Re: postscript to my baby philosophy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/2001 10:00:19 AM Eastern Standard Time,

vhunnius@... writes:

> Sometimes, when he's sleeping, we go into his room and stare at him,

> wondering at his incredible beauty and wondering how the two of us created

> such an incredibly beautiful, special human being.

>

>

Yep...been there...and plan on going there again....

I can remember when Sam was born...I mean the minute...they were sewing Terry

up and gave Sam to me to hold.

All I could think of is, How did I get here?

It hadn't been but 5 years earlier my life was a complete mess and I didn't

know what the future was going to bring...

I still stare at my kids...Alec too....then look at the pictures of a few

years ago and all I can say is WOW.

Ron...

[Guest guest]

>

> ...and I would adopt, except I have a mental illness, and who's going to

give a baby (or child) to a parent who takes lithium?

>

> I just want everyone to know that I am a GOOD MOTHER.

Never doubted it for a minute.

And I LOVE my son.

Never doubted that either. Heck, I actually love Enrique and I keep

offering him to fellow listmembers. That's because I know they are almost

the only people in the world who would understand.

I also know they don't want him, except Grace, and I rather hope my

description of his messiness changed HER mind.

And if I could have more without losing my mind or my life, I WOULD. In a

heartbeat. Having more was always my plan.

That's okay.

>

> Even after the horrendous pregnancy, and the terrifying ppd, I was still

planning on trying again. But then, 6 months after 's diagnosis, I had

my first full-blown manic episode, followed by a crippling depression.

Hideous.

>

> If I had another baby, the chances are almost certain that child would

also be autistic. I have the genetic basis for it. Could I handle TWO

autistic children, as so many moms on this list do with amazing capability?

No, I couldn't. Especially given the knowledge that in our particular case

science has actually proven that there is a link between bipolar disorder

and autism. So I would have *knowingly* brought another child into the

world who needed such massive help just to function. I can't do that.

Sometimes it's hard enough knowing that if my genetics were different

would probably be NT.

But if the genetics were different he wouldn't be ; he'd be some

stranger kid so don't think about that one any more. You probably want

(at least most of the time) and not some stranger NT kid.

>

> Often, dh and I are plunged into a mutual depression over the fact we

won't be having anymore children. We have cried on each other's shoulders

about it. And we've cried alone.

>

> Eight years ago, we sat down and mapped out all the things we wanted in

life. Three children, that was top of the list. Everything else came

after. Truthfully, we don't have any one thing on that list today.

Reality hurts.

With the exception of one of those children, who we love more than we

thought possible. Sometimes, when he's sleeping, we go into his room and

stare at him, wondering at his incredible beauty and wondering how the two

of us created such an incredibly beautiful, special human being.

He is a treasure and you have done well by him. He is very fortunate.

>

> Neither of us are terribly strong people. We don't cope well under

stress. It's a miracle that we are doing such a good job with . If we

added another person to this equation, it all might very well crumble.

It might. I would definitely be better organized with fewer kids. But I

want the ones I have! Well, most of the time...

And we've worked hard to get here.

>

> So, that is why I have steeled myself to babies. If I hadn't done, I

would spend all my time crying when I saw one. I wouldn't be able to talk

to my best friend on the phone anymore, since she is trying for baby number

two. Only by making myself certain I don't want another, just feel nothing

for them, can I support her, rather than having to cut down on communication

with her due to envy and heartbreak. Because I certainly would have to.

I can understand; I suspect we all can.

Love ya, Jacquie!

Salli

[Guest guest]

Jacquie - all I can say is. I totally understand. Why do you think

we're not having anymore?? And I wanted another one. but I just knew

I couldn't handle it. Even if the last one was NT. ESPECIALLY if

he/she wasn't!! I kept thinking, well what if the next one has a

worse case of autism than Mitchel does!?

Nope couldn't do it.

And I never for one moment have thought you're a bad mother. Never

entered my mind.

You don't have to explain yourself to us. We love you just as you are.

Kerri

Mom to:

Mitchel 6, Autistic

8.5 - NT

See the Family: http://www.johnswdwpage.com/family.htm

" I thank God and America for the right to live and raise my family

under the flag of tolerance, democracy and freedom. "

-Walt Disney

[Guest guest]

Tina,

Don't make a sad face. I'm sure we all have things we didn't put together

or didn't know about, before we had children.

Sue

Re: postscript to my baby philosophy

> In a message dated 11/2/2001 10:00:19 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> vhunnius@... writes:

>

>

> > Especially given the knowledge that in our particular case science has

> > actually proven that there is a link between bipolar disorder and

autism.

> > So I would have *knowingly* brought another child into the world who

needed

> > such massive help just to function. I can't do that. Sometimes it's

hard

> > enough knowing that if my genetics were different would probably be

NT.

> >

>

> I brought Braeden into this world knowing that Dorian was autistic and I

am

> bipolar. I never really thought about it that way.

>

> Tina

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I just want everyone to know that I am a GOOD MOTHER. And I LOVE

>my son.<<<

I'm sorry, was there ever any doubt? Not in MY mind...

>

> Neither of us are terribly strong people. We don't cope well under

>stress.<<<

Oh I think quite the contrary, you ARE strong people. You may not

cope well under stress, but that is very, very different from being

strong.

, I believe, has helped you surface that strength.

Speaking just for myself, there was absolutely nothing you had to

clear up.

Penny