Work on my dad

[Guest guest]

My dad had promised to do something for me, and when I asked him

about it today he told me he had done half of it. I asked, very calm

when he could do the rest. And then he started screaming in a really

angry voice that he had done his best and that he wouldn´t do

anymore and that he didn´t want to hear another word about this. Two

things happened inside of me. I got scared when he got so angry and

yelled at me, and had the thought that he shouldn´t. And I was angry

at him for not doing what he had promised and had the thought that

he should. So it´s time for some work.

My dad should do as he promised.

Is it true? No, because he didn´t.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I am angry at him. I

think he is so unfair. I think he owe me that. I feel powerless. He

is the only one who can do this, and now he has said no. I want to

scream and shout, and call him ugly things. I am really, really mad

at him. I feel I can´t trust him, and I want to know WHY he wouldn´t

fulfill his promise. And now I feel gaged because he don´t want to

hear another word about it. And I feel too scared to bring it up

again. After the phonecall I felt anxiety and totally stressed. I

felt my father drifting far, far away from me. It was very painful.

Who would you be without this thought? Understanding and peaceful. I

would see that I will be just fine even though I won´t get help from

my dad, or just a little help. I would appreciate and be grateful

for the help I have got instead of focus on the help I haven´t got.

That help has only been a story of the future anyway. I would

realize that what is hurting me is believing in that story, not

anything my father does or doesn´t do. Without this story I would

have been without stress and totally calm inside. I would have said

that I understand that he has done all he can and thanked him

cincerely. I would have respected his no.

TA: My dad shouldn´t do as he promised. That is truer because that

is reality. I just had a story that he should have done THIS much,

and reality clearly shows me that he did THIS much instead. So it´s

my story of how much should have been done that gets in the way for

my happiness. And only 100%.

I should do as I promise. Truer. Three examples of when I have

broken my promises: When we moved to this new apartment I promised

Emelie to smoke outside, and then I ended up smoking in the

livingroom anyway. When my economy was in a terrible state my dad

loaned me a lot of money and I promised to pay him back every month.

Then we had a fight and I stopped paying him. My first boyfriend

that I really loved and even was engaged with, I promised him to be

faithful. And then I was cheating on him several times.

I often can´t do as I promise. Even if I haven´t said it out load I

may have made a promise inside of me, and then I end up doing

something different. My dad at least kept half of his promise, and

he actually could be telling the truth, that he did everything he

could.

I will do the rest of my work tomorrow.

Love,

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

I love your courage and your clarity regarding your relationship with

your Father. Your Father is such a wonderful teacher. Thank you for

sharing this with the group.

Love, Steve D.

>

> My dad had promised to do something for me, and when I asked him

> about it today he told me he had done half of it. I asked, very

calm

> when he could do the rest. And then he started screaming in a

really

> angry voice that he had done his best and that he wouldn´t do

> anymore and that he didn´t want to hear another word about this.

Two

> things happened inside of me. I got scared when he got so angry and

> yelled at me, and had the thought that he shouldn´t. And I was

angry

> at him for not doing what he had promised and had the thought that

> he should. So it´s time for some work.

>

> My dad should do as he promised.

> Is it true? No, because he didn´t.

>

> How do you react when you believe this thought? I am angry at him.

I

> think he is so unfair. I think he owe me that. I feel powerless. He

> is the only one who can do this, and now he has said no. I want to

> scream and shout, and call him ugly things. I am really, really mad

> at him. I feel I can´t trust him, and I want to know WHY he

wouldn´t

> fulfill his promise. And now I feel gaged because he don´t want to

> hear another word about it. And I feel too scared to bring it up

> again. After the phonecall I felt anxiety and totally stressed. I

> felt my father drifting far, far away from me. It was very painful.

>

> Who would you be without this thought? Understanding and peaceful.

I

> would see that I will be just fine even though I won´t get help

from

> my dad, or just a little help. I would appreciate and be grateful

> for the help I have got instead of focus on the help I haven´t got.

> That help has only been a story of the future anyway. I would

> realize that what is hurting me is believing in that story, not

> anything my father does or doesn´t do. Without this story I would

> have been without stress and totally calm inside. I would have said

> that I understand that he has done all he can and thanked him

> cincerely. I would have respected his no.

>

> TA: My dad shouldn´t do as he promised. That is truer because that

> is reality. I just had a story that he should have done THIS much,

> and reality clearly shows me that he did THIS much instead. So it´s

> my story of how much should have been done that gets in the way for

> my happiness. And only 100%.

>

> I should do as I promise. Truer. Three examples of when I have

> broken my promises: When we moved to this new apartment I promised

> Emelie to smoke outside, and then I ended up smoking in the

> livingroom anyway. When my economy was in a terrible state my dad

> loaned me a lot of money and I promised to pay him back every

month.

> Then we had a fight and I stopped paying him. My first boyfriend

> that I really loved and even was engaged with, I promised him to be

> faithful. And then I was cheating on him several times.

