Adithya, stop yelling at me!!

[Guest guest]

LOL

All of what you wrote is wonderful. And I agree with you 100%. I was

putting it out there what it feels like for those of us who both:

1) Have issues that are outside of their control and get blasted by

society's ignorance to that

and

2) Not having the coping skills in dealing with it

It was funny how you asked if I'm late to the movies, etc. Actually,

my daughter and I got back from the movies earlier this evening. We

got there ten minutes late, after the previews and just as the opening

credits were finishing. My daughter is 8. She's more used to me being

late than I think anybody else is. And we still have fun. She knows my

lateness is not a symbol of me loving her less.

The thing is that my brain loves to hyper focus. Disengaging from what

I'm doing is a difficult task if what I'm to get ready for is not even

more interesting than what I'm consumed with at the time. In fact, the

trigger that finally gets me going is a quick sharp thought that goes

something like this: OHMYGODI'MGOINGTOBELATE!!!!!!!!!! And, generally,

the thought is very truthful. LOL

I can generally handle most of the consequences of being late and

getting upset over it is fewer and farther apart. I like what you said

about your daughter getting a paper for being tardy and those with

perfect attendance get a paper, too. Both papers just state the simple

truth.

*IF* I had a wish, however, it would be this: I'm an effing adult,

people. It's been blasted into my skull throughout my lifetime that

being on time is a virtue. Great. I GET IT. Now just get the fact that

I'm not an on-timer. There are a lot of virtues out there that I don't

have a problem with and that I excel marvelously in such as empathy,

enjoying the moment, treating others with kindness, politeness,

patience, hygiene, proper grammar, being logical, holding down a job, etc.

This wish is merely a preference that I would like people to just get

off my back about my being late. (Are they REALLY on my back, is that

true...?) However, I understand reality says different and I, either

happily or stressfully, defer to reality. It's becoming more happy

lately...

Thank you, Adithya. For all your loving...

Cheers,

H

[Guest guest]

>

> LOL

>

> All of what you wrote is wonderful.

Well, you sure are very generous

> And I agree with you 100%.

And, very agreeable too

> I was

> putting it out there what it feels

like for those of us who both:

>

> 1) Have issues that are outside of

their control and get blasted by

> society's ignorance to that

Sure…

But, do you think society really has

any other Choice?

All you can try to do is to " educate "

society and society

will still be ignorant of some other

issues. And, in the end,

society is made up only of people like

us. Even by transforming

us we have already changed the

society a little in the direction

we want it to change!

>

> and

>

> 2) Not having the coping skills in

dealing with it

It is my experience that pretty much

none of us are born with these skills

[like how to cope with traffic ]!

But, some of us are lucky to have

parents who are good 'examples' and are

also skilled and patient to 'drill'

some good 'habits' in us! But, in all

other aspects, we are still let to

'learn' and 'master' it on our own…

and, still fail from time to time!

Which is fine, because, if nothing

else, our 'failure' at least can teach

us to be 'tolerant', 'understanding'

and 'compassionate' towards other's

failures!

It is also my experience that our

tendency to 'avoid stress' is among the

BIGGEST block on the way of learning!

Way of 'learning' often passes through

'stress' and 'resistance' and only by

saying YES to it, only by being open to

willingly embrace and experience it we

become TRULU ready to 'learn'! As long

as we remain afraid of 'stress'… we

remain 'stuck'!

>

> It was funny how you asked if I'm

late to the movies, etc. Actually,

> my daughter and I got back from the

movies earlier this evening. We

> got there ten minutes late, after

the previews and just as the opening

> credits were finishing.

And, my guess is that it was because

traffic, parking, finding keys, finding

purse, finding your daughter's shoes,

dress took longer than you thought it

would It is almost always this way

for me. I think it would take me only

half an hour to decide to go and start

watching movie and later, I discover

that it took 45 minutes!

> My daughter is 8. She's more used to

me being

> late than I think anybody else is.

And we still have fun. She knows my

> lateness is not a symbol of me

loving her less.

Being a mother [and especially if you

are a single parent] of an 8 years old

gives you ample reason for being late!

As a parent, we are not really aware of

how long it can take to prepare

children [now that your daughter is 8

it might be less than before] and by

having to work as well as take care of

a child… we are often overwhelmed! I

think many to most people do understand

that! None of our friends expect us to

be " on time " for parties and like

neither we expect our friends [who have

small children] to be able to do that!

Still, it is LOT OF FUN whenever we get

together. So, we still do that. We just

know that it will take about twice

longer to get ready and reach somewhere

than before!

>

> The thing is that my brain loves to

hyper focus.

I think that is true for me too. And,

I think that is true for others too

unless someone just doesn't get

interested in anything

> Disengaging from what

> I'm doing is a difficult task if

what I'm to get ready for is not even

> more interesting than what I'm

consumed with at the time.

It sure is…

But, it might become 'easier', if you

decide in advance that I am going to

disengage from things I like a lot to

do the thing that I think is the RIGHT

think to do at that time! i.e. it will

become easier to disengage if you TRULY

" choose " to disengage!

In my experience, stress comes only

when:

- I believe I need to do something.

And, I also believe that:

- I am not " prepared " to do it!

i.e. stress comes only when I suspect

I am not prepared to do what I believe

I " need " to do! If I drop that " need " …

stress goes away or if 'consciously'

prepare in advance and KNOW that I am

prepared; then, too stress goes away!

Stress is simply a 'reminder' a 'time

clock' that's all it 'ticks' only as

long as I believe I need it! When I

know I am TRULY prepared to do what I

think I " need " to do, it stops ticking!

> In fact, the

> trigger that finally gets me going

is a quick sharp thought that goes

> something like this:

OHMYGODI'MGOINGTOBELATE!!!!!!!!!! And,

generally,

> the thought is very truthful. LOL

>

[…]

>

> Thank you, Adithya. For all your

loving...

I didn't know that I was being loving

Regards,

Ac