Re: Venting

[Guest guest]

-Hello! You are not the only one who can't sleep. I too am hearing

snoring, and it is just annoying. When I can't sleep in the middle

of the night I feel like there are other NORMAL people who have some

magical thing. I lay in bed just tossing and turning amongst little

arms and legs.

It is so isolating when your awake times are in the middle of the

night. I am always thinking of something I need to do, or someone I

should call. Then I realize that I am on nightshift. It does not

help when I still have to get up in the morning and face my day and

all that it holds. My girlfriends would not like it if I shared with

them right now. Cheated again from the pleasure of sleep. I now hear

the birds starting to churp and it just is horrible.

My children have this way of needing things. To be fed, loved, cared

for and entertained. Swimming, riding bicycles, playing and other

things some day just seem as hard as climbing a mountain. Life goes

on around me, and it just stinks to be sitting on the sidelines. I am

tired of saying NO all the time.

You can only play so many games of solitare, surf the web etc. Then

I get the munchies in the middle of the night. This is NOT good for

my post menopausal life. I am on a banana popsicle phase. I am

sitting here at the computer littered with wrappers and half eaten

Kit Kat bars.

I took the girls with my hubby to the big fireworks display in our

township. I sat in a chair by the blankets etc and watched my

husband take the girls up to the bandstand to dance. They had a

great band that actually had some talent. I sat looking at all the

normal people just doing fun stuff. It was so HARD to suck it up and

go to the park. Fibro makes me feel so alone some times. I sat there

looking at the young people and realized that at 35 I feel like a

much older woman. My family feels guilty when they know I am in

pain. It is not fair to punish my children by not doing things. My

husband looked at me and wanted me to go home just as it was getting

dark. After fighting hundreds of people to park, set up blankets etc

there was no way that I was leaving. Eat more pain meds, take up

space.

I know I am going to pay for it physically tomorrow. (I say that like

it is not already) I don't have the option to stay in bed. It makes

me angry that my mother has rhumatoid arthritis, and on her bad day

she can just sleep in a drug induced state of I don't care anymore.

She does not realize that this is just as disabling, hurts just as

much etc. She fusses at me for not doing certain things. It is so

hard not to harbor resentment when she makes comments that hurt. I

bought a cake yesterday and she went on and on about how I could have

made one for 25 percent of what I paid. Yep, if I was not exhausted.

When I was first married our home was destroyed by a tornado. I was

scrambling to find boxes to scoop up what ever was salvageable. I

went to the grocery store about a mile from where our townhome was

distroyed and was so angry that all those people were just going on

about their business and I was dealing with a trama. That is how I

feel most days.

Fibro is a isolating thing. It is easy to be jealous of a husband who

gets to go out into the world everyday and be with the normal

people. Out to lunch with friends etc. He does not want to come home

and do all of the things that he has to do to take up my slack, but

he does it. Our home looks like something off cops right now. I was

wondering how many times you could claim that someone ransacked your

home before the insurance company finds out it was you! I don't want

to hire someone in to clean because it is such a disaster.

I think about how it would be to not have found this group and

realized that there are people out there that understand how painful

this can be. I do not want to delight in other people's pain, but

there is comfort that my feelings are validated. It is understood

how hard it is just to go to Wal Mart and buy toilet paper.

You are not alone in being a creature of the night. There are lots

of us lurking out here in the dark. Surfing E Bay, researching

different things, and reading is only fun for the first 30 or so

hours.

Take care and try to get some sleep. Ever wanting sleep. I am going

to try to push my way through the three little people who have ended

up in my bed again. I will lay among them and just be grateful for

those little people who make me keep going every day. If I don't get

up they will eat oreos for breakfast. Without sharing!

Barbara

-- In Fibromyalgia_Support_Group , " sunliz62 "

<sunliz62@h...> wrote:

> For over two years now I have'nt been able to do anything really at

> all. Maybe a load of clothes or load and unload the dishwasher. My

> sleep gets mixed up and I sleep during the day and am up at night.

> I fight to get it turned around only to be in the same shape later

> on. I rarely leave my home except to go to doctor appointments and

> once in a blue moon I may go with my husband to the store, but he

> does most of the shopping. There are things I want to do around

the

> house, but am afraid to try for fear of a fibro flare or flaring up

> the nerve pain in my back. I don't feel like I'm living life any

> more just that I'm existing and taking up space and air. I'm

lonely

> and I'm bored because of nothing to do other than get on the

> computer or read. The extent of my interaction with my husband

> seems to be hearing about his day at work and me telling him a few

> tidbits about my internet interaction for the day. He gets tired

of

> hearing it I know. He tries to understand, but I know he doesn't.

