prom

[Guest guest]

>

> I can't imagine an autistic spectrum person going to something like

> that. [...] I did know that there actually were proms in real

> life

On the night of my high school senior prom, I stayed home watching a

hockey game on TV and writing an anti-prom short story. It had to do

with my feeling (strong even then) that real love (even romance) has

very little to do with blowing hundreds of bucks on fancy clothes and

other frivolous stuff that you only use for one night. Mercifully (i.e.

it was bad and I would not be proud to have my name associated with it)

the story has long since been destroyed.

> A rented tux would have been out of the question;

I've never worn a tux, and I hope I never do. Then when I kick off,

they can bury me in one! I think they look fairly ridiculous, and I

can't imagine that I wouldn't be totally uncomfortable in one. (It's

bad enough if I have to wear a suit jacket and tie -- face gets sweaty,

hair frizzy, glasses fog up, and last time at a job interview I dipped

the end of the tie in the salad dressing ... generally not a good time

for the Dougster.)

>Dancing serves no purpose I can imagine either; I don't

> know what the point of that is.

I can understand it as an art form or an artistic quasi-sporting

competition. And a musically-inclined friend once taught me, with some

success, to waltz, and that was fun. But a bunch of folks standing

around making seemingly random back-and-forth movements -- I agree with

you. I simply can't bring myself to do it, and can't express myself

that way.

> It

> would not be until well after high school that the thought of having a

> date crossed my mind.

The idea had crossed my mind, but I knew that I wouldn't want the frilly

/ expensive / stereotypical stuff for a date. For instance, what's the

purpose of going to a movie, since you're sitting there NOT being able

to talk to each other for 2 hr.? And I knew that there were a lot of

other ways I'd rather spend money, including money to do something with

someone I liked, than on a prom and its various trappings.

Doug

[Guest guest]

My friends and I had this whole plan senior year where we were going

to all bring laptops and have a lan party at prom. It would have been

the best prom story ever, but we decided it wasn't worth the money. I

did go to prom my junior year, because my boyfriend was a senior, and

while it was fun to dress up (the nice thing about being female and a

good seamstress is that you can make a dress which is both comfy and

attractive) the actual prom was horrible. I have a very strong

reaction to loud noises, and even standing outside the banquet hall,

the noise was way too loud for me. Because I went to a boarding

school that was worried we would all sneak away from prom to get drunk

and have sex, students weren't allowed to go past a given distance

from the main party. My boyfriend and I spent the entire time sitting

as far away from the music as we were allowed with my house counsillor

coming by every five minutes to make sure we weren't trying some sort

of " sneak off to a hotel room an inch at a time " plan. But luckily I

had brought my origami paper with me, so at least we got some origami

out of the whole thing.

Wiley

--

By day, a mild-mannered Religious Studies major.

But by night, a mild-mannered Religious Studies major who's asleep.

[Guest guest]

I went to some dance event in high school. Must have been a prom.

Probably when I was in 11th grade. With such a small (all-girls)

school, not going was not an option. Everybody went. It didn't cost

anything and wasn't fancy. Held in the school gym with a record

player. I have no memory of what I wore, but I am sure it didn't cost

much, because my family didn't have money for clothes. Maybe it was a

hand-me-down from my sister. The person I went with was my sister's

boyfriend. He and my sister thought it would be lots of fun, because

he is African-American and there was a fair proportion of " liberal

bigots " among the parents at the school. ( " Liberal bigots " back in

1966 were people who deplored violence or even bad language directed

at Negroes but went pale and felt faint when presented with any

evidence of " racial mixing. " ) Sure enough, when and I turned up

at the refreshments table, the chaperone/mother in charge there was

so shocked that she dropped a whole package of frozen strawberries

into the punch and splashed fruit juice all over herself.

enjoyed shocking people. It was his hobby at the time.

I don't remember anything else about the occasion. I certainly didn't

dance. Probably didn't talk to anyone, either, since my classmates

wouldn't have wanted to associate with me in the presence of their

boyfriends.

Jane (who was a passive child, even in high school)

[Guest guest]

I did the " prom thing " three years in a row, but I don't think I ever spent

more than 20 or 30 minutes at the prom itself. Tops. Long enough to take a

picture and grab the little champagne glasses they always gave away (and

wasn't that a riot, you're not supposed to drink but here's some great

glasses to do it in!). 1st year, I went to Magic Time Machine with a small

group of choir friends, did a drive-by of the prom itself (in an airplane

hangar that year), then spent the night in a hotel room. Second year, went

out to dinner alone with my date, drove by the prom, went drag-racing in a

borrowed Miata and took a bottle of champagne down a back road (great

glasses). Third year, actually wound up at Hooter's (in a full-length

ballgown, no less), *before* the prom drive-by.

