Re: for Kerrie, and anyone feeling cursed

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for this message, Charlie!

I've also recently learned the value of giving myself loving care, which (a)

nada never provided when I was growing up and ( I always felt " guilty " or

" selfish " for giving myself as an adult.

For me, this includes daily exercise followed by a good hot shower every

morning, a healthy diet, clean clothes -- and the biggest change for me has been

scheduling my time each day so I'm not just always in a chaotic rush from one

day to the next (not easy for a single mom, and certainly not easy for a KO

who's accustomed to living life from one crisis to the next, always

putting-out-fires.) I've learned the serenity that comes from " predictable "

living, if that makes sense. Now I know every week I'll get in my exercise, my

household chores, my writing time, and everything else that brings me happiness

(like snuggling with my son, watching movies together.) I can relax, finally.

One point you raised that's also made a huge difference for me is to STOP being

such a co-dependent psycho and start focusing, as you said, on myself -- really

focusing on MY life for a change and solving MY problems and not focusing on

friends, my nada, other foo, or some boyfriend's troubles all the time. (I've

been reading Melody Beattie lately, which has really been helping with this.)

And yeah, I ALWAYS wanted someone to come along and rescue me -- I think in my

case it was that unfulfilled childhood hope that dishrag would FINALLY come

through for me, but of course he never did and never will. And now I see the

price I paid for that was my peace of mind: always trying to control someone

else's behavior, to manipulate them into being what I needed them to be. It's

exhausting, disempowering -- and it never works anyway.

Here's to being the hero in your own life!

Shana

for Kerrie, and anyone feeling cursed

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Hi Kerrie and everyone, This message regards the terrible

> 'damnation' feeling that many of

> us fight from time to time, expressed so poignantly by Kerrie,

> who's lost many loved ones

> this past year or so.

>

> Today, everything went right for me. Stores were open and had

> what I needed; I was able

> to concentrate and work well; and I had contact with friends and

> loved ones...the weather

> was good. I wasn't physically uncomfortable.

>

> This was the complete opposite of where I was a few years ago.

> A few years ago, on a day

> like today, I would be hung over and unable to concentrate on my

> work. I would have no

> social plans, and feel cursed and lonely because of it. Doomed,

> banished, away from

> others, and to unhappiness. Stores would be closed or out of

> what I needed. I wouldn't

> have the right clothes to wear--I'd be cold or hot or otherwise

> uncomfortable.

>

> I used to attribute circumstances such as those I describe above

> to the feeling of being

> 'cursed'--doomed to unhappiness by a greater power I couldn't

> comprehend. So many

> things would pile up on me, so very relentlessly, that I

> couldn't help but believe I was

> cursed. There seemed no other explanation, and it was so easy

> to believe.

>

> Today I came to understand how very much of being not 'cursed'

> is actually under my

> control. It hit me as I was walking home, and I thought--I

> have to tell Kerrie. The reason

> everything went right is because I've started to believe I

> deserve to be taken care of, and I

> have started to pay close, mindful attention to what I need, and

> how to get it. I've made

> sure to pay attention to the weather, and carry a lightweight

> umbrella at all times. I've

> made sure to make plans with my friends ahead of time, so that I

> don't find myself feeling

> too lonely or isolated. I've learned what foods help me

> concentrate, and I eat those. I've

> paid attention to when the shops are open, and I've daily made

> lists of things I need, so

> that I almost never find myself caught without a coat, or

> bandaids, or clean pants, etc.

> And just overall, I've been less afraid to actually exist in the

> moment. I am no longer

> dissociating or hiding from myself so much, so I am less likely

> to trip and fall, overeat,

> overdrink, leave stuff places--things like that, that used to

> make me feel the Universe

> hated me.

>

> It wasn't a curse--it was because I hadn't been taught how to do

> this stuff by nada, and it

> was because I didn't believe that I deserved to be 'taken care

> of' because I was bad ... and

> it was also a flea, I think--nadas presume that others must

> 'take care of' them, and the

> message was if I was worthy of existence, somebody would come

> along and literally

> breathe the air for me. As if shopping and dressing and walking

> and talking are not basic

> things that every adult must do for themself.

>

> Now I know that this is not an explanation for why so many loved

> ones would pass away,

> and it is not an explanation for the suffering of the world--but

> it sure does help me get a

> handle on the suffering of myself. I had no idea I had this

> much control over the situation.

> I truly believed that the Universe wanted me miserable. Thanks,

> nada. It's just not so. It

> is only the objective result of not knowing what you need, and

> how to get it. Once you

> learn what you need, and then learn how to get it, you can start

> getting it for yourself.

> (You have to turn off the nada tapes in your head that say you

> don't deserve it bks you

> have 'abandoned' her etc., and the infant tapes in your head

> that say you must obey nada's

> way of things in order to remain physically safe).

>

> It is absolutely stunning to comprehend how much of my happiness

> is actually under my

> own control.

>

> I hope this message is helpful to some of you. I, personally,

> am delighted. (And knocking

> on wood, in case I really *am* cursed and the big Cahona is just

> waiting to drop a piano on

> my head next time I walk out the door.)

>

> Love

> Charlie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Charlie,

Thank you for telling us how well life is going for you - and why.

I am very happy to hear that your life is going so well.

sylvia

>

> Hi Kerrie and everyone, This message regards the

terrible 'damnation' feeling that many of

> us fight from time to time, expressed so poignantly by Kerrie,

who's lost many loved ones

> this past year or so.

>

> Today, everything went right for me. Stores were open and had

what I needed; I was able

> to concentrate and work well; and I had contact with friends and

loved ones...the weather

> was good. I wasn't physically uncomfortable.

>

> This was the complete opposite of where I was a few years ago. A

few years ago, on a day

> like today, I would be hung over and unable to concentrate on my

work. I would have no

> social plans, and feel cursed and lonely because of it. Doomed,

banished, away from

> others, and to unhappiness. Stores would be closed or out of what

I needed. I wouldn't

> have the right clothes to wear--I'd be cold or hot or otherwise

uncomfortable.

>

> I used to attribute circumstances such as those I describe above

to the feeling of being

> 'cursed'--doomed to unhappiness by a greater power I couldn't

comprehend. So many

> things would pile up on me, so very relentlessly, that I couldn't

help but believe I was

> cursed. There seemed no other explanation, and it was so easy to

believe.

