Re: Eeeeeeek

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Therapy helped me so much to not only get in touch with my feelings

but to articulate them. Like I said before I know what it is like to

be in a lifeless relationship. I have been with men who are very

sensitive and caring but lack any life or enthusiasm. It can be

difficult because you think 'well, he's a good man, caring, etc.'

but that doesn't discount that you aren't getting your needs met.

I would suggest making the appt with a therapist even if it will

take a month or so. Ask to be put on a cancellation list too. You

sound depressed, I have been there and the more you isolate and push

down your feelings the worse it gets.

I imagine maybe you are feeling guilty for wanting this online

relationship but it is natural to reach out for a piece of food when

you are starving. This person may give you a feeling/connection that

your husband can't.

Please consider making the appointment and keep posting. You are not

a bad person. You deserve happiness.

When my husband and I met we were both in relationships and both

unhappy. I was secretely in love with him for three years, in

silence, while living with another man I didn't love. Eventually, we

both left the people we were with to be together. It was hard. We

didn't want to hurt anyone, but the connection and depth of our

feelings were so strong that we could no longer resist.

Some people judged us for that and others said 'be happy.' And I am

happy, we are deeply and passionately in love. I look back at the

time I was with my ex and I was like the living dead. I was so shut

down and disconnected.

I am not saying that all my unhappiness was due to my unfulfilling

relationship. I had stuff to work through, but it greatly

contributed. I think once you start seeing a therapist things will

start to become more clear and more manageable as you begin sorting

through your feelings.

I don't normally share intimate details of my personal life but did

so to let you know you are not a bad person for wanting intimacy and

a fulfilling connection. It is a human need.....for most of us.

Take care,

>

> I'm not doing very well at all.

>

> I told my Internet friend (again) that I thought it was better for

all

> concerned if we don't hang out anymore. I really miss him, and I'm

> really wondering how he's doing. He was just starting to do some

stuff

> independent of his nada (like, open his own checking account), and

> taking responsibility for some of his own choices (like, choosing

> where he would go on a Saturday night, instead of going along with

> plans she had made for him).

>

> He was nice and smart and funny, and we liked to hang out these

online

> games sites and liked a lot of the same games. But more than just

the

> companionship, it was so nice to see him deciding to make all these

> little changes in his life, and watching his life get incrementally

> happier.

>

> And now that I am deciding not to hang out with him anymore, I

know he

> is really sad. I can't stand making anyone sad. And I'm sad too

> because I miss him. But, my DH was sad that I was still keeping in

> touch with this guy. And I can understand that. So, no matter what

I

> do, someone's gonna be sad. I hate that.

>

> Even if Mr. Internet is sad, I think it's probably best for him

too,

> if he finds a more suitable friend (someone not ten years older,

> married with two kids, right?).

>

> Anyway, I know this is all tied up in my KO-ness. Even if I'm not

> exactly sure how. And I've never gone for therapy, and I sure could

> use some. I called my health plan and there is at least a month

wait

> to see an " approved provider " --even longer if I want to see the one

> person on the list who deals with my kind of issues. Not what I

wanted

> to hear. After waiting, I might have talked myself out of it again.

>

> I'm dwelling a lot on my bad choices lately, wallowing in a lot of

> self-pity, overeating to relieve stress till I feel gross and

sick. My

> house is kinda trashed. I don't want to see my friends or go

anywhere.

> If I do manage to start something like the laundry, I don't finish

it.

> Today I didn't even get dressed. It's all...not very good.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Janie, I think even if the wait is long try and sign up and like

said maybe they can put you on a cancellation list. You sound

very sad and depressed. Even if it is hard, try to do one nice thing

for yourself each day or every other day if each day is to hard like

maybe get dressed or put on some makeup or even paint your toes or

make your self a gourmet coffee. You might not feel like it but just

doing one nice thing for your self each day could be a good pick-me-

up. It may give you the boost you need to try and do something nice

for your family, like doing the laundry. Or if you are really tired

one day you could say ok I will do the laundry today but then I

won't make myself cook we will just do pizza. That way you still get

one job done plus the beak and your family can have a fun night

together. I don't know how it is where you live but the leaves are

changing by us right now and just taking a drive to look at the

changing leaves is a beautiful pick-me-up for me. I am just trying

to think of things you can do with your family until you can get in

and get some help. I think it is sad that you have to wait so long.

