going to visit mom...family needs urgent help

[Guest guest]

hi everyone,

i havent posted in ages, but a new problem has come up. my husband

and i are going to visit my family(mom, dad, 2 younger sisters) in 2

days. we havent seen my mom in 3 years as we live in another country,

but we have kept in almost daily contact with the family.

recently things have gotten a lot worse, mostly financially, as my

mom refuses to acknowledge there is a shortage of money. she blames

every problem on my dad, and continues to spend, spend, spend. if my

dad doesnt give her money she threatens to get a lawyer. there isnt

anymore money to give though and bills now arent getting paid(like

mortgage)

my dad has now asked me if he can borrow some money. i have no

problem lending it to him, though im not sure i have enough to make a

real difference. he knows things need to change, but we are all at a

loss of how to go about making change.

i know everyone says its useless to confront someone with BPD, but

if something isnt done very soon they could loose the house and

business. my husband is a dr and is now saying maybe we should all

sit down with her and try and sort something out. she has so far

refused to even contemplate that she might have a problem and refuses

to see a psychatrist.

my dad wants her to get some kind of job to help out, but she

insists she is 'too sick' to work, though she volunteers almost full

time at their church. every time this issue is brought up there are

huge problems.

this is a big issue for my husband and i because i am part of the

businnes my parents own, though my mom doesnt really work there as

she is 'too sick'. her big solution is for my dad to get another job

and she'll run the business, but if we let her do that it'll be gone

in a few months. she can not manage a business of any kind.

i am very concerned about my sisters. one is at university nd lives

at home and the other is in highschool. the both know something is

wrong with mom, but not what. this is causing lots of stress for

them. they depend on my dad, and he has always been a hardworking

guy, but its never ever enough for mom.

my grandparents and aunt are also very concerned about mom(they

know she is sick) and know something needs to change. we all know

something needs to change, but we dont know what.

my father wont leave her(nor would i really support that), but even

if he wanted to he couldnt afford it. he'd than have twice as many

expenses as he does now. my mom can be vicious, and shed ruin him. im

not sure that at this point he could even afford a lawyer.

they go to marriage counselling together, but this is just a forum

for mom to bash dad. the therapist suggested pschyatrict care and mom

refused to go back to him for months. dad spends lots of money on

this and now cant afford to go any longer. if he tries to stop mom

accuses him of not caring about their marriage and being a terrible,

abusive husband(he has never been in any way). she also goes to a

counsellor on her own that dad cant afford either. if he tries to

stop this he gets the same result.

i keep telling my dad he just needs to lay down the law..say this

is the way it has to be, we need to cut back and it has to be done

this way. this is easier said than done though as mom will only hear

what she wants to hear.

we need help, we need answers. i would love to put her in

inpatient care, but as far as we know she has never tried to commit

suicide, only threatened to. counselling for my dad would be great,

but its not going to solve the immediate financial crisis.

does anyone have any ideas?? how can we keep living like this and

not end up on the street(very soon)?

P.S. there arent any psychyatrists that are listed as having

experience wit BPD near where they live

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