>

> Today I came to understand how very much of being not 'cursed' is

actually under my

> control. It hit me as I was walking home, and I thought--I have

to tell Kerrie. The reason

> everything went right is because I've started to believe I deserve

to be taken care of, and I

> have started to pay close, mindful attention to what I need, and

how to get it. I've made

> sure to pay attention to the weather, and carry a lightweight

umbrella at all times. I've

> made sure to make plans with my friends ahead of time, so that I

don't find myself feeling

> too lonely or isolated. I've learned what foods help me

concentrate, and I eat those. I've

> paid attention to when the shops are open, and I've daily made

lists of things I need, so

> that I almost never find myself caught without a coat, or

bandaids, or clean pants, etc.

> And just overall, I've been less afraid to actually exist in the

moment. I am no longer

> dissociating or hiding from myself so much, so I am less likely to

trip and fall, overeat,

> overdrink, leave stuff places--things like that, that used to make

me feel the Universe

> hated me.

>

> It wasn't a curse--it was because I hadn't been taught how to do

this stuff by nada, and it

> was because I didn't believe that I deserved to be 'taken care of'

because I was bad ... and

> it was also a flea, I think--nadas presume that others must 'take

care of' them, and the

> message was if I was worthy of existence, somebody would come

along and literally

> breathe the air for me. As if shopping and dressing and walking

and talking are not basic

> things that every adult must do for themself.

>

> Now I know that this is not an explanation for why so many loved

ones would pass away,

> and it is not an explanation for the suffering of the world--but

it sure does help me get a

> handle on the suffering of myself. I had no idea I had this much

control over the situation.

> I truly believed that the Universe wanted me miserable. Thanks,

nada. It's just not so. It

> is only the objective result of not knowing what you need, and how

to get it. Once you

> learn what you need, and then learn how to get it, you can start

getting it for yourself.

> (You have to turn off the nada tapes in your head that say you

don't deserve it bks you

> have 'abandoned' her etc., and the infant tapes in your head that

say you must obey nada's

> way of things in order to remain physically safe).

>

> It is absolutely stunning to comprehend how much of my happiness

is actually under my

> own control.

>

> I hope this message is helpful to some of you. I, personally, am

delighted. (And knocking

> on wood, in case I really *am* cursed and the big Cahona is just

waiting to drop a piano on

> my head next time I walk out the door.)

>

> Love

> Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Charlie! That's awesome that you had such a great day and that you

had some wonderful insights and breakthroughs. I agree with the

feelings of being cursed and the feelings of being lucky- a lot of it

has to do w/how we view the world and after growing up always being

told what utter bad luck we were, we internalize it.

Actually it was my T earlier this year that helped get some serious

break throughs. I don't exactly feel cursed- well not really at all.

I just feel a bit overwhelmed and I think it has to do w/so much

sorrow put in one half a years time period that is just hard to

digest. My therapist told me to not try and see things as connected

that aren't connected such as these deathes and what not. Its easy to

view it like that and think God hates me or something when these are

simply things that happen, separately, that happened to have happened

around the same time. But even days like when the double stroller

broke down, the kids broke the VCR and a few other money problems all

happened in a 24 hour time period, didn't make them connected. I

think growing up w/ a bp things are so chaotic that I have had a

tendency to see patterns that don't exist or if they do exist, don't

need to be personalized as its simply life.

Breaking things down really helps. Instead of when my friend

died and it was the sixth death I've experienced this year, I just

kind of said 'well, she was a real sweetheart and I will miss her

dearly' and focus on her life and death rather than compiling it

w/'s death just three weeks earlier. I realized that when I

looked at 's picture- that she needed to be mourned separately

and that it would be okay. I would be okay.

Now I can see some of the silver lining in the 'bad stuff' happening

this year in that I truly feel a certain spiritual protection from

the other side by these people who've gone before me and especially

when I start thinking stupid things like 'oh, I can see nada for a

few hours at Thanksgiving' or 'I'll send her these pix of my son's b-

day party'- ugh- after being NC for this long. I really do feel a

level of self-protection even on a spiritual plane that I don't often

feel or haven't ever felt this powerully and so that is the flip side

of some of these deathes.

I definitely do not feel cursed though. I know I'm exceedingly

blessed and fortunate and most people around me tend to say the same

thing about me w/how weird and good things do happen a lot in my

life. This year is a bit sad though for all the good-byes and it

would be absurd to pretend it doesn't hurt or to say just look on the

bright side of things. That's not being honest w/myself and the grief

process. And there was a time when nada had her claws really in me,

like when I first moved 1000 miles away and I was super depressed and

had just said good-bye to so many friends. I didn't want new friends.

I didn't want friends period b/c I looked at it as in the end,

they'll all leave anyway so I'll just be a recluse. That worked for

another year while I worked out my depression in therapy (and I'm

glad I didn't search out friends then as I don't think they'd be good

for me as I was in a dark place back then), but that's not really my

nature. And it would be easy in seeing all this death in my life this

year to close up and be a recluse and say I never want anymore

friends again as I can't handle this parting. As it is though, that's

not how I feel. I feel very fortunate to have known them and loved

them and shared parts of my life with them. They are gone and I need

to grieve, but it is very true- 'it is better to have loved and lost

than to have never loved at all.'

Reality is a choice we make daily. I'm glad you are also clearing out

some of the nada garbage in your daily self talk so that you can see

what a wonderful life it is and what a wonderful person you are:)

Kerrie

>

> Hi Kerrie and everyone, This message regards the

terrible 'damnation' feeling that many of

> us fight from time to time, expressed so poignantly by Kerrie,

who's lost many loved ones

> this past year or so.

>

> Today, everything went right for me. Stores were open and had what

I needed; I was able

> to concentrate and work well; and I had contact with friends and

loved ones...the weather

> was good. I wasn't physically uncomfortable.

>

> This was the complete opposite of where I was a few years ago. A

few years ago, on a day

> like today, I would be hung over and unable to concentrate on my

work. I would have no

> social plans, and feel cursed and lonely because of it. Doomed,

banished, away from

> others, and to unhappiness. Stores would be closed or out of what

I needed. I wouldn't

> have the right clothes to wear--I'd be cold or hot or otherwise

uncomfortable.

>

> I used to attribute circumstances such as those I describe above to

the feeling of being

> 'cursed'--doomed to unhappiness by a greater power I couldn't

comprehend. So many

> things would pile up on me, so very relentlessly, that I couldn't

help but believe I was

> cursed. There seemed no other explanation, and it was so easy to

believe.