It seems like you could use some help now. Maybe if you go to your

family Dr. they can give you some anti-depressants for the mean

time. I know that my family Dr. will do that, can you try that? Not

to sound stupid but if you keep lots of fresh veggies and fruits

around maybe that will help you with your snacking, frozen grapes,

precut carrots and celery with dip. Those are all good and the more

good food you have maybe the less bad you will feel if you over

snack. I don't know I am grabbing at straws here. I just remember

how bad and lonely I felt when I was depressed and I couldn't get in

soon enough to the Psychiatrist it feels like so long when you are

the one waiting. Hang in there and try to relax. I think you did the

right thing by ending the internet relationship, if you love your

husband. If you do love your husband and things are just hard for

the time being you can work it out this to shall pass as my grandma

tell me all the time about every thing hard in life. Just try and

keep your mind working to the positive. I hope you get the help you

need soon. Love Lizzy

> >

> > I'm not doing very well at all.

> >

> > I told my Internet friend (again) that I thought it was better

for

> all

> > concerned if we don't hang out anymore. I really miss him, and

I'm

> > really wondering how he's doing. He was just starting to do some

> stuff

> > independent of his nada (like, open his own checking account),

and

> > taking responsibility for some of his own choices (like, choosing

> > where he would go on a Saturday night, instead of going along

with

> > plans she had made for him).

> >

> > He was nice and smart and funny, and we liked to hang out these

> online

> > games sites and liked a lot of the same games. But more than

just

> the

> > companionship, it was so nice to see him deciding to make all

these

> > little changes in his life, and watching his life get

incrementally

> > happier.

> >

> > And now that I am deciding not to hang out with him anymore, I

> know he

> > is really sad. I can't stand making anyone sad. And I'm sad too

> > because I miss him. But, my DH was sad that I was still keeping

in

> > touch with this guy. And I can understand that. So, no matter

what

> I

> > do, someone's gonna be sad. I hate that.

> >

> > Even if Mr. Internet is sad, I think it's probably best for him

> too,

> > if he finds a more suitable friend (someone not ten years older,

> > married with two kids, right?).

> >

> > Anyway, I know this is all tied up in my KO-ness. Even if I'm not

> > exactly sure how. And I've never gone for therapy, and I sure

could

> > use some. I called my health plan and there is at least a month

> wait

> > to see an " approved provider " --even longer if I want to see the

one

> > person on the list who deals with my kind of issues. Not what I

> wanted

> > to hear. After waiting, I might have talked myself out of it

again.

> >

> > I'm dwelling a lot on my bad choices lately, wallowing in a lot

of

> > self-pity, overeating to relieve stress till I feel gross and

> sick. My

> > house is kinda trashed. I don't want to see my friends or go

> anywhere.

> > If I do manage to start something like the laundry, I don't

finish

> it.

> > Today I didn't even get dressed. It's all...not very good.

> >

> > Janie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Janie, I'm glad to see you've taken some positive steps in your

life even if they are difficult for you. One month's time is not so

long and even a longer wait is better than not going at all. And if

you really intend to get better, I think you will be able to avoid

talking yourself out of therapy. You can do it.

Trish

>

> I'm not doing very well at all.

>

> I told my Internet friend (again) that I thought it was better for all

> concerned if we don't hang out anymore. I really miss him, and I'm

> really wondering how he's doing. He was just starting to do some stuff

> independent of his nada (like, open his own checking account), and

> taking responsibility for some of his own choices (like, choosing

> where he would go on a Saturday night, instead of going along with

> plans she had made for him).

>

> He was nice and smart and funny, and we liked to hang out these online

> games sites and liked a lot of the same games. But more than just the

> companionship, it was so nice to see him deciding to make all these

> little changes in his life, and watching his life get incrementally

> happier.

>

> And now that I am deciding not to hang out with him anymore, I know he

> is really sad. I can't stand making anyone sad. And I'm sad too

> because I miss him. But, my DH was sad that I was still keeping in

> touch with this guy. And I can understand that. So, no matter what I

> do, someone's gonna be sad. I hate that.

>

> Even if Mr. Internet is sad, I think it's probably best for him too,

> if he finds a more suitable friend (someone not ten years older,

> married with two kids, right?).

