Re: work on mother (unknown)

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

> 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,

> and why? What is it about them that you don't like?

> I am dissapointed and angry at my mother because she is so cold,

> selfish and childish.

" my mother is so cold, selfish and childish " .

> Is it true? Yes.

> Can you absolutely know it´s true? No.

Pick one. Find proofs. You have proofs, as long as you believe this

thought. How is she selfish? Get examples. Go into the situation.

Experience that situation as you lived it. Re-live it, and explore

the impact of believing your thoughts.

> How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel angry,

> dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body get tense.

> I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us. I feel

> scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know anything. I

> don´t trust her.

How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-situation?

> Who would you be without this thought? Then I would feel love. I

> would be kind and gentle with my mother. I would feel a whole lot

> more peaceful inside.

So... I don't have a reference point here... are you in the same

situation as with question 3? Do you experience how this has nothing

to do with your mother?

>

> TA: My mother is so cold, selfish and childish

> My mother is not cold, selfish and childish. 3 ways that is truer:

> She says she loves me every day. She gives us money every now and

> day. She was very grown-up when her husband died and she sold her

> apartment and moved to my city.

> I am cold, selfish and childish. Yes I am cold towards my mom. I

> often make fun of her and feel scornful. I am very selfish when I

> want her money, and can´t be happy for her new things. Childish yes.

> I have a childfeeling that she is my mother and therefore owe me

> certain things.

Good. Find how you are cold when you see her as cold, how you are

childish, when you see her childish behaviour, how you behave

selfish, when you see her as selfish.

That way the work starts to live in you.

> 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want

> her to do?

> I want her to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up.

> Is it true? No, I just want peace and be ok with other people no

> matter what they do or how they appear.

And can you find how it was better for her if she did not change to

your standards? *And* for you?

> How do you react when you belive this thought? I am really angry at

> her for not being the one I want her to be. I feel insecure around

> her. Sometimes I starts fights with her and feel a lot of scorn by

> the way she reacts. I feel so frustrated that she never change.

So is that you example of how to be mature, stable and a reliable

grown-up?

How is she learnig from you?

Is she doing well?

> Who would you be without this thought? Love her just the way she is.

> Have fun with her. Feeling warmth and joy. I would stay in my own

> business and let her live her life without interferring. I would´t

> try to change her. It would be very peaceful.

How would you behave around her, when she is doing her thing?

Which one feels more likely to attract her to matureness, stableness

and reliability?

> TA: I want her to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up.

> I don´t want her to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up. This

> is truer. All i want is peace inside.

And did you see how *your* peace has nothing to do with her behaviour?

> I want me to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up. Very true.

> There are many times I´m not acting mature, stabil and reliable.

> Especially around my mother.

Especially at answer No. 3.

> 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think,

> or feel? What advice could you offer?

> She shouldn´t spend all her money so recklessly.

> Is it true? No. She spend her money. Recklessly is just my label on

> it. And how she spend her money is none of my business.

Good. Why should she not spend her money as she wishes? Who's money

is it, anyway?

> How do you react when you belive this thought? I worry. I get angry.

> I start to lecture and question her decisions. I think she is

> totally irrisponsible and that makes me furious.

Yes, you don't treat her as grown-up. You teach her that she's childish.

And can she rely on you, when you believe that thought?

> Who would you be without this thought? Very peaceful and in my own

> business. Happy for her. I would be able to share her joy.

Sounds much more grown-up to me.

> TA: She shouldn´t spend all her money so recklessly.

> She should spend all her money so recklessly. Absolutely. She should

> spend all the money she wants, which is exactly what she does.

Yes, it's *her* money, anyway, isn't it? Don't take it from her.

> I shouldn´t spend all my money so recklessly. True. I buy clothes

> and dvd:s and books when we really can´t afford it. I couldn´t stop

> myself, and i see now that she is just the same.

I shouldn't spend *her* money so recklessly.

What is it, you want her to do with it? For whom is that? You might

want to share what you find out, here.

Thank you for your thoughts, so far.

Love,

alexander

___________________________________________________________

Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de

[Guest guest]

Hi ;

>

> Dear ,

>

> > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,

> > and why? What is it about them that you don't like?