>

> Today I came to understand how very much of being not 'cursed' is

actually under my

> control. It hit me as I was walking home, and I thought--I have

to tell Kerrie. The reason

> everything went right is because I've started to believe I deserve

to be taken care of, and I

> have started to pay close, mindful attention to what I need, and

how to get it. I've made

> sure to pay attention to the weather, and carry a lightweight

umbrella at all times. I've

> made sure to make plans with my friends ahead of time, so that I

don't find myself feeling

> too lonely or isolated. I've learned what foods help me

concentrate, and I eat those. I've

> paid attention to when the shops are open, and I've daily made

lists of things I need, so

> that I almost never find myself caught without a coat, or bandaids,

or clean pants, etc.

> And just overall, I've been less afraid to actually exist in the

moment. I am no longer

> dissociating or hiding from myself so much, so I am less likely to

trip and fall, overeat,

> overdrink, leave stuff places--things like that, that used to make

me feel the Universe

> hated me.

>

> It wasn't a curse--it was because I hadn't been taught how to do

this stuff by nada, and it

> was because I didn't believe that I deserved to be 'taken care of'

because I was bad ... and

> it was also a flea, I think--nadas presume that others must 'take

care of' them, and the

> message was if I was worthy of existence, somebody would come along

and literally

> breathe the air for me. As if shopping and dressing and walking

and talking are not basic

> things that every adult must do for themself.

>

> Now I know that this is not an explanation for why so many loved

ones would pass away,

> and it is not an explanation for the suffering of the world--but it

sure does help me get a

> handle on the suffering of myself. I had no idea I had this much

control over the situation.

> I truly believed that the Universe wanted me miserable. Thanks,

nada. It's just not so. It

> is only the objective result of not knowing what you need, and how

to get it. Once you

> learn what you need, and then learn how to get it, you can start

getting it for yourself.

> (You have to turn off the nada tapes in your head that say you

don't deserve it bks you

> have 'abandoned' her etc., and the infant tapes in your head that

say you must obey nada's

> way of things in order to remain physically safe).

>

> It is absolutely stunning to comprehend how much of my happiness is

actually under my

> own control.

>

> I hope this message is helpful to some of you. I, personally, am

delighted. (And knocking

> on wood, in case I really *am* cursed and the big Cahona is just

waiting to drop a piano on

> my head next time I walk out the door.)

>

> Love

> Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

Charlie,

Your letter rang so many bells of truth, and I am glad to hear about your

realizations about happiness.

Kerrie, when it comes to multiple deaths, you certainly are handling it very

well. Reading your post made me look back at a time when I lost 8 friends in 6

months and 32 clients in that same period. A study was done by Berkeley about

Multiple-AIDS-Deaths and its effects on people. I think that the study speaks

to more than just AIDS, as the key is multiple deaths. The results are really

interesting and too involved for my hand to type right now. Google Multiple AIDS

Deaths (you might have to add and survivors). Basically, if you have a sig

other, and they are supportive, you will be able to grieve a lot better than if

you don't. Second best is if you have very supportive friends. Third, support

groups for grief. The other thing that I have to mention is that what they also

found is that it takes its toll on our physical bodies in a HUGE way;

neurotransmitters get all whacked out. So not all of it can be

rational-emotivelly dealt with.

I am so sorry for your Losses. It is just that the human being is not capible

of grieving that many losses in that short of time. Your approach is great in

dealing with such mind boggling losses. Take it easy on yourself,

((((((((Kerrie))))))))))))

Greg.

Kerrie wrote:

Hi Charlie! That's awesome that you had such a great day and that you

had some wonderful insights and breakthroughs. I agree with the

feelings of being cursed and the feelings of being lucky- a lot of it

has to do w/how we view the world and after growing up always being

told what utter bad luck we were, we internalize it.

Actually it was my T earlier this year that helped get some serious

break throughs. I don't exactly feel cursed- well not really at all.

I just feel a bit overwhelmed and I think it has to do w/so much

sorrow put in one half a years time period that is just hard to

digest. My therapist told me to not try and see things as connected

that aren't connected such as these deathes and what not. Its easy to

view it like that and think God hates me or something when these are

simply things that happen, separately, that happened to have happened

around the same time. But even days like when the double stroller

broke down, the kids broke the VCR and a few other money problems all

happened in a 24 hour time period, didn't make them connected. I

think growing up w/ a bp things are so chaotic that I have had a

tendency to see patterns that don't exist or if they do exist, don't

need to be personalized as its simply life.

Breaking things down really helps. Instead of when my friend

died and it was the sixth death I've experienced this year, I just

kind of said 'well, she was a real sweetheart and I will miss her

dearly' and focus on her life and death rather than compiling it

w/'s death just three weeks earlier. I realized that when I

looked at 's picture- that she needed to be mourned separately

and that it would be okay. I would be okay.

Now I can see some of the silver lining in the 'bad stuff' happening

this year in that I truly feel a certain spiritual protection from

the other side by these people who've gone before me and especially

when I start thinking stupid things like 'oh, I can see nada for a

few hours at Thanksgiving' or 'I'll send her these pix of my son's b-

day party'- ugh- after being NC for this long. I really do feel a

level of self-protection even on a spiritual plane that I don't often

feel or haven't ever felt this powerully and so that is the flip side

of some of these deathes.

I definitely do not feel cursed though. I know I'm exceedingly

blessed and fortunate and most people around me tend to say the same

thing about me w/how weird and good things do happen a lot in my

life. This year is a bit sad though for all the good-byes and it

would be absurd to pretend it doesn't hurt or to say just look on the

bright side of things. That's not being honest w/myself and the grief

process. And there was a time when nada had her claws really in me,

like when I first moved 1000 miles away and I was super depressed and

had just said good-bye to so many friends. I didn't want new friends.

I didn't want friends period b/c I looked at it as in the end,

they'll all leave anyway so I'll just be a recluse. That worked for

another year while I worked out my depression in therapy (and I'm

glad I didn't search out friends then as I don't think they'd be good

for me as I was in a dark place back then), but that's not really my

nature. And it would be easy in seeing all this death in my life this

year to close up and be a recluse and say I never want anymore

friends again as I can't handle this parting. As it is though, that's

not how I feel. I feel very fortunate to have known them and loved

them and shared parts of my life with them. They are gone and I need

to grieve, but it is very true- 'it is better to have loved and lost

than to have never loved at all.'

