Problems w/

[Guest guest]

I'm starting to have my first real problem with . He's starting to

take things that don't belong to him. We were on a little 'vacation' of sorts

a

couple weeks ago, and he took his father's cell phone in the hotel. We

couldn't find it, and he denied having it, until we heard it ringing in his

pocket that night.

Yesterday was the first day back to school. This shouldn't have been

'traumatic' in any way for ....same school, same teacher, same

classroom...he's well liked, the teacher has confided in me several times that

is his

favorite student, etc. 3 of our cell phones went missing over the last

several days. I thought my older son had looked in s room/backpack for

the

phones, but he didn't look very thoroughly. After school, we found 2 of our

phones, AND my older son's watch... a graduation present, one of my husbands

$350 watches that he passed down. ::gulp:: So, again, was scolded....

but I don't know that he comprehends what the problem is.

One phone is still missing. I asked his teacher to look around the class room.

Within hours of finding this after school.... my 11 yr old son catches

sneaking into his bedroom with a lighter (the type for lighting candles,

etc), and his dad's Blackberry. is reprimanded AGAIN for taking things

that don't belong to him, and about the lighter being dangerous.

This morning... we're in the car on the way to school. I asked where

his glasses were. He kinda stumbled over an answer (what he does when he

doesn't know, or doesn't want ME to know something.) I asked my 11 yr old to

look in 's backpack to see if the glasses were in it, cause wasn't

giving me a straight answer about them. To my dismay.... had a very

sharp, steak knife, in his backpack. I go so angry at him..i was screaming at

him in the car... His only reaction was to get an attitude with me....what he

seems to do when he's defensive...but, it was like he had NO understanding

of why I was mad....but then again, he MUST have, cause he understood to HIDE

the knife...as was unzipping that compartment, told him " don't go

in there! " .

At this moment...I just don't know what to do....sigh....

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

...

Thanks for your response...

I tried not to scold him 'harshly', because I agree with you... it's a bit

of a battle here lately, because my husband has been much harsher with him

lately, and I've been asking him to stop and think before he reacts....that we

need to TALK to , and try to reason with him more.

Even with his siblings though...he's a little standoffish in his

adolescence. He now likes to remind the 3 younger ones that he is OLDER than

them, and

he's their BIG brother, if they question him about anything. He doesn't have

much of a relationship with his older brothers...as he's pretty delayed, and

with teenagers...they just don't feel they relate to him. 's main

companion is our 4 yr old son. HOWEVER, I have heard my 11 yr old son ask him

questions, and who has a HOST of imaginary friends, will blame it on

them. " Boy needs it " , or, " it wasn't me, it was Zombie " (they have strange

names! ha)...

I need to do some research...but I'm starting to worry about a couple other

possibilities. hmmm.

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

Possibly...i really can't imagine... his body growing and changing and going

thru so much 'adult' stuff...that he can't comprehend...i know he likes to

look at girls now...etc... but, really...i know he doesn't comprehend it all...

[Guest guest]

Dear Angel--

This is just speculation, but I wonder if is feeling jealous of his

siblings (cell phone stealing) or angry about the fact that because of his

delays he can't always really be the big brother he wants to be? It's got to be

so frustrating, confusing, and saddening to have to deal with the problems of

mosaic Down syndrome along with all the other problems many of us experience

during adolescence. And perhaps he sees his younger siblings getting ahead of

him in some ways . . . how tough would that be? If he has some language

delays, it's got to be hard to express feelings that are complicated or

difficult

to express anyway. (My kids are still young, but I had a difficult

adolescence and really feel for anyone else who does.)

I also wonder if maybe he feels vulnerable or afraid at school (the knife)

but doesn't want to admit it since that would further undermine his sense that

he should be the " big " brother? Is there a counselor, psychologist or

minister in your area that could talk to, preferably one that might have

some

experience dealing with someone for whom developmental delays in some areas

makes working through the trials of adolescence particularly difficult?

(Believe me, I know that finding professionals like this and then paying for

them

can be a lot easier said than done.) Or maybe an extended family member or

family friend that might feel connected to, one less involved with his

daily life and thus less stressed by his behavior than parents and siblings

understandably must be?

Do you have a good relationship with 's school? Could you ask someone

there to keep an eye out for any frightened or angry behavior on 's

part--and for anything that could be motivating it? Perhaps a counselor? Or

would

that cause more problems for him, I'm not sure? In the meantime, I'd keep

checking his backpack before and after school just to make sure he doesn't get

in trouble outside the family or accidentally hurt himself or someone else.

I really think it's great that you're open with us on the list serv about

these problems--I think you help all of us in the long run and it shows that

you're a strong parent, willing to look at your son's problems squarely and to

help him to the best of your ability. None of us could do better!

Hang in there and I hope the school year turns out to be a positive one for

and for you and the rest of your family.

All the best,

Mom to Forester (4) and Anton (18 months, MDS).

[Guest guest]

Thanks ...

you may have hit some things right on the head... what an absolutely

confusing time. I honestly dreaded it coming, and have often been grateful he

wasn't a girl.... To all of you parents who have adolescent girls with MDS...I

applaud you... the hormones, the periods...etc.