> > I am dissapointed and angry at my mother because she is so cold,

> > selfish and childish.

>

> " my mother is so cold, selfish and childish " .

> > Is it true? Yes.

> > Can you absolutely know it´s true? No.

> Pick one. Find proofs. You have proofs, as long as you believe

this

> thought. How is she selfish? Get examples. Go into the situation.

> Experience that situation as you lived it. Re-live it, and

explore

> the impact of believing your thoughts.

I think she is cold when she gets herself one animal after another

and then don´t keep them.

She shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them.

Is it true? No, because that is what she does.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I get upset. I feel

sorry for the poor animals. I am very judgmental. I wonder what is

wrong with her empathy.

Who would you be without this thought? Staying in my own business.

Be more understanding towards my mother. Feeling peace. Share her

joy when she gets another animal.

TA: She should get animals and then get rid of them. Truer. It´s

reality.

I shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them. At first I

couldn´t find this one in me but after some thinking I remebered a

cat I had long ago that I got rid of. I left it with my parents, and

they put it to sleep. So this one is true also. I am no better than

my mom.

>

> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel angry,

> > dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body get

tense.

> > I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us. I feel

> > scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know anything. I

> > don´t trust her.

> How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-

situation?

Very judgmental. Example-situation, please explain!

>

> > Who would you be without this thought? Then I would feel love. I

> > would be kind and gentle with my mother. I would feel a whole lot

> > more peaceful inside.

> So... I don't have a reference point here... are you in the same

> situation as with question 3? Do you experience how this has

nothing

> to do with your mother?

Yes, I do.

> >

> > TA: My mother is so cold, selfish and childish

> > My mother is not cold, selfish and childish. 3 ways that is

truer:

> > She says she loves me every day. She gives us money every now and

> > day. She was very grown-up when her husband died and she sold her

> > apartment and moved to my city.

> > I am cold, selfish and childish. Yes I am cold towards my mom. I

> > often make fun of her and feel scornful. I am very selfish when I

> > want her money, and can´t be happy for her new things. Childish

yes.

> > I have a childfeeling that she is my mother and therefore owe me

> > certain things.

> Good. Find how you are cold when you see her as cold, how you are

> childish, when you see her childish behaviour, how you behave

> selfish, when you see her as selfish.

Yes, I can see it all. When she get rid of her animals, I think she

is cold. So I´m cold towards her by not feeling understanding and

being angry and thinking I know best. When I see her as childish I

do childish things. I talk about her behind her back, I talk down to

her, I call her names. When she spends all her money and i see it as

selfish, I am the one being selfish because I want her money.

>

> That way the work starts to live in you.

>

> > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want

> > her to do?

> > I want her to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up.

> > Is it true? No, I just want peace and be ok with other people no

> > matter what they do or how they appear.

> And can you find how it was better for her if she did not change

to

> your standards? *And* for you?

Well, she seems happy when she buys things and get animals. I should

be happy for her when I see how good she feels. But I get angry and

I guess that is better for me because i obviously has some issues

here to work with. And this is an oppotrunity to get closer to peace.

>

> > How do you react when you belive this thought? I am really angry

at

> > her for not being the one I want her to be. I feel insecure

around

> > her. Sometimes I starts fights with her and feel a lot of scorn

by

> > the way she reacts. I feel so frustrated that she never change.

> So is that you example of how to be mature, stable and a reliable

> grown-up?

No, of course not, it´s the opposit.

>

> How is she learnig from you?

To be childish, insecure and and mentally instable.

>

> Is she doing well?

Oh, yes.

>

> > Who would you be without this thought? Love her just the way she

is.

> > Have fun with her. Feeling warmth and joy. I would stay in my own

> > business and let her live her life without interferring. I

would´t

> > try to change her. It would be very peaceful.

> How would you behave around her, when she is doing her thing?

Calm. Interested. Sharing her joy. Helping her. Listen to her.

>

> Which one feels more likely to attract her to matureness,

stableness

> and reliability?

The latest way of course.

>

> > TA: I want her to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up.

> > I don´t want her to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up.

This

> > is truer. All i want is peace inside.

> And did you see how *your* peace has nothing to do with her

behaviour?