Reality is a choice we make daily. I'm glad you are also clearing out

some of the nada garbage in your daily self talk so that you can see

what a wonderful life it is and what a wonderful person you are:)

Kerrie

>

> Hi Kerrie and everyone, This message regards the

terrible 'damnation' feeling that many of

> us fight from time to time, expressed so poignantly by Kerrie,

who's lost many loved ones

> this past year or so.

>

> Today, everything went right for me. Stores were open and had what

I needed; I was able

> to concentrate and work well; and I had contact with friends and

loved ones...the weather

> was good. I wasn't physically uncomfortable.

>

> This was the complete opposite of where I was a few years ago. A

few years ago, on a day

> like today, I would be hung over and unable to concentrate on my

work. I would have no

> social plans, and feel cursed and lonely because of it. Doomed,

banished, away from

> others, and to unhappiness. Stores would be closed or out of what

I needed. I wouldn't

> have the right clothes to wear--I'd be cold or hot or otherwise

uncomfortable.

>

> I used to attribute circumstances such as those I describe above to

the feeling of being

> 'cursed'--doomed to unhappiness by a greater power I couldn't

comprehend. So many

> things would pile up on me, so very relentlessly, that I couldn't

help but believe I was

> cursed. There seemed no other explanation, and it was so easy to

believe.

>

> Today I came to understand how very much of being not 'cursed' is

actually under my

> control. It hit me as I was walking home, and I thought--I have

to tell Kerrie. The reason

> everything went right is because I've started to believe I deserve

to be taken care of, and I

> have started to pay close, mindful attention to what I need, and

how to get it. I've made

> sure to pay attention to the weather, and carry a lightweight

umbrella at all times. I've

> made sure to make plans with my friends ahead of time, so that I

don't find myself feeling

> too lonely or isolated. I've learned what foods help me

concentrate, and I eat those. I've

> paid attention to when the shops are open, and I've daily made

lists of things I need, so

> that I almost never find myself caught without a coat, or bandaids,

or clean pants, etc.

> And just overall, I've been less afraid to actually exist in the

moment. I am no longer

> dissociating or hiding from myself so much, so I am less likely to

trip and fall, overeat,

> overdrink, leave stuff places--things like that, that used to make

me feel the Universe

> hated me.

>

> It wasn't a curse--it was because I hadn't been taught how to do

this stuff by nada, and it

> was because I didn't believe that I deserved to be 'taken care of'

because I was bad ... and

> it was also a flea, I think--nadas presume that others must 'take

care of' them, and the

> message was if I was worthy of existence, somebody would come along

and literally

> breathe the air for me. As if shopping and dressing and walking

and talking are not basic

> things that every adult must do for themself.

>

> Now I know that this is not an explanation for why so many loved

ones would pass away,

> and it is not an explanation for the suffering of the world--but it

sure does help me get a

> handle on the suffering of myself. I had no idea I had this much

control over the situation.

> I truly believed that the Universe wanted me miserable. Thanks,

nada. It's just not so. It

> is only the objective result of not knowing what you need, and how

to get it. Once you

> learn what you need, and then learn how to get it, you can start

getting it for yourself.

> (You have to turn off the nada tapes in your head that say you

don't deserve it bks you

> have 'abandoned' her etc., and the infant tapes in your head that

say you must obey nada's

> way of things in order to remain physically safe).

>

> It is absolutely stunning to comprehend how much of my happiness is

actually under my

> own control.

>

> I hope this message is helpful to some of you. I, personally, am

delighted. (And knocking

> on wood, in case I really *am* cursed and the big Cahona is just

waiting to drop a piano on

> my head next time I walk out the door.)

>

> Love

> Charlie

>

---------------------------------

All-new Yahoo! Mail - Fire up a more powerful email and get things done faster.

[Guest guest]

Shana, thank you for what you wrote. It helps me, gives me hope, and

I just thought you should know.

e

>

> Thanks so much for this message, Charlie!

>

> I've also recently learned the value of giving myself loving care,

which (a) nada never provided when I was growing up and ( I always

felt " guilty " or " selfish " for giving myself as an adult.

>

> For me, this includes daily exercise followed by a good hot shower

every morning, a healthy diet, clean clothes -- and the biggest

change for me has been scheduling my time each day so I'm not just

always in a chaotic rush from one day to the next (not easy for a

single mom, and certainly not easy for a KO who's accustomed to

living life from one crisis to the next, always putting-out-fires.)

I've learned the serenity that comes from " predictable " living, if

that makes sense. Now I know every week I'll get in my exercise, my

household chores, my writing time, and everything else that brings me

happiness (like snuggling with my son, watching movies together.) I

can relax, finally.

>

> One point you raised that's also made a huge difference for me is

to STOP being such a co-dependent psycho and start focusing, as you

said, on myself -- really focusing on MY life for a change and

solving MY problems and not focusing on friends, my nada, other foo,

or some boyfriend's troubles all the time. (I've been reading

Melody Beattie lately, which has really been helping with this.)

>

> And yeah, I ALWAYS wanted someone to come along and rescue me -- I

think in my case it was that unfulfilled childhood hope that dishrag

would FINALLY come through for me, but of course he never did and

never will. And now I see the price I paid for that was my peace of

mind: always trying to control someone else's behavior, to manipulate

them into being what I needed them to be. It's exhausting,

disempowering -- and it never works anyway.

>

> Here's to being the hero in your own life!

>

> Shana

[Guest guest]

Greg,

You're really awesome! Thanks so much for sharing your compassion as

well as your own stories about multiple deathes. I do remember you

sharing that w/the group a while back and while it totally floored

me, I also see some parallels, huh?

I've experienced a lot of death before over my life and so this isn't

as bad as I would expect and I thank you for your encouragement. I

think my dad dieing when I was little and then seeing several deathes

growing up really messed up my head for a while there. Its really a

wonder I'm not a borderline sometimes-lol. But back in 1997, I did

have that stressor overload like you mentioned and it did take a toll

on my physical health. 1997 was like the worst year of my life and I

learned a lot from that horrific year of change and tragedy and

suffering. I learned that there are times to say good-bye and

sometimes when there are an awful lot of good byes in a short period,

its almost like accelarated karma or something (not that I fully

understand the laws of karma as I'm a Christian though I've had

several Buddist friends and have read up on it a bit- beautiful

religion if you ask me). I just felt like a tree that had been

severely pruned after having years of overgrowth from not being

pruned if that makes sense. In the end, it worked for the best in my

life just as I'm most certain these deathes are also going to have

deep meaning in my life as well. I think if I'd not been through

anything similar like what I went through in 1997, I would have a

hard time, a very hard time and even now I struggle some days. But I

have faith. I really do. I think that's what keeps my head above the

water most days. And of course, like you said, a very supportive

spouse. He's just incredible!

