Re: Be careful of a BPD grandparent's involvement with YOUR child!

October 11, 2006

e,

There is one option that you can do that doesn't cost money: emancipate your

daugther. At 15 years of age, especially in TX, she could easily be

emancipated. (I lived in Dallas for 14 years -talk about hypocrisy = if anyone

ever says to you, " Oh, bless your little ole heart " this really means, " I'm

gonna stab you in the back and F up your life if it's the last thing I do,

animeannit = and I mean it. " )

If you went this route, neither your insane mother or you would have legal

custody of her, however, she could still live with you. This might effect your

SSDI payments if you claim her as a dependent, but it is an option to avoid that

destructive insanity.

Either way, I wish you the very best and your daughter, too. BPD's are

insane, and as you put it, you have nothing to lose, so this strategy might be a

gain.

All my best,

Greg.

phoenixsilverfire wrote:

>

> Phoenixsilverfire,

>

<<<<It is horrible what you have just gone through and your

daughter. >>>

Thank you Greg, it has been horrible and it was very painful for

my child and for me. She's still dealing, and probably will for a

long time, with the hurt from what happened.

Okay, now that I've finished this reply, it has turned into a

novella. Sorry about that, but it just was the right time and a safe

forum of people who do care a bit, know what BPD can be like in a

parent, and because Greg asked

For those of you interested in a real true story of just what

a BPD grandma can do, please read. Even if you don't respond, I have

to believe that others knowing of this " drama in real life " will

perhaps know something when and if it ever happens to them. I

wouldn't wish this trial on my worst enemy. Most wouldn't have

survived or triumphed. For learning that about myself, that I am

strong, I AM grateful. But the pain was and is terrible and it has

cut deeply inside me. I'm healing, and it takes time, but both my

daughter and I will heal and go on stronger from here

<<<<What I don't understand is what court order she has over you?>>>>

The court order is that she is " managing consevator " of child,

and all of child's rights (to marry, to be committed to mental

hospital, to enlist in service, to take child's earnings, to do

everything a parent can do) and I am " temporary possessory

conservator " which means I can only have child at grandma's whim.

When she feels like it, she can come and try to take her. Good luck

with taking a nearly 15 year old child, but she would try it. That's

just how she is.

Getting the court order was her utmost goal, and she paid good

money to get what she wanted from the court. She had child for a

visit of three weeks. Child told her some things about being unhappy.

child was 13, and she now terribly regrets being, as she

said " unfaithful " to me and her stepfather. She didn't realize what

her grandma would do and just how much grandma " hates " me (her words.)

The court order came about because I allowed child to stay

because child said some things due to grandma's manipulations.

Grandma has always felt she has 'a right' to child, and has never

accepted child as an individual (child has seen this and it hurts

her.) So grandma was allowed to keep child there, as a continued

visit, due to child's expressed unhappiness and desire to stay with

grandma; also due to grandma only communicating this stuff via email:

that I was a drug addict (not true, I have chronic pain treated for

15 years by one doctor); that I was an unfit parent (not true, and no

CPS or DHS investigation was ever done to prove this); and that I was

not a good christian and forgiving of my abusive father. Grandma did

same things she always has, and as my husband at the time said " If

you leave here there, the child will truly see grandma for what she

is. Until child sees it, you will NEVER be free from grandma. " Those

words stung (and finally ended a marriage that was dead for years),

but there was wisdom there. And I saw it, and allowed child to remain

in a situation I could not fight. Yes, I called authorities, yes I

tried to report kidnapping, yes I did everything my free attorney

told me to do to try to get her back. There was nothing, short of

flying to grandma's and involving the redneck cops that told me they

would not help me. Grandma had smeared me to the whole town, none of

whom had ever met me.

<<<<I would go to the Department of Human Services and explain the

situation, follow their advice and proceed from there. Each state

has different laws and that includes not having to recognize other

state's custody issues. Texas is one such state.>>>>>

I did all that and more. I have 20 years experience in law,

mostly litigation. Tried to file a report with both states that she

was a runaway, but this state's authorities could do nothing to

retrieve her. The Texas, small town, authorities would do nothing.

They said " if you come here to get here, we might go to grandma's

house and be a middle man, but if the child wants to stay and grandma

is taking care of her, then you allowing her to visit pretty much

says that you're okay with child staying here in Texas. " NOT true,

but nobody there sees grandma as anything but a good christian woman,

rescuing her poor grandchild from a drug abusing mother that doesn't

give a rip about her child. NOT true...but people will believe only

what the want to see. Most have no idea what a BPD is like and how

they can truly fool people and fuck with other people.

>> It was running through my head why you didn't call the local

authorities about a kidnapping? I just have a lot of questions. If

anyone took my child, especially my nada, I would cut her in half

with the law. >>>>

I did that. For most hours of every day, Monday thru Friday, I

diligently beat down every possible door. I sold all I owned to

invest in the fight, but it was never enough for a retainer after the

authorities refused to intervene. I spoke with dozens of my state

lawyers and Texas lawyers. Without a $5,000 to $20,000 retainer, I

could not find legal representation. The ACLU would not get involved.

The child protective agency in Texas asserted that the child was not

abused by grandma, unless I wanted to lie and say she was. Child

WANTED AND CHOSE to stay in grandma's " greener pastures " (grandma

always was a good briber and spent tons of money to win child's

love.) When a teenager chooses to stay away, getting the law

involved is only possible, it would seem, if you have MONEY and POWER

and an abusive situation. I had none of those.

Again, I also saw that the child would not willingly come back,

thought she made a good choice, and BELIEVED AND KNEW my child would

ultimately see reality and she would realize that she didn't want to

live with grandma. She did. After a few months. But by then my

marriage was over, I was broke, still on disability, and trying to

work again, and living in a shack. Our lives were blown apart, and I

had NOBODY. NO family, no support system. ONLY MYSELF. My daughter

was terrified to stand up to grandma, until reaching the point that

she was able and willing.

Grandma had, after a six month residency of child being in her

care, on the first day of six months, filed Conservatorship

paperwork, a restraining order which I was served with in my state,

and her affidavit (with no supporting evidence) saying I was a drug

addict now living with a homosexual roommate. Not true, never

documented, never sought treatment, never been arrested, never had

ANYONE accuse me of being a drug addict. But then she was never fond

of truth. I HAD FAITH MY CHILD WOULD SEE THE TRUTH AND MAKE HER

CHOICE TO COME BACK. I only feared she could not undo grandma's legal

action. I believe grandma knew this, and its why she moved so fast to

get legal order in place.