Yes.

>

> > I want me to be a mature, stabil and reliable grown-up. Very

true.

> > There are many times I´m not acting mature, stabil and reliable.

> > Especially around my mother.

> Especially at answer No. 3.

>

> > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think,

> > or feel? What advice could you offer?

> > She shouldn´t spend all her money so recklessly.

> > Is it true? No. She spend her money. Recklessly is just my label

on

> > it. And how she spend her money is none of my business.

> Good. Why should she not spend her money as she wishes? Who's

money

> is it, anyway?

It´s her. She can do what ever she wants with it. It´s not my

business.

>

> > How do you react when you belive this thought? I worry. I get

angry.

> > I start to lecture and question her decisions. I think she is

> > totally irrisponsible and that makes me furious.

> Yes, you don't treat her as grown-up. You teach her that she's

childish.

Very true.

>

> And can she rely on you, when you believe that thought?

No, I´m not reliable then, on the contrary.

>

> > Who would you be without this thought? Very peaceful and in my

own

> > business. Happy for her. I would be able to share her joy.

> Sounds much more grown-up to me.

>

> > TA: She shouldn´t spend all her money so recklessly.

> > She should spend all her money so recklessly. Absolutely. She

should

> > spend all the money she wants, which is exactly what she does.

> Yes, it's *her* money, anyway, isn't it? Don't take it from her.

>

> > I shouldn´t spend all my money so recklessly. True. I buy clothes

> > and dvd:s and books when we really can´t afford it. I couldn´t

stop

> > myself, and i see now that she is just the same.

> I shouldn't spend *her* money so recklessly.

I don´t understand.

>

> What is it, you want her to do with it? For whom is that? You

might

> want to share what you find out, here.

I´m beginning to let this go. Today she showed me things she bought

and I felt nothing. I thought it was beautiful and thought about how

glad I can feel when I have bought something really nice. I felt

nothing isn´t true. I shared her joy.

>

> Thank you for your thoughts, so far.

>

> Love,

> alexander

Thank you and lots of love,

>

> ___________________________________________________________

> Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC:

http://messenger.yahoo.de

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It's good to see you back here again, just in time. I couldn't imagine Christmas

without ...

I found another turnaround:

She shouldn´t get animals and then keep them.

Love,

.

..... Original Message .......

>

>

>Hi ;

>

>>

>> Dear ,

>>

>> > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,

>> > and why? What is it about them that you don't like?

>> > I am dissapointed and angry at my mother because she is so cold,

>> > selfish and childish.

>>

>> " my mother is so cold, selfish and childish " .

>> > Is it true? Yes.

>> > Can you absolutely know it´s true? No.

>> Pick one. Find proofs. You have proofs, as long as you believe

>this

>> thought. How is she selfish? Get examples. Go into the situation.

>> Experience that situation as you lived it. Re-live it, and

>explore

>> the impact of believing your thoughts.

>

>I think she is cold when she gets herself one animal after another

>and then don´t keep them.

>

>She shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them.

>Is it true? No, because that is what she does.

>How do you react when you believe this thought? I get upset. I feel

>sorry for the poor animals. I am very judgmental. I wonder what is

>wrong with her empathy.

>Who would you be without this thought? Staying in my own business.

>Be more understanding towards my mother. Feeling peace. Share her

>joy when she gets another animal.

>TA: She should get animals and then get rid of them. Truer. It´s

>reality.

>I shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them. At first I

>couldn´t find this one in me but after some thinking I remebered a

>cat I had long ago that I got rid of. I left it with my parents, and

>they put it to sleep. So this one is true also. I am no better than

>my mom.

>

>>

>> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel angry,

>> > dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body get

>tense.

>> > I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us. I feel

>> > scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know anything. I

>> > don´t trust her.

>> How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-

>situation?

>

>Very judgmental. Example-situation, please explain!

>

>>

>> > Who would you be without this thought? Then I would feel love. I

>> > would be kind and gentle with my mother. I would feel a whole lot

>> > more peaceful inside.

>> So... I don't have a reference point here... are you in the same

>> situation as with question 3? Do you experience how this has

>nothing

>> to do with your mother?