Nobody ever remembered seeing me at the prom. I even managed not to be in

the group picture taken at dinner the first year.

I love ballroom dancing and belly dancing but I feel very uncomfortable

doing the usual dance club thing. And I can never find a guy to dance with

who can really dance...who isn't gay...

Elayne

http://cablespeed.com/~solinox/index.htm

" Those who refuse to support and defend a state have no claim to protection

by that state. "

[Guest guest]

Doug O'Neal wrote:

>(It's bad enough if I have to wear a suit jacket and tie -- face gets sweaty,

>hair frizzy, glasses fog up, and last time at a job interview I dipped

>the end of the tie in the salad dressing ... generally not a good time

>for the Dougster.)

>

>

I picked up a white suit from Goodwill for $10 and tiedyed it. It

appears to be mostly cotton but it is wash

and wear! It doesn't itch or make me too hot the way so many suits do.

Since it doesn't have to go to th

cleaners, it doesn't have that stench of chemicals that often

accompanies fancy clothes.

[ Klein wrote]

>>Dancing serves no purpose I can imagine either; I don't

>>know what the point of that is.

>>

>>

For starters, it is a great excuse to stim in public!

It's good exercise.

>I can understand it as an art form or an artistic quasi-sporting competition.

>

It can be either or both of those, though part of the magic of dance is

that, unlike nearly all other

group physical activities, it is not inherently competitive.

> And a musically-inclined friend once taught me, with some

>success, to waltz, and that was fun.

>

Have you tried any other dances? Have you tried making up your own?

> But a bunch of folks standing

>around making seemingly random back-and-forth movements --

>

almost seems like our kind of people, doesn't it?

> <>I agree with you. I simply can't bring myself to do it, and can't

> express myself that way.

A lot of people have difficulty with that. I got into it first at

Grateful Dead concerts, where the

music tended to long jams that tended to entrance me and make me want to

move, and it was

dark, so I didn't feel self-conscious about it. There's no right or

wrong way to dance to that kind

of music anyway. Raves provide a similarly dance-friendly environment

and they keep it up

all night long :-)

Ride the Music

AndyTiedye

[Guest guest]

At 02:06 AM 12/17/2004 -0800, AndyTiedye wrote:

>[ Klein wrote]

>

> >>Dancing serves no purpose I can imagine either; I don't

> >>know what the point of that is.

> >>

> >>

>For starters, it is a great excuse to stim in public!

>

>

>

>It's good exercise.

*LOVES* dances! School dances began in grade 7 (junior high) and

became one of the big highlights of his life. He would dance from the

moment he got there until the music stopped, even dancing out to the water

fountain to get a drink and back again without missing a beat - he

entertained staff and students alike with passion and abilities on the

dance floor in junior high. I assume things are pretty much the same at

high school.

It was only last month when I was at the school meeting with a woman from

the school board that I heard about these " 2 girls who hangs out with

at lunch on Fridays and dances with at the dances " . Upon further inquiry I

found out that they were not part of any peer volunteer program that they

have for Special Ed students but had approached the Special Ed teacher and

asked if it was ok if they hung out with at lunchtime on Fridays and

told him that they (or one of them) danced with him at the dances. The

teacher told them to ask , not him. The teacher isn't really sure who

they are and all will tell me is that they're Gulf Shore girls in

grade 12. That means they know him well - probably went to school with him

their whole lives, understand his speech pretty well and know what he's

about. I think that's pretty cool. Think I might drop in on the Valentine

Dance in Feb, I think that's the next one, I haven't " observed " at a

dance since grade 9.

A bit of work went into preparing folks for when he started high

school dances. Because of the students who indulge in alcohol and/or drugs

before or during these events, there are police (RCMP) and student police

around as well as teachers & parent chaperones and because is *so* in

his element there and could so easily be mistaken for someone in a

chemically altered state and because he won't likely respond to " hey

you.... " I wanted to make good and sure everyone was aware of who he was.

The first year was still there, in grade 12, so at first he went to

the dances, whether he wanted to or not, because he could both drive them

and keep half an eye on .

It does amaze me that loves something so loud. At home he keeps his TV

and music just loud enough that you can just hear it. The same with the

radio and music in the car. I think he listens to things louder on

headphones. He is absolutely in his element on the dance floor.

's prom is June 24th. I'm sure he'll be there. I'm sure he'll want to

wear a tux if it's the thing to do (I have my dad's tux, wore it to

his prom. didn't want to go to his, his girlfriend couldn't afford a

dress but his girlfriend's parents wanted to go to his prom so they

bought Terri a dress so she could go so they went). He has worn a suit

before to his junior high grad dance. I've wondered for years if he'd have

a date or if there'd be someone I could " fix him up with " for the prom but

I've come to realize he probably wouldn't want to be " saddled with a date "

at this ultimate dance and if he does he'll ask someone, accept an offer or

ask me about who he can take.