Grandma knew I couldn't afford lawyer, or even afford to fly out

and get child. She exploited those things, and that was just like

she's always been. I sold everything I had to find legal counsel, to

get a ticket to fly out there. I had a ticket, but grandma informed

me I would only be able to see my child in HER home, stay in her

home, and be monitored with no freedom to go ANYWHERE with my own

child. I was not willing or able to submit to such dictatorial

bullshit, so I bought ticket for child to visit me over holidays

because child begged us both for that. Grandma refused to let that

happen. Her control was her modus operandi her whole life. I had

enough of it, and wouldn't engage outside of the court's dictates. I

obeyed the restaining order, until daughter started communicating

online with me. Grandma restricted it, but child snuck around it and

kept writing me. I responded. I wrote her most days, and everyday

the month of Christmas. My child needed me, and I used the tools I

had while I hunted for others.

Ultimately it was my boss that found me a PRO BONO lawyer in her

town. He has legal connections and I was amazed that he pulled this

off. He said repeatedly " it will be a miracle if you get her back,

your mother is crazy as a loon and you have no way to prove it or get

back a child that chose that crazy woman over you. " He told me I

needed to find " a do-gooder that will work for free " and I tried. No

luck, not even in Houston, Dallas or Amarillo. It was disheartening.

The attorney he got me, however, did the bare minimum because she

makes no money off me. However she did make a handshake deal with

grandma's lawyer, after child went to grandma's lawyer and said 'SEND

ME HOME, THIS LADY'S CRAZY!' The handshake deal let me get child,

drive out there, and take all her stuff. Grandma wanted NOTHING of

child's left in her house. Because in grandma's mind, the child had

betrayed her. The child made her own choice, but grandma now hates

child for leaving her.

When I picked up child, grandma wouldn't look at me or talk to

me. She had agreed to the handshake deal, and that was that. She

expected me to not come get child, that I didn't care because I was

such a loser, and that I would fail. My own lawyer said " they're

giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. " The handshake deal

was the best my daughter and I could get, after 9 months of searching

and boss helping.

During those 9 months I was severely depressed, my life had

ended in every way, my home was blown apart, got no financial or

emotional support from now exhusband, and I was fighting ALONE for

what was right. Grandma is not equipped mentally to raise the child

and I feared for how child would be hurt over years if she stayed

there. I never enjoyed the time child was gone, all I could do was

work to fight for her. BTW, I went from 150 lbs. to 114 and looked

like a skeleton. Grandma then wrote me a letter and said I

was " anorexic " and needed inpatient care for my additional eating

disorder. I lost that weight in one month, after all this first

happened. Gee, I wonder WHY, because I have no eating disorder and

was fat my whole life until I worked hard to take off 150 lbs. But

again, that was a healthy choice that obese grandma condemned by

calling me anorexic after I sent pictures to my daughter to say hi, i

love you. Good example of how feeding a BPD parent any information

is a rotten choice. It WILL be used against you, no matter how good

your intentions may be.

<<<<< Be sure and document everything she does to you and your

daugther. Also, some states will listen to the child as an adult

before they are 18. These are questions you have to get answers to

from legal sources; don't take any other source as the law. >>>>>

I have documented it all. Until I get thousands of dollars to

lift the court order, which grandma said she would do back when I

picked up child, things remain this way. Grandma still tries to take

my disability money, the portion I get for child, due to

child " living " with her for 9 months. She feels entitled to that

benefit and has made more trouble with me and SSDI in her attempt to

get her hands on money. She has not released order, and I figure its

because she still thinks I am going to fail because I am a shitty

mother. She'll get bored with messing with my sister in her town, at

some point, and return to suck more life from me and daughter. This

is just a reality. It affects me, and daughter, but I am powerless to

change it. I TRIED. God help me, there's nothing worse than not

having the power to fight for what's right. But then we learn some

pretty valuable lessons those times. At least that's what I've

learned.

> Greg. >

Greg, thanks for asking the questions. I've answered them over and

over to authorities, legal people, friends, etc. Writing them here

is something I'm going to keep, as I write often and document

everything. some day, I hope that will benefit me or my daughter in

some as yet unforeseen way. I gotta hope...otherwise its hard to

accept that going thru this hell had any purpose, if nothing good

comes from it!

e

---------------------------------

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October 11, 2006

Greg, I'm glad you suggested emancipation. Strangely enough I fought

like hell to be emancipated myself when I was 16, graduated high

school, started college and worked full time. Momster wouldn't allow

it, so in my little evil heart it would be my PLEASURE to have my

daughter want emancipation and make it happen. But that's MY baggage.

I'm going to do my research, talk to my legal advisor, and get

information before broaching it with child. She is actually very

inclined to just that, as she has friends that are emancipated and

she envies their freedom. Er, not that much would change in her home

life with ME, but she's the type of kid that would be down with that.

I'll find out my state's stuff, and investigate this option. Because

the alternative of facing 3 years and 2 months of momster's power

trips is pretty disgusting and scary. Oh, and I'm working to get off

disability so the income for child is nearly a non-issue

Oh and I won't hold it against you that you're from Texas

I've always hated that state...and those hypocrites that smile at you

while they hide the dagger behind their sheep's clothing! Heh, my

daughter took a picture of me on the border of Texas. The big sign on

the highway has me underneath it flipping the bird. Love that picture.

e

>

> e,

>

> There is one option that you can do that doesn't cost money:

emancipate your daugther. At 15 years of age, especially in TX, she

could easily be emancipated. (I lived in Dallas for 14 years -talk

about hypocrisy = if anyone ever says to you, " Oh, bless your little

ole heart " this really means, " I'm gonna stab you in the back and F

up your life if it's the last thing I do, animeannit = and I mean

it. " )

>

> If you went this route, neither your insane mother or you would

have legal custody of her, however, she could still live with you.

This might effect your SSDI payments if you claim her as a dependent,

but it is an option to avoid that destructive insanity.

>

> Either way, I wish you the very best and your daughter, too.

BPD's are insane, and as you put it, you have nothing to lose, so

this strategy might be a gain.

>

> All my best,

>

> Greg.

>

October 11, 2006

e,

I am definitely not one to make any promises what-so-ever- please

hear that upfront and clearly. BUT, I live in Texas and I know a

couple of attorneys and one whose a good friend's brother is a family

court attorney. He presides over divorces and custody hearings. I

only see him once or twice a year but mainly at Christmas as we don't

go home at Christmas anymore and we always spend Christmas eve at

their house and that's when I see him (he's never married after being

so burned out on family law, but he absolutely adores my boys and

vice-versa). If you don't mind, I'd like to print out the details of

your case and see what he thinks. This sounds absurdly illegal and

the fact she's taking your social security disability checks when she

is obviously not in need of it w/being able to hire all these

lawyers, I just don't understand why she's not in jail for fraud. I

would perhaps look at filing something w/Social Security for fraud if

she received anything from them for your disability regardless of her

having custody of your daughter for 9 months. Have you looked at that

option or tried to see what recourse you have w/the Federal gov't for

taking your social security money? Its one thing if SS doesn't give

you as much for those 9 months, but another if she is taking it and

claiming dd as a dependant and take our tax paying money. Its utterly

infuriating how bps work the system.