>

>Yes, I do.

>

>> >

>> > TA: My mother is so cold, selfish and childish

>> > My mother is not cold, selfish and childish. 3 ways that is

>truer:

[Guest guest]

> >

> >Hi ;

> >

> >>

> >> Dear ,

> >>

> >> > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,

> >> > and why? What is it about them that you don't like?

> >> > I am dissapointed and angry at my mother because she is so

cold,

> >> > selfish and childish.

> >>

> >> " my mother is so cold, selfish and childish " .

> >> > Is it true? Yes.

> >> > Can you absolutely know it´s true? No.

> >> Pick one. Find proofs. You have proofs, as long as you believe

> >this

> >> thought. How is she selfish? Get examples. Go into the

situation.

> >> Experience that situation as you lived it. Re-live it, and

> >explore

> >> the impact of believing your thoughts.

> >

> >I think she is cold when she gets herself one animal after

another

> >and then don´t keep them.

> >

> >She shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them.

> >Is it true? No, because that is what she does.

> >How do you react when you believe this thought? I get upset. I

feel

> >sorry for the poor animals. I am very judgmental. I wonder what

is

> >wrong with her empathy.

> >Who would you be without this thought? Staying in my own

business.

> >Be more understanding towards my mother. Feeling peace. Share her

> >joy when she gets another animal.

> >TA: She should get animals and then get rid of them. Truer. It´s

> >reality.

> >I shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them. At first I

> >couldn´t find this one in me but after some thinking I remebered

a

> >cat I had long ago that I got rid of. I left it with my parents,

and

> >they put it to sleep. So this one is true also. I am no better

than

> >my mom.

> >

> >>

> >> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel angry,

> >> > dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body get

> >tense.

> >> > I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us. I

feel

> >> > scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know anything.

I

> >> > don´t trust her.

> >> How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-

> >situation?

> >

> >Very judgmental. Example-situation, please explain!

> >

> >>

> >> > Who would you be without this thought? Then I would feel

love. I

> >> > would be kind and gentle with my mother. I would feel a whole

lot

> >> > more peaceful inside.

> >> So... I don't have a reference point here... are you in the

same

> >> situation as with question 3? Do you experience how this has

> >nothing

> >> to do with your mother?

> >

> >Yes, I do.

> >

> >> >

> >> > TA: My mother is so cold, selfish and childish

> >> > My mother is not cold, selfish and childish. 3 ways that is

> >truer:

>

[Guest guest]

im not robert but i thought it was a good TA.. she shouldnt get

animals and keep them.. because if she did she might start to

abuse them , ignor them etc.. instead she gives them to someone

who really wants the animal..

I would find this hard to do as i get so attached.. but

isnt attachement what we dont want. ?

AS a school teacher you have to let kids move to another grade.

right? well i know it isnt the same but thats what i thought of..

love,roslyn --

- In Loving-what-is , " " wrote:

>

>

> > >

> > >Hi ;

> > >

> > >>

> > >> Dear ,

> > >>

> > >> > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,

> > >> > and why? What is it about them that you don't like?

> > >> > I am dissapointed and angry at my mother because she is so

> cold,

> > >> > selfish and childish.

> > >>

> > >> " my mother is so cold, selfish and childish " .

> > >> > Is it true? Yes.

> > >> > Can you absolutely know it´s true? No.

> > >> Pick one. Find proofs. You have proofs, as long as you believe

> > >this

> > >> thought. How is she selfish? Get examples. Go into the

> situation.

> > >> Experience that situation as you lived it. Re-live it, and

> > >explore

> > >> the impact of believing your thoughts.

> > >

> > >I think she is cold when she gets herself one animal after

> another

> > >and then don´t keep them.

> > >

> > >She shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them.

> > >Is it true? No, because that is what she does.

> > >How do you react when you believe this thought? I get upset. I

> feel

> > >sorry for the poor animals. I am very judgmental. I wonder what

> is

> > >wrong with her empathy.

> > >Who would you be without this thought? Staying in my own

> business.

> > >Be more understanding towards my mother. Feeling peace. Share her

> > >joy when she gets another animal.

> > >TA: She should get animals and then get rid of them. Truer. It´s

> > >reality.