> He says he goes to work every day in pain because he has a shoulder

> problem, ddd, and his feet constantly hurt. Okay, I'm just venting

> so don't pay me any mind. blah blah blah, lol. Just sitting here

> listening to hubby snore at 3:27 am and wondering why in the hell I

> don't feel like getting in bed and going to sleep.

> hugs,

> Sundra

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/1/2004 4:12:36 AM Central Daylight Time,

bubbas3girls@... writes:

I sat there

looking at the young people and realized that at 35 I feel like a

much older woman.

oh,sweetie...i know what you mean..i am 36,i feel like i am 66...this is so

depressing,and so hard to deal with...i have cried for 2 weeks,from stress and

pain,and life in general...i am sick of it all...(((hugs))) carmen

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/1/2004 4:25:08 AM Central Daylight Time,

sunliz62@... writes:

I rarely leave my home except to go to doctor appointments and

once in a blue moon I may go with my husband to the store, but he

does most of the shopping

me,too....and to Church...the grocery store,i still go,but my husband has to

go with me...i have panic attacks when i am alone in public..i just want to

stay home,i don't even want to leave anymore...(((hugs))) carmen

[Guest guest]

> sunliz62@h... writes:

> I rarely leave my home except to go to doctor appointments and

> once in a blue moon I may go with my husband to the store, but he

> does most of the shopping

>Carmen wrote:

>>snip<< ....the grocery store,i still go,but my husband has to

> go with me...i have panic attacks when i am alone in public..i

just want to

> stay home,i don't even want to leave anymore...(((hugs))) carmen

Me too. Hubby has to take me everywhere....I can't drive because of

the vertigo (constant spinning here) and I have huge panic attacks

because of the brain fog issues. It is most definately on my list

of " not fun things " !!!!

Bless us all!!!

Pixi

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean. My 10 year old daughter doesn't hold my hand because she

is too small, she holds my hand because she is helping me, emotionally, to walk

through the store and keep myself together! God bless the little ones. Lynn

Re: Venting

In a message dated 7/1/2004 4:25:08 AM Central Daylight Time,

sunliz62@... writes:

I rarely leave my home except to go to doctor appointments and

once in a blue moon I may go with my husband to the store, but he

does most of the shopping

me,too....and to Church...the grocery store,i still go,but my husband has to

go with me...i have panic attacks when i am alone in public..i just want to

stay home,i don't even want to leave anymore...(((hugs))) carmen

[Guest guest]

Carmen - I agree. I will be 38 in two weeks and I have the flexibility of a

turtle. I have the speed of a snail. And I have the brain of the headless

horseman. Hope you are doing better today. Love, Lynn

Re: Re: Venting

In a message dated 7/1/2004 4:12:36 AM Central Daylight Time,

bubbas3girls@... writes:

I sat there

looking at the young people and realized that at 35 I feel like a

much older woman.

oh,sweetie...i know what you mean..i am 36,i feel like i am 66...this is so

depressing,and so hard to deal with...i have cried for 2 weeks,from stress and

pain,and life in general...i am sick of it all...(((hugs))) carmen

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/1/2004 5:23:02 PM Central Daylight Time,

campiano@... writes:

Carmen...can you get a teen ager to help you with the grocery shopping???

Cam

well,actually our 15 year old son goes with me and my husband..we do it as a

family...(((hugs))) carmen

[Guest guest]

Gosh....it must be something in the air....we are all having such a tough time

right now. Wish I could wave my magic wand and heal you all.....but the fibro

fairy told me to bug off. Sorry. Love and healing hugs, Cam

Re: Re: Venting

In a message dated 7/1/2004 4:12:36 AM Central Daylight Time,

bubbas3girls@... writes:

I sat there

looking at the young people and realized that at 35 I feel like a

much older woman.

oh,sweetie...i know what you mean..i am 36,i feel like i am 66...this is so

depressing,and so hard to deal with...i have cried for 2 weeks,from stress and

pain,and life in general...i am sick of it all...(((hugs))) carmen

[Guest guest]

Carmen...can you get a teen ager to help you with the grocery shopping??? Cam

Re: Venting

In a message dated 7/1/2004 4:25:08 AM Central Daylight Time,

sunliz62@... writes:

I rarely leave my home except to go to doctor appointments and

once in a blue moon I may go with my husband to the store, but he

does most of the shopping

me,too....and to Church...the grocery store,i still go,but my husband has to

go with me...i have panic attacks when i am alone in public..i just want to

stay home,i don't even want to leave anymore...(((hugs))) carmen