Guest guest Posted May 4, 2006 Report Share Posted May 4, 2006 Dear R I am sorry, I replied to you without readingall your mail Now after I read it, I want to tell you that I know the feeling: I want to die. SO I understand you. I wish you all the best and I want to share with you a messege I got only for you from the angels Here it goes: " You have a gift for working with young people, and your Divine purpose involves helping, teaching, or parenting children. " Additional Message: " Children respond to your openhearted nature. You are also charmed by their straight-forward honesty, laughter, and innocence. In many ways, they engage and heal your own inner child. You seek to give these children that which you desired when you were young. You also feel an inner calling to improve the lives of children, and you may wonder about the best way to proceed. " " I am with you as a guardian angel who delights in bringing you new opportunities to help children. All you need to do is notice the young people whom I bring into your orbit. Be your delightful self with these children, and the rest will take care of itself. As soon as you're ready for an increased role, please say the word to me, and I will increase the number of lives you touch. Please be assured that I understand your temperament and will only bring you to situations that match your passions, talents, and interests. You are a blessing to children everywhere! " Love, T > dear andy, I find this pretty fascinating.. of no choice > I think i want to quit my job and then again i dont > My husband said to give it two weeks. > How will i know what to do? > Im really confused i guess i will wait and see. > i wanted to work on days .. today i found out they just hired a new > person for days.. I guess i should quit. > not only because of that but i dont know if i really am that good at > helping people - due to the fact i dont listen and duplicate > I think i am a potential trouble source which is described in > scientology. > I'm glad to feel no responsibility but is that really true? > TO be totally honest i wish i could die. > no wonder so many people think i need drugs. > i wouldnt commit suicide , it just seems like the only solution to my > depression. Which i've had since grade school or maybe before. > I do the work and get no where - I will try to do it on someone else. > I still feel the problem is with me. > any advice is welcome but i feel pretty hopeless as usual > If i have no choice whats the use > whining debbie downer, r > > > > > -- In Loving-what-is , " Andy " <endofthedream@> wrote: > > > > > > > > Dear ~ Some ruminations arising from this > > fascinating....dialogue. > > > > You wrote, > > > > " Well, these posts don't sound peaceful to me. And, yes, that's just > > me. Because in the moment I don't see you as peaceful, I am not in > > peace. " > > > > > > > > Yes, this seems like insightful teaching. The thing of it is, > > is...all this yearning for peace.....Hmmmmmmmm..... > > > > Well.....what *I* see is that what we see, or don't see, " in the > > moment, " is not " up to us. " We have NO CONTROL over what we see or > > don't see (peace or disharmony, for example). > > > > In a moment of disharmony, a thought may arise to question everything, > > we may be provoked to do The Work, and even if The Work is engaged, it > > may, or may not, dissolve the confusion. Ultimately, however, it > > seems to me, that what happens is simply not....up....to....us. > > > > The sense here is that we are constructed constructs, constructed out > > of the illusion that we have some say in how things are. Rather, what > > we are IS how things are. > > > > So....sometimes there is peace....sometimes there is not peace. And > > this is so for all the other states-of-being (joy, grief, humor, > > sadness, lust, boredom). Can it be Seen Clearly that we are not the > > Author of any of them, merely the recepients? > > > > So, we 'do' The Work in a stressful moment, and, > > SOMETIMES........sometimes.....The Work...works! In such instances > > some may be led to conclude, " Ah....I did that! By doing The Work, > > 'I' undid the stress. " This only adds to the illusion that we have > > some " power " to effect change. > > > > Just where this has been going for me, lately. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Dear " whining debbie downer " , I don't have a choice. I notice that, because if I argue with something that is, I loose. Turns out, that my idea of what's best wasn't that great, anyway. Because what is supposed to be is much better. So, not having a choice is a good thing. I notice that when I inquire. And I do inquire into whatever I think would be a good idea for reality to change into. Another thought that came to me, is: when I want someone to be different in any way, what I do is to kill this person in my mind, and replace him with someone else who is more like I think he should be. No wonder it is painful. Same goes for anything else. So, instead of trying to explain why I want what - which is mind explaining itself - it doesn't seem to get me anywhere - I try to find what I would like to have. Is there any way you would like the world to change, so that you did not have to do it? Because it sounds like it's very difficult for you to change, anyway. And try to be aware of when you start rationalizing your wants. > i wanted to work on days... today i found out they just hired a new > person for days.. I guess i should quit. So, they should give you that job. Is that true? And sit with it. You don't seem to be quitting. Not yet. > ... but i dont know if i really am that good at helping people well, who else would know, if not you? So ask you: are you good at