Thanks again and ((((HUGS))))

Kerrie

> >

> > Hi Kerrie and everyone, This message regards the

> terrible 'damnation' feeling that many of

> > us fight from time to time, expressed so poignantly by Kerrie,

> who's lost many loved ones

> > this past year or so.

> >

> > Today, everything went right for me. Stores were open and had

what

> I needed; I was able

> > to concentrate and work well; and I had contact with friends and

> loved ones...the weather

> > was good. I wasn't physically uncomfortable.

> >

> > This was the complete opposite of where I was a few years ago. A

> few years ago, on a day

> > like today, I would be hung over and unable to concentrate on my

> work. I would have no

> > social plans, and feel cursed and lonely because of it. Doomed,

> banished, away from

> > others, and to unhappiness. Stores would be closed or out of what

> I needed. I wouldn't

> > have the right clothes to wear--I'd be cold or hot or otherwise

> uncomfortable.

> >

> > I used to attribute circumstances such as those I describe above

to

> the feeling of being

> > 'cursed'--doomed to unhappiness by a greater power I couldn't

> comprehend. So many

> > things would pile up on me, so very relentlessly, that I couldn't

> help but believe I was

> > cursed. There seemed no other explanation, and it was so easy to

> believe.

> >

> > Today I came to understand how very much of being not 'cursed' is

> actually under my

> > control. It hit me as I was walking home, and I thought--I have

> to tell Kerrie. The reason

> > everything went right is because I've started to believe I

deserve

> to be taken care of, and I

> > have started to pay close, mindful attention to what I need, and

> how to get it. I've made

> > sure to pay attention to the weather, and carry a lightweight

> umbrella at all times. I've

> > made sure to make plans with my friends ahead of time, so that I

> don't find myself feeling

> > too lonely or isolated. I've learned what foods help me

> concentrate, and I eat those. I've

> > paid attention to when the shops are open, and I've daily made

> lists of things I need, so

> > that I almost never find myself caught without a coat, or

bandaids,

> or clean pants, etc.

> > And just overall, I've been less afraid to actually exist in the

> moment. I am no longer

> > dissociating or hiding from myself so much, so I am less likely

to

> trip and fall, overeat,

> > overdrink, leave stuff places--things like that, that used to

make

> me feel the Universe

> > hated me.

> >

> > It wasn't a curse--it was because I hadn't been taught how to do

> this stuff by nada, and it

> > was because I didn't believe that I deserved to be 'taken care

of'

> because I was bad ... and

> > it was also a flea, I think--nadas presume that others must 'take

> care of' them, and the

> > message was if I was worthy of existence, somebody would come

along

> and literally

> > breathe the air for me. As if shopping and dressing and walking

> and talking are not basic

> > things that every adult must do for themself.

> >

> > Now I know that this is not an explanation for why so many loved

> ones would pass away,

> > and it is not an explanation for the suffering of the world--but

it

> sure does help me get a

> > handle on the suffering of myself. I had no idea I had this much

> control over the situation.

> > I truly believed that the Universe wanted me miserable. Thanks,

> nada. It's just not so. It

> > is only the objective result of not knowing what you need, and

how

> to get it. Once you

> > learn what you need, and then learn how to get it, you can start

> getting it for yourself.

> > (You have to turn off the nada tapes in your head that say you

> don't deserve it bks you

> > have 'abandoned' her etc., and the infant tapes in your head that

> say you must obey nada's

> > way of things in order to remain physically safe).

> >

> > It is absolutely stunning to comprehend how much of my happiness

is

> actually under my

> > own control.

> >

> > I hope this message is helpful to some of you. I, personally, am

> delighted. (And knocking

> > on wood, in case I really *am* cursed and the big Cahona is just

> waiting to drop a piano on

> > my head next time I walk out the door.)

> >

> > Love

> > Charlie

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> All-new Yahoo! Mail - Fire up a more powerful email and get things

done faster.

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is great! How wise. Love Lizzy

>

> Hi Kerrie and everyone, This message regards the

terrible 'damnation' feeling that many of

> us fight from time to time, expressed so poignantly by Kerrie,

who's lost many loved ones

> this past year or so.

>

> Today, everything went right for me. Stores were open and had

what I needed; I was able

> to concentrate and work well; and I had contact with friends and

loved ones...the weather

> was good. I wasn't physically uncomfortable.

>

> This was the complete opposite of where I was a few years ago. A

few years ago, on a day

> like today, I would be hung over and unable to concentrate on my

work. I would have no

> social plans, and feel cursed and lonely because of it. Doomed,

banished, away from

> others, and to unhappiness. Stores would be closed or out of what

I needed. I wouldn't

> have the right clothes to wear--I'd be cold or hot or otherwise

uncomfortable.

>

> I used to attribute circumstances such as those I describe above

to the feeling of being

> 'cursed'--doomed to unhappiness by a greater power I couldn't

comprehend. So many

> things would pile up on me, so very relentlessly, that I couldn't

help but believe I was

> cursed. There seemed no other explanation, and it was so easy to

believe.

>

> Today I came to understand how very much of being not 'cursed' is

actually under my

> control. It hit me as I was walking home, and I thought--I have

to tell Kerrie. The reason

> everything went right is because I've started to believe I deserve

to be taken care of, and I

> have started to pay close, mindful attention to what I need, and

how to get it. I've made

> sure to pay attention to the weather, and carry a lightweight

umbrella at all times. I've

> made sure to make plans with my friends ahead of time, so that I

don't find myself feeling

> too lonely or isolated. I've learned what foods help me

concentrate, and I eat those. I've

> paid attention to when the shops are open, and I've daily made

lists of things I need, so

> that I almost never find myself caught without a coat, or

bandaids, or clean pants, etc.

> And just overall, I've been less afraid to actually exist in the

moment. I am no longer

> dissociating or hiding from myself so much, so I am less likely to

trip and fall, overeat,

> overdrink, leave stuff places--things like that, that used to make

me feel the Universe

> hated me.

>

> It wasn't a curse--it was because I hadn't been taught how to do

this stuff by nada, and it

> was because I didn't believe that I deserved to be 'taken care of'

because I was bad ... and

> it was also a flea, I think--nadas presume that others must 'take

care of' them, and the

> message was if I was worthy of existence, somebody would come

along and literally

> breathe the air for me. As if shopping and dressing and walking

and talking are not basic

> things that every adult must do for themself.