>

> Anyway, I know this is all tied up in my KO-ness. Even if I'm not

> exactly sure how. And I've never gone for therapy, and I sure could

> use some. I called my health plan and there is at least a month wait

> to see an " approved provider " --even longer if I want to see the one

> person on the list who deals with my kind of issues. Not what I wanted

> to hear. After waiting, I might have talked myself out of it again.

>

> I'm dwelling a lot on my bad choices lately, wallowing in a lot of

> self-pity, overeating to relieve stress till I feel gross and sick. My

> house is kinda trashed. I don't want to see my friends or go anywhere.

> If I do manage to start something like the laundry, I don't finish it.

> Today I didn't even get dressed. It's all...not very good.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Janie,

There's a good book called Betrayal Bonds that my cousin sent me when

we both started therapy at the same time over our bp moms....we live

in different states by the way and just happened to come across this

information about this mental illness at the same time.

The book is good in that it goes into detail about how abusive

situations work and condition those around to play certain roles. The

main thing I took away from it is that there are three major role

plays that shift back and forth and the truth of the person never

really emmerges outside these roles they are put in to play- Victim,

Perpetrator & Rescuer.

I see now in going NC w/my nada that my aunt's role in all our FOO

drama is up in the air and she can't handle it. She's always been my

rescuer though now she's shifting between being a biotch to me, aka

perpetrator and acting like my victim, blah, blah- love the way she's

been distorting things lately. Anyway, I just don't play those games

anymore as I happen to think I am much more and that other people are

much than these roles.

It sounds a little like you are wanting to rescue this internet

friend while your dh is the victim and so it is residue from how nada

taught us to relate inside of relationships. I know I've been there

before though of course not the exact same scenario. It takes great

effort, lots of reading, good support networks and a good therapist

to find one's way out of OZ. It doesn't happen overnight and so

please be gentle with yourself one step at a time. In the end, I

think it is hard enough being responsible for my own actions and

feelings and sorting them all out. I find it impossible to be

responsible for dh's or others reality though I can communicate about

it (well my kids of course- I am responsible for them). I've had to

realize I've had serious ATLAS complex where I think the weight of

the world rests on my shoulders and I know this comes from having to

be the little adult as a child and having nada blame me for

everything wrong in her life. I take too much responsibility for

things I no way could possibly ever control and then in the process

of being Atlas, wipe myself out of energy to control and manage the

things I actually can control. I hope I'm making sense here. I'm

just saying you do sound like you have some KO fleas going on that

I've battled too and that we all have in one way or another though

situations of course differ. It is hard to give one's self permission

just to be when that's not how we were raised.

Best wishes to you.

Kerrie

>

> I'm not doing very well at all.

>

> I told my Internet friend (again) that I thought it was better for

all

> concerned if we don't hang out anymore. I really miss him, and I'm

> really wondering how he's doing. He was just starting to do some

stuff

> independent of his nada (like, open his own checking account), and

> taking responsibility for some of his own choices (like, choosing

> where he would go on a Saturday night, instead of going along with

> plans she had made for him).

>

> He was nice and smart and funny, and we liked to hang out these

online

> games sites and liked a lot of the same games. But more than just

the

> companionship, it was so nice to see him deciding to make all these

> little changes in his life, and watching his life get incrementally

> happier.

>

> And now that I am deciding not to hang out with him anymore, I know

he

> is really sad. I can't stand making anyone sad. And I'm sad too

> because I miss him. But, my DH was sad that I was still keeping in

> touch with this guy. And I can understand that. So, no matter what I

> do, someone's gonna be sad. I hate that.

>

> Even if Mr. Internet is sad, I think it's probably best for him too,

> if he finds a more suitable friend (someone not ten years older,

> married with two kids, right?).

>

> Anyway, I know this is all tied up in my KO-ness. Even if I'm not

> exactly sure how. And I've never gone for therapy, and I sure could

> use some. I called my health plan and there is at least a month wait

> to see an " approved provider " --even longer if I want to see the one

> person on the list who deals with my kind of issues. Not what I

wanted

> to hear. After waiting, I might have talked myself out of it again.

>

> I'm dwelling a lot on my bad choices lately, wallowing in a lot of

> self-pity, overeating to relieve stress till I feel gross and sick.

My

> house is kinda trashed. I don't want to see my friends or go

anywhere.

> If I do manage to start something like the laundry, I don't finish

it.