> I often can´t do as I promise. Even if I haven´t said it out load I

> may have made a promise inside of me, and then I end up doing

> something different. My dad at least kept half of his promise, and

> he actually could be telling the truth, that he did everything he

> could.

>

> I will do the rest of my work tomorrow.

>

> Love,

>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > My dad had promised to do something for me, and when I asked him

> > about it today he told me he had done half of it. I asked, very

> calm

> > when he could do the rest. And then he started screaming in a

> really

> > angry voice that he had done his best and that he wouldn´t do

> > anymore and that he didn´t want to hear another word about this.

> Two

> > things happened inside of me. I got scared when he got so angry

and

> > yelled at me, and had the thought that he shouldn´t. And I was

> angry

> > at him for not doing what he had promised and had the thought

that

> > he should. So it´s time for some work.

> >

> > My dad should do as he promised.

> > Is it true? No, because he didn´t.

> >

> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I am angry at

him.

> I

> > think he is so unfair. I think he owe me that. I feel powerless.

He

> > is the only one who can do this, and now he has said no. I want

to

> > scream and shout, and call him ugly things. I am really, really

mad

> > at him. I feel I can´t trust him, and I want to know WHY he

> wouldn´t

> > fulfill his promise. And now I feel gaged because he don´t want

to

> > hear another word about it. And I feel too scared to bring it up

> > again. After the phonecall I felt anxiety and totally stressed.

I

> > felt my father drifting far, far away from me. It was very

painful.

> >

> > Who would you be without this thought? Understanding and

peaceful.

> I

> > would see that I will be just fine even though I won´t get help

> from

> > my dad, or just a little help. I would appreciate and be

grateful

> > for the help I have got instead of focus on the help I haven´t

got.

> > That help has only been a story of the future anyway. I would

> > realize that what is hurting me is believing in that story, not

> > anything my father does or doesn´t do. Without this story I

would

> > have been without stress and totally calm inside. I would have

said

> > that I understand that he has done all he can and thanked him

> > cincerely. I would have respected his no.

> >

> > TA: My dad shouldn´t do as he promised. That is truer because

that

> > is reality. I just had a story that he should have done THIS

much,

> > and reality clearly shows me that he did THIS much instead. So

it´s

> > my story of how much should have been done that gets in the way

for

> > my happiness. And only 100%.

> >

> > I should do as I promise. Truer. Three examples of when I have

> > broken my promises: When we moved to this new apartment I

promised

> > Emelie to smoke outside, and then I ended up smoking in the

> > livingroom anyway. When my economy was in a terrible state my

dad

> > loaned me a lot of money and I promised to pay him back every

> month.

> > Then we had a fight and I stopped paying him. My first boyfriend

> > that I really loved and even was engaged with, I promised him to

be

> > faithful. And then I was cheating on him several times.

> > I often can´t do as I promise. Even if I haven´t said it out

load I

> > may have made a promise inside of me, and then I end up doing

> > something different. My dad at least kept half of his promise,

and

> > he actually could be telling the truth, that he did everything

he

> > could.

> >

> > I will do the rest of my work tomorrow.

> >

> > Love,

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Angel ,

How did the rest of the story go with your dad? Did it continue to

fade away as you thought it was doing? Did you do the work on your

dad and sister?

Sending you love and pillow fights and hot cocoa with marshmallows,

Karin

> > >

> > > My dad had promised to do something for me, and when I asked

him

> > > about it today he told me he had done half of it. I asked, very

> > calm

> > > when he could do the rest. And then he started screaming in a

> > really

> > > angry voice that he had done his best and that he wouldn´t do

> > > anymore and that he didn´t want to hear another word about

this.

> > Two

> > > things happened inside of me. I got scared when he got so angry

> and

> > > yelled at me, and had the thought that he shouldn´t. And I was

> > angry

> > > at him for not doing what he had promised and had the thought

> that

> > > he should. So it´s time for some work.

> > >

> > > My dad should do as he promised.

> > > Is it true? No, because he didn´t.

> > >

> > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I am angry at

> him.

> > I

> > > think he is so unfair. I think he owe me that. I feel

powerless.

> He

> > > is the only one who can do this, and now he has said no. I want

> to

> > > scream and shout, and call him ugly things. I am really, really

> mad

> > > at him. I feel I can´t trust him, and I want to know WHY he

> > wouldn´t

> > > fulfill his promise. And now I feel gaged because he don´t want

> to

> > > hear another word about it. And I feel too scared to bring it

up

> > > again. After the phonecall I felt anxiety and totally stressed.

> I

> > > felt my father drifting far, far away from me. It was very

> painful.

> > >

> > > Who would you be without this thought? Understanding and

> peaceful.

> > I

> > > would see that I will be just fine even though I won´t get help

> > from

> > > my dad, or just a little help. I would appreciate and be

> grateful

> > > for the help I have got instead of focus on the help I haven´t

> got.