Let me know if you'd like me to run it by my friend. You can email me

privately if you like.

Kerrie

> >

> > Phoenixsilverfire,

> >

> <<<<It is horrible what you have just gone through and your

> daughter. >>>

> Thank you Greg, it has been horrible and it was very painful

for

> my child and for me. She's still dealing, and probably will for a

> long time, with the hurt from what happened.

> Okay, now that I've finished this reply, it has turned into a

> novella. Sorry about that, but it just was the right time and a

safe

> forum of people who do care a bit, know what BPD can be like in a

> parent, and because Greg asked

> For those of you interested in a real true story of just

what

> a BPD grandma can do, please read. Even if you don't respond, I

have

> to believe that others knowing of this " drama in real life " will

> perhaps know something when and if it ever happens to them. I

> wouldn't wish this trial on my worst enemy. Most wouldn't have

> survived or triumphed. For learning that about myself, that I am

> strong, I AM grateful. But the pain was and is terrible and it has

> cut deeply inside me. I'm healing, and it takes time, but both my

> daughter and I will heal and go on stronger from here

>

> <<<<What I don't understand is what court order she has over you?

>>>>

>

> The court order is that she is " managing consevator " of child,

> and all of child's rights (to marry, to be committed to mental

> hospital, to enlist in service, to take child's earnings, to do

> everything a parent can do) and I am " temporary possessory

> conservator " which means I can only have child at grandma's whim.

> When she feels like it, she can come and try to take her. Good luck

> with taking a nearly 15 year old child, but she would try it.

That's

> just how she is.

> Getting the court order was her utmost goal, and she paid good

> money to get what she wanted from the court. She had child for a

> visit of three weeks. Child told her some things about being

unhappy.

> child was 13, and she now terribly regrets being, as she

> said " unfaithful " to me and her stepfather. She didn't realize what

> her grandma would do and just how much grandma " hates " me (her

words.)

> The court order came about because I allowed child to stay

> because child said some things due to grandma's manipulations.

> Grandma has always felt she has 'a right' to child, and has never

> accepted child as an individual (child has seen this and it hurts

> her.) So grandma was allowed to keep child there, as a continued

> visit, due to child's expressed unhappiness and desire to stay with

> grandma; also due to grandma only communicating this stuff via

email:

> that I was a drug addict (not true, I have chronic pain treated for

> 15 years by one doctor); that I was an unfit parent (not true, and

no

> CPS or DHS investigation was ever done to prove this); and that I

was

> not a good christian and forgiving of my abusive father. Grandma

did

> same things she always has, and as my husband at the time said " If

> you leave here there, the child will truly see grandma for what she

> is. Until child sees it, you will NEVER be free from grandma. "

Those

> words stung (and finally ended a marriage that was dead for years),

> but there was wisdom there. And I saw it, and allowed child to

remain

> in a situation I could not fight. Yes, I called authorities, yes I

> tried to report kidnapping, yes I did everything my free attorney

> told me to do to try to get her back. There was nothing, short of

> flying to grandma's and involving the redneck cops that told me

they

> would not help me. Grandma had smeared me to the whole town, none

of

> whom had ever met me.

>

> <<<<I would go to the Department of Human Services and explain the

> situation, follow their advice and proceed from there. Each state

> has different laws and that includes not having to recognize other

> state's custody issues. Texas is one such state.>>>>>

>

> I did all that and more. I have 20 years experience in law,

> mostly litigation. Tried to file a report with both states that she

> was a runaway, but this state's authorities could do nothing to

> retrieve her. The Texas, small town, authorities would do nothing.

> They said " if you come here to get here, we might go to grandma's

> house and be a middle man, but if the child wants to stay and

grandma

> is taking care of her, then you allowing her to visit pretty much

> says that you're okay with child staying here in Texas. " NOT true,

> but nobody there sees grandma as anything but a good christian

woman,

> rescuing her poor grandchild from a drug abusing mother that

doesn't

> give a rip about her child. NOT true...but people will believe only

> what the want to see. Most have no idea what a BPD is like and how

> they can truly fool people and fuck with other people.

>

> >> It was running through my head why you didn't call the local

> authorities about a kidnapping? I just have a lot of questions.

If

> anyone took my child, especially my nada, I would cut her in half

> with the law. >>>>

>

> I did that. For most hours of every day, Monday thru Friday,

I

> diligently beat down every possible door. I sold all I owned to

> invest in the fight, but it was never enough for a retainer after

the

> authorities refused to intervene. I spoke with dozens of my state

> lawyers and Texas lawyers. Without a $5,000 to $20,000 retainer, I

> could not find legal representation. The ACLU would not get

involved.

> The child protective agency in Texas asserted that the child was

not

> abused by grandma, unless I wanted to lie and say she was. Child

> WANTED AND CHOSE to stay in grandma's " greener pastures " (grandma

> always was a good briber and spent tons of money to win child's

> love.) When a teenager chooses to stay away, getting the law

> involved is only possible, it would seem, if you have MONEY and

POWER

> and an abusive situation. I had none of those.

> Again, I also saw that the child would not willingly come

back,

> thought she made a good choice, and BELIEVED AND KNEW my child

would

> ultimately see reality and she would realize that she didn't want

to

> live with grandma. She did. After a few months. But by then my

> marriage was over, I was broke, still on disability, and trying to

> work again, and living in a shack. Our lives were blown apart, and

I

> had NOBODY. NO family, no support system. ONLY MYSELF. My daughter

> was terrified to stand up to grandma, until reaching the point that

> she was able and willing.

> Grandma had, after a six month residency of child being in her

> care, on the first day of six months, filed Conservatorship

> paperwork, a restraining order which I was served with in my state,

> and her affidavit (with no supporting evidence) saying I was a drug

> addict now living with a homosexual roommate. Not true, never

> documented, never sought treatment, never been arrested, never had

> ANYONE accuse me of being a drug addict. But then she was never

fond

> of truth. I HAD FAITH MY CHILD WOULD SEE THE TRUTH AND MAKE HER

> CHOICE TO COME BACK. I only feared she could not undo grandma's

legal

> action. I believe grandma knew this, and its why she moved so fast

to

> get legal order in place.

> Grandma knew I couldn't afford lawyer, or even afford to fly

out

> and get child. She exploited those things, and that was just like

> she's always been. I sold everything I had to find legal counsel,

to

> get a ticket to fly out there. I had a ticket, but grandma informed

> me I would only be able to see my child in HER home, stay in her

> home, and be monitored with no freedom to go ANYWHERE with my own

> child. I was not willing or able to submit to such dictatorial

> bullshit, so I bought ticket for child to visit me over holidays

> because child begged us both for that. Grandma refused to let that

> happen. Her control was her modus operandi her whole life. I had

> enough of it, and wouldn't engage outside of the court's dictates.