> Today I didn't even get dressed. It's all...not very good.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, ,

Thanks so very much for sharing your story--especially because it's at

a level of detail you don't usually share. I appreciate knowing your

story, it really helps. When you say you used to feel like the living

dead, well, that's like me a lot of the time. I'm so glad to hear you

are happy now, too.

Janie

[Guest guest]

Lizzy,

Thanks for the encouragement! I was sorry to hear you had a similar

thing happen when you were feeling depressed and had to wait a long

time to get an appointment. But you do know what it's like. I am going

to make an appointment as soon as they let me. First they said it

would be at least a month, then they said they couldn't even book an

appointment that far out, so I'd have to call back in a couple of

weeks. It sounds crazy, but that's how my health plan works.

I did do some of your suggestions today so... thanks! I did drag my

depressed self to the grocery store and get a bunch of healthier

things to eat. I feel better already, not eating total junk today. And

then as my " reward " for going to the grocery store (I feel silly

saying I got a reward for doing the groceries, but...whatever, haha),

I drove thru Starbucks for a coffee (so I'd have energy to put all

those groceries away). So I'm going to try to do one nice thing like that.

Anyway, thanks so much Lizzy,

Big hug,

Janie

[Guest guest]

Thanks Trish,

I am going to call back in a couple of weeks when they will " let " me

book an appointment. You're right, waiting a month is better than not

going at all. I'm not very trustful, so I'm kind of scared of the

therapist, no matter who it is. But I think I'll go.

When the woman was telling me to call back in a couple of weeks, I was

thinking, yeah... the good little KO will wait indefinitely for all

good things. Whereas my nada would manufacture some crisis and

threaten to do herself in immediately, if she didn't get seen. I just

kind of thought of that, and I thought, while **I'm** waiting

miserably for a month, all the nadas of the world and their fake

crises are " cutting in front of me " in the mental health line.

Janie

[Guest guest]

Kerrie,

Thanks, I will check out that book! I haven't heard of that one...

You know there ***is*** an element to wanting to " rescue " my internet

friend, although really, he has been rescuing himself, bit by bit.

It's just, we had a lot of conversations about our FOOs, and he

realized that his was a lot like mine and started asking me about

stuff. Like, how I had unentangled myself from them, or whatnot. And

he started reading books, etc. and coming to a lot of his own conclusions.

I guess what it comes down to is, I don't want him to be so sad about

this, that it derails things in other parts of his life, like how he

was taking steps to make a life for himself independent of FOO.

Sometimes if you're stressed, you go back to " what you know " even if

you know it's bad for you. Kind of like how I've been having trouble

with binging lately. Ick.

As for my husband being the " victim " --I don't know, although I'll

suspend judgment till I read the book! ;-) Because, all things

considered, he hasn't been acting very victim-y. (Or maybe when I

think " victim " , I think of nada and her manipulative martyr routine.)

Thanks!

Janie

[Guest guest]

Hi,

It does sound like you are depressed and for me the worst thing when I

am depressed is to isolate. I don't know if you are doing that, but it

can become a vicious cycle because it tends to be what people do when

they are depressed. You don't feel like doing anything but getting out

can help. Even just a walk in the park or the neighborhood.

One thing I found about therapy is that talking helps so much and to

have someone who is not going to judge, but just listen and help, is

so beneficial to getting out of a rut. There were times when I really

didn't feel like going to my session but I went anyway and always felt

better afterwards.

I am curious if your husband is aware that you are depressed or

comments on it. I have found that emotionally shut down people have a

hard time dealing with emotions and ignore obvious signs of distress

in others because they can't handle emotional

situations/converstations.

I just wonder if you are keeping everything bottled up and buried

inside, your discontent, frustration, guilt, all of it, and it is

coming out in other ways. That is so common.

In 12 step recovery groups they have a saying, you can act it out or

act it in. I used to act things in (inwardly) and really didn't know

how to open up and trust someone, plus I had the extra burden (thank

you nada) of not really knowing what was bothering me. It also became

a vicious cycle. People would ask what was wrong and I didn't know!

Everything was blobbed together into one big ball of funk! As a child

I didn't learn to identify and express my feelings so here I was an

adult acting the same way. THAT is where therapy or even talking with

someone helps tremendously, to sort out all the various feelings and

thoughts. When we carry around too much inside it begins to drag us

down...literally.

