Re: Things

November 8, 2001

Sissi,

I am sorry that things are so hard for you. I know everyone

really needs someone to lean on and you just dont have it right now.

Even though Jeff has been a real pain lately he is alwasy there when

I need him. You said that Matt was like this too. I don't even know

what to say about that. I wish you guys could work things out because

you are right " its not supposed to be like this " . You are in my

thoughts. Oh, Happy Birthday! In case I dont hear from you tomorrow.

Jacquie H

> Hi everybody,

> I will confess right off the bat that I haven't even been reading

most of

> the digests. I'm depressed as hell. Mad as hell. And for some

reason,

> productive as hell. I'm also broke as hell.

> Matt and I have filed for a divorce but he's here and we're

*trying* to work

> on things. I really needed him today because Boone had OT and

Speech at

> Phoebe and I had to take Amber for her follow-up with Doc Horton.

She's

> healing beautifully by the way.

> By the time we got back, Boone and Matt should have been just

returning, but

> they were both asleep on the couch. The gate was wide open. The door

> unlocked. He didn't even call Phoebe to cancel. Mr. Reliable.

> I don't get it. He was never like this before. He was my rock (to

use Ron's

> word). Now he's not. He's just *A* rock. And now he's SUPPOSED to

be trying,

> but he's useless, really.

> He's agreed to give me a generous settlement and the house and pay

for the

> house, plus child support. Maybe I should just quit while I'm

ahead. But

> dammit this isn't the way things were supposed to turn out, you

know?

> He fell asleep immediately after supper. Tomorrow is my birthday

and he's

> broke. I hate birthdays anyway.

> I started calling Phoebe about getting ABA or something similar

because it's

> just about impossible to keep it up the way things are here -- and

they are

> seriously considering it!!!! Now that the state has passed the

autism law,

> insurance has to cover it so maybe something will happen there.

> I told them what Dr. at the Marcus Institute said about

training

> therapists and they are highly interested in talking to him.

> It would be very nice if I could pull this one off, don't you think?

> On the other hand, maybe I'll sell the house and just get the hell

out of

> here.

> Did I mention my neck and shoulder are really stiff and sore?

Stress maybe?

> I'm still not up to reading/posting much. I feel lost.

>

> Sissi

> Mom to:

> Amber 17 Dillon 10 Boone 4

> Scoliosis HSP Autistic

> http://home.isoa.net/~nitetrax/dillon.htm

>

> " If it doesn't spin, it's obviously broken. "

> Boone (translated)

November 8, 2001

I LOVE YOU SISSY!!!

I know how you feel hon...it's hard to manage it all by yourself, but

you'll get it!!!

Happy Birthday, and best wishes!!!

Write me if you need to, I'll help however I

can....banesbaby1@...

November 9, 2001

In a message dated 11/8/01 8:38:28 PM Pacific Standard Time,

nitetrax@... writes:

<< I'm still not up to reading/posting much. I feel lost. >>

Sissi,

I wish you were over closer to me, then we could help eachother in our

lostness! ;-)

Really, I hope you feel better quickly. Your life is quite hard for one

person to manage on her own.

Take care.

kandie

Kandie and (9 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A>

*

November 9, 2001

Oh, Sissi, it sounds like Matt is doing great lip service to ideas he has no

intention of following through on. I am so sorry. I have no idea what it must

be like for you to be going through this after 17 years of marriage.

How are Amber and Dillon coping with it all?

Jacquie

November 9, 2001

Big hugs, Sissi. Sorry that things are so hard for you right now. I'm glad

that Amber is healing well and I hope that the ABA thing goes through for

you and Boone. Keep us up to date and hang in there.

btw, if you wanna move, have you ever considered Michigan? I would love

having you as a neighbor.

Amy H

Kepler 4 ASD and Bethany 6 NT

" There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of

us, that it behooves all of us not to talk about the rest of us. " ~

Louis son

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November 9, 2001

Sissi

boy have I been out of the circle for a while. I haven't had the

time or energy lately to read the posts so I completel;y missed that

you were having marital problems. I hope that what ever you decide

to do about your relationship, you will find yourself in a place in

which you can be happy.

Thinking of you!

Chris

> Hi everybody,

> I will confess right off the bat that I haven't even been reading

most of

> the digests. I'm depressed as hell. Mad as hell. And for some

reason,

> productive as hell. I'm also broke as hell.

> Matt and I have filed for a divorce but he's here and we're

*trying* to work

> on things. I really needed him today because Boone had OT and

Speech at

> Phoebe and I had to take Amber for her follow-up with Doc Horton.

She's

> healing beautifully by the way.

> By the time we got back, Boone and Matt should have been just

returning, but

> they were both asleep on the couch. The gate was wide open. The door

> unlocked. He didn't even call Phoebe to cancel. Mr. Reliable.