helping people? Have you ever helped someone? Can you find it? > I think i am a potential trouble source which is described in scientology. So judge the " potential trouble " . What is that? In your words? > I'm glad to feel no responsibility but is that really true? Is what true? That you are glad, or that you feel no responsibility? > To be totally honest i wish i could die. And you will. Trust me on that. > no wonder so many people think i need drugs. are they right? Do you take drugs? How do you know you need something? > i wouldnt commit suicide , it just seems like the only solution to my depression. Well, what IS a depression? I want you to ask you. And I want to know how you experience it, because I lack that experience. Or maybe not. And suicide is the only solution to your depression. - is that true? I mean, do you even believe that? > Which i've had since grade school or maybe before. Ask you. What is the first time you remember you had a depression? What was it like? Where were you, what did you think, what was around you? Be accurate. It's your life. Do you want to miss any part of it? > I do the work and get no where Is that true? And where do you WANT to get? > - I will try to do it on someone else. Good. > I still feel the problem is with me. Turn it around. Put " my thinking " or " my thoughts about depression " in it. > any advice is welcome but i feel pretty hopeless as usual You'd have to feel that. It sounds like you spin over and over. That's how you get " nowhere " : you never stop. It doesn't matter where you stop, you are somewhere. Always. But if you go: " I should do this, I should do that, but maybe that won't be good, and I think maybe... " you go on travelling. > If i have no choice whats the use? The use of what? To live? To decide? What do you want a use for? What do you want a choice for? > whining debbie downer, r Love, --------------------------------- Sie denken an Ihre Sicherheit? Das tun wir auch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Dear r, I notice that you said: " TO be totally honest i wish i could die. " I was wondering if you believe that death would be a solution to your depression? I would ask myself the following questions: " Where is my proof that death would help my situation? I base this belief on what proof? Can I really know what awaits me after death? Can I really know that things would be any better? " Just wondering? Love, Steve D. > > > > Dear ~ Some ruminations arising from this > > fascinating....dialogue. > > > > You wrote, > > > > " Well, these posts don't sound peaceful to me. And, yes, that's just > > me. Because in the moment I don't see you as peaceful, I am not in > > peace. " > > > > > > > > Yes, this seems like insightful teaching. The thing of it is, > > is...all this yearning for peace.....Hmmmmmmmm..... > > > > Well.....what *I* see is that what we see, or don't see, " in the > > moment, " is not " up to us. " We have NO CONTROL over what we see or > > don't see (peace or disharmony, for example). > > > > In a moment of disharmony, a thought may arise to question everything, > > we may be provoked to do The Work, and even if The Work is engaged, it > > may, or may not, dissolve the confusion. Ultimately, however, it > > seems to me, that what happens is simply not....up....to....us. > > > > The sense here is that we are constructed constructs, constructed out > > of the illusion that we have some say in how things are. Rather, what > > we are IS how things are. > > > > So....sometimes there is peace....sometimes there is not peace. And > > this is so for all the other states-of-being (joy, grief, humor, > > sadness, lust, boredom). Can it be Seen Clearly that we are not the > > Author of any of them, merely the recepients? > > > > So, we 'do' The Work in a stressful moment, and, > > SOMETIMES........sometimes.....The Work...works! In such instances > > some may be led to conclude, " Ah....I did that! By doing The Work, > > 'I' undid the stress. " This only adds to the illusion that we have > > some " power " to effect change. > > > > Just where this has been going for me, lately. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2006 Report Share Posted May 6, 2006 > > > > > > Dear ~ Some ruminations arising from this > > > fascinating....dialogue. > > > > > > You wrote, > > > > > > " Well, these posts don't sound peaceful to me. And, yes, that's > just > > > me. Because in the moment I don't see you as peaceful, I am not > in > > > peace. " > > > > > > > > > > > > Yes, this seems like insightful teaching. The thing of it is, > > > is...all this yearning for peace.....Hmmmmmmmm..... > > > > > > Well.....what *I* see is that what we see, or don't see, " in the > > > moment, " is not " up to us. " We have NO CONTROL over what we see > or > > > don't see (peace or disharmony, for example). > > > > > > In a moment of disharmony, a thought may arise to question > everything, > > > we may be provoked to do The Work, and even if The Work is > engaged, it > > > may, or may not, dissolve the confusion. Ultimately, however, it > > > seems to me, that what happens is simply not....up....to....us. > > > > > > The sense here is that we are constructed constructs, constructed > out > > > of the illusion that we have some say in how things are. Rather, > what > > > we are IS how things are. > > > > > > So....sometimes there is peace....sometimes there is not peace. > And > > > this is so for all the other states-of-being (joy, grief, humor, > > > sadness, lust, boredom). Can it be Seen Clearly that we are not > the > > > Author of any of them, merely the recepients? > > > > > > So, we 'do' The Work in a stressful moment, and, > > > SOMETIMES........sometimes.....The Work...works! In such > instances > > > some may be led to conclude, " Ah....I did that! By doing The > Work, > > > 'I' undid the stress. " This only adds to the illusion that we > have > > > some " power " to effect change. > > > > > > Just where this has been going for me, lately. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2006 Report Share Posted May 6, 2006 My 2 cent on death, Grrr Dying is one way I am aware of to quiet our stressful mind. Doing The work is another way By the way, both ways are equally ok * For some people a gun pointed to there head Can perceive like a salvation * Not equally ok, Cause " The work " doesn't quiet my mind. Grrr And I know what Daily is about to ask me " Can you really know that after you die your mind would be peaceful? " My answer is: NO,I cannot know, but I do know that the other way is worst! So don't mess with me old man, my mind is full with stressful thoughts about you. I would do the work on you, if I could! And I am not going to shoot myself either. Please ask me later (AMber it is a joke, I am not that unhappy) T Boiled vegetable > Dear r, > > I notice that you said: > " TO be totally honest I wish I could die. " > > I was wondering if you believe that death would be a solution to your > depression? > > I would ask myself the following questions: > > " Where is my proof that death would help my situation? I base this > belief on what proof? Can I really know what awaits me after death? > Can I really know that things would be any better? " > > Just wondering? > > Love, Steve D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2006 Report Share Posted May 6, 2006 Dear Debbie Downer You don't know what to do? Is that true? SHOULD you know what to do? It seems that you chose to wait and see. You don't listen? Is that true? Could you learn to listen better? Depression... it does seem that it will never end... I've had some experience with that, perhaps this will be useful. Why are you depressed? I'm not talking about the deep underlying issues here but the day to day, minute to minute ways that you keep yourself depressed. I know that it doesn't SEEM like it but I've found that staying depressed is actually quite alot of work. It seems natural and effortless because it is habit and " normal " but... I think that if you really look at it you will see how you must FEED your depression to keep it going (your post is a good example). Every depressing thought, every action that you take (or not) based on those depressing thoughts serves to keep you that way. A simple technique that can be used is NOT-DOING. Once you identify what those depressing thoughts and actions are, consciously choose to do something different. I remember that one of my favorite ways to feed my depression was music. I would find negative music and indulge to the limits, savoring every last juicy drop of the pain...and hopelessness. No wonder I was depressed! My not-doing: choose uplifting music or no music. But it wasn't only that. All day long every day my mind was fixated on what was so wrong with my life. How could I possibly NOT be depressed!? My not-doing: choosing a project meant to improve my life and doing that instead of sitting around lost in thoughts of how horrible it all is, or engaging in some MEANINGLESS distraction. Reading your post it seems that you even use The Work to feed your depression.(?) But the key is whether you really WANT something different. If you DON'T WANT to be depressed, or DON'T WANT this or that. That's still a negative focus and; how does that make you feel? If you DO WANT something different then you WILL engage in the thoughts and actions to bring that about. The Work or not-doing or any other system or technique is not going to help unless you ACTIVELY WANT something better. Warm Regards ph > > > > Dear ~ Some ruminations arising from this > > fascinating....dialogue. > > > > You wrote, > > > > " Well, these posts don't sound peaceful to me. And, yes, that's just > > me. Because in the moment I don't see you as peaceful, I am not in > > peace. " > > > > > > > > Yes, this seems like insightful teaching. The thing of it is, > > is...all this yearning for peace.....Hmmmmmmmm..... > > > > Well.....what *I* see is that what we see, or don't see, " in the > > moment, " is not " up to us. " We have NO CONTROL over what we see or > > don't see (peace or disharmony, for example). > > > > In a moment of disharmony, a thought may arise to question everything, > > we may be provoked to do The Work, and even if The Work is engaged, it > > may, or may not, dissolve the confusion. Ultimately, however, it > > seems to me, that what happens is simply not....up....to....us. > > > > The sense here is that we are constructed constructs, constructed out > > of the illusion that we have some say in how things are. Rather, what > > we are IS how things are. > > > > So....sometimes there is peace....sometimes there is not peace. And > > this is so for all the other states-of-being (joy, grief, humor, > > sadness, lust, boredom). Can it be Seen Clearly that we are not the > > Author of any of them, merely the recepients? > > > > So, we 'do' The Work in a stressful moment, and, > > SOMETIMES........sometimes.....The Work...works! In such instances > > some may be led to conclude, " Ah....I did that! By doing The Work, > > 'I' undid the stress. " This only adds to the illusion that we have > > some " power " to effect change. > > > > Just where this has been going for me, lately. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 8, 2006 Report Share Posted May 8, 2006 Dear Rose, Am 06.05.2006 um 20:14 schrieb mrcitrus6: > dear alexander, > i agree having no choice is better ..what is, is always better > I've noticed that to be true from losing past friendships. Yes. And what does it take to loose a friendship. Have you noticed? >> --- Another thought that came to me, is: when I want someone to be >> different in any way, >> what I do is to kill this person in my mind, and replace him with >> someone else who is >> more like I think he should be. No wonder it is painful. > > Which is why i want to die because i wish i was better. And you think to die might improve that? Rose, it's a " catch 22 " : As long as I don't love everybody, fully, I don't love myself. And vice versa. Sometimes it sounds to me as if you do the work on yourself. And that you do it with a motive to become a better person. As far as I know, doing the work with a motive doesn't work. Because instead of inquiring for the love of truth, you want to get something. And that way you cheat your answers. So, tell me one thing that you don't like about yourself. And you wish you were better - Is that true? Don't just answer, but go inside: what does it mean, better. Better, in what? How good would you have to be? How would you notice? And what would you have, if you did achieve that? Because if not, you become better, you get to be the best person in the world... and it may slip your awareness. So what is getting better good for, if no one notices? And if no one does, who does that leave? So get clear about it. And the little girl inside of you: what is the first time you should have done something better? > The only way i would want the world to change right now.. is that i > would like not to have to work. > im good at helping people only sometimes. sometimes not And I have > decided to quit my job. What I heard say at the New Year's Cleanse about doing the work with a motive, went something like this: " If I want to get a job, I don't do the work about my thoughts on a job. I do the work about the people who don't give me a job. " > potential trouble source is a scientology term.. for someone connected > with a suppressive type person in the past. someone who keeps other > people down. I dont think i have been around any suppressives this > life but i think i was in my last life. i could be wrong on that. You know what could be fun? Judge Scientology. Write down everything you think about it. Make sure you don't leave out a thing. And then turn it around. > Is it true we dont have any responsibility? > I suppose we only have responsiblity for ourselves. not for others > I can only hurt me. no one else and i get that. > > Depression is the feeling of hopelessness for me. And arguing with > reality of course > I dont take drugs because i dont think i need drugs. i think i need to > fix my thinking but it feels impossible. Well, it is, as long as you believe it. Don't try to fix something that isn't broken. Look forward to your thinking. Become a listener. How else would you be able to understand? > First time i felt depression was probably when my mom would wash my > hair and when i had to take swimming lessons. due to a fear of water. > Which i finally was able to overcome after many years. > My first male swimming instructor said i probably drown in another > life and i didnt know what he was talking about at the time.. but i > do think he was probably right. Good, so there we have a thought! You mom would wash your hair, you have to take swimming lesson, and where does the depression kick in? Where are you? What are you experiencing? Who is with you? What do you see? > Also being the last picked for baseball which was due to the fact i > never wanted to play and never wanted to be picked anyway. I hear you didn't want to be picked, an no one picked you, until you were the only left. They met your requirements. Show me the depression, where does it come? Should they have picked you first? Try it! Go there, when it comes to the time they have to pick pupil for their team. And let them pick you first. How does that feel? Does it feel different from being picked last? Point out the difference. Or just notice it. > suicide isnt a solution to depression but it feels like the only way > to stop my mind. > AS i dont do the work very well. Oh, really? How do you know that? > My thinking is depressing.. true.. actually i have a very easy life. We all do. We have the whole life to prepare to die. And so far, everyone made it. > Where do i want to get. > To a place of loving what is.. > Id like to not work and still have money. So, do you have money, now? Are you working, in this moment? Then, congratulations, you got where you wanted to be. > im giving my two weeks notice as i think i am too old to work nights. > well thats my excuse It's your option. You know why you quit your job: you don't want to work nights. You feel too old for that. (where is the difference between working nights and working days?) > thanks, r Love, > > In Loving-what-is , wrote: >> >> Dear " whining debbie downer " , >> >> I don't have a choice. I notice that, because if I argue with > something that is, I loose. >> >> Turns out, that my idea of what's best wasn't that great, anyway. > Because what is >> supposed to be is much better. >> >> So, not having a choice is a good thing. >> >> I notice that when I inquire. And I do inquire into whatever I > think would be a good idea >> for reality to change into. >> >> Another thought that came to me, is: when I want someone to be > different in any way, >> what I do is to kill this person in my mind, and replace him with > someone else who is >> more like I think he should be. No wonder it is painful. >> >> Same goes for anything else. >> >> So, instead of trying to explain why I want what - which is mind > explaining itself - it doesn't