I've been thinking today, between trying to read some things online, about a

teen social worker I'd met with a few years ago for my stepson, and giving

her a call. I'm sure I'll give her a call before the days out. She met with

once, and seemed very willing to try to be understanding of the MDS, and

how that makes diagnosing things DIFFERENT. (We were talking about ADD when

we met with her before)

Thanks!!

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

Angel,

Being a new parent, I don't know if I'm even entitled to an opinion, but have

you tried having 's brothers ask him why he needs those things?

I have a feeling that won't be so forthcoming to his parents since he's

been scolded for that behavior, so his reaction would be to close himself up to

you, when confronted about his odd behavior.

But if his siblings approached him as someone that could help him deal with it,

he may come forward and open up to them. Just make sure he's not approached in a

comdemning manner, or else he'll probably just close himself up to them too.

Also, I think does understand that you do not approve of that behaviour,

but he may also think that that disapproval is unwarranted.

Please keep me posted on how this progresses, as it seems like something I may

have to face with Logan.

Problems w/

I'm starting to have my first real problem with . He's starting to

take things that don't belong to him. We were on a little 'vacation' of sorts a

couple weeks ago, and he took his father's cell phone in the hotel. We

couldn't find it, and he denied having it, until we heard it ringing in his

pocket that night.

Yesterday was the first day back to school. This shouldn't have been

'traumatic' in any way for ....same school, same teacher, same

classroom... he's well liked, the teacher has confided in me several times that

is his

favorite student, etc. 3 of our cell phones went missing over the last

several days. I thought my older son had looked in s room/backpack for the

phones, but he didn't look very thoroughly. After school, we found 2 of our

phones, AND my older son's watch... a graduation present, one of my husbands

$350 watches that he passed down. ::gulp:: So, again, was scolded....

but I don't know that he comprehends what the problem is.

One phone is still missing. I asked his teacher to look around the class room.

Within hours of finding this after school.... my 11 yr old son catches

sneaking into his bedroom with a lighter (the type for lighting candles,

etc), and his dad's Blackberry. is reprimanded AGAIN for taking things

that don't belong to him, and about the lighter being dangerous.

This morning... we're in the car on the way to school. I asked where

his glasses were. He kinda stumbled over an answer (what he does when he

doesn't know, or doesn't want ME to know something.) I asked my 11 yr old to

look in 's backpack to see if the glasses were in it, cause wasn't

giving me a straight answer about them. To my dismay.... had a very

sharp, steak knife, in his backpack. I go so angry at him..i was screaming at

him in the car... His only reaction was to get an attitude with me....what he

seems to do when he's defensive... but, it was like he had NO understanding

of why I was mad....but then again, he MUST have, cause he understood to HIDE

the knife...as was unzipping that compartment, told him " don't go

in there! " .

At this moment...I just don't know what to do....sigh.. ..

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschspru ng's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

Terry... I like your suggestions. Ya know...there is one thing

constantly asks for, and tells me " because I'm a teenager " .... I haven't been in

a

rush to do it, but I'm not completely opposed to it.... but strangely, the boy

wants his ear pierced! Hmmmm.... maybe i should really consider it, if

something as small as a tiny lil earring will make him feel like he's " come of

age " .

He has a watch, but your right, it didn't belong to dad.... and no, he

doesn't have a cell phone, but I've considered if we should give him one that's

not working, but he can charge it, and it will LOOK like it works.... Maybe

some things we can try to implement, and see if things don't change...

Thank you!

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

I do think that it might be hormonal...my daughter does some things that hare

pretty out there...she will talk in the 3rd party alot...if she is getting close

to " that time of the month " she gets very withdrawn and insecure..she cries all

the time during that time and trying to get her to stop crying is a hard thing

to do...with I think talking to him in a stern but calm manner si a good

thing...that way they will know when they are doing something that they

shouldn't be doing....whether he will understand what you are saying or telling

him might be a different story..it may take some time for it to click in his

mind that what he is doing is a bad thing...for it takes almost weeks

before she understands that what she is doing is bad...

Debbie/mom to 12 (MDS), 14

LDSAngel77@... wrote:

I'm starting to have my first real problem with . He's starting

to

take things that don't belong to him. We were on a little 'vacation' of sorts a

couple weeks ago, and he took his father's cell phone in the hotel. We

couldn't find it, and he denied having it, until we heard it ringing in his

pocket that night.

Yesterday was the first day back to school. This shouldn't have been

'traumatic' in any way for ....same school, same teacher, same

classroom...he's well liked, the teacher has confided in me several times that

is his

favorite student, etc. 3 of our cell phones went missing over the last

several days. I thought my older son had looked in s room/backpack for the

phones, but he didn't look very thoroughly. After school, we found 2 of our

phones, AND my older son's watch... a graduation present, one of my husbands

$350 watches that he passed down. ::gulp:: So, again, was scolded....

but I don't know that he comprehends what the problem is.

One phone is still missing. I asked his teacher to look around the class room.