>

> Now I know that this is not an explanation for why so many loved

ones would pass away,

> and it is not an explanation for the suffering of the world--but

it sure does help me get a

> handle on the suffering of myself. I had no idea I had this much

control over the situation.

> I truly believed that the Universe wanted me miserable. Thanks,

nada. It's just not so. It

> is only the objective result of not knowing what you need, and how

to get it. Once you

> learn what you need, and then learn how to get it, you can start

getting it for yourself.

> (You have to turn off the nada tapes in your head that say you

don't deserve it bks you

> have 'abandoned' her etc., and the infant tapes in your head that

say you must obey nada's

> way of things in order to remain physically safe).

>

> It is absolutely stunning to comprehend how much of my happiness

is actually under my

> own control.

>

> I hope this message is helpful to some of you. I, personally, am

delighted. (And knocking

> on wood, in case I really *am* cursed and the big Cahona is just

waiting to drop a piano on

> my head next time I walk out the door.)

>

> Love

> Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

Charlie and all. . .it's funny because I just read this thread for the

first time this morning (my time). Before that I think I was kind of

avoiding it based on it's title. And yes, for the past couple of

days, I have been feeling cursed: (dealing with bureaucracy as an

immigrant to a new country, injuring my foot when I have to walk to

work and everywhere else, feeling exhausted, having crazy employers

etc. etc. etc)

Still, all of this would probably not seem like too much for me if I

found ways to better care for myself and address my needs. Why not go

to the dr? It's the simplest of things and practically free in this

country. And as for my stressful job, I could quit it and still

survive, there's no reason for it to be stressing me. European

bureaucracy is not something I can control, but I've been able to

handle it better in the past without it provoking so much anger in me!

I think I've really been neglecting myself in a lot of ways and I

need to stop it. Big time.

Anyway, I've certainly felt myself getting caught up in anger and

anxiety at the universe this week and had come to the realization

yesterday that I don't want to be an angry person! Really, I don't

want to be one of those ranting old ladies that tries to get everyone

to buy in to what a mean world it is. It doesn't help anyone. So

thanks to Charlie and all for keeping this thread going long enough

for me to stop avoiding it and take notice.

Trish

> >

> > Hi Kerrie and everyone, This message regards the

> terrible 'damnation' feeling that many of

> > us fight from time to time, expressed so poignantly by Kerrie,

> who's lost many loved ones

> > this past year or so.

> >

> > Today, everything went right for me. Stores were open and had

> what I needed; I was able

> > to concentrate and work well; and I had contact with friends and

> loved ones...the weather

> > was good. I wasn't physically uncomfortable.

> >

> > This was the complete opposite of where I was a few years ago. A

> few years ago, on a day

> > like today, I would be hung over and unable to concentrate on my

> work. I would have no

> > social plans, and feel cursed and lonely because of it. Doomed,

> banished, away from

> > others, and to unhappiness. Stores would be closed or out of what

> I needed. I wouldn't

> > have the right clothes to wear--I'd be cold or hot or otherwise

> uncomfortable.

> >

> > I used to attribute circumstances such as those I describe above

> to the feeling of being

> > 'cursed'--doomed to unhappiness by a greater power I couldn't

> comprehend. So many

> > things would pile up on me, so very relentlessly, that I couldn't

> help but believe I was

> > cursed. There seemed no other explanation, and it was so easy to

> believe.

> >

> > Today I came to understand how very much of being not 'cursed' is

> actually under my

> > control. It hit me as I was walking home, and I thought--I have

> to tell Kerrie. The reason

> > everything went right is because I've started to believe I deserve

> to be taken care of, and I

> > have started to pay close, mindful attention to what I need, and

> how to get it. I've made

> > sure to pay attention to the weather, and carry a lightweight

> umbrella at all times. I've

> > made sure to make plans with my friends ahead of time, so that I

> don't find myself feeling

> > too lonely or isolated. I've learned what foods help me

> concentrate, and I eat those. I've

> > paid attention to when the shops are open, and I've daily made

> lists of things I need, so

> > that I almost never find myself caught without a coat, or

> bandaids, or clean pants, etc.

> > And just overall, I've been less afraid to actually exist in the

> moment. I am no longer

> > dissociating or hiding from myself so much, so I am less likely to

> trip and fall, overeat,

> > overdrink, leave stuff places--things like that, that used to make

> me feel the Universe

> > hated me.

> >

> > It wasn't a curse--it was because I hadn't been taught how to do

> this stuff by nada, and it

> > was because I didn't believe that I deserved to be 'taken care of'

> because I was bad ... and

> > it was also a flea, I think--nadas presume that others must 'take

> care of' them, and the

> > message was if I was worthy of existence, somebody would come

> along and literally

> > breathe the air for me. As if shopping and dressing and walking

> and talking are not basic

> > things that every adult must do for themself.

> >

> > Now I know that this is not an explanation for why so many loved

> ones would pass away,

> > and it is not an explanation for the suffering of the world--but

> it sure does help me get a

> > handle on the suffering of myself. I had no idea I had this much

> control over the situation.

> > I truly believed that the Universe wanted me miserable. Thanks,

> nada. It's just not so. It

> > is only the objective result of not knowing what you need, and how

> to get it. Once you

> > learn what you need, and then learn how to get it, you can start

> getting it for yourself.

> > (You have to turn off the nada tapes in your head that say you

> don't deserve it bks you

> > have 'abandoned' her etc., and the infant tapes in your head that

> say you must obey nada's

> > way of things in order to remain physically safe).

> >

> > It is absolutely stunning to comprehend how much of my happiness

> is actually under my

> > own control.

> >

> > I hope this message is helpful to some of you. I, personally, am

> delighted. (And knocking

> > on wood, in case I really *am* cursed and the big Cahona is just

> waiting to drop a piano on

> > my head next time I walk out the door.)

> >

> > Love

> > Charlie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, I'm so glad this thread has been interesting to some of you. I

want to thank

everyone for responding, and forgive the group nature of this but here goes:

Shana, you hit the nail exactly on the head. This is exactly the sort of thing

I have had to

learn to do for myself--just basic eating, sleeping, exercising. I'd no idea

what a chaotic,

unstructured household I came from, but I really, really did. Kudos to you for

learning this

as a single mom. You must be a pilar! I wish showers didn't trigger me. I

have to take

them at night or mid-day.