> I don't get it. He was never like this before. He was my rock (to

use Ron's

> word). Now he's not. He's just *A* rock. And now he's SUPPOSED to

be trying,

> but he's useless, really.

> He's agreed to give me a generous settlement and the house and pay

for the

> house, plus child support. Maybe I should just quit while I'm

ahead. But

> dammit this isn't the way things were supposed to turn out, you

know?

> He fell asleep immediately after supper. Tomorrow is my birthday

and he's

> broke. I hate birthdays anyway.

> I started calling Phoebe about getting ABA or something similar

because it's

> just about impossible to keep it up the way things are here -- and

they are

> seriously considering it!!!! Now that the state has passed the

autism law,

> insurance has to cover it so maybe something will happen there.

> I told them what Dr. at the Marcus Institute said about

training

> therapists and they are highly interested in talking to him.

> It would be very nice if I could pull this one off, don't you think?

> On the other hand, maybe I'll sell the house and just get the hell

out of

> here.

> Did I mention my neck and shoulder are really stiff and sore?

Stress maybe?

> I'm still not up to reading/posting much. I feel lost.

>

> Sissi

> Mom to:

> Amber 17 Dillon 10 Boone 4

> Scoliosis HSP Autistic

> http://home.isoa.net/~nitetrax/dillon.htm

>

> " If it doesn't spin, it's obviously broken. "

> Boone (translated)

November 9, 2001

Sissi:

I just read this after I posted for your birthday. I am sorry things are so

shitty right now. I know, I have certainly been through all those ups and

downs too. I hope that Matt doesnt do anything (or not do anything) that he

will live to regret. You are right, things are not supposed to be this way.

I say that every night as I lay in my bed all alone and scared. Just do what

you think is best and it will be. Bless you, you have been so strong and

supportive to all of us. If you want to talk call me, .

, 40, Columbus, OH

Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, and????

Mom to:

, 15, probably Bipolar

Annie, 12, so far so good!

JD, 8, Autism, severe ADHD, maybe bipolar, AND

my reason for getting out of bed each day!!!

November 9, 2001

In a message dated 11/9/2001 8:54:58 PM Eastern Standard Time,

aaron@... writes:

> Hi Sissi,

>

> Glad to hear about Amber doing well. Sad to hear about your marriage

> not doing well. Hope you are doing ok and better...

>

> Being a relative stranger to the situation (and even stranger to a lot

> of people here now, " Hello, people " ) it sounds to me like he's

> depressed. And giving up...not just on marriage, but everything.

>

> Am I off my nut? This is from a totally personal reference point; for

> the last few months I've vacillated between boundless energy,

> determination, and optimism...to feeling that everything is the same

> no matter what I do. Camus? Celine? You guys there somewhere?

>

> There's a funny Dead Milkmen song that has the chorus, " Life is shit,

> life is shit, the world is shit, the world is shit...this is life as

> we know it. "

>

> Sometimes it's as appropriate a theme song as anything.

>

> Am I making any sense? The kind of radical change from Mr. Rock to Mr.

> A. Rock sounds suspiciously like typical, severe male depression...

>

> Regardless, I really hope you're ok. And Happy Birthday.

>

> [mercurial-bastard]

>

Good to see you again ....

I familiar with what you're describing also....

Sometimes I wonder if I don't feed off my own kids...except in reverse. It

seems when the kids are doing shitty, I can step up to the plate and take

care of business. But when they're doing good, like they are now, I seem to

lose energy, motivation...burn out? Who knows....

At times, I feel like I'm eating a good, sweet fresh bowl of strawberry

shortcake and drinking spoiled milk to wash it down...

And so it goes...

Ron

November 9, 2001

Hi Sissi,

Glad to hear about Amber doing well. Sad to hear about your marriage

not doing well. Hope you are doing ok and better...

Being a relative stranger to the situation (and even stranger to a lot

of people here now, " Hello, people " ) it sounds to me like he's

depressed. And giving up...not just on marriage, but everything.

Am I off my nut? This is from a totally personal reference point; for

the last few months I've vacillated between boundless energy,

determination, and optimism...to feeling that everything is the same

no matter what I do. Camus? Celine? You guys there somewhere?

There's a funny Dead Milkmen song that has the chorus, " Life is shit,

life is shit, the world is shit, the world is shit...this is life as

we know it. "

Sometimes it's as appropriate a theme song as anything.

Am I making any sense? The kind of radical change from Mr. Rock to Mr.

A. Rock sounds suspiciously like typical, severe male depression...

Regardless, I really hope you're ok. And Happy Birthday.

[mercurial-bastard]

November 9, 2001

Well Hello !!!

Nice to see you again. I was begining to wonder if you were still even lurking!

Kerri