seem to get me anywhere - I try to find > what I would like to have. >> >> Is there any way you would like the world to change, so that you > did not have to do it? >> Because it sounds like it's very difficult for you to change, >> anyway. >> And try to be aware of when you start rationalizing your wants. >> >>> i wanted to work on days... today i found out they just hired a new >>> person for days.. I guess i should quit. >> So, they should give you that job. Is that true? >> >> And sit with it. >> >> You don't seem to be quitting. Not yet. >> >> >> >>> ... but i dont know if i really am that good at helping people >> well, who else would know, if not you? >> >> So ask you: are you good at helping people? >> >> Have you ever helped someone? Can you find it? >> >>> I think i am a potential trouble source which is described in > scientology. >> So judge the " potential trouble " . What is that? In your words? >> >> >>> I'm glad to feel no responsibility but is that really true? >> Is what true? That you are glad, or that you feel no >> responsibility? >> >>> To be totally honest i wish i could die. >> And you will. Trust me on that. >> >>> no wonder so many people think i need drugs. >> are they right? Do you take drugs? >> How do you know you need something? >> >>> i wouldnt commit suicide , it just seems like the only solution to > my depression. >> Well, what IS a depression? I want you to ask you. And I want to > know how you >> experience it, because I lack that experience. Or maybe not. >> >> And suicide is the only solution to your depression. - is that > true? I mean, do you even >> believe that? >> >>> Which i've had since grade school or maybe before. >> Ask you. What is the first time you remember you had a depression? > What was it like? Where were you, what did you think, what was around > you? Be accurate. It's your >> life. Do you want to miss any part of it? >> >> >>> I do the work and get no where >> Is that true? And where do you WANT to get? >> >>> - I will try to do it on someone else. >> Good. >> >>> I still feel the problem is with me. >> Turn it around. Put " my thinking " or " my thoughts about > depression " in it. >> >>> any advice is welcome but i feel pretty hopeless as usual >> You'd have to feel that. It sounds like you spin over and over. > That's how you get " nowhere " : you never stop. It doesn't matter where > you stop, you are somewhere. Always. But if you go: " I should do this, > I should do that, but maybe that won't be good, and I think maybe... " > you go on travelling. >> >>> If i have no choice whats the use? >> The use of what? To live? To decide? What do you want a use for? >> What do you want a choice for? >> >> >>> whining debbie downer, r >> Love, >> >> >> >> --------------------------------- >> Sie denken an Ihre Sicherheit? Das tun wir auch. >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 9, 2006 Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 -dear .. you wrote... Yes. And what does it take to loose a friendship. Have you noticed? I never thought about it before but it takes nothing.. ONe day you can think your so happy and the next its over. SO its best to be happy alone with or without anyone elses LAA i would say. i suppose it takes a person story. thats all I wrote i wish I was better and you wrote And you think to die might improve that? WEll its illusion but yes for an escape.. than i go out and buy self help books ---my addiction. My last one was WAlsch Home with God.. PAGe 173 " There is no way to get into the kingdom of God IT is not a place you get into or out of. It is a place where you always ARE. Its the only place that you can ever be. " ........How.. " SEe God in everyone and everything and see everything as perfect. " page 173 Also what my teacher Flo would say.. and of course . Better, in what? How good would > you have to be? How would you notice? And what would you have, if you > did achieve that? Better in relationships, in listening , at work , a better cook. NOT depressed.. not PTS What would I have--- happiness.. I know i should be happy now without the story I should be better.. I could be happy I have tried doing the work on Scientology I did that once with Mona.. and didnt get very far.. I have never felt good enough. I say i wish I could quit my job but I cant My friend just offered me 500 a week to help her at home 4 hours a day for one or two weeks after knee surgery and i cant take it because i feel like i have to give this other place two weeks notice.. Im such a wimp..SO now i have to slave away for less money at a crummy job.. I must be crazy.. Theres only two of us at night for 20 people and i cant quit.. i feel too guilty to just not give any notice.. Am I nuts or what. ? PArt of me wants to just walk out. The first time i should of done something better.. Theres so many.. I should of liked swimming everyone else did.. I should of liked baseball. and in the appearance department.. I should of worn better clothes to school, i should of had better hair, i shouldnt of been so thin. When i was young i really really believed i was one of the ugliest children on the planet. I had the inferior complex of the century .. Does that sound egotistical superior.. well yes. i think i need to > > fix my thinking but it feels impossible. Well, it is, as long as you believe it. Don't try to fix something > that isn't broken. Look forward to your thinking. Become a listener. My husabnd thinks i listen too much to my mind. i guess the lies. AS you wrote.. how else will i be able to understand .. true. where does the depression kick in? > Where are you? What are you experiencing? Who is with you? What do > you see? That one is easy in regards to swimming