Kerrie: your spiritual maturity is inspiring and touching to me. I see you as

sortof a

shamen figure, definitely high up there on the spiritual plane. Your peace

shines through

your words. I'm glad you are okay. Also, what Greg said.

Trish: don't feel so bad! No need to avoid posts. I think you are blaming

yourself for the

idea that the things you list seem difficult. Ie, you will have to trouble

people and deal

with all sorts of new scenarios, in order to go to the doctor for your foot; and

quitting your

job might not please your husband and definitely wouldn't please your employers.

Stuff is

hard. You are charming and brave and great. Don't feel bad. You'll do what

you need to

in the end. Blaming yourself for not taking care of yourself is a

double-whammy.

Sylvia: thank you for the support as always. I'm not doing *that* well,

though--I don't

want to mislead everyone--it's just that I am learning to control what I can,

and this had

indeed greatly increased my overall feeling of happiness. I am though very

scared still

that I am, in fact cursed--I am mistrustful of this state. My happiness was

always

something nada sought to destroy or take for her own. I feel that if anyone

finds out I am

happy, it is just a matter of time before someone (esp God) will come and take

it away--

because that is what's always happened. So, even though I am happy, I still

feel cursed. I

feel like all those wonderful things I've listed I can control right now will

slip through my

fingers any minute, as soon as God finds out I am happy...then there will be a

terrible

accident or a death in my family or some other event that will be beyond my

capacity to

comfort myself. I am still suspicious. I am still waiting for the other shoe

to drop. So

don't congratulate me just yet! ...

Charlie

> >

> > Thanks so much for this message, Charlie!

> >

> > I've also recently learned the value of giving myself loving care,

> which (a) nada never provided when I was growing up and ( I always

> felt " guilty " or " selfish " for giving myself as an adult.

> >

> > For me, this includes daily exercise followed by a good hot shower

> every morning, a healthy diet, clean clothes -- and the biggest

> change for me has been scheduling my time each day so I'm not just

> always in a chaotic rush from one day to the next (not easy for a

> single mom, and certainly not easy for a KO who's accustomed to

> living life from one crisis to the next, always putting-out-fires.)

> I've learned the serenity that comes from " predictable " living, if

> that makes sense. Now I know every week I'll get in my exercise, my

> household chores, my writing time, and everything else that brings me

> happiness (like snuggling with my son, watching movies together.) I

> can relax, finally.

> >

> > One point you raised that's also made a huge difference for me is

> to STOP being such a co-dependent psycho and start focusing, as you

> said, on myself -- really focusing on MY life for a change and

> solving MY problems and not focusing on friends, my nada, other foo,

> or some boyfriend's troubles all the time. (I've been reading

> Melody Beattie lately, which has really been helping with this.)

> >

> > And yeah, I ALWAYS wanted someone to come along and rescue me -- I

> think in my case it was that unfulfilled childhood hope that dishrag

> would FINALLY come through for me, but of course he never did and

> never will. And now I see the price I paid for that was my peace of

> mind: always trying to control someone else's behavior, to manipulate

> them into being what I needed them to be. It's exhausting,

> disempowering -- and it never works anyway.

> >

> > Here's to being the hero in your own life!

> >

> > Shana

>

[Guest guest]

-- Charlie You wrote…..

I feel that if anyone

finds out I am

happy, it is just a matter of time before someone (esp God) will

come and take

it away--

because that is what's always happened. So, even though I am happy,

I still

feel cursed. I

feel like all those wonderful things I've listed I can control right

now will

slip through my

fingers any minute, as soon as God finds out I am happy...then there

will be a

terrible

accident or a death in my family or some other event that will be

beyond my

capacity to

comfort myself. I am still suspicious. I am still waiting for the

other shoe

to drop. So

don't congratulate me just yet! ...

It is so funny because as I read your first post I was thinking wow!

Then I was thinking abut how life truly sucked a few years ago, non

of it was within my control just things that life threw my way. It

was like I was on a downward spiral with no light at the end of the

tunnel an most everything there was nothing I could have done to

change it at that time. Now we did every thing in our power to

change the future but there was nothing I could have done to change

the present. I am glad I did what I did because I am *happy* now.

But sometimes life throws you some stuff and you have to roll with

the punches. And like you say *Happy* You can use that lightly. Of

course there are things in life that could be better but I wont

complain. I especially don't want to give the illusion that life is

perfect because I am scared the rug will be pulled out from under my

feet. What you wrote in this post here really hit home to me. I am

even scared like you said waiting for the other shoe to drop. So in

the mean time I will be happy and just thank God for His goodness

and all His gifts because He gives them to me so can He take them

away. My life is nothing more than a gift and I have to remember to

keep a humble attitude no matter what the gift. So anyways yes I

understand both of the posts and what you wrote. Love Lizzy- In

WTOAdultChildren1 , " charlottehoneychurch "

wrote:

>

> Hi everyone, I'm so glad this thread has been interesting to some

of you. I want to thank

> everyone for responding, and forgive the group nature of this but

here goes:

>

> Shana, you hit the nail exactly on the head. This is exactly the

sort of thing I have had to

> learn to do for myself--just basic eating, sleeping, exercising.

I'd no idea what a chaotic,

> unstructured household I came from, but I really, really did.

Kudos to you for learning this

> as a single mom. You must be a pilar! I wish showers didn't

trigger me. I have to take

> them at night or mid-day.

>

> Kerrie: your spiritual maturity is inspiring and touching to me.

I see you as sortof a

> shamen figure, definitely high up there on the spiritual plane.

Your peace shines through

> your words. I'm glad you are okay. Also, what Greg said.

>

> Trish: don't feel so bad! No need to avoid posts. I think you

are blaming yourself for the

> idea that the things you list seem difficult. Ie, you will have

to trouble people and deal

> with all sorts of new scenarios, in order to go to the doctor for

your foot; and quitting your

> job might not please your husband and definitely wouldn't please

your employers. Stuff is

> hard. You are charming and brave and great. Don't feel bad.

You'll do what you need to

> in the end. Blaming yourself for not taking care of yourself is a

double-whammy.

