Sister2

[Guest guest]

1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,and why? What

is it about them that you don't like?

I´m angry and dissapionted at my sister for being so defensive.

She shouldn´t be so defensive. Is it true? No.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I get so angry. And

afraid. Her defense feels like an attack. I feel wounded. And I

guess that so does she when I critisize her.

Who would you be without this thought? I would let her be just the

way she is. I would feel understanding. Many people get defensive

when they get critisized, me too. Maybe I wouldn´t critisize her at

all.

TA: She should be so defensive. Yes if that what she is, that is

what she should be.

I shouldn´t be so defensive. True. When she gets defensive, I get

defensive too.

2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

I want her to be more understanding.

Is it true? I don´t know.

Can you absolutely know that it´s true? No, what I feel has with my

thoughts to do, not if someone is understanding or not.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel sad and

angry. Frustrated. The thought comes up that it´s not fair that I

always should be the understanding one and she just gets away.

Who would you be without this thought? I would be more understanding

that she can´t be understanding right now. I would remember how it

feels to not be able to understand. That would feel loving, both to

my sister and myself.

TA: I don´t want her to be more understanding. True, I just want

peace no matter if she understands me or not. I want freedom.

I want me to be more understanding to my sister. Yes, I do. And I

understand now why she becomes defensive when I critisize her. And I

understand why she doesn´t understand my point of view.

I want to be more understanding to myself. True. I am very hard

towards myself, and beat me up. I think I´m bad and wrong in many

ways. I´m not very kind to myself.

3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be,think,or feel?

What advice could you offer?

She should be able to take critsism.

Is it true? No. Absolutely not.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel I am intitle

to tell her what is wrong with her, and when she reacts I think she

is immature. It doesn´t feel loving at all. It feels mean and

arrogant and scornful.

Who would you be without this thought? I would be kind and loving to

my sister and I would feel happy, loving and warm.

TA: She shouldn´t be able to take critsism. That is very true. She

should only do what she does.

I should be able to take critsism. Yes, and I sometimes can´t. I get

defensive, sad and angry. This is the place to start. And I see that

me and my sister are just the same.

4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in order

for you to be happy?

I need her to appologize to me.

Is it true? No. I don´t feel I need that anymore.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I shut down. I sit

with my grudge and wait for her to make it better. And when she

doesn´t I get stubborn and decides to never talk to her again. It´s

all very painful.

Who would you be without this thought? I would call her and

appologize. I would feel soft and loving and understanding. It would

be very liberating.

TA: I don´t need her to appologize to me. True. I don´t need that in

order to be happy.

I need me to appologize to her. Yes, true.

5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

She is stubborn, defensive, afraid of critisism, aggressive.

TA: I am stubborn. Yes, especially when I sit with my grudge and

refuse to let go.

I am defensive. Yes, especially when I defend myself against my

sister´s defense.

I am afraid of critisism. Yes, especially from my sister. That´s why

I don´t contact her.

I am aggressive. Yes, I have been very aggressive in this issue with

my sister.

6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person

again?

I don't ever want to fight with my sister again.

TA: I look forward to fight with my sister again. Yes, that would be

an opportunity to discover sides of me that I can work with.

Feel free to comment.

Love,