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  Dear All,

 

     Well the weather is incredible here right now. It is over 60 degrees and it

is nice and sunny, at the moment. I know we are going to pay for this next week.

We are suppose to get big time storms tomorrow and I am not looking forward to

that. They absolutly kill me.

   I had my Echocardiogram yesterday. I will not get the results until Thursday.

I did get my results from my CAT scan yesterday. The Pulmonologists said that my

problem is not cancer, yea!, but it is a side effect of RSD!  He did say it is

called pulmanary restrictive disease and it is caused by the nerves not working

the muscles properly around the lungs, especially the diaphram. He said I am

down to 60% of my lungs working and that is it. I asked him if it is going to

get worse or what I can do about it and he said the only thing that he can

suggest at this point was IPPB treatment, positive breathing treatments, and

that is all he can think of at this point. He has no idea if it is going to get

worse or how fast it will proceed. I almost hope that there is nothing that can

be done and things can be over quickly. I am so tired of this whole thing. My

Mom found out she had cancer last July and she was gone two weeks later. At this

point I do not

know if that would be a blessing or a curse. I do not want to hurt any more. I

am not suicidal, I just do not want to go through this any longer. I just what

God to end it. I do see my shrink and my pain specialist at least once a month

and they don't offer much hope right now. I just have to learn to deal with it.

Now with the breathing trouble things are just getting worse. Does anyone have

any ideas? I miss my Mom so much. I talk to Dad every day but he does not know

how bad I am doing. When I saw him last Thanksgiving he told me something that

just about killed me. He told me that he blames himself for my RSD. He said that

he had gotten me the job that I was working at all those years ago and that if I

was not there I would not have hurt my leg and gotten the RSD. I told him that

there was no way that it was his fault and that it would have happen to me no

matter what was going on. I hope he believed me. So I do not tell him how bad

things are going

with me.

   OK, I have babbled enough. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know.

 

                                 Take care of Yourselves

                                        Jim 

..

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