Southern medical terminology(fwd)

[Guest guest]

Another oldie, but a goodie...

Enjoy! =)

Mark

Medical terms translation guide for nawthun educated

doctors

Many doctors who open up practice in a southern towns can quickly become

confused when using

medical terms with the local residents, this glossary is intended to help

them along.

Anti-Body:against everyone.

Artery:A study of fine painting.

Barium:What you do when CPR fails.

Benign:What you are after you be eight.

Bowel:What you do after a good performance.

Cardiac Arrest:To be taken into custody for stealing a Coup De Ville.

Cardiology:The advanced study of Poker playing.

CAT scan:Searching for kitty

Cesarean Section:A district in Rome.

Charley Horse:A 10-1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby.

Coma:A punctuation mark.

Colic:A sheepdog.

Congenital:Very friendly.

Cyst:Nickname for your sister.

Dilate:To live longer.

Enema:Not a friend

Fester:Quicker.

Genes:What you wear when you cut the grass.

G.I. Series:Baseball game between teams of soldiers.

Hangnail:Coat hook.

Hemorrhoid:Male alian from outa space.

Herpes:What the little woman does when we stop at a rest area.

Hormones:What a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid.

Impotent:Distinguished; well known

Labor pain:Getting hurt at work

Mamogram:A letter to a lady.

Medical Staff:A doctor's cane.

Minor Operation:Coal digging.

Morbid:A higher offer.

Nitrate:Lower than the day rate.

Node:Was aware of.

Organic:Organ repair man.

Outpatient:A person who has fainted.

Pap smear:When dad jumps out of a window.

Paralyze:Two far-fetched stories.

Pelvis:Cousin of Elvis

Post-operative:A letter carrier.

Prostate:A date with a hooker.

Protein:In favor of young people.

Rectum:What your neighbor has done with all the vehicles he ever owned.

Rectum:Damn near killed 'em.

Scalpal:What you stand on to clean windows on a high-rise building.

Secretion:Hiding anything.

Serology:The study of English Knighthood.

Tablet:A small table.

Tumor:An extra pair.

Urine:The opposite of " You're out " .

Varicose Veins:Veins which are very close together.