Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 I subscribe on Mona Grayson´s Newsletter and got this today. I thought it was really good and wanted to share it with you. Enjoy! Feature Article: Self-Judgments are Allergic Reactions Imagine you're out to dinner with a friend. The mood is perfect, you're enjoying great company, the food is delicious and life is good. You were just about to take a sip of your drink when all of a sudden you notice that you're feeling really hot and you break out into a sweat. Your throat feels like it's closing up and it's getting difficult to breathe. Oh no! There must have been fish sauce in the dish...and now your allergy is kicking in full force. Allergies are like that. They lay dormant inside us until we're exposed to the thing we're allergic to. And then, our bodies can't help but react to them: hives, swelling, coughing, runny nose, itchy throats, sneezing, difficulty breathing, foggy head...all because we're allergic. Well, it's the same for us with thoughts we're allergic to. Beliefs lay dormant inside us until triggered. Then when we attach to them, we can't help but react by yelling, withdrawing, beating ourselves up, trying to hide, overeating, smoking, zoning out in front of the television...everything you might write down as an answer to question 3 in the The Work. It's the section that best shows us our allergic reaction. Zooming in on one specific reaction While it's helpful to notice all of the ways we react to stressful beliefs, right now I want to focus on one specific reaction: judging ourselves harshly. We beat ourselves up and put ourselves down with negative self talk. Let's see if you've reacted to stressful beliefs by talking to yourself in these ways... - I'm not good enough. - I don't deserve to be happy. - I'm a bad mom. - I shouldn't have done that. - I'll never get it right. - I'm depressed. - There's something wrong with me. Now, if you had itchy hives and went to a doctor, she might say, " What have you eaten or touched lately? " But when people come to me with painful self-judgments, as a facilitator of The Work my question is, " What have you been believing lately? " We start looking for where their thoughts have been. And once we identify some of the thoughts that came *before* the self-judgments showed up, that's where we start doing The Work. After all, they're what lead to the self-judgments in the first place. So it's like treating the condition at the source rather than just on the surface. The Story of Not Being Important One woman I worked with shared the self-judgment with me: " I'm not important. " Now, one way to do The Work on this thought is to question it just the way it is, but she really wanted to get to the root of what was going on with this self-judgment, so we started retracing her steps. What were the beliefs she noticed right before she started telling herself that she wasn't important? What she found was that the thought of not being important had come after she had been in a meeting with her boss where he hadn't given her credit for her good ideas. And since the upset was around how he hadn't given her credit, I helped her identify the thought that would make that stressful which was: " My boss should give me credit for my good ideas. " Ah-ha! The light bulb went off. She realized that she had definitely been believing that thought during the meeting, so that's where we started with The Work. I asked her the four questions and led her through the turnarounds for the thought about her boss. During her inquiry she clearly saw how the negative self-talk came as a reaction to believing the thought about her boss. And she experienced how powerful it was to work with the judgments that came right *before* the self-talk, rather than just question the self- judgments straight up. She also saw that *without* the thought that he should give her credit for her good ideas, she'd have no reason to go into that negative self-talk anymore. She realized that she would be able to stay out of his business so she could focus in on giving *herself* credit for her good ideas. No more beating herself up. Self-Diagnosing Your Thought Allergies Allergies to your thoughts are really easy to diagnose. Just watch yourself as you go through your day. If you find yourself feeling fine one moment and then later you're feeling a little " off, " or you notice that you just started arguing with your partner, or you feel like you've run out of patience with your kids, or you're piling yourself up with blame and shame...you're reacting to a thought you're allergic to. It's time to go back and take a look - What was I just believing that would lead me to react this way? What was I just believing that would lead me to attack myself in this way? One of the most effective ways to work with your self-judgments is to follow 's simple directions of " judging a neighbor " - because it's your thoughts about " them " that lead you to react with that negative self-talk. Retracing your thoughts will help you find those judgments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2006 Report Share Posted March 2, 2006 Thank you for sharing this wisdom from Mona. Ric > >Reply-To: Loving-what-is >To: Loving-what-is >Subject: Wisdom from Mona >Date: Wed, 01 Mar 2006 22:44:31 -0000 > > > > > >I subscribe on Mona Grayson´s Newsletter and got this today. I > >thought it was really