> > >I shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them. At first I

> > >couldn´t find this one in me but after some thinking I remebered

> a

> > >cat I had long ago that I got rid of. I left it with my parents,

> and

> > >they put it to sleep. So this one is true also. I am no better

> than

> > >my mom.

> > >

> > >>

> > >> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel angry,

> > >> > dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body get

> > >tense.

> > >> > I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us. I

> feel

> > >> > scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know anything.

> I

> > >> > don´t trust her.

> > >> How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-

> > >situation?

> > >

> > >Very judgmental. Example-situation, please explain!

> > >

> > >>

> > >> > Who would you be without this thought? Then I would feel

> love. I

> > >> > would be kind and gentle with my mother. I would feel a whole

> lot

> > >> > more peaceful inside.

> > >> So... I don't have a reference point here... are you in the

> same

> > >> situation as with question 3? Do you experience how this has

> > >nothing

> > >> to do with your mother?

> > >

> > >Yes, I do.

> > >

> > >> >

> > >> > TA: My mother is so cold, selfish and childish

> > >> > My mother is not cold, selfish and childish. 3 ways that is

> > >truer:

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> Hi sweetie,

> it´s good to see you too! And thank you for your kind words! I have

> been thinking about your TA but I don´t understand it. Can you

> explaine?

>

> Love you,

Hi ,

I think Roslyn already gave you the answer (thank you roslyn).

She shouldn´t get animals and then keep them, especially if she

doesn't love animals. But anyway, it's her business to get animals or

not so maybe it's not a good turnaround.

Love,

.

[Guest guest]

> > > >

> > > >Hi ;

> > > >

> > > >>

> > > >> Dear ,

> > > >>

> > > >> > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you,

> > > >> > and why? What is it about them that you don't like?

> > > >> > I am dissapointed and angry at my mother because she is

so

> > cold,

> > > >> > selfish and childish.

> > > >>

> > > >> " my mother is so cold, selfish and childish " .

> > > >> > Is it true? Yes.

> > > >> > Can you absolutely know it´s true? No.

> > > >> Pick one. Find proofs. You have proofs, as long as you

believe

> > > >this

> > > >> thought. How is she selfish? Get examples. Go into the

> > situation.

> > > >> Experience that situation as you lived it. Re-live it, and

> > > >explore

> > > >> the impact of believing your thoughts.

> > > >

> > > >I think she is cold when she gets herself one animal after

> > another

> > > >and then don´t keep them.

> > > >

> > > >She shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them.

> > > >Is it true? No, because that is what she does.

> > > >How do you react when you believe this thought? I get upset.

I

> > feel

> > > >sorry for the poor animals. I am very judgmental. I wonder

what

> > is

> > > >wrong with her empathy.

> > > >Who would you be without this thought? Staying in my own

> > business.

> > > >Be more understanding towards my mother. Feeling peace. Share

her

> > > >joy when she gets another animal.

> > > >TA: She should get animals and then get rid of them. Truer.

It´s

> > > >reality.

> > > >I shouldn´t get animals and then get rid of them. At first I

> > > >couldn´t find this one in me but after some thinking I

remebered

> > a

> > > >cat I had long ago that I got rid of. I left it with my

parents,

> > and

> > > >they put it to sleep. So this one is true also. I am no

better

> > than

> > > >my mom.

> > > >

> > > >>

> > > >> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel

angry,

> > > >> > dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body

get

> > > >tense.

> > > >> > I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us.

I

> > feel

> > > >> > scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know

anything.

> > I

> > > >> > don´t trust her.

> > > >> How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-

> > > >situation?

> > > >

> > > >Very judgmental. Example-situation, please explain!

> > > >

> > > >>

> > > >> > Who would you be without this thought? Then I would feel

> > love. I

> > > >> > would be kind and gentle with my mother. I would feel a

whole

> > lot

> > > >> > more peaceful inside.

> > > >> So... I don't have a reference point here... are you in the

> > same

> > > >> situation as with question 3? Do you experience how this

has

> > > >nothing

> > > >> to do with your mother?

> > > >

> > > >Yes, I do.