I

> obeyed the restaining order, until daughter started communicating

> online with me. Grandma restricted it, but child snuck around it

and

> kept writing me. I responded. I wrote her most days, and everyday

> the month of Christmas. My child needed me, and I used the tools I

> had while I hunted for others.

> Ultimately it was my boss that found me a PRO BONO lawyer in

her

> town. He has legal connections and I was amazed that he pulled this

> off. He said repeatedly " it will be a miracle if you get her back,

> your mother is crazy as a loon and you have no way to prove it or

get

> back a child that chose that crazy woman over you. " He told me I

> needed to find " a do-gooder that will work for free " and I tried.

No

> luck, not even in Houston, Dallas or Amarillo. It was

disheartening.

> The attorney he got me, however, did the bare minimum because she

> makes no money off me. However she did make a handshake deal with

> grandma's lawyer, after child went to grandma's lawyer and

said 'SEND

> ME HOME, THIS LADY'S CRAZY!' The handshake deal let me get child,

> drive out there, and take all her stuff. Grandma wanted NOTHING of

> child's left in her house. Because in grandma's mind, the child

had

> betrayed her. The child made her own choice, but grandma now hates

> child for leaving her.

> When I picked up child, grandma wouldn't look at me or talk to

> me. She had agreed to the handshake deal, and that was that. She

> expected me to not come get child, that I didn't care because I was

> such a loser, and that I would fail. My own lawyer said " they're

> giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. " The handshake deal

> was the best my daughter and I could get, after 9 months of

searching

> and boss helping.

> During those 9 months I was severely depressed, my life had

> ended in every way, my home was blown apart, got no financial or

> emotional support from now exhusband, and I was fighting ALONE for

> what was right. Grandma is not equipped mentally to raise the child

> and I feared for how child would be hurt over years if she stayed

> there. I never enjoyed the time child was gone, all I could do was

> work to fight for her. BTW, I went from 150 lbs. to 114 and looked

> like a skeleton. Grandma then wrote me a letter and said I

> was " anorexic " and needed inpatient care for my additional eating

> disorder. I lost that weight in one month, after all this first

> happened. Gee, I wonder WHY, because I have no eating disorder and

> was fat my whole life until I worked hard to take off 150 lbs. But

> again, that was a healthy choice that obese grandma condemned by

> calling me anorexic after I sent pictures to my daughter to say hi,

i

> love you. Good example of how feeding a BPD parent any information

> is a rotten choice. It WILL be used against you, no matter how good

> your intentions may be.

>

> <<<<< Be sure and document everything she does to you and your

> daugther. Also, some states will listen to the child as an adult

> before they are 18. These are questions you have to get answers to

> from legal sources; don't take any other source as the law. >>>>>

> I have documented it all. Until I get thousands of dollars to

> lift the court order, which grandma said she would do back when I

> picked up child, things remain this way. Grandma still tries to

take

> my disability money, the portion I get for child, due to

> child " living " with her for 9 months. She feels entitled to that

> benefit and has made more trouble with me and SSDI in her attempt

to

> get her hands on money. She has not released order, and I figure

its

> because she still thinks I am going to fail because I am a shitty

> mother. She'll get bored with messing with my sister in her town,

at

> some point, and return to suck more life from me and daughter. This

> is just a reality. It affects me, and daughter, but I am powerless

to

> change it. I TRIED. God help me, there's nothing worse than not

> having the power to fight for what's right. But then we learn some

> pretty valuable lessons those times. At least that's what I've

> learned.

>

> > Greg. >

>

> Greg, thanks for asking the questions. I've answered them over and

> over to authorities, legal people, friends, etc. Writing them here

> is something I'm going to keep, as I write often and document

> everything. some day, I hope that will benefit me or my daughter in

> some as yet unforeseen way. I gotta hope...otherwise its hard to

> accept that going thru this hell had any purpose, if nothing good

> comes from it!

> e

>

October 11, 2006

Have you tried to invole the media? Its a long shot, but with the ability

to blog and to so forth you could always email reporters with this as a

human interest thing.

-Ata

>

> e,

>

> I am definitely not one to make any promises what-so-ever- please

> hear that upfront and clearly. BUT, I live in Texas and I know a

> couple of attorneys and one whose a good friend's brother is a family

> court attorney. He presides over divorces and custody hearings. I

> only see him once or twice a year but mainly at Christmas as we don't

> go home at Christmas anymore and we always spend Christmas eve at

> their house and that's when I see him (he's never married after being

> so burned out on family law, but he absolutely adores my boys and

> vice-versa). If you don't mind, I'd like to print out the details of

> your case and see what he thinks. This sounds absurdly illegal and

> the fact she's taking your social security disability checks when she

> is obviously not in need of it w/being able to hire all these

> lawyers, I just don't understand why she's not in jail for fraud. I

> would perhaps look at filing something w/Social Security for fraud if

> she received anything from them for your disability regardless of her

> having custody of your daughter for 9 months. Have you looked at that

> option or tried to see what recourse you have w/the Federal gov't for

> taking your social security money? Its one thing if SS doesn't give

> you as much for those 9 months, but another if she is taking it and

> claiming dd as a dependant and take our tax paying money. Its utterly

> infuriating how bps work the system.

>

> Let me know if you'd like me to run it by my friend. You can email me

> privately if you like.

>

> Kerrie

>

> > >

> > > Phoenixsilverfire,

> > >

> > <<<<It is horrible what you have just gone through and your

> > daughter. >>>

> > Thank you Greg, it has been horrible and it was very painful

> for

> > my child and for me. She's still dealing, and probably will for a

> > long time, with the hurt from what happened.

> > Okay, now that I've finished this reply, it has turned into a

> > novella. Sorry about that, but it just was the right time and a

> safe

> > forum of people who do care a bit, know what BPD can be like in a

> > parent, and because Greg asked

> > For those of you interested in a real true story of just

> what

> > a BPD grandma can do, please read. Even if you don't respond, I

> have

> > to believe that others knowing of this " drama in real life " will

> > perhaps know something when and if it ever happens to them. I

> > wouldn't wish this trial on my worst enemy. Most wouldn't have

> > survived or triumphed. For learning that about myself, that I am

> > strong, I AM grateful. But the pain was and is terrible and it has

> > cut deeply inside me. I'm healing, and it takes time, but both my

> > daughter and I will heal and go on stronger from here

> >

> > <<<<What I don't understand is what court order she has over you?

> >>>>

> >

> > The court order is that she is " managing consevator " of child,

> > and all of child's rights (to marry, to be committed to mental

> > hospital, to enlist in service, to take child's earnings, to do

> > everything a parent can do) and I am " temporary possessory

> > conservator " which means I can only have child at grandma's whim.