You mentioned overeating and that too can be a way of 'stuffing down'

feelings.

I don't know if any of this resonates with you. I just want to say

that it is possible to feel better. I know that can be hard to believe

when you're really down. There is a book that helped me tremendously

with depression. It is a cognitive approach and would probably be good

for many KO's because it helps one overcome the negative self talk. It

is called " Feeling Good " by Burns.

Keep posting and take care,

>

> Hi, ,

> Thanks so very much for sharing your story--especially because it's

at

> a level of detail you don't usually share. I appreciate knowing your

> story, it really helps. When you say you used to feel like the living

> dead, well, that's like me a lot of the time. I'm so glad to hear you

> are happy now, too.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

,

Oh I'm definitely depressed and isolating. That's why I got myself a

reward for doing the groceries. How crazy.

No, dh is not aware of anything. Usually he's not aware of anything or

anyone. But not like in a selfish, self-absorbed way. That's just him.

As long as everything seems ok on the surface, everything's okay with him.

Yes, when I force myself to do something (like getting the groceries

or getting dressed, hopefully not in that order), I do feel better.

And yessss, I am definitely one who " acts in " although I never heard

that term before! I don't like, melt down or have scenes, I just keep

everything in. And the overeating is tied in with that for sure, yes.

I mean, when some people say they use food as a drug, I can understand

that. Cuz, I eat to regulate my mood (like it is defnitely a sedate

feeling, but then later you feel worse than you started, and you

definitely get a " Food hangover " ). And when I try to get it under

control again, it takes a few days of what I call " food detox " ... I'm

not even kidding or trying to sound flip, I'm really serious.

I will look at that book for sure, , too, thank you.

Also thank you for that comment before (in the earlier post) about the

guilt. I do have a lot of guilt (and shame) right now, which is

definitely contributing to the overall big problem. And my " solutions "

have been a bad way to go about getting needs met, but the needs are

legit, so...thanks for recognizing that. It meant a lot to me.

Janie

[Guest guest]

Janie,

I forgot earlier to mention another really good book

entitled " Feeding the Hungry Heart " . It is about using food to

medicate and stuff our feelings. A good read.

>

> ,

> Oh I'm definitely depressed and isolating. That's why I got myself

a

> reward for doing the groceries. How crazy.

>

> No, dh is not aware of anything. Usually he's not aware of

anything or

> anyone. But not like in a selfish, self-absorbed way. That's just

him.

> As long as everything seems ok on the surface, everything's okay

with him.

>

> Yes, when I force myself to do something (like getting the

groceries

> or getting dressed, hopefully not in that order), I do feel better.

>

> And yessss, I am definitely one who " acts in " although I never

heard

> that term before! I don't like, melt down or have scenes, I just

keep

> everything in. And the overeating is tied in with that for sure,

yes.

> I mean, when some people say they use food as a drug, I can

understand

> that. Cuz, I eat to regulate my mood (like it is defnitely a sedate

> feeling, but then later you feel worse than you started, and you

> definitely get a " Food hangover " ). And when I try to get it under

> control again, it takes a few days of what I call " food detox " ...

I'm

> not even kidding or trying to sound flip, I'm really serious.

>

> I will look at that book for sure, , too, thank you.

>

> Also thank you for that comment before (in the earlier post) about

the

> guilt. I do have a lot of guilt (and shame) right now, which is

> definitely contributing to the overall big problem. And

my " solutions "

> have been a bad way to go about getting needs met, but the needs

are

> legit, so...thanks for recognizing that. It meant a lot to me.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

,

Adding it to the " amazon wish list " ***right now***!

Thanks so much!

Janie

[Guest guest]

Janie, Good for you I am so proud of you that was one step, if you

can do one step a day or every other day than go for it. Take it

slow if you need to but try and do a little pampering like coffee or

home pedicures with smelly candles (those are my 2 personal

favorites!) I like candles that smell like cookies my downfall lol.