>

> Sylvia: thank you for the support as always. I'm not doing *that*

well, though--I don't

> want to mislead everyone--it's just that I am learning to control

what I can, and this had

> indeed greatly increased my overall feeling of happiness. I am

though very scared still

> that I am, in fact cursed--I am mistrustful of this state. My

happiness was always

> something nada sought to destroy or take for her own. I feel that

if anyone finds out I am

> happy, it is just a matter of time before someone (esp God) will

come and take it away--

> because that is what's always happened. So, even though I am

happy, I still feel cursed. I

> feel like all those wonderful things I've listed I can control

right now will slip through my

> fingers any minute, as soon as God finds out I am happy...then

there will be a terrible

> accident or a death in my family or some other event that will be

beyond my capacity to

> comfort myself. I am still suspicious. I am still waiting for

the other shoe to drop. So

> don't congratulate me just yet! ...

>

> Charlie

>

>

> > >

> > > Thanks so much for this message, Charlie!

> > >

> > > I've also recently learned the value of giving myself loving

care,

> > which (a) nada never provided when I was growing up and ( I

always

> > felt " guilty " or " selfish " for giving myself as an adult.

> > >

> > > For me, this includes daily exercise followed by a good hot

shower

> > every morning, a healthy diet, clean clothes -- and the biggest

> > change for me has been scheduling my time each day so I'm not

just

> > always in a chaotic rush from one day to the next (not easy for

a

> > single mom, and certainly not easy for a KO who's accustomed to

> > living life from one crisis to the next, always putting-out-

fires.)

> > I've learned the serenity that comes from " predictable " living,

if

> > that makes sense. Now I know every week I'll get in my

exercise, my

> > household chores, my writing time, and everything else that

brings me

> > happiness (like snuggling with my son, watching movies

together.) I

> > can relax, finally.

> > >

> > > One point you raised that's also made a huge difference for me

is

> > to STOP being such a co-dependent psycho and start focusing, as

you

> > said, on myself -- really focusing on MY life for a change and

> > solving MY problems and not focusing on friends, my nada, other

foo,

> > or some boyfriend's troubles all the time. (I've been reading

> > Melody Beattie lately, which has really been helping with this.)

> > >

> > > And yeah, I ALWAYS wanted someone to come along and rescue me -

- I

> > think in my case it was that unfulfilled childhood hope that

dishrag

> > would FINALLY come through for me, but of course he never did

and

> > never will. And now I see the price I paid for that was my

peace of

> > mind: always trying to control someone else's behavior, to

manipulate

> > them into being what I needed them to be. It's exhausting,

> > disempowering -- and it never works anyway.

> > >

> > > Here's to being the hero in your own life!

> > >

> > > Shana

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzyboo, well, scary second shoes falling or not, I guess one of the main

points of my first

post was that--to put it as you might--the Lord also leaveth a whole heck of a

lot under

our own control!

Take care

CH

> > > >

> > > > Thanks so much for this message, Charlie!

> > > >

> > > > I've also recently learned the value of giving myself loving

> care,

> > > which (a) nada never provided when I was growing up and ( I

> always

> > > felt " guilty " or " selfish " for giving myself as an adult.

> > > >

> > > > For me, this includes daily exercise followed by a good hot

> shower

> > > every morning, a healthy diet, clean clothes -- and the biggest

> > > change for me has been scheduling my time each day so I'm not

> just

> > > always in a chaotic rush from one day to the next (not easy for

> a

> > > single mom, and certainly not easy for a KO who's accustomed to

> > > living life from one crisis to the next, always putting-out-

> fires.)

> > > I've learned the serenity that comes from " predictable " living,

> if

> > > that makes sense. Now I know every week I'll get in my

> exercise, my

> > > household chores, my writing time, and everything else that

> brings me

> > > happiness (like snuggling with my son, watching movies

> together.) I

> > > can relax, finally.

> > > >

> > > > One point you raised that's also made a huge difference for me

> is

> > > to STOP being such a co-dependent psycho and start focusing, as

> you

> > > said, on myself -- really focusing on MY life for a change and

> > > solving MY problems and not focusing on friends, my nada, other

> foo,

> > > or some boyfriend's troubles all the time. (I've been reading

> > > Melody Beattie lately, which has really been helping with this.)

> > > >

> > > > And yeah, I ALWAYS wanted someone to come along and rescue me -

> - I

> > > think in my case it was that unfulfilled childhood hope that

> dishrag

> > > would FINALLY come through for me, but of course he never did

> and

> > > never will. And now I see the price I paid for that was my

> peace of

> > > mind: always trying to control someone else's behavior, to

> manipulate

> > > them into being what I needed them to be. It's exhausting,

> > > disempowering -- and it never works anyway.

> > > >

> > > > Here's to being the hero in your own life!

> > > >

> > > > Shana

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Charlie, I'm right there with you with waiting for the other shoe to

drop when I think things are going to well. When 9-11 happenned I

actually felt like, " oh, so here it is. " I was freaked out but almost

expecting " it. " But still, I have noticed that there have been

several. . . even many times that I've been happy and gotten away with

it! I guess we just have to keep adding up and keeping track of those

times.

Trish

> > >

> > > Thanks so much for this message, Charlie!

> > >

> > > I've also recently learned the value of giving myself loving care,

> > which (a) nada never provided when I was growing up and ( I always

> > felt " guilty " or " selfish " for giving myself as an adult.

> > >

> > > For me, this includes daily exercise followed by a good hot shower

> > every morning, a healthy diet, clean clothes -- and the biggest

> > change for me has been scheduling my time each day so I'm not just

> > always in a chaotic rush from one day to the next (not easy for a

> > single mom, and certainly not easy for a KO who's accustomed to

> > living life from one crisis to the next, always putting-out-fires.)

> > I've learned the serenity that comes from " predictable " living, if

> > that makes sense. Now I know every week I'll get in my exercise, my

> > household chores, my writing time, and everything else that brings me

> > happiness (like snuggling with my son, watching movies together.) I

> > can relax, finally.

> > >

> > > One point you raised that's also made a huge difference for me is

> > to STOP being such a co-dependent psycho and start focusing, as you

> > said, on myself -- really focusing on MY life for a change and

> > solving MY problems and not focusing on friends, my nada, other foo,

> > or some boyfriend's troubles all the time. (I've been reading

> > Melody Beattie lately, which has really been helping with this.)

> > >

> > > And yeah, I ALWAYS wanted someone to come along and rescue me -- I

> > think in my case it was that unfulfilled childhood hope that dishrag

> > would FINALLY come through for me, but of course he never did and

> > never will. And now I see the price I paid for that was my peace of

> > mind: always trying to control someone else's behavior, to manipulate

> > them into being what I needed them to be. It's exhausting,

> > disempowering -- and it never works anyway.

> > >

> > > Here's to being the hero in your own life!

> > >

> > > Shana

> >

>