> > When she feels like it, she can come and try to take her. Good luck

> > with taking a nearly 15 year old child, but she would try it.

> That's

> > just how she is.

> > Getting the court order was her utmost goal, and she paid good

> > money to get what she wanted from the court. She had child for a

> > visit of three weeks. Child told her some things about being

> unhappy.

> > child was 13, and she now terribly regrets being, as she

> > said " unfaithful " to me and her stepfather. She didn't realize what

> > her grandma would do and just how much grandma " hates " me (her

> words.)

> > The court order came about because I allowed child to stay

> > because child said some things due to grandma's manipulations.

> > Grandma has always felt she has 'a right' to child, and has never

> > accepted child as an individual (child has seen this and it hurts

> > her.) So grandma was allowed to keep child there, as a continued

> > visit, due to child's expressed unhappiness and desire to stay with

> > grandma; also due to grandma only communicating this stuff via

> email:

> > that I was a drug addict (not true, I have chronic pain treated for

> > 15 years by one doctor); that I was an unfit parent (not true, and

> no

> > CPS or DHS investigation was ever done to prove this); and that I

> was

> > not a good christian and forgiving of my abusive father. Grandma

> did

> > same things she always has, and as my husband at the time said " If

> > you leave here there, the child will truly see grandma for what she

> > is. Until child sees it, you will NEVER be free from grandma. "

> Those

> > words stung (and finally ended a marriage that was dead for years),

> > but there was wisdom there. And I saw it, and allowed child to

> remain

> > in a situation I could not fight. Yes, I called authorities, yes I

> > tried to report kidnapping, yes I did everything my free attorney

> > told me to do to try to get her back. There was nothing, short of

> > flying to grandma's and involving the redneck cops that told me

> they

> > would not help me. Grandma had smeared me to the whole town, none

> of

> > whom had ever met me.

> >

> > <<<<I would go to the Department of Human Services and explain the

> > situation, follow their advice and proceed from there. Each state

> > has different laws and that includes not having to recognize other

> > state's custody issues. Texas is one such state.>>>>>

> >

> > I did all that and more. I have 20 years experience in law,

> > mostly litigation. Tried to file a report with both states that she

> > was a runaway, but this state's authorities could do nothing to

> > retrieve her. The Texas, small town, authorities would do nothing.

> > They said " if you come here to get here, we might go to grandma's

> > house and be a middle man, but if the child wants to stay and

> grandma

> > is taking care of her, then you allowing her to visit pretty much

> > says that you're okay with child staying here in Texas. " NOT true,

> > but nobody there sees grandma as anything but a good christian

> woman,

> > rescuing her poor grandchild from a drug abusing mother that

> doesn't

> > give a rip about her child. NOT true...but people will believe only

> > what the want to see. Most have no idea what a BPD is like and how

> > they can truly fool people and fuck with other people.

> >

> > >> It was running through my head why you didn't call the local

> > authorities about a kidnapping? I just have a lot of questions.

> If

> > anyone took my child, especially my nada, I would cut her in half

> > with the law. >>>>

> >

> > I did that. For most hours of every day, Monday thru Friday,

> I

> > diligently beat down every possible door. I sold all I owned to

> > invest in the fight, but it was never enough for a retainer after

> the

> > authorities refused to intervene. I spoke with dozens of my state

> > lawyers and Texas lawyers. Without a $5,000 to $20,000 retainer, I

> > could not find legal representation. The ACLU would not get

> involved.

> > The child protective agency in Texas asserted that the child was

> not

> > abused by grandma, unless I wanted to lie and say she was. Child

> > WANTED AND CHOSE to stay in grandma's " greener pastures " (grandma

> > always was a good briber and spent tons of money to win child's

> > love.) When a teenager chooses to stay away, getting the law

> > involved is only possible, it would seem, if you have MONEY and

> POWER

> > and an abusive situation. I had none of those.

> > Again, I also saw that the child would not willingly come

> back,

> > thought she made a good choice, and BELIEVED AND KNEW my child

> would

> > ultimately see reality and she would realize that she didn't want

> to

> > live with grandma. She did. After a few months. But by then my

> > marriage was over, I was broke, still on disability, and trying to

> > work again, and living in a shack. Our lives were blown apart, and

> I

> > had NOBODY. NO family, no support system. ONLY MYSELF. My daughter

> > was terrified to stand up to grandma, until reaching the point that

> > she was able and willing.

> > Grandma had, after a six month residency of child being in her

> > care, on the first day of six months, filed Conservatorship

> > paperwork, a restraining order which I was served with in my state,

> > and her affidavit (with no supporting evidence) saying I was a drug

> > addict now living with a homosexual roommate. Not true, never

> > documented, never sought treatment, never been arrested, never had

> > ANYONE accuse me of being a drug addict. But then she was never

> fond

> > of truth. I HAD FAITH MY CHILD WOULD SEE THE TRUTH AND MAKE HER

> > CHOICE TO COME BACK. I only feared she could not undo grandma's

> legal

> > action. I believe grandma knew this, and its why she moved so fast

> to

> > get legal order in place.

> > Grandma knew I couldn't afford lawyer, or even afford to fly

> out

> > and get child. She exploited those things, and that was just like

> > she's always been. I sold everything I had to find legal counsel,

> to

> > get a ticket to fly out there. I had a ticket, but grandma informed

> > me I would only be able to see my child in HER home, stay in her

> > home, and be monitored with no freedom to go ANYWHERE with my own

> > child. I was not willing or able to submit to such dictatorial

> > bullshit, so I bought ticket for child to visit me over holidays

> > because child begged us both for that. Grandma refused to let that

> > happen. Her control was her modus operandi her whole life. I had

> > enough of it, and wouldn't engage outside of the court's dictates.

> I

> > obeyed the restaining order, until daughter started communicating

> > online with me. Grandma restricted it, but child snuck around it

> and

> > kept writing me. I responded. I wrote her most days, and everyday

> > the month of Christmas. My child needed me, and I used the tools I

> > had while I hunted for others.

> > Ultimately it was my boss that found me a PRO BONO lawyer in

> her

> > town. He has legal connections and I was amazed that he pulled this

> > off. He said repeatedly " it will be a miracle if you get her back,

> > your mother is crazy as a loon and you have no way to prove it or

> get

> > back a child that chose that crazy woman over you. " He told me I

> > needed to find " a do-gooder that will work for free " and I tried.

> No

> > luck, not even in Houston, Dallas or Amarillo. It was

> disheartening.

> > The attorney he got me, however, did the bare minimum because she

> > makes no money off me. However she did make a handshake deal with

> > grandma's lawyer, after child went to grandma's lawyer and

> said 'SEND

> > ME HOME, THIS LADY'S CRAZY!' The handshake deal let me get child,

> > drive out there, and take all her stuff. Grandma wanted NOTHING of

> > child's left in her house. Because in grandma's mind, the child

> had

> > betrayed her. The child made her own choice, but grandma now hates

> > child for leaving her.