> > > That help has only been a story of the future anyway. I would

> > > realize that what is hurting me is believing in that story, not

> > > anything my father does or doesn´t do. Without this story I

> would

> > > have been without stress and totally calm inside. I would have

> said

> > > that I understand that he has done all he can and thanked him

> > > cincerely. I would have respected his no.

> > >

> > > TA: My dad shouldn´t do as he promised. That is truer because

> that

> > > is reality. I just had a story that he should have done THIS

> much,

> > > and reality clearly shows me that he did THIS much instead. So

> it´s

> > > my story of how much should have been done that gets in the way

> for

> > > my happiness. And only 100%.

> > >

> > > I should do as I promise. Truer. Three examples of when I have

> > > broken my promises: When we moved to this new apartment I

> promised

> > > Emelie to smoke outside, and then I ended up smoking in the

> > > livingroom anyway. When my economy was in a terrible state my

> dad

> > > loaned me a lot of money and I promised to pay him back every

> > month.

> > > Then we had a fight and I stopped paying him. My first

boyfriend

> > > that I really loved and even was engaged with, I promised him

to

> be

> > > faithful. And then I was cheating on him several times.

> > > I often can´t do as I promise. Even if I haven´t said it out

> load I

> > > may have made a promise inside of me, and then I end up doing

> > > something different. My dad at least kept half of his promise,

> and

> > > he actually could be telling the truth, that he did everything

> he

> > > could.

> > >

> > > I will do the rest of my work tomorrow.

> > >

> > > Love,

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> > > >

> > > > My dad had promised to do something for me, and when I asked

> him

> > > > about it today he told me he had done half of it. I asked,

very

> > > calm

> > > > when he could do the rest. And then he started screaming in

a

> > > really

> > > > angry voice that he had done his best and that he wouldn´t

do

> > > > anymore and that he didn´t want to hear another word about

> this.

> > > Two

> > > > things happened inside of me. I got scared when he got so

angry

> > and

> > > > yelled at me, and had the thought that he shouldn´t. And I

was

> > > angry

> > > > at him for not doing what he had promised and had the

thought

> > that

> > > > he should. So it´s time for some work.

> > > >

> > > > My dad should do as he promised.

> > > > Is it true? No, because he didn´t.

> > > >

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I am angry

at

> > him.

> > > I

> > > > think he is so unfair. I think he owe me that. I feel

> powerless.

> > He

> > > > is the only one who can do this, and now he has said no. I

want

> > to

> > > > scream and shout, and call him ugly things. I am really,

really

> > mad

> > > > at him. I feel I can´t trust him, and I want to know WHY he

> > > wouldn´t

> > > > fulfill his promise. And now I feel gaged because he don´t

want

> > to

> > > > hear another word about it. And I feel too scared to bring

it

> up

> > > > again. After the phonecall I felt anxiety and totally

stressed.

> > I

> > > > felt my father drifting far, far away from me. It was very

> > painful.

> > > >

> > > > Who would you be without this thought? Understanding and

> > peaceful.

> > > I

> > > > would see that I will be just fine even though I won´t get

help

> > > from

> > > > my dad, or just a little help. I would appreciate and be

> > grateful

> > > > for the help I have got instead of focus on the help I

haven´t

> > got.

> > > > That help has only been a story of the future anyway. I

would

> > > > realize that what is hurting me is believing in that story,

not

> > > > anything my father does or doesn´t do. Without this story I

> > would

> > > > have been without stress and totally calm inside. I would

have

> > said

> > > > that I understand that he has done all he can and thanked

him

> > > > cincerely. I would have respected his no.

> > > >

> > > > TA: My dad shouldn´t do as he promised. That is truer

because

> > that

> > > > is reality. I just had a story that he should have done THIS

> > much,

> > > > and reality clearly shows me that he did THIS much instead.

So

> > it´s

> > > > my story of how much should have been done that gets in the

way

> > for

> > > > my happiness. And only 100%.

> > > >

> > > > I should do as I promise. Truer. Three examples of when I

have

> > > > broken my promises: When we moved to this new apartment I

> > promised

> > > > Emelie to smoke outside, and then I ended up smoking in the

> > > > livingroom anyway. When my economy was in a terrible state

my

> > dad

> > > > loaned me a lot of money and I promised to pay him back

every

> > > month.

> > > > Then we had a fight and I stopped paying him. My first

> boyfriend

> > > > that I really loved and even was engaged with, I promised

him

> to

> > be

> > > > faithful. And then I was cheating on him several times.

> > > > I often can´t do as I promise. Even if I haven´t said it out

> > load I

> > > > may have made a promise inside of me, and then I end up

doing

> > > > something different. My dad at least kept half of his

promise,

> > and

> > > > he actually could be telling the truth, that he did

everything

> > he

> > > > could.

> > > >

> > > > I will do the rest of my work tomorrow.

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > >

> > >

> >

>