lessons..by the pool with a friend.. I see all the kids looking forward to swimming.. and im terrified.. and i feel very out of place and abnormal and rejected by the other kids. Usually crying becasue i feel so out of place and becasue i am so scared of water. kids swimming and loving it. left out .. which is really where my problem with groups probably started.. I never can join a group. any.. i go to different chruches and have gone to Self REalization for years but i am not a member. I felt left out in baseball of course also. Should they have picked you first? Try it! Go there, when it comes to > the time they have to pick pupil for their team. And let them pick > you first. How does that feel? Does it feel different from being > picked last? Point out the difference. Or just notice it. No , i did this work once with Mona and probably with frank . It seems so very very minor.. when you look at other peoples work.. and the cds.. It was weird to realize i never wanted to be picked in the first place.. should they have picked me.. no i never really wanted to be picked at all. When i was picked first i would pretend not to hear and once the teacher wanted me to pick teams so i asked my best friend supposed best friend .joan and she refused to be on my team. Talk about depressing.. she also wouldnt be in a study group with me either.. however she didnt mind copying some of my homework and walking to school with me to get it.. and she got better grades than i did.. That is the real weird thing about it.. i really think the teachers thought i was copying off her. > It didnt bother me at the time.. because i really didnt care.. I was clueless. And its ok with me today. Joan tried to contact me and i refused to recognize her. just didnt know who she was.. i am sorry about that. i suppose there is some anger there but i really dont see why now.. it s really harmless stuff. Am i being too spiritual ?now that i look back on it all i was angry with her for having the nerve to have other friends .. when i didnt. So now when she wants to be friends i say no thanks.. which was rude. and i regret that. working nights and days is your hours are all screwed up .. it is crummy .. im always tired.. i think frank is so right i have so much unexpressed anger.. my dad and mom were often angry at each other and so i suppose i learned dont get angry and so i havent been just depressed. thanks for the help, roslyn .. -- In Loving-what-is , wrote: > > Dear Rose, > > Am 06.05.2006 um 20:14 schrieb mrcitrus6: > > > dear alexander, > > i agree having no choice is better ..what is, is always better > > I've noticed that to be true from losing past friendships. > Yes. And what does it take to loose a friendship. Have you noticed? > > >> --- Another thought that came to me, is: when I want someone to be > >> different in any way, > >> what I do is to kill this person in my mind, and replace him with > >> someone else who is > >> more like I think he should be. No wonder it is painful. > > > > Which is why i want to die because i wish i was better. > And you think to die might improve that? > > Rose, it's a " catch 22 " : As long as I don't love everybody, fully, I > don't love myself. And vice versa. > > Sometimes it sounds to me as if you do the work on yourself. And that > you do it with a motive to become a better person. As far as I know, > doing the work with a motive doesn't work. Because instead of > inquiring for the love of truth, you want to get something. And that > way you cheat your answers. > > So, tell me one thing that you don't like about yourself. > > And you wish you were better - Is that true? Don't just answer, but > go inside: what does it mean, better. Better, in what? How good would > you have to be? How would you notice? And what would you have, if you > did achieve that? > Because if not, you become better, you get to be the best person in > the world... and it may slip your awareness. So what is getting > better good for, if no one notices? And if no one does, who does that > leave? > > So get clear about it. And the little girl inside of you: what is the > first time you should have done something better? > > > The only way i would want the world to change right now.. is that i > > would like not to have to work. > > im good at helping people only sometimes. sometimes not And I have > > decided to quit my job. > What I heard say at the New Year's Cleanse about doing the work > with a motive, went something like this: " If I want to get a job, I > don't do the work about my thoughts on a job. I do the work about the > people who don't give me a job. " > > > potential trouble source is a scientology term.. for someone connected > > with a suppressive type person in the past. someone who keeps other > > people down. I dont think i have been around any suppressives this > > life but i think i was in my last life. i could be wrong on that. > You know what could be fun? Judge Scientology. Write down everything > you think about it. Make sure you don't leave out a thing. > > And then turn it around. > > > Is it true we dont have any responsibility? > > I suppose we only have responsiblity for ourselves. not for others > > I can only hurt me. no one else and i get that. > > > > Depression is the feeling of hopelessness for me. And arguing with > > reality of course > > I dont take drugs because i dont think i need drugs. i think i need to > > fix my thinking but it feels impossible. > Well, it is, as long as you believe it. Don't try to fix something > that isn't broken. Look forward to your thinking. Become a listener. > > How else would you be able to understand? > > > First time i felt depression was probably when my mom would wash my > > hair and when i had to take swimming lessons. due to a fear of water. > > Which i finally was able to overcome after many years. > > My first male swimming instructor said i probably drown in another > > life and i didnt know what he was talking about at the time.. but i > > do think he was probably right. > Good, so there we have a thought! You mom would wash your hair, you > have to take swimming lesson, and where does the depression kick in? > Where are you? What are you experiencing? Who is with you? What do > you see? > > > Also being the last picked for baseball which was due to the fact i > > never wanted to play and never wanted to be picked anyway. > I hear you didn't want to be picked, an no one picked you, until you > were the only left. They met your requirements. Show me the > depression, where does it come? > > Should they have picked you first? Try it! Go there, when it comes to > the time they have to pick pupil for their team. And let them pick > you first. How does that feel? Does it feel different from being > picked last? Point out the difference. Or just notice it. > > > suicide isnt a solution to depression but it feels like the only way > > to stop my mind. > > AS i dont do the work very well. > Oh, really? How do you know that? > > > My thinking is depressing.. true.. actually i have a very easy life. > We all do. We have the whole life to prepare to die. And so far, > everyone made it. > > > Where do i want to get. > > To a place of loving what is.. > > > Id like to not work and still have money. > So, do you have money, now? > > Are you working, in this moment? > > Then, congratulations, you got where you wanted to be. > > > im giving my two weeks notice as i think i am too old to work nights. > > > well thats my excuse > It's your option. You know why you quit your job: you don't want to > work nights. You feel too old for that. > > (where is the difference between working nights and working days?) > > > thanks, r > Love, > > > > > > In Loving-what-is , <olli_26@> wrote: > >> > >> Dear " whining debbie downer " , > >> > >> I don't have a choice. I notice that, because if I argue with > > something that is, I loose. > >> > >> Turns out, that my idea of what's best wasn't that great, anyway. > > Because what is > >> supposed to be is much better. > >> > >> So, not having a choice is a good thing. > >> > >> I notice that when I inquire. And I do inquire into whatever I > > think would be a good idea > >> for reality to change into. > >> > >> Another thought that came to me, is: when I want someone to be > > different in any way, > >> what I do is to kill this person in my mind, and replace him with > > someone else who is > >> more like I think he should be. No wonder it is painful. > >> > >> Same goes for anything else. > >> > >> So, instead of trying to explain why I want what - which is mind > > explaining itself - it doesn't seem to get me anywhere - I try to find > > what I would like to have. > >> > >> Is there any way you would like the world to change, so that you > > did not have to do it? > >> Because it sounds like it's very difficult for you to change, > >> anyway. > >> And try to be aware of when you start rationalizing your wants. > >> > >>> i wanted to work on days... today i found out they just hired a new > >>> person for days.. I guess i should quit. > >> So, they should give you that job. Is that true? > >> > >> And sit with it. > >> > >> You don't seem to be quitting. Not yet. > >> > >> > >> > >>> ... but i dont know if i really am that good at helping people > >> well, who else would know, if not you? > >> > >> So ask you: are you good at helping people? > >> > >> Have you ever helped someone? Can you find it? > >> > >>> I think i am a potential trouble source which is described in > > scientology. > >> So judge the " potential trouble " . What is that? In your words? > >> > >> > >>> I'm glad to feel no responsibility but is that really true? > >> Is what true? That you are glad, or that you feel no > >> responsibility? > >> > >>> To be totally honest i wish i could die. > >> And you will. Trust me on that. > >> > >>> no wonder so many people think i need drugs. > >> are they right? Do you take drugs? > >> How do you know you need something? > >> > >>> i wouldnt commit suicide , it just seems like the only solution to > > my depression. > >> Well, what IS a depression? I want you to ask you. And I want to > > know how you > >> experience it, because I lack that experience. Or maybe not. > >> > >> And suicide is the only solution to your depression. - is that > > true? I mean, do you even > >> believe that? > >> > >>> Which i've had since grade school or maybe before. > >> Ask you. What is the first time you remember you had a depression? > > What was it like? Where were you, what did you think, what was around > > you? Be accurate. It's your > >> life. Do you want to miss any part of it? > >> > >> > >>> I do the work and get no where > >> Is that true? And where do you WANT to get? > >> > >>> - I will try to do it on someone else. > >> Good. > >> > >>> I still feel the problem is with me. > >> Turn it around. Put " my thinking " or " my thoughts about > > depression " in it. > >> > >>> any advice is welcome but i feel pretty hopeless as usual > >> You'd have to feel that. It sounds like you spin over and over. > > That's how you get " nowhere " : you never stop. It doesn't matter where > > you stop, you are somewhere. Always. But if you go: " I should do this, > > I should do that, but maybe that won't be good, and I think maybe... " > > you go on travelling. > >> > >>> If i have no choice whats the use? > >> The use of what? To live? To decide? What do you want a use for? > >> What