> > > >

> > > >> >

> > > >> > TA: My mother is so cold, selfish and childish

> > > >> > My mother is not cold, selfish and childish. 3 ways that

is

> > > >truer:

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> > Hi sweetie,

> > it´s good to see you too! And thank you for your kind words! I

have

> > been thinking about your TA but I don´t understand it. Can you

> > explaine?

> >

> > Love you,

>

>

> Hi ,

>

> I think Roslyn already gave you the answer (thank you roslyn).

> She shouldn´t get animals and then keep them, especially if she

> doesn't love animals. But anyway, it's her business to get animals

or

> not so maybe it's not a good turnaround.

>

> Love,

>

> .

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

thank you for your work. I hear it was all a misunderstanding, and

now it feels much better.

>> If *you* are so

>> full of empathy, why don't you ask her if you can take care of

>> the

>> animal, instead? Or do you know any other better place than the

>> one

>> she is giving it to? Share that with her, help her getting there.

>> She would love to give the animal to a better place, if she knew

>> how.

> Yes. I did help her with a dog she couldn´t take care of. I took him

> until we could find another home for him. I even wanted to keep him

> but Hans didn´t want to. And I helped her as much as I knew how to

> get him to another home.

You didn't want to keep the dog. You wanted to keep Hans!

>> And notice what you do (how you feel) when she comes into the

>> room

>> (maybe with the animal), and you believe she will give it away,

>> soon.

>> Can you find more?

> No I don´t think so. She is in fact getting another animal on friday

> (lol) and I feel fine about it. I feel it´s none of my business. And

> she is so happy, so I´m happy for her too.

Great!

So now you can look forward to it!

I am happy you are happy she's happy!

....

>>>>> How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel angry,

>>>>> dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body get

>>>>> tense.

>>>>> I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us. I feel

>>>>> scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know anything. I

>>>>> don´t trust her.

>>>> How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-

>>>> situation?

>>> Very judgmental. Example-situation, please explain!

>> Can you find a point in time where you experienced this? Is there

>> one

>> occasion you recall brighter, more vividly? Maybe a certain

>> animal

>> she gave away? An example of how she pulled your triggers.

> There is no animal in particular. It´s more the thought of that she

> gets an animal, then don´t want it, give it away, and after some

> time she gets a NEW animal, and the same thing happens again. That

> was what triggered me.

Oh, it's the story that she already had an animal! Or is it the story

that she wants something she just abandoned? Or the one that she

won't take care of it? Or the one that she doesn't really want it?

Maybe all of them?

....

>>>>> How do you react when you belive this thought? I am really

>>>>> angry

>>>>> at

>>>>> her for not being the one I want her to be. I feel insecure

>>>>> around

>>>>> her. Sometimes I starts fights with her and feel a lot of scorn

>>>>> by

>>>>> the way she reacts. I feel so frustrated that she never change.

>>>> So is that you example of how to be mature, stable and a

>>>> reliable

>>>> grown-up?

>>> No, of course not, it´s the opposit.

>> And that's what you teach.

>> How's anyone supposed to know how to realize what you want?

> Hm, I don´t understand the qustion.

If you teach what you don't want, how could anyone fullfill your needs?

Give them a chance to express their love for you!

Or get clear that that's what they are already doing!

Good luck with your mom,

[Guest guest]

>

> Dear ,

>

> thank you for your work. I hear it was all a misunderstanding,

and

> now it feels much better.

>

> >> If *you* are so

> >> full of empathy, why don't you ask her if you can take care of

> >> the

> >> animal, instead? Or do you know any other better place than the

> >> one

> >> she is giving it to? Share that with her, help her getting

there.

> >> She would love to give the animal to a better place, if she knew

> >> how.

> > Yes. I did help her with a dog she couldn´t take care of. I took

him

> > until we could find another home for him. I even wanted to keep

him

> > but Hans didn´t want to. And I helped her as much as I knew how

to

> > get him to another home.

> You didn't want to keep the dog. You wanted to keep Hans!

Not really. I have no story of that Hans would have left me if I had

kept the dog against his will. But I loved Hans more than the dog,

because I didn´t want Hans to suffer in his own home.

