Is doesn't mean falling in love with being other people's > doormats if that is NOT what you enjoy. Be kind to yourself first and > respect your own reality and speak your truth. > > Ever respectfully, :)nel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 > > > > It sounds like you should snap on this guy. > > Snapping is easy. There are people who go looking for it. > Actually, for me, it's pretty hard to do with some people. I'm extremely patient and sometimes don't know when to stop people from belittling me. I go through a lot of stress until I realize I'm holding myself back from saying what I'd like to say. This girl that I speak of will be the first in a long time I ever spoke angrily to a co-worker but I want to do it. > > I mean, you can go around > > respecting everybody and some are going to see it as a sign of weakness > > to walk all over. > > It happens. Maybe i am not respectable-enough looking. Or acting. > Well, I realize that some just don't believe in a universal image of what is respectable. You just don't fit his image. It sounds like he might respect you more if you stand up for yourself. Just gotta know where you stand and where the line is that he's crossing and let him know it, too. (Or not, of course.) > > I'm going through a situation at work where one girl > > I work with doesn't 'get' me. My personality rubs her the wrong way and > > she continuously makes snide remarks. I think she should respect me and > > I realized (by turn-around) that I don't respect myself by not telling > > her what the consequences of her actions wil be if they continue as > > they are. There's no kindness in holding myself back. And, she's gonna > > get it out of me the next time I see her. From there, the ball's in her > > court. > > > > I don't know the fear of correcting other people's behavior. > > It shows that you care when you correct someone. This how the offender > receives it..Why would he/she stop? > They'll only stop if a) it's too painful to continue doing it or they enjoy it more to not do it. > >It's not > > possible to correct other people's behavior. > > You can not correct them. If you think you can but it does not happen > you may get to suffer. > Yep. It's when you are invested in the outcome of your actions that you may get to suffer. For my situation, I just want to snap on the girl. I look forward to whatever happens after that. > >That is up to them. What > > you ARE free to do, however, is take a stand on what you expect out of > > them and the consequences if they don't change. Then it's up to them to > > correct their behavior or not and it's up to you to honor yourself and > > do what you say. > > Of course. If you are in a position to be true to your word. > Agreed. > > If you know you inherently respect people, then tell him that you've > > done nothing but respected him. You don't take kindly to his > > patronizing tone (because you don't - that's your reality) and inform > > him of the course of action you'll take if he doesn't shape up. The > > correcting of behavior is left up to him. > > I will try your advise. > Don't blame me though if it backfires. Haha. > > Loving What Is doesn't mean falling in love with being other people's > > doormats if that is NOT what you enjoy. Be kind to yourself first and > > respect your own reality and speak your truth. > > > > Ever respectfully, > > :)nel > I've been thinking a lot on this girl. I had to get it straight in my head why I feel I should do this and why I'm intimidated to do it. I realized that I've always wanted to stand up for myself in these types of situations but I've never done it. I can be ruthless with rude men, but catty women always intimidated me. I realize that I've been really respectful to her as a co-worker. I've never done anything maliciously to her (except in my own thoughts). I see it's malicious to the both of us though if I don't speak my mind. She's the type that I have to earn her respect in a different kind of way. She doesn't know what she's in for... Heheh. Hope your situation goes smoothly. Keep us posted. Hypegia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2007 Report Share Posted June 2, 2007 Dear Nel, >> What? Of course not.. All i meant is that life is not all the time >> smooth sailing. >> >> *** how do you know that, other than for your story? I mean, you >> are having a great day, you feel the sun shine, the birds sing... and >> the thought of your business partner comes in. What changes? How? >> Only >> a thought appeared, and look how you attach other thoughts on it. >> That's the only time life's not smooth sailing. But before that, >> wasn't it smooth? > > As you said: Life is. > My story goes: I enjoy the day....i get attached to the -admittedly- > beautiful Nature.. But to keep enjoying the stunning days for a longer > period i need it either to be increasing in beauty constantly or to > reset my feelings " down " . That's not my experience. Other than believing an untrue thought, joy persists. Take care of enjoying life now, without bothering about the future. That is: notice when you