> > When I picked up child, grandma wouldn't look at me or talk to

> > me. She had agreed to the handshake deal, and that was that. She

> > expected me to not come get child, that I didn't care because I was

> > such a loser, and that I would fail. My own lawyer said " they're

> > giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. " The handshake deal

> > was the best my daughter and I could get, after 9 months of

> searching

> > and boss helping.

> > During those 9 months I was severely depressed, my life had

> > ended in every way, my home was blown apart, got no financial or

> > emotional support from now exhusband, and I was fighting ALONE for

> > what was right. Grandma is not equipped mentally to raise the child

> > and I feared for how child would be hurt over years if she stayed

> > there. I never enjoyed the time child was gone, all I could do was

> > work to fight for her. BTW, I went from 150 lbs. to 114 and looked

> > like a skeleton. Grandma then wrote me a letter and said I

> > was " anorexic " and needed inpatient care for my additional eating

> > disorder. I lost that weight in one month, after all this first

> > happened. Gee, I wonder WHY, because I have no eating disorder and

> > was fat my whole life until I worked hard to take off 150 lbs. But

> > again, that was a healthy choice that obese grandma condemned by

> > calling me anorexic after I sent pictures to my daughter to say hi,

> i

> > love you. Good example of how feeding a BPD parent any information

> > is a rotten choice. It WILL be used against you, no matter how good

> > your intentions may be.

> >

> > <<<<< Be sure and document everything she does to you and your

> > daugther. Also, some states will listen to the child as an adult

> > before they are 18. These are questions you have to get answers to

> > from legal sources; don't take any other source as the law. >>>>>

> > I have documented it all. Until I get thousands of dollars to

> > lift the court order, which grandma said she would do back when I

> > picked up child, things remain this way. Grandma still tries to

> take

> > my disability money, the portion I get for child, due to

> > child " living " with her for 9 months. She feels entitled to that

> > benefit and has made more trouble with me and SSDI in her attempt

> to

> > get her hands on money. She has not released order, and I figure

> its

> > because she still thinks I am going to fail because I am a shitty

> > mother. She'll get bored with messing with my sister in her town,

> at

> > some point, and return to suck more life from me and daughter. This

> > is just a reality. It affects me, and daughter, but I am powerless

> to

> > change it. I TRIED. God help me, there's nothing worse than not

> > having the power to fight for what's right. But then we learn some

> > pretty valuable lessons those times. At least that's what I've

> > learned.

> >

> > > Greg. >

> >

> > Greg, thanks for asking the questions. I've answered them over and

> > over to authorities, legal people, friends, etc. Writing them here

> > is something I'm going to keep, as I write often and document

> > everything. some day, I hope that will benefit me or my daughter in

> > some as yet unforeseen way. I gotta hope...otherwise its hard to

> > accept that going thru this hell had any purpose, if nothing good

> > comes from it!

> > e

> >

>

October 12, 2006

I am so so so sorry that this happened to you. Stories like this

still send me into shock. This gives me the drive to want to go to

school become a shrink specialize in personality disorders and prove

all the crazy BS is true. I also encourage my husband to further his

education and become a lawyer. This is something he wanted to do

anyways because of my nada and all the trials she has drug us

through. I think he only needs an additional 2 years. But reading

other peoples stories just gives me all the more drive. It's not

just me and my husband we can help other people to. I hate this when

this happens it just seems so sad. I remember when I was having my

ordeal w/ my nada I was thinking the whole time I should try and get

my sister removed from their home but I just couldn't bring myself

to do it. Even though I knew of the abuse I still couldn't do it. I

just kept thinking it is all she knows. How can a nada be so cruel?

Anyway I am so sorry and thank you so much for posting this I think

the best thing you can do is to raise awareness tell as many people

as you can maybe laws can be changed. Raise your voice raise

awareness and people will get mad enough to do something. All my

love Lizzy

> >

> > Phoenixsilverfire,

> >

> <<<<It is horrible what you have just gone through and your

> daughter. >>>

> Thank you Greg, it has been horrible and it was very painful

for

> my child and for me. She's still dealing, and probably will for a

> long time, with the hurt from what happened.

> Okay, now that I've finished this reply, it has turned into a

> novella. Sorry about that, but it just was the right time and a

safe

> forum of people who do care a bit, know what BPD can be like in a

> parent, and because Greg asked

> For those of you interested in a real true story of just

what

> a BPD grandma can do, please read. Even if you don't respond, I

have

> to believe that others knowing of this " drama in real life " will

> perhaps know something when and if it ever happens to them. I

> wouldn't wish this trial on my worst enemy. Most wouldn't have

> survived or triumphed. For learning that about myself, that I am

> strong, I AM grateful. But the pain was and is terrible and it has

> cut deeply inside me. I'm healing, and it takes time, but both my

> daughter and I will heal and go on stronger from here

>

> <<<<What I don't understand is what court order she has over you?

>>>>

>

> The court order is that she is " managing consevator " of child,

> and all of child's rights (to marry, to be committed to mental

> hospital, to enlist in service, to take child's earnings, to do

> everything a parent can do) and I am " temporary possessory

> conservator " which means I can only have child at grandma's whim.

> When she feels like it, she can come and try to take her. Good

luck

> with taking a nearly 15 year old child, but she would try it.

That's

> just how she is.

> Getting the court order was her utmost goal, and she paid good

> money to get what she wanted from the court. She had child for a

> visit of three weeks. Child told her some things about being

unhappy.

> child was 13, and she now terribly regrets being, as she

> said " unfaithful " to me and her stepfather. She didn't realize

what

> her grandma would do and just how much grandma " hates " me (her

words.)

> The court order came about because I allowed child to stay

> because child said some things due to grandma's manipulations.

> Grandma has always felt she has 'a right' to child, and has never

> accepted child as an individual (child has seen this and it hurts

> her.) So grandma was allowed to keep child there, as a continued

> visit, due to child's expressed unhappiness and desire to stay

with

> grandma; also due to grandma only communicating this stuff via

email:

> that I was a drug addict (not true, I have chronic pain treated

for

> 15 years by one doctor); that I was an unfit parent (not true, and

no

> CPS or DHS investigation was ever done to prove this); and that I

was

> not a good christian and forgiving of my abusive father. Grandma

did

> same things she always has, and as my husband at the time said " If

> you leave here there, the child will truly see grandma for what

she

> is. Until child sees it, you will NEVER be free from grandma. "

Those

> words stung (and finally ended a marriage that was dead for

years),

> but there was wisdom there. And I saw it, and allowed child to

remain

> in a situation I could not fight. Yes, I called authorities, yes I

> tried to report kidnapping, yes I did everything my free attorney

> told me to do to try to get her back. There was nothing, short of

> flying to grandma's and involving the redneck cops that told me

they

> would not help me. Grandma had smeared me to the whole town, none

of

> whom had ever met me.