>

> >> And notice what you do (how you feel) when she comes into the

> >> room

> >> (maybe with the animal), and you believe she will give it away,

> >> soon.

> >> Can you find more?

> > No I don´t think so. She is in fact getting another animal on

friday

> > (lol) and I feel fine about it. I feel it´s none of my business.

And

> > she is so happy, so I´m happy for her too.

> Great!

>

> So now you can look forward to it!

>

> I am happy you are happy she's happy!

>

> ...

> >>>>> How do you react when you believe this thought? I feel angry,

> >>>>> dissapointed, frustrated, my stomach hurts, my whole body get

> >>>>> tense.

> >>>>> I criticize her a lot. I make a big distance between us. I

feel

> >>>>> scornful. I treat her like someone who doesn´t know

anything. I

> >>>>> don´t trust her.

> >>>> How would you call this behaviour? Do you find an example-

> >>>> situation?

> >>> Very judgmental. Example-situation, please explain!

> >> Can you find a point in time where you experienced this? Is

there

> >> one

> >> occasion you recall brighter, more vividly? Maybe a certain

> >> animal

> >> she gave away? An example of how she pulled your triggers.

> > There is no animal in particular. It´s more the thought of that

she

> > gets an animal, then don´t want it, give it away, and after some

> > time she gets a NEW animal, and the same thing happens again.

That

> > was what triggered me.

> Oh, it's the story that she already had an animal! Or is it the

story

> that she wants something she just abandoned? Or the one that she

> won't take care of it? Or the one that she doesn't really want it?

> Maybe all of them?

I think she takes care of her pets. It´s the story of that she get

tired of them, and then get another one, which she also get tired of

and then it´s a new pet again.

>

> ...

> >>>>> How do you react when you belive this thought? I am really

> >>>>> angry

> >>>>> at

> >>>>> her for not being the one I want her to be. I feel insecure

> >>>>> around

> >>>>> her. Sometimes I starts fights with her and feel a lot of

scorn

> >>>>> by

> >>>>> the way she reacts. I feel so frustrated that she never

change.

> >>>> So is that you example of how to be mature, stable and a

> >>>> reliable

> >>>> grown-up?

> >>> No, of course not, it´s the opposit.

> >> And that's what you teach.

> >> How's anyone supposed to know how to realize what you want?

> > Hm, I don´t understand the qustion.

> If you teach what you don't want, how could anyone fullfill your

needs?

Yes, I see what you mean.

>

> Give them a chance to express their love for you!

>

> Or get clear that that's what they are already doing!

>

>

> Good luck with your mom,

>

Thank you!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

....

>>> Yes. I did help her with a dog she couldn´t take care of. I took

>>> him

>>> until we could find another home for him. I even wanted to keep

>>> him

>>> but Hans didn´t want to. And I helped her as much as I knew how

>>> to

>>> get him to another home.

>> You didn't want to keep the dog. You wanted to keep Hans!

> Not really. I have no story of that Hans would have left me if I had

> kept the dog against his will. But I loved Hans more than the dog,

> because I didn´t want Hans to suffer in his own home.

He doesn't have to leave physically. When you decide to keep the dog,

and you know he doesn't want to, it is you who leaves him!

I just mentioned this, because you said you wanted to keep the dog,

but Hans didn't want to. But this is not about Hans, at all. We make

up our excuses why we do or don't do things and blame (you may prefer

a different word) others for our decisions. When I realize that my

decision does not have to do with anyone but me, I feel much freer.

>> ...

>>> It´s more the thought of that

>>> she

>>> gets an animal, then don´t want it, give it away, and after some

>>> time she gets a NEW animal, and the same thing happens again.

>>> That

>>> was what triggered me.

>> Oh, it's the story that she already had an animal! Or is it the

>> story

>> that she wants something she just abandoned? Or the one that she

>> won't take care of it? Or the one that she doesn't really want it?

>> Maybe all of them?

> I think she takes care of her pets. It´s the story of that she get

> tired of them, and then get another one, which she also get tired of

> and then it´s a new pet again.

Well, in the moment she gives it away, does she take care of it?

And " another " one means she just had one. Whithout that thought,

could you see the uniqueness of each when she gets it?

What is it, in the moment she gives it away?

Love,

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