have a thought about the future. And notice the now. When I have my mind in the future, I shut out the now. > The former will not happen. And how would you enjoy the beauty today, if you did not know that? > A small > " negative " thought will do, I identify with it. And voila…. I get > to feel. > If life is smooth. Then it is also Not. Each one's opposite is its > measuring unit. Well, in one moment, life is smooth, it has always been smooth and it will always be smooth. In the next, something got presumably lost. and actually it's not each other's opposite. It may not even be mutually exclusive. > But you can attach only to joy and detach from stress, correct? > For how long are you able to keep up positivity ? Or do you not > differentiate them? You don't attach to joy. Joy (better: Love) is what you experience when you don't attach to an untrue thought. When you explore and welcome change. That is life. Reality. >>>> The easy way would be to address him back by first name..But then >>>> sarcasm would be in the background...Or maybe say " cut off the >>>> Singular " . Maybe I don't need him to like me... >>> The easy way would be to get clear what you prefer: a buisness >>> partner or someone who talks to you in the plural. >> >> Ah. This is the mistake. I try to correct his behavior. Thank you. >> *** You're welcome >> >> What would be the best way to handle things when I am being >> asked to >> correct my behavior? Of course over any action that is legal, moral >> etc- so i do not have any obligation to comply-. >> *** First, thank the person asking for asking - if that is what >> feels right for you. Then see if what the person asks for complies >> with your integrity. Say " yes " if it does, and " no " if it doesn't. >> And >> notice when you feel " no " and say " yes " . > What does Integrity mean? My conditions to accept the other person? Good question. Integrity is to speak one's truth. I say " yes " when I mean " yes " and I say " no " when I mean " no " . It's what you do and say when you have no knowledge of what you should do and say, when you don't know what is expected of you. >>> You want Both? >>> >>> Then keep looking! >>> >>> This guy is willing to be your business partner, and he is adressing >>> you in the singular. >> Good point.. it stops bothering me. >> *** great! Now you don't make yourself dependent from him. > From his intention? I can not know other people's intention. You wanted him different than he is. You needed him to change for you to stop being bothered. That was the only way you knew. You just discovered another way to stop being bothered. >> And you can still ask him to adress you in plural. And now you come >> from a different place when you ask. Did you notice where you came >> from, when you asked, before? Can you find a difference? > " Thank you for calling me by my first name. So that I can answer to > it, i am looking forward to a good business cooperation frame " Ask him the same question as you did before. Does it feel different? >>> " he should adress me in the plural " - investigate that and get clear >>> what business partner you want to have. >>> He seems to be more comfortable with the singular. Either you >>> respect >>> that or you don't. But how do you expect from him to respect your >>> wishes if you don't respect his? >> This is the point. He gets to feel comfortable- when i feel like i >> restrain myself just so that i do not even slightly annoy anyone. >> *** yes. And that's what the " he should... " and the " I don't want >> him to feel comfortable " feel like. > if i let another person relax i will feel like i have even more space > for myself? Well, don't try to *make* yourself relax. If you didn't feel any need whatsoever to change anything of the current situation, what would that be like? That's what life is like, when you don't go to war with what is. >> You don't want him as your business partner, because he doesn't do >> what you want him to do. But you'll keep him around, in case no one >> better suited to you turns up. > And? " And? " ? Well, you didn't tell him that, did you? Are you being up front with him? With yourself? That's what integrity is about: " look, I want you as a business partner. And I like being adressed in plural. Where I come from that's a courtesy. So if someone respects that, I'd rather have him as a business partner, if suitable. " Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 Dear > That's not my experience. > > Other than believing an untrue thought, joy persists. > > Take care of enjoying life now, without bothering about the future. > That is: notice when you have a thought about the future. And notice > the now. When I have my mind in the future, I shut out the now. > > > The former will not happen. > And how would you enjoy the beauty today, if you did not know that? > > > A small > > " negative " thought will do, I identify with it. And voila…. I get > > to feel. > > If life is smooth. Then it is also Not. Each one's opposite is its > > measuring unit. > Well, in one moment, life is smooth, it has always been smooth and it > will always be smooth. In the next, something got presumably lost. > > and actually it's not each other's opposite. It may not even be > mutually exclusive. I assume that it is similar to what is written sometimes in some Worksheets here: That " (someone) can be counted on, to be unaccountable " . Or one Can trust someone to be untrustworthy. Replaced by " Life's un smoothness is running smoothly " . or not similar- (i feel like i am projecting). > > But you can attach only to joy and detach from stress, correct? > > For how long are you able to keep up positivity ? Or do you not > > differentiate them? > You don't attach to joy. Joy (better: Love) is what you experience > when you don't attach to an untrue thought. When you explore and > welcome change. That is life. Reality. The thought of today... Even untrue thoughts could be reality. Reality includes everything at the same time- Or so i read in science magazines. One simply may not see that a thought is true at every moment and see only a part of reality. That part that renders the true thought.. untrue. Just a thought... > >>>> The easy way would be to address him back by first name..But then > >>>> sarcasm would be in the background...Or maybe say " cut off the > >>>> Singular " . Maybe I don't need him to like me... > >>> The easy way would be to get clear what you prefer: a buisness > >>> partner or someone who talks to you in the plural. > >> > >> Ah. This is the mistake. I try to correct his behavior. Thank you. > >> *** You're welcome > >> > >> What would be the best way to handle things when I am being > >> asked to > >> correct my behavior? Of course over any action that is legal, moral > >> etc- so i do not have any obligation to comply-. > >> *** First, thank the person asking for asking - if that is what > >> feels right for you. Then see if what the person asks for complies > >> with your integrity. Say " yes " if it does, and " no " if it doesn't. > >> And > >> notice when you feel " no " and say " yes " . > > What does Integrity mean? My conditions to accept the other person? > Good question. > > Integrity is to speak one's truth. I say " yes " when I mean " yes " and > I say " no " when I mean " no " . It's what you do and say when you have > no knowledge of what you should do and say, when you don't know what > is expected of you. > > >>> You want Both? > >>> > >>> Then keep looking! > >>> > >>> This guy is willing to be your business partner, and he is adressing > >>> you in the singular. > >> Good point.. it stops bothering me. > >> *** great! Now you don't make yourself dependent from him. > > From his intention? > I can not know other people's intention. > > You wanted him different than he is. You needed him to change for you > to stop being bothered. That was the only way you knew. > You just discovered another way to stop being bothered. > > >> And you can still ask him to adress you in plural. I feel unreasonable asking now. > And now you come > >> from a different place when you ask. Did you notice where you came > >> from, when you asked, before? I can't find a difference because i don't know were to look up the " from " in the *You come from a different place when you ask*.. >Can you find a difference? I'd feel like i were empty of charge. > > " Thank you for calling me by my first name. So that I can answer to > > it, i am looking forward to a good business cooperation frame " > Ask him the same question as you did before. Does it feel different? No..But using your suggestion (last phrase) does. VEry different. > >>> " he should adress me in the plural " - investigate that and get clear > >>> what business partner you want to have. > >>> He seems to be more comfortable with the singular. Either you > >>> respect > >>> that or you don't. But how do you expect from him to respect your > >>> wishes if you don't respect his? > >> This is the point. He gets to feel comfortable- when i feel like i > >> restrain myself just so that i do not even slightly annoy anyone. > >> *** yes. And that's what the " he should... " and the " I don't want > >> him to feel comfortable " feel like. > > if i let another person relax i will feel like i have even more space > > for myself? > Well, don't try to *make* yourself relax. > > If you didn't feel any need whatsoever to change anything of the > current situation, what would that be like? That's what life is like, > when you don't go to war with what is. Worth giving it a chance. > >> You don't want him as your business partner, because he doesn't do > >> what you want him to do. But you'll keep him around, in case no one > >> better suited to you turns up. > > And? > " And? " ? > > Well, you didn't tell him that, did you? Are you being up front with > him? With yourself? That's what integrity is about: " look, I want you > as a business partner. And I like being adressed in plural. Where I > come from that's a courtesy. So if someone respects that, I'd rather > have him as a business partner, if suitable. " This is one good answer. Thank you! nel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 Dear