I hate this BS!

[Guest guest]

I got in trouble today at church. I should have known better than to go. I

wasn't in a good mood [hubby and I are going on a 7 day cruise at the end of

the week that has been planned for a year] and I am overloaded thinking

about all that has to be done before we go.

So we go to church and more people show up than usual. Dick and I sit in a

front pew, a small front pew [sits only about 3 people comfortably]. I don't

like sitting next to people I don't know. I feel like my personal space is

being invaded. I can do it on a good day, but this was not a good day.

These people have visited the church from time to time [i don't know them,

but other people in church do]. I hate the way some people ask questions

that are not genuine questions. The mother " asked " me " You don't mind that

my daughter [teen] sits next to you, right? " Well, yeah, I did! Big time!

However, I knew that I was expected to say the bullshit, " No, of course I

don't mind! " and make room for her little darling, never mind that it would

make me damned uncomfortable. So I picked up my coat and hat that I always

have laying next to me [to discourage those who would try to sit there] and

moved to the other side of my husband so he would be the one sitting next to

her. That was the best I could do without refusing her outright [which is

what I really wanted to do.]

I knew that this action of mine would be seen as rude. I hate damn

situations likes this. They are no-win for me. Being a Christian I am

expected to do the sacrificial, " correct " thing. Sure enough, my hubby let

me have it when we got home, saying I owed them an apology.

I told him that if they want one, to come and talk it over with me and I

would explain my actions, but that an apology would not be forthcoming.

From my POV, their actions were rude, asking the question in such a way that

I was expected to comply. How I am supposed to apologize? Say, " Oh, I am so

sorry that I am autistic and having strange people sitting next to me can

make me freak out?? "

This woman assumed that I would have no problem with her daughter sitting

next to me. Bad assumption. If I had just said , " No " , even politely, it

still would have been the wrong thing to do. So I can't win in situations

like these. I expect to get called on the carpet by the leadership next

[since I am on the worship team and highly visible]. Sucks!!!!

I hate it. I really hate it.

Take care,

Gail :-)