do you want a choice for? > >> > >> > >>> whining debbie downer, r > >> Love, > >> > >> > >> > >> --------------------------------- > >> Sie denken an Ihre Sicherheit? Das tun wir auch. > >> > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2006 Report Share Posted May 11, 2006 >> The question is: how do YOU know that >> you lost a friend? What is your reference? > not calling not seeing the friend, I have plenty of friends I don't call all day long and I don't always see. I need a more specific reference point. I don't think it has to do with time... with what DOES it have to do? > or seeing them and they ignor you or you them... Well, maybe the did not see me, and maybe I just don't fell like talking to the NOW. I could be angry for something, but that could be settled somewhen, don't you think? > I would say that would be an indication the friendship is over. Ok... that means it COULD be true that the friend is lost. And how do you KNOW the friend is lost? > dahh > or in scientology terms a break in communication. Do these words convey the same meaning as what we were talking about? A break in communication happens at every pause, even when you talk, and my mind just wanders off. >> You will be happy, as soon as you stop >> keeping yourself from noticing. > TRue .. as katie would say its just that thought you need something to > be different that kicks us out of heaven. I agree. So, whenever you feel that you got kicked out of heaven, remind yourself of that. >> How good do you have to become, so that you can be happy? >> How would you notice that you are finally " good enough " when you get >> there? > I have no idea.. Well, get one! Because as long as you don't, even if you get good enough, you miss it! >> And you can't quit. - Is that true? > I could of quit Good. > and i did in 2 weeks but the lady in charge says they > have an ad in the paper and she hasnt been able to find anyone yet. Yes, and you CAN'T quit. Is that true? How do you feel when you believe the thought? Who ARE you with this thought? >> Why? What is the circumstance that thought occured to you first? And >> if you can't get to the first time, just take any ONE time. > about not being good enough with swimming > i remember a family reunion and feeling like an outcast for not liking > swimming.. it was humiliating. oh well How was it humiliating? What were the words? What were YOUR words? >> Well, it's like: if I can't be good enough at anything, let me be the >> best at not being good enough. >> >> So much for not having high standards! > Well it is all a matter of ego.. It is a matter of... what? > And about Joan I would try to contact her but i dont know her last > name and i really didnt realize who she was till later. > And i told her i didnt want to be in touch with anyone and not Joan .. > not realizing she was joan. dah. > I have never wanted to go to a high school reunion. So this is how you react when you believe you had no friends there. Or whatever the thought is you believe. > And did i have other friends in grade school no just Joan pretty > pathetic just kidding. I was a shy kid. she was not. > What did i feel when my parents were arguing.. is very hard.. because > i sort of blocked it all out. And i cant pick one time because its so > vague. It's to see what's going on in your mind. Even if it didn't happen at ONE time, pick it how it comes to you. If you remember two things happening short after another, then they did happen one after another. As far as you are concerned. > I was very very sad. When? > which is why i dont think people who argue should stay married but > maybe that is just my story and not reality at all.. I could of just > said oh well their arguing again but i suppose i argued with their > arguing. Yes, it's good to know. And how do you know it's just your story? Ask yourself: did they stay married? Do you know ONE couple that argues and stays married? There you have your answer. It doesn't get any simpler. > They would have screaming matches and to this day i have no idea > what was said.. none zero and this was not that rare of an occurance. > I think you could hear my father a block away and yet i have no idea > what was said.. isnt that weird. ? Well, some people pay money to go to therapies where they can scream! It is a form of relieving stress. Sometimes you get so tense, you just want to leave it out. Others get sick because they don't let their emotions out. So... having screaming matches may just have released a lot of tension and could have been a very kind thing to do to each other. Find three genuine things that were good about them having screaming matches. > my father was having an affair but i didnt figure that out till i was > an adult. I decided very early that i would never ever get married and > i would not have kids.. but so much for that idea.. you dont make > decisions they get made for you.. I have been married 28 years and i > have two sons. so -so much for that decision. Well, you had a thought that you thought was true. And it was until you got married. > my parents stayed married till my dad died of cancer. > > They loved each other very much just yelled a lot. Yes, that's what it tells me, as well. Isn't that good to know? Look at them, yelling at each other, look if you can find a thought... and notice the difference with and without the thought. > i dont feel angry very often. just depressed still oh well. I suppose > it is an old story and im so used to it. Anger is a form of fear. No fear, no anger. And sadness is a sign that you are believing a thought that is not true for you. > thanks for all your time. . You are welcome. > love, r Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.