Hypegia

[Guest guest]

Amazing ! I want to do this too .... how did you get the idea to do this

exercise ? Is it part of 's Work ? And what about the people you see in

the parade... are they faces of people you actually know or just abstract

personalities, or a mix?

Best,

Leonie

I am the Impersonal

I just did an interesting mental exercise. I envisioned myself sitting

on a lawn chair at the edge of a street, as if about to watch a

parade. I imagined a throng of people passing by me, each one looking

at me. Each person signified each thought passing through my mind. As

I sit in the chair quietly observing, I notice the expression on each

person's face as they look at me. Some are cheerful faces, filled with

love. Others are downright nasty and judgmental, their faces screwed

into disgusted contortions.

" Whew, " I think to myself, " That particular thought does NOT like me!

That's for sure! "

I know how to handle other people judging me, usually. But that's just

the thing, other people ARE thoughts. Their own. And their faces

mirror their own thoughts just as I am envisioning my thoughts as

people walking by me. I realize I am a million different people.

(Aren't those song lyrics? Yes. They are. But so true!)

This exercise has served an interesting purpose or two. One, it pulled

the thoughts away from my core, from my authentic, true self, so I can

get a better look at them. If I can pull these thoughts away from me

and quietly observe them, then they cannot be me at the core. I just

sat and watched one go by, and she hates me. I don't know why. She was

so judgmental, unforgiving, hateful, and disgusted by me. Hell, she's

not the only one. There's a whole team of thoughts that would like to

see me dead. (Who knows? Maybe that's where my cancer is stemming from.)

Another, is that I recognize that the power that these thoughts have

over me are just as insignificant as the power of other people's

thoughts on my life. I just happen to be witness to my own 100% of the

time where, mercifully, I don't know for sure what other people think

about me. I was mistaken, however, that these thoughts are me and

somehow more persuasive than others' opinions of me.

Since I have a pretty good handle on dealing with other people's

judgements of me, then I should be able to deal with my own in the

same manner. That one thought that hated me, she's just believing

herself, that's all. If she knew how to love me, she would. I know she

would. But here I am, observing her and allowing her to be. I allow

her! How loving I am at the core! I didn't know I was so accepting

that I would even allow my own thoughts to hate me. And I can even

appreciate her. She is fearful and just wants the best. She just wants

to love herself by her own standards. She is a powerful woman

incapacitated by the reality of me.

Not only that, but there's another thought. A male, and he's going to

bat for me. He stands between me (sitting in that lawn chair) and her.

He fights with her saying I've got every right to be who and what I

want to be. He is angry, though, and feels he needs to defend.(And

that's humorous in a sense because I need no defense. I am reality.)

But there is a war now going on inside of me. And I still sit quietly

and observe. So many thoughts jumping into the mix, so many differing

opinions. I watch, amused, as if it's nothing more than a movie where

the characters are just pretending that li'l ol', innocent me, sitting

out in the audience, munching on some popcorn, is somehow the cause of

this uproar.

It's a fun exercise. It's also very relieving and enlightening.