good and wanted to share it with you. Enjoy! > > > > > >Feature Article: Self-Judgments are Allergic Reactions > > > >Imagine you're out to dinner with a friend. The mood is perfect, > >you're enjoying great company, the food is delicious and life is > >good. > > > >You were just about to take a sip of your drink when all of a sudden > >you notice that you're feeling really hot and you break out into a > >sweat. Your throat feels like it's closing up and it's getting > >difficult to breathe. Oh no! There must have been fish sauce in the > >dish...and now your allergy is kicking in full force. > > > >Allergies are like that. > > > >They lay dormant inside us until we're exposed to the thing we're > >allergic to. And then, our bodies can't help but react to them: > >hives, swelling, coughing, runny nose, itchy throats, sneezing, > >difficulty breathing, foggy head...all because we're allergic. > > > >Well, it's the same for us with thoughts we're allergic to. Beliefs > >lay dormant inside us until triggered. Then when we attach to them, > >we can't help but react by yelling, withdrawing, beating ourselves > >up, trying to hide, overeating, smoking, zoning out in front of the > >television...everything you might write down as an answer to > >question 3 in the The Work. It's the section that best shows us our > >allergic reaction. > > > >Zooming in on one specific reaction > > > >While it's helpful to notice all of the ways we react to stressful > >beliefs, right now I want to focus on one specific reaction: judging > >ourselves harshly. We beat ourselves up and put ourselves down with > >negative self talk. > > > >Let's see if you've reacted to stressful beliefs by talking to > >yourself in these ways... > > > >- I'm not good enough. > >- I don't deserve to be happy. > >- I'm a bad mom. > >- I shouldn't have done that. > >- I'll never get it right. > >- I'm depressed. > >- There's something wrong with me. > > > >Now, if you had itchy hives and went to a doctor, she might > >say, " What have you eaten or touched lately? " > > > >But when people come to me with painful self-judgments, as a > >facilitator of The Work my question is, " What have you been > >believing lately? " > > > >We start looking for where their thoughts have been. And once we > >identify some of the thoughts that came *before* the self-judgments > >showed up, that's where we start doing The Work. > > > >After all, they're what lead to the self-judgments in the first > >place. So it's like treating the condition at the source rather than > >just on the surface. > > > >The Story of Not Being Important > > > >One woman I worked with shared the self-judgment with me: " I'm not > >important. " > > > >Now, one way to do The Work on this thought is to question it just > >the way it is, but she really wanted to get to the root of what was > >going on with this self-judgment, so we started retracing her steps. > >What were the beliefs she noticed right before she started telling > >herself that she wasn't important? > > > >What she found was that the thought of not being important had come > >after she had been in a meeting with her boss where he hadn't given > >her credit for her good ideas. > > > >And since the upset was around how he hadn't given her credit, I > >helped her identify the thought that would make that stressful which > >was: " My boss should give me credit for my good ideas. " > > > >Ah-ha! The light bulb went off. > > > >She realized that she had definitely been believing that thought > >during the meeting, so that's where we started with The Work. I > >asked her the four questions and led her through the turnarounds for > >the thought about her boss. > > > >During her inquiry she clearly saw how the negative self-talk came > >as a reaction to believing the thought about her boss. And she > >experienced how powerful it was to work with the judgments that came > >right *before* the self-talk, rather than just question the self- > >judgments straight up. > > > >She also saw that *without* the thought that he should give her > >credit for her good ideas, she'd have no reason to go into that > >negative self-talk anymore. She realized that she would be able to > >stay out of his business so she could focus in on giving *herself* > >credit for her good ideas. No more beating herself up. > > > >Self-Diagnosing Your Thought Allergies > > > >Allergies to your thoughts are really easy to diagnose. Just watch > >yourself as you go through your day. > > > >If you find yourself feeling fine one moment and then later you're > >feeling a little " off, " or you notice that you just started arguing > >with your partner, or you feel like you've run out of patience with > >your kids, or you're piling yourself up with blame and > >shame...you're reacting to a thought you're allergic to. > > > >It's time to go back and take a look - What was I just believing > >that would lead me to react this way? What was I just believing that > >would lead me to attack myself in this way? > > > >One of the most effective ways to work with your self-judgments is > >to follow 's simple directions of " judging a neighbor " - > >because it's your thoughts about " them " that lead you to react with > >that negative self-talk. Retracing your thoughts will help you find > >those judgments. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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