Nel, >>> A small >>> " negative " thought will do, I identify with it. And voila…. I get >>> to feel. >>> If life is smooth. Then it is also Not. Each one's opposite is its >>> measuring unit. >> Well, in one moment, life is smooth, it has always been smooth and it >> will always be smooth. In the next, something got presumably lost. >> >> and actually it's not each other's opposite. It may not even be >> mutually exclusive. > > I assume that it is similar to what is written sometimes in some > Worksheets here: That " (someone) can be counted on, to be > unaccountable " . Or one Can trust someone to be untrustworthy. > Replaced by " Life's un smoothness is running smoothly " . > or not similar- (i feel like i am projecting). well... yes. but... ;-) there is this thought: " he should not lie to me. " Life is good, until he lies to me. Life is not good anymore, because I hold on to the thought, although I learned that he did lie to me, once. I get over that, explain it, so that it matches my story again, and then, one day, he lies to me. Then, he lies to me again. Until I learn, that that's what he does, and to love him, the way he is, not the way I want him to be, I divorce him. He does not match my story of how the universe should work. So here: " he should lie to me. " (because that's what he does, sometimes) is the lesson taught. " Life sucks " is another thought. Here, I wouldn't go to the place: " life should suck " , because that is , what is. You see, to me there is a difference. The former is a thought about something that should never happen ( " he should not lie to me " actually means: " he should NEVER lie to me " ), although we witnessed that it does happen (he does lie, sometimes). AND it's something he calls the odds on, not me. So it's HIS business. The latter is a thought about a permanent state, that should NOT occur ( " life sucks " actually means: " life ALWAYS sucks " ). It's not what life DOES, here, which would be GOD's business. But if life sucks, that's YOUR business. So I'd inquire " Life sucks " and " He should not lie " . >>> But you can attach only to joy and detach from stress, correct? >>> For how long are you able to keep up positivity ? Or do you not >>> differentiate them? >> You don't attach to joy. Joy (better: Love) is what you experience >> when you don't attach to an untrue thought. When you explore and >> welcome change. That is life. Reality. > The thought of today... > Even untrue thoughts could be reality. Reality includes everything at > the same time- Or so i read in science magazines. One simply may not > see that a thought is true at every moment and see only a part of > reality. That part that renders the true thought.. untrue. > Just a thought... you see... don't believe everything you read. What is true for you? Ask yourself. How many thoughts can you attach to, at one time? So what does reality include? Potentially everything. Maybe. Why not? Who cares? (and by that I mean: why would I have a preference for one or another?) But in the end it's: if it is a thought, it's not true. Reality is. >>>>> You want Both? >>>>> >>>>> Then keep looking! >>>>> >>>>> This guy is willing to be your business partner, and he is >>>>> adressing >>>>> you in the singular. >>>> Good point.. it stops bothering me. >>>> *** great! Now you don't make yourself dependent from him. >>> From his intention? >> I can not know other people's intention. >> You wanted him different than he is. You needed him to change for you >> to stop being bothered. That was the only way you knew. >> You just discovered another way to stop being bothered. >>>> And you can still ask him to adress you in plural. > I feel unreasonable asking now. Well you ARE unreasonable! It makes you feel bad, doesn't it? That should be reason enough. If you stick with him, ALTHOUGH you don't like ho he adresses you... that's how you sell yourself. How you give away integrity for... a business partner. >>>> And now you come >>>> from a different place when you ask. Did you notice where you came >>>> from, when you asked, before? > I can't find a difference because i don't know were to look up the > " from " in the *You come from a different place when you ask*.. >> Can you find a difference? > I'd feel like i were empty of charge. What is this charge? Do you need it? What for? It sounds to me as if you'd like to justify your plead. Is that so? And if your answer is " yes " then get clear what you need justification for (e.g. find the difference between asking with justification to ... just asking). >>> " Thank you for calling me by my first name. So that I can answer to >>> it, i am looking forward to a good business cooperation frame " >> Ask him the same question as you did before. Does it feel different? > No..But using your suggestion (last phrase) does. VEry different. > >>>>> " he should adress me in the plural " - investigate that and get >>>>> clear >>>>> what business partner you want to have. >>>>> He seems to be more comfortable with the singular. Either you >>>>> respect >>>>> that or you don't. But how do you expect from him to