Sister

[Guest guest]

My sister has moved to Mallorca and now she is in Sweden, staying

with me over the holidays. Yesterday she went away to see some

friends, and when I woke up this morning she hadn´t come home yet.

Somehow that made me very angry.

1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,

and why? What is it about them that you don't like?

I am angry at my sister because she didn´t come home last night.

So she should have come home last night, is that true? No.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I got angry,

dissapointed, jealous. I felt abandoned.

Who would you be without this thought? I would just registrate that

Hanna wasn´t home and then I would go on with my business. I would

feel calm and peaceful.

TA: Hanna shouldn´t have come home last night. Truer, that was what

happened in reality. The rest is my thinking. I don´t suffer because

of that she wasn´t home, I suffer from my thoughts about it. For all

I know she could be sleeping somewhere in the apartment.

I should have come home this morning. Yes, I was far away into

Hanna´s business.

2. How do you want her to change? What do you want

her to do?

I want her to take concideration to my feelings.

Is it true that she doesn´t? I don´t know.

Can you absolutely know that she doesn´t? No, I can´t. She probably

didn´t even know it was important for me that she came home.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I think bad things

about my sister. I feel left out. I want justice.

Who would you be without this thought? Happy and carefree. I would

be out of her business and enjoying my life this morning instead of

suffering from what Hanna does or doesn´t.

TA: I don´t want her to take concideration to my feelings. True. I

want her to be happy, not going around and worry about what might

upset me.

I want me to take concideration to her feelings. Yes, I do. And in

this case it was to stay over at her friends. That was what she

wanted to do. So can I be happy for her? That´s something to work on.

I want me to take concideration to my feelings. True, I am the one

who can give me what I need. Doing the Work on this is a good start.

3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think,

or feel? What advice could you offer?

She should want to come home to me instead of staying with her

friends.

Is it true? No.

How do you react when you believe this thought? Childish, angry,

jealous, abandoned, lonely. I want to punish her when she comes home.

Who would you be without this thought? Just going on with my

morning, happy and calm. And being happy for my sister that she

could see her friends and hope she had a nice time.

TA: She shouldn´t want to come home to me instead of staying with

her friends. That is absolutely true, she wanted to stay with her

friends and not come home to me.

I should want to come home to me instead of staying in my sister´s

business. So true. I have been all over her business the whole

morning.

4. Do you need anything from her? What does she

need to do in order for you to be happy?

I need her to always put me first.

Is it true? No. She often doesn´t put me first and I´m happy anyway.

It´s just when I have this thought that I suffer.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I get sad and think

she doesn´t care for me anymore. That I am boring and all her other

friends is much better than me. It is painful. I don´t wish

happiness for my sister unless it´s with me.

Who would you be without this thought? Happy for my sister no matter

what she choose to do. And I would feel calm and relaxed and happy.

TA: I don´t need her to always put me first. Very true.

I need me to put her first. Yes, and one way I can do that is to let

her live her life as she wants to without trying to control it.

I need me to put me first. Yes, and one way to do this is to stay in

my business and take care of myself.

5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

Hanna is sloppy, forget things, beautiful, loving, generous,

egotistical, self-centered.

TA: I am sloppy, forget things, beautiful, loving, generous,

egotistical, self-centered. Yes, I am all of those things.

6. What is it that you don't want to experience with

that person again?

I don't ever want to feel so dependent on another person again.

TA: I look forward to feel so dependent on another person again. Yes

I do, it will only show me where I have more work to do.

Buoyakasha,