>

> <<<<I would go to the Department of Human Services and explain the

> situation, follow their advice and proceed from there. Each state

> has different laws and that includes not having to recognize other

> state's custody issues. Texas is one such state.>>>>>

>

> I did all that and more. I have 20 years experience in law,

> mostly litigation. Tried to file a report with both states that

she

> was a runaway, but this state's authorities could do nothing to

> retrieve her. The Texas, small town, authorities would do

nothing.

> They said " if you come here to get here, we might go to grandma's

> house and be a middle man, but if the child wants to stay and

grandma

> is taking care of her, then you allowing her to visit pretty much

> says that you're okay with child staying here in Texas. " NOT

true,

> but nobody there sees grandma as anything but a good christian

woman,

> rescuing her poor grandchild from a drug abusing mother that

doesn't

> give a rip about her child. NOT true...but people will believe

only

> what the want to see. Most have no idea what a BPD is like and how

> they can truly fool people and fuck with other people.

>

> >> It was running through my head why you didn't call the local

> authorities about a kidnapping? I just have a lot of questions.

If

> anyone took my child, especially my nada, I would cut her in half

> with the law. >>>>

>

> I did that. For most hours of every day, Monday thru Friday,

I

> diligently beat down every possible door. I sold all I owned to

> invest in the fight, but it was never enough for a retainer after

the

> authorities refused to intervene. I spoke with dozens of my state

> lawyers and Texas lawyers. Without a $5,000 to $20,000 retainer, I

> could not find legal representation. The ACLU would not get

involved.

> The child protective agency in Texas asserted that the child was

not

> abused by grandma, unless I wanted to lie and say she was. Child

> WANTED AND CHOSE to stay in grandma's " greener pastures " (grandma

> always was a good briber and spent tons of money to win child's

> love.) When a teenager chooses to stay away, getting the law

> involved is only possible, it would seem, if you have MONEY and

POWER

> and an abusive situation. I had none of those.

> Again, I also saw that the child would not willingly come

back,

> thought she made a good choice, and BELIEVED AND KNEW my child

would

> ultimately see reality and she would realize that she didn't want

to

> live with grandma. She did. After a few months. But by then my

> marriage was over, I was broke, still on disability, and trying to

> work again, and living in a shack. Our lives were blown apart, and

I

> had NOBODY. NO family, no support system. ONLY MYSELF. My

daughter

> was terrified to stand up to grandma, until reaching the point

that

> she was able and willing.

> Grandma had, after a six month residency of child being in her

> care, on the first day of six months, filed Conservatorship

> paperwork, a restraining order which I was served with in my

state,

> and her affidavit (with no supporting evidence) saying I was a

drug

> addict now living with a homosexual roommate. Not true, never

> documented, never sought treatment, never been arrested, never had

> ANYONE accuse me of being a drug addict. But then she was never

fond

> of truth. I HAD FAITH MY CHILD WOULD SEE THE TRUTH AND MAKE HER

> CHOICE TO COME BACK. I only feared she could not undo grandma's

legal

> action. I believe grandma knew this, and its why she moved so fast

to

> get legal order in place.

> Grandma knew I couldn't afford lawyer, or even afford to fly

out

> and get child. She exploited those things, and that was just like

> she's always been. I sold everything I had to find legal counsel,

to

> get a ticket to fly out there. I had a ticket, but grandma

informed

> me I would only be able to see my child in HER home, stay in her

> home, and be monitored with no freedom to go ANYWHERE with my own

> child. I was not willing or able to submit to such dictatorial

> bullshit, so I bought ticket for child to visit me over holidays

> because child begged us both for that. Grandma refused to let

that

> happen. Her control was her modus operandi her whole life. I had

> enough of it, and wouldn't engage outside of the court's dictates.

I

> obeyed the restaining order, until daughter started communicating

> online with me. Grandma restricted it, but child snuck around it

and

> kept writing me. I responded. I wrote her most days, and everyday

> the month of Christmas. My child needed me, and I used the tools

I

> had while I hunted for others.

> Ultimately it was my boss that found me a PRO BONO lawyer in

her

> town. He has legal connections and I was amazed that he pulled

this

> off. He said repeatedly " it will be a miracle if you get her back,

> your mother is crazy as a loon and you have no way to prove it or

get

> back a child that chose that crazy woman over you. " He told me I

> needed to find " a do-gooder that will work for free " and I tried.

No

> luck, not even in Houston, Dallas or Amarillo. It was

disheartening.

> The attorney he got me, however, did the bare minimum because she

> makes no money off me. However she did make a handshake deal with

> grandma's lawyer, after child went to grandma's lawyer and

said 'SEND

> ME HOME, THIS LADY'S CRAZY!' The handshake deal let me get child,

> drive out there, and take all her stuff. Grandma wanted NOTHING of

> child's left in her house. Because in grandma's mind, the child

had

> betrayed her. The child made her own choice, but grandma now hates

> child for leaving her.

> When I picked up child, grandma wouldn't look at me or talk

to

> me. She had agreed to the handshake deal, and that was that. She

> expected me to not come get child, that I didn't care because I

was

> such a loser, and that I would fail. My own lawyer said " they're

> giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. " The handshake deal

> was the best my daughter and I could get, after 9 months of

searching

> and boss helping.

> During those 9 months I was severely depressed, my life had

> ended in every way, my home was blown apart, got no financial or

> emotional support from now exhusband, and I was fighting ALONE for

> what was right. Grandma is not equipped mentally to raise the

child

> and I feared for how child would be hurt over years if she stayed

> there. I never enjoyed the time child was gone, all I could do was

> work to fight for her. BTW, I went from 150 lbs. to 114 and

looked

> like a skeleton. Grandma then wrote me a letter and said I

> was " anorexic " and needed inpatient care for my additional eating

> disorder. I lost that weight in one month, after all this first

> happened. Gee, I wonder WHY, because I have no eating disorder and

> was fat my whole life until I worked hard to take off 150 lbs. But

> again, that was a healthy choice that obese grandma condemned by

> calling me anorexic after I sent pictures to my daughter to say

hi, i

> love you. Good example of how feeding a BPD parent any

information

> is a rotten choice. It WILL be used against you, no matter how

good

> your intentions may be.