These small steps may not seem like much but they will help to give

you strength to pull you through until you can get the meds or

therapy you need. I hope you can jut see a family Dr in the mean

time maybe you can just make an apt at the family clinic and then

tell the doc how you are depressed they had me take a test and put

me on something right away even though I couldn't see the T. that

day. I just love starbucks btw not to change the subject but if you

have sweetened condensed milk and add the whole can to a hot pot of

coffee then let it cool in the fridge and add ice it tastes just

like starbucks those frapachino things. I make em all the time for

guest and they always ask me if it is starbucks or caribou, no its

lizzyboo ha-ha. Maybe if you want to give it a try you might like

it! Alright keep us posted. And try that coffee trick! Let me know

how you like it! Love Lizzy

>

> Lizzy,

> Thanks for the encouragement! I was sorry to hear you had a similar

> thing happen when you were feeling depressed and had to wait a long

> time to get an appointment. But you do know what it's like. I am

going

> to make an appointment as soon as they let me. First they said it

> would be at least a month, then they said they couldn't even book

an

> appointment that far out, so I'd have to call back in a couple of

> weeks. It sounds crazy, but that's how my health plan works.

>

> I did do some of your suggestions today so... thanks! I did drag my

> depressed self to the grocery store and get a bunch of healthier

> things to eat. I feel better already, not eating total junk today.

And

> then as my " reward " for going to the grocery store (I feel silly

> saying I got a reward for doing the groceries, but...whatever,

haha),

> I drove thru Starbucks for a coffee (so I'd have energy to put all

> those groceries away). So I'm going to try to do one nice thing

like that.

>

> Anyway, thanks so much Lizzy,

> Big hug,

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Janie --

I can mangle an old saying like nobody's business, but there's a

saying that basically says " When all seems lost, KEEP GOING! " ....

Don't focus on what you've failed to do, or your mistakes --- just

finish ONE thing. Even if it's laundry -- just finish one thing.

Don't tell yourself " It's no use -- I'm too far behind. " Just jump

in where you are. We all go through cycles, mistakes and down

periods. Forgive yourself, lighten up on yourself, and keep going.

Forgive yourself for letting some things slide every once in awhile -

- the important things will get done.

I hope that helps -- I've been there. Even if you decided to give

up on everything and did nothing -- you'd still have to go buy

toilet paper!

-Kyla

>

> I'm not doing very well at all.

>

> I told my Internet friend (again) that I thought it was better for

all

> concerned if we don't hang out anymore. I really miss him, and I'm

> really wondering how he's doing. He was just starting to do some

stuff

> independent of his nada (like, open his own checking account), and

> taking responsibility for some of his own choices (like, choosing

> where he would go on a Saturday night, instead of going along with

> plans she had made for him).

>

> He was nice and smart and funny, and we liked to hang out these

online

> games sites and liked a lot of the same games. But more than just

the

> companionship, it was so nice to see him deciding to make all these

> little changes in his life, and watching his life get incrementally

> happier.

>

> And now that I am deciding not to hang out with him anymore, I

know he

> is really sad. I can't stand making anyone sad. And I'm sad too

> because I miss him. But, my DH was sad that I was still keeping in

> touch with this guy. And I can understand that. So, no matter what

I

> do, someone's gonna be sad. I hate that.

>

> Even if Mr. Internet is sad, I think it's probably best for him

too,

> if he finds a more suitable friend (someone not ten years older,

> married with two kids, right?).

>

> Anyway, I know this is all tied up in my KO-ness. Even if I'm not

> exactly sure how. And I've never gone for therapy, and I sure could

> use some. I called my health plan and there is at least a month

wait

> to see an " approved provider " --even longer if I want to see the one

> person on the list who deals with my kind of issues. Not what I

wanted

> to hear. After waiting, I might have talked myself out of it again.

>

> I'm dwelling a lot on my bad choices lately, wallowing in a lot of

> self-pity, overeating to relieve stress till I feel gross and

sick. My

> house is kinda trashed. I don't want to see my friends or go

anywhere.

> If I do manage to start something like the laundry, I don't finish

it.

> Today I didn't even get dressed. It's all...not very good.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Kyla,

LOL@the toilet paper observation!

I am going to finish one thing every day...I posted a little bit ago,

I'm taking the kids to the pumpkin patch today. And yet, just the

thought of getting them ready and getting myself ready seems like, a

lot to do. That's kind of sad, cuz it's a fun thing. Once I'm there

it'll seem nice probably, just the getting ready part

Anyway, if I'm gonna do it, I'd better get ready...

Thanks!

Janie

[Guest guest]

Janie,

I hope you all had fun at the pumpkin patch. Reading about your plans

reminded me that when I find myself stuck in depression, what has

helped me is to just do something that is enjoyable for me. I find

that one of my components of being depressed is because I haven't been

taking enough care of myself, possibly neglecting myself in many

different ways.