respect your >>>>> wishes if you don't respect his? >>>> This is the point. He gets to feel comfortable- when i feel like i >>>> restrain myself just so that i do not even slightly annoy anyone. >>>> *** yes. And that's what the " he should... " and the " I don't want >>>> him to feel comfortable " feel like. >>> if i let another person relax i will feel like i have even more >>> space >>> for myself? >> Well, don't try to *make* yourself relax. >> If you didn't feel any need whatsoever to change anything of the >> current situation, what would that be like? That's what life is like, >> when you don't go to war with what is. > Worth giving it a chance. yeah. isn't it? It's givin you a chance. To be open to a new experience. >>>> You don't want him as your business partner, because he doesn't do >>>> what you want him to do. But you'll keep him around, in case no one >>>> better suited to you turns up. >>> And? >> " And? " ? >> >> Well, you didn't tell him that, did you? Are you being up front with >> him? With yourself? That's what integrity is about: " look, I want you >> as a business partner. And I like being adressed in plural. Where I >> come from that's a courtesy. So if someone respects that, I'd rather >> have him as a business partner, if suitable. " > > This is one good answer. Thank you! > > nel You're welcome. And thank you for your questions. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2007 Report Share Posted June 4, 2007 > The thought of today... > Even untrue thoughts could be reality. Reality includes everything at > the same time- Or so i read in science magazines. One simply may not > see that a thought is true at every moment and see only a part of > reality. That part that renders the true thought.. untrue. > Just a thought... I see thoughts like looking through different lenses at reality. Believe a thought and you put it on like glasses and see the world through that thought and react to it accordingly to what you think you are seeing. The world, the thoughts, the observer... all part and parcel of reality. The Work helps clear those lenses so things don't seem so distorted. Cheers! I'm gonna put some beer goggles on tonight. Hypegia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 Dear > >> You wanted him different than he is. You needed him to change for you > >> to stop being bothered. That was the only way you knew. > >> You just discovered another way to stop being bothered. > >>>> And you can still ask him to adress you in plural. > > I feel unreasonable asking now. > Well you ARE unreasonable! > > It makes you feel bad, doesn't it? That should be reason enough. > > If you stick with him, ALTHOUGH you don't like ho he adresses you... > that's how you sell yourself. How you give away integrity for... a > business partner. ..... > > I'd feel like i were empty of charge. > What is this charge? Do you need it? What for? > > It sounds to me as if you'd like to justify your plead. Is that so? > And if your answer is " yes " then get clear what you need > justification for (e.g. find the difference between asking with > justification to ... just asking). It does not bother me. I do not need it to change. It is right when people are disrespecting..because this is who those people are. As it is just a preference of mine, a matter of taste,(to be spoken to, respectfuly), i don't evn need to have a reason for it. feeling to be getting it, nel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2007 Report Share Posted June 7, 2007 >>>> You wanted him different than he is. You needed him to change >>>> for you >>>> to stop being bothered. That was the only way you knew. >>>> You just discovered another way to stop being bothered. >>>>>> And you can still ask him to adress you in plural. >>> I feel unreasonable asking now. >> Well you ARE unreasonable! >> >> It makes you feel bad, doesn't it? That should be reason enough. >> >> If you stick with him, ALTHOUGH you don't like ho he adresses you... >> that's how you sell yourself. How you give away integrity for... a >> business partner. > .... >>> I'd feel like i were empty of charge. >> What is this charge? Do you need it? What for? >> >> It sounds to me as if you'd like to justify your plead. Is that so? >> And if your answer is " yes " then get clear what you need >> justification for (e.g. find the difference between asking with >> justification to ... just asking). > > It does not bother me. I do not need it to change. It is right when > people are disrespecting..because this is who those people are. > As it is just a preference of mine, a matter of taste,(to be spoken > to, respectfuly), i don't even need to have a reason for it. > > feeling to be getting it, nel wonderful. I like to say: it's always a beginning. Because it always starts now. And now. And now. No matter where I'm at. So I'd go on with: " he is disrespecting. " - Is that true? Of what? What does my proof look like? And I'd really get this one down. So, take care, and have fun. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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