RE: And...

[Guest guest]

Dear Hypegia, (and everybody else who reads this)

What you say sounds true to me: it's not who is late that disappoints. The

disappointement is what it feels like to believe an untrue story (and that may

sound like " blah, blah " , for some :-).

For me the thought of the couple in the moment (where I go with it) isn't:

" they should be on time " . Where I go with it, is: I sit in the Restaurant, I am

hungry, I look at the menu at all the tasteful food, and I enjoy the thought of

what it'll taste like, how fun it will be meeting the friends... and the thought

that comes in, is: " they should be here! " Believing that thought keeps me from

ordering, and it gives me justified hunger and justified pain. But no

justification for pain is valid, ever.

Unless I believe it, that is! :-)

That thought ( " He should be here " ) appears so often in my mind, and it's

always about me. It feels pretty much the same, whether the " He " is a good

friend who's late, a dear person that died, the woman I fell in love with, the

lover who left me, the tree I planted (or did not plant), the house that burned

down... believing this thought gives me a great loss, actually. Not believing it

leaves me with what I have, in the moment.

Love,

hypegia schrieb:

>

> Have you given any thought to the other people involved in your

being habitually late?

> Years ago (please notice how we remember it) we were to meet

another couple at a restaurant. This was in the days before cell

phones. They were over one hour late (we both came a long distance).

We didn't know if they'd been in a car accident, forgotten the

appointment or what. We were starved. Today we would go ahead and

order dinner. But not back then. It definitely damaged the

relationship especially for my husband and the other man who had

stopped to buy tickets for an event.

>

> Being late when you are the only one involved is one thing. But

often it involves others. What about their feelings and the waste of

their time?

>

> Vivian

Let me paint another scenario for you about this example you've

mentioned.

Two couples agreed to meet at a restaurant to have dinner together.

The first couple arrives on time, has a couple of drinks, looks at

the menus, tells the server they are waiting on their friends. This

couple also has the capacity to unconditionally love their friends

and love what is. It's getting late, the couple is concerned over

their friends, but not knowing what's going on they decide to go

ahead and order dinner and enjoy themselves. They do, they have

interesting conversations, they dive into their food with enthusiasm,

etc. Then the other couple finally arrives, an hour late. They

explain what happened to them. The first couple explains that this

dinner was important to them but glad that their friends are safe and

they better order dinner now. The first couple finishes their meal

and, deciding they have nothing better to do, stay with their friends

and discuss their lives. They ENJOY themselves.

Your friends didn't disappoint you. You disappointed yourselves in

expecting your friends to be on time. That was not reality. Reality

told you it was better that they be late and you argued, ultimately,

with Reality. That's ok. Because the reality of the situation was

that it played out that you and your husband were upset and lost some

friends over just one hour of time. Patience, unconditional love, and

simply stating what is on your mind and then letting it pass, and

then enjoying their company and the rest of the evening could have

been another option. Which would you ENJOY better?

---------------------------------

Jetzt Mails schnell in einem Vorschaufenster überfliegen. Dies und viel mehr

bietet das neue Yahoo! Mail .