My personal experience with depression was that I took over where my

nada left off. She convinced me that I was not a worthwhile person,

and I accepted that and then (because I didn't know any better at the

time) I continued treating myself like I wasn't worth taking care of

myself or doing nice things for myself.

I eventually decided that if, while feeling depressed, I am going to

do anything, it might as well be something enjoyable, pleasant, and

perhaps even something that will lift the depression, if only for

awhile.

Take care,

Sylvia

>

> Kyla,

> LOL@the toilet paper observation!

> I am going to finish one thing every day...I posted a little bit ago,

> I'm taking the kids to the pumpkin patch today. And yet, just the

> thought of getting them ready and getting myself ready seems like, a

> lot to do. That's kind of sad, cuz it's a fun thing. Once I'm there

> it'll seem nice probably, just the getting ready part

> Anyway, if I'm gonna do it, I'd better get ready...

> Thanks!

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Sylvia,

And we did have a good time at the pumpkin patch! Very true about,

nada convincing us that we are not worthwhile, and therefore we do not

treat ourselves as if we are worth taking care of.

Like for instance, when I've been feeling so depressed, people here

have been giving the advice about trying to do something nice for

myself every day. And I think it's good advice.

And yet, at the same time, I'm also thinking, " I can't even finish the

laundry or control my eating! Why should I do something nice for

myself? Maybe if I was someone who could wash everyone's clothes and

stop eating the d*** chocolate-covered raisins, I would be a person

who deserved something nice. "

Unless someone ***told*** me to do something nice for me, it would

never occur to me. Haha. So thanks, all of you.

Janie

[Guest guest]

Hi again, Janie,

Thanks for letting us know that you all had a good time! I hope you

keep on following the advice to take care of and do nice things for

you. Being nice to yourself is not conditional. It does not depend

upon what you have or have not done. I think you may discover that

once you get into the habit of consistently being nice to yourself,

it will be easier for you to do the chores that are now difficult to

do.

You have to make sure you are taken care of before you can take care

of others.

Sylvia

>

> Thanks, Sylvia,

> And we did have a good time at the pumpkin patch! Very true

about,

> nada convincing us that we are not worthwhile, and therefore we do

not

> treat ourselves as if we are worth taking care of.

>

> Like for instance, when I've been feeling so depressed, people here

> have been giving the advice about trying to do something nice for

> myself every day. And I think it's good advice.

>

> And yet, at the same time, I'm also thinking, " I can't even finish

the

> laundry or control my eating! Why should I do something nice for

> myself? Maybe if I was someone who could wash everyone's clothes

and

> stop eating the d*** chocolate-covered raisins, I would be a person

> who deserved something nice. "

>

> Unless someone ***told*** me to do something nice for me, it would

> never occur to me. Haha. So thanks, all of you.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Janie, that sounds extremely frustrating, but it is still worth your

time to seek someone out. Going to therapy was terrifying for me and

I HATED it--every minute of it, but I did it anyway because I knew I

was in trouble in my life and because I could really tell it was

helping. My experience when first dealing with all of this was

similar to 's in that I had to first figure out what I was

feeling (all the feelings were burried under anxiety) and then figure

out what I was thinking to cause these feelings. It was hard work and

I actually literally did these written activities about my feelings

every day that were in this workbook my therapist assigned untill I

could figure out what was going on in my head! I hated that too, but

boy did it help! And since you have to do a lot of work on your own

even when you are in therapy, you might as well get started on

something usefull now--so if someone has a workbook for depression, I

say, go for it!

Trish

>

> Thanks Trish,

> I am going to call back in a couple of weeks when they will " let " me

> book an appointment. You're right, waiting a month is better than not

> going at all. I'm not very trustful, so I'm kind of scared of the

> therapist, no matter who it is. But I think I'll go.

>

> When the woman was telling me to call back in a couple of weeks, I was

> thinking, yeah... the good little KO will wait indefinitely for all

> good things. Whereas my nada would manufacture some crisis and

> threaten to do herself in immediately, if she didn't get seen. I just

> kind of thought of that, and I thought, while **I'm** waiting

> miserably for a month, all the nadas of the world and their fake

> crises are " cutting in front of me " in the mental health line.

> Janie

>