>

> <<<<< Be sure and document everything she does to you and

your

> daugther. Also, some states will listen to the child as an adult

> before they are 18. These are questions you have to get answers

to

> from legal sources; don't take any other source as the law. >>>>>

> I have documented it all. Until I get thousands of dollars to

> lift the court order, which grandma said she would do back when I

> picked up child, things remain this way. Grandma still tries to

take

> my disability money, the portion I get for child, due to

> child " living " with her for 9 months. She feels entitled to that

> benefit and has made more trouble with me and SSDI in her attempt

to

> get her hands on money. She has not released order, and I figure

its

> because she still thinks I am going to fail because I am a shitty

> mother. She'll get bored with messing with my sister in her town,

at

> some point, and return to suck more life from me and daughter.

This

> is just a reality. It affects me, and daughter, but I am powerless

to

> change it. I TRIED. God help me, there's nothing worse than not

> having the power to fight for what's right. But then we learn some

> pretty valuable lessons those times. At least that's what I've

> learned.

>

> > Greg. >

>

> Greg, thanks for asking the questions. I've answered them over and

> over to authorities, legal people, friends, etc. Writing them

here

> is something I'm going to keep, as I write often and document

> everything. some day, I hope that will benefit me or my daughter

in

> some as yet unforeseen way. I gotta hope...otherwise its hard to

> accept that going thru this hell had any purpose, if nothing good

> comes from it!

> e

>

October 12, 2006

Hi Kerrie

You absolutely have my permission to show anything I've written about

the Texas matter to anyone in any capacity in the state of Texas.

Absolutely. 100%. Of course I realize there are no guarantees, but

anyone out there that hears of this injustice and has the power,

desire and ability to do ANYTHING to lift the standing court order is

welcome to know all the details If at some point this person

would like specifics (case no., pleadings filed, etc.) I'd be happy

to provide them Kerrie. Like my boss said, I need to find a do-

gooder, and I know the world has them. I just couldn't find one

beyond the pro bono attorney that got my girl returned but now has

dropped the matter and left the court order hanging over our heads :/

A couple other replies on the thread suggested blogging, media

contact and SSDI involvement. I did blog about this during the

ordeal, but I guess the powers that be don't read blogs I didn't

contact the media though. I thought about it, but was so busy trying

to get people with power and legal pull on board with the case that I

didn't think the media could do anything. I was also ashamed that my

own mother did this to me and that my daughter left. It gave me a

strong feeling of being a pretty big fuckup for awhile. Part of that

beating ourselves up we do...but it passed. And I honestly had such

a sour taste in my mouth about the state of Texas that the idea of

Texas media " helping " just didn't seem probable in my mind.

I think you guys are onto the same thing I realized after this was

over and my girl was back. I've been writing about it, writing a book

actually. Its one I've been writing in journals for years now and

figured at some point I'd write my story of being a survivor of all

forms of abuse and both parents being mentally ill. When my

boyfriend bought me a laptop for my birthday is when the writing just

came pouring out of me. I'm going to think about pulling my 'story

summary' together (and use a lot of what I wrote in response to

Greg's post-thank you again Greg for asking those questions) and see

if there's a media outlet that is interested. No clue where to start,

but maybe there's something there. If nothing else, even if getting

order lifted doesn't happen from media, at least I will have SPOKEN

OUT AND TOLD THE TRUTH and someone will listen. When you've grown up

as I have, with terrors behind closed doors and nobody listening or

rescuing you from hell, having a voice is a very healing and

empowering thing. I know its been one that drove me to write about

the painfully horrible events I've survived in my life.

Regarding emancipation, investigation shows my child would have to

live apart from me, work and support herself. That would cause her to

lose her education and I'm not willing to do that. Not just for the

peace of mind of momster not snatching her back. I can endure the

stress of momster's Sword of Damacles rather than make my daughter

become financially self-sufficient right now. Besides, the age of

emancipation is 16 in my state.

The SSDI stuff is interesting. I found momster lied on her claim to

social security. There was a time when I considered filing fraud

charges against her with the SSDI. But I did not. Honestly I just

want her to get out of my life, and a continuing fraud investigation

against her may feel great in the sense of making her pay for her

illegal activities, but it would have had more of an emotional toll

on me to engage in the battle. I have enough on my plate now as a

single mom with no family and no financial support while I work to

get off disability and provide the best I can for my little girl.

That was a HARD one to let go of, knowing she committed fraud but not

calling her on it. But when I went back to SSDI and took kiddo with

me, they changed me as a benefit receiver and I've been receiving it

ever since. They still pull me in and sniff around at times, which

tells me that momster is still screwing with the system and trying to

get her mitts on the money. ::::headshake::::: She's so sick,

really. A realistic question would be this: WHY WOULD A MOTHER WANT

TO CUT HER DAUGHTER OFF AT THE KNEES AND TRY TO MAKE HER FAIL WHEN

SHE IS WORKING HER ASS OFF TO SUPPORT AND RAISE HER DAUGHTER THE BEST

SHE CAN??!! Bleh, I guess we know why. Because said mother is sick

sick sick. And sick people are ones I avoid like the PLAGUE!

Thanks ladies and guys, thank you so much. After all that time of

being alone in this desert that nearly killed me, it is SO GOOD to

hear normal people know the story and respond with reasonableness.

And even some of you are in TEXAS!!! I never woulda thought Texans

would see this is an injustice

e

>

> e,

>

> I am definitely not one to make any promises what-so-ever- please

> hear that upfront and clearly. BUT, I live in Texas and I know a

> couple of attorneys and one whose a good friend's brother is a

family

> court attorney. He presides over divorces and custody hearings. I

> only see him once or twice a year but mainly at Christmas as we

don't

> go home at Christmas anymore and we always spend Christmas eve at

> their house and that's when I see him (he's never married after

being

> so burned out on family law, but he absolutely adores my boys and

> vice-versa). If you don't mind, I'd like to print out the details

of

> your case and see what he thinks. This sounds absurdly illegal and

> the fact she's taking your social security disability checks when

she

> is obviously not in need of it w/being able to hire all these

> lawyers, I just don't understand why she's not in jail for fraud.

I

> would perhaps look at filing something w/Social Security for fraud

if

> she received anything from them for your disability regardless of

her

> having custody of your daughter for 9 months. Have you looked at

that

> option or tried to see what recourse you have w/the Federal gov't

for

> taking your social security money? Its one thing if SS doesn't give

> you as much for those 9 months, but another if she is taking it and

> claiming dd as a dependant and take our tax paying money. Its

utterly

> infuriating how bps work the system.

>

> Let me know if you'd like me to run it by my friend. You can email

me

> privately if you like.

>

> Kerrie

October 12, 2006

e,

What state do you live in? I am going to call my friend, Lynn, b/c she

emancipated her daughter. She lives in TX. Here is where we really need the

legal advice b/c it would be nullifying your nada's contract in TEXAS. And I

know that Lynn's daughter can come and go as long as she wants whenever she

wants and live where she wants. My God, this might actually work! A Texas

emancipated child means that the parents are no longer responsible for their

actions. Period. That's all. I'll let you know more about what Lynn said.