Within hours of finding this after school.... my 11 yr old son catches

sneaking into his bedroom with a lighter (the type for lighting candles,

etc), and his dad's Blackberry. is reprimanded AGAIN for taking things

that don't belong to him, and about the lighter being dangerous.

This morning... we're in the car on the way to school. I asked where

his glasses were. He kinda stumbled over an answer (what he does when he

doesn't know, or doesn't want ME to know something.) I asked my 11 yr old to

look in 's backpack to see if the glasses were in it, cause wasn't

giving me a straight answer about them. To my dismay.... had a very

sharp, steak knife, in his backpack. I go so angry at him..i was screaming at

him in the car... His only reaction was to get an attitude with me....what he

seems to do when he's defensive...but, it was like he had NO understanding

of why I was mad....but then again, he MUST have, cause he understood to HIDE

the knife...as was unzipping that compartment, told him " don't go

in there! " .

At this moment...I just don't know what to do....sigh....

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

Angel, Could , being an adolescent with all the hormonal changes, and

knowing he is older than his younger brothers, be looking for teenage

verification of his " self " (I'm a young man) by wanting the cell phones, watch,

etc. that the older brothers and Dad have and use? Even the knife could be a

plea because he knows its not acceptable behavior. Perhaps during a calm car

ride, getting an ice cream maybe, or walk with you he wouldnt feel so defensive

(my son does the attitude thing also) and this environmental change may let him

listen to some prepared, c almly presented, non threatening questions from you.

If thats the message he is trying to convey, then perhaps earning his own watch

or cell phone so he feels accepted as a young man would satisfy his need to fit

in and he wouldnt continue to take items he feels are for grownups. Just

something to ponder and hope its helpful. Terry, mom to Craig18, mds

Re: Problems w/

...

Thanks for your response...

I tried not to scold him 'harshly', because I agree with you... it's a bit

of a battle here lately, because my husband has been much harsher with him

lately, and I've been asking him to stop and think before he reacts....that we

need to TALK to , and try to reason with him more.

Even with his siblings though...he's a little standoffish in his

adolescence. He now likes to remind the 3 younger ones that he is OLDER than

them, and

he's their BIG brother, if they question him about anything. He doesn't have

much of a relationship with his older brothers...as he's pretty delayed, and

with teenagers...they just don't feel they relate to him. 's main

companion is our 4 yr old son. HOWEVER, I have heard my 11 yr old son ask him

questions, and who has a HOST of imaginary friends, will blame it on

them. " Boy needs it " , or, " it wasn't me, it was Zombie " (they have strange

names! ha)...

I need to do some research...but I'm starting to worry about a couple other

possibilities. hmmm.

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/15/2006 7:28:18 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,

Caregar@... writes:

But, wouldn't we all like to blame our mistakes on someone else once in

awhile?

Ain't that the truth... that's it!!! I'm making up an imaginary friend

tonight!!!

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

Angel,

has one imaginary friend, Woofer (her left hand) whose cousin, Biffer,

occasionally visits. She blames Woofer for everything that goes wrong. I hear

" Woofer did it " or " Woofer made me do it " all the time. She even blames Woofer

for her self-injurious behavior. We have tried locking Woofer up, throwing him

away, even trying to leave him in Rocky Mountain National Park this summer. But

he always finds him way back. If she's not too anxious she can suppress him.

She knows Woofer is imaginary - she's calls him her imaginary friend. And in

discussion she can admit that she's responsible for her actions. But, in the

moment she just can't. Hopefully as she and get older they can learn to

take responsibility for what they do. We talk alot to about how she has

power over Woofer and is in control of him.

But, wouldn't we all like to blame our mistakes on someone else once in awhile?

Sue

(Norah 18, 13 MDS & ADHD)

Re: Problems w/

...

Thanks for your response...

I tried not to scold him 'harshly', because I agree with you... it's a bit

of a battle here lately, because my husband has been much harsher with him

lately, and I've been asking him to stop and think before he reacts....that we

need to TALK to , and try to reason with him more.

Even with his siblings though...he's a little standoffish in his

adolescence. He now likes to remind the 3 younger ones that he is OLDER than

them, and

he's their BIG brother, if they question him about anything. He doesn't have

much of a relationship with his older brothers...as he's pretty delayed, and

with teenagers...they just don't feel they relate to him. 's main

companion is our 4 yr old son. HOWEVER, I have heard my 11 yr old son ask him

questions, and who has a HOST of imaginary friends, will blame it on

them. " Boy needs it " , or, " it wasn't me, it was Zombie " (they have strange

names! ha)...

I need to do some research...but I'm starting to worry about a couple other

possibilities. hmmm.

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4

[Guest guest]

LOL I just wish my imaginary friend would do the dishes!

Kristy

LDSAngel77@... wrote:

In a message dated 8/15/2006 7:28:18 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,

Caregar@... writes:

But, wouldn't we all like to blame our mistakes on someone else once in

awhile?

Ain't that the truth... that's it!!! I'm making up an imaginary friend

tonight!!!

~ANGEL~

Mom to 13, Mosaic Down Syndrome/Hirschsprung's Disease

Lance 18, Tyler 14, 11

Jaeda 10 and Shayne 4