You all will certainly be hearing more about this in June. will be

graduating high school and Ben (the Aspie son) will be graduating from

Junior High. will be the first autistic kid on PEI to graduate at 17 -

all the others before him have been kept in school as long as they could -

until age 21 - because there are no services for kids under 21. Spreading

their high school out until they were 21 gave them somewhere to go and

something to do all paid for. , naturally, was quite insistent on

graduating with his peers and there's no reason why he shouldn't.

-jypsy

________________________________

Ooops....Wrong Planet! Syndrome

Autism Spectrum Resources

www.PlanetAutism.com

jypsy@...

[Guest guest]

At 08:26 AM 12/17/2004, jypsy [ janet norman-bain ] intoned:

> *LOVES* dances! School dances began in grade 7 (junior high) and

>became one of the big highlights of his life. He would dance from the

>moment he got there until the music stopped, even dancing out to the water

>fountain to get a drink and back again without missing a beat - he

>entertained staff and students alike with passion and abilities on the

>dance floor in junior high. I assume things are pretty much the same at

>high school.

Jypsy, I've always loved to dance too, since I learned how in seventh

grade. I used to go clubbing just to dance.

I love having the music surround me and vibrate my bones and to move with

it... it's a kinesthetic thing that is incredibly relaxing to me. I am not

interested in the people particularly, nor the drinking, nor the

" atmosphere " of the club.

It's a meditation in motion, and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoy rocking

and bouncing on a trampoline--that there is music, which I also love, just

adds to the experience.

Z

" What are we going to do tonight, Brain? "

" The same thing we do every night, Pinky. We're going to try to take over

the world!! " ---Pinky and the Brain

Visit me at <www.zolaweb.com>!

ICQ#2048151

[Guest guest]

jypsy [ janet norman-bain ] wrote:

>At 02:06 AM 12/17/2004 -0800, AndyTiedye wrote:

>

>

>>[ Klein wrote]

>>

>>>>ancing serves no purpose I can imagine either; I don't

>>>>know what the point of that is.

>>>>

>>for starters, it is a great excuse to stim in public!

>>

>>It's good exercise.

>>

>>

>

> *LOVES* dances! School dances began in grade 7 (junior high) and

>became one of the big highlights of his life. He would dance from the

>moment he got there until the music stopped, even dancing out to the water

>fountain to get a drink and back again without missing a beat - he

>entertained staff and students alike with passion and abilities on the

>dance floor in junior high. I assume things are pretty much the same at

>high school.

>

>It was only last month when I was at the school meeting with a woman from

>the school board that I heard about these " 2 girls who hangs out with

>at lunch on Fridays and dances with at the dances " . Upon further inquiry I

>found out that they were not part of any peer volunteer program that they

>have for Special Ed students but had approached the Special Ed teacher and

>asked if it was ok if they hung out with at lunchtime on Fridays and

>told him that they (or one of them) danced with him at the dances. The

>teacher told them to ask , not him. The teacher isn't really sure who

>they are and all will tell me is that they're Gulf Shore girls in

>grade 12. That means they know him well - probably went to school with him

>their whole lives, understand his speech pretty well and know what he's

>about. I think that's pretty cool.

>

>

That's wonderful!

> is *so* in his element there and could so easily be mistaken for

>someone in a chemically altered state

>

Most NTs seem to need drugs to get into that state.

I often get asked for some of whatever they think I'm on.

>It does amaze me that loves something so loud.

>

Sensory overload can be fun if we are allowed to respond to it in an

optimal fashion.

> At home he keeps his TV

>and music just loud enough that you can just hear it. The same with the

>radio and music in the car. I think he listens to things louder on

>headphones. He is absolutely in his element on the dance floor.

>

>

I know just what you mean!

RIDE THE MUSIC

AndyTiedye

[Guest guest]

Zola wrote:

>At 08:26 AM 12/17/2004, jypsy [ janet norman-bain ] intoned:

>

>

>> *LOVES* dances! School dances began in grade 7 (junior high) and

>>became one of the big highlights of his life. He would dance from the

>>moment he got there until the music stopped, even dancing out to the water

>>fountain to get a drink and back again without missing a beat - he

>>entertained staff and students alike with passion and abilities on the

>>dance floor in junior high. I assume things are pretty much the same at

>>high school.

>>

>

>Jypsy, I've always loved to dance too, since I learned how in seventh

>grade. I used to go clubbing just to dance.

>

>

I still do, if I can't find a good underground.

>I love having the music surround me and vibrate my bones and to move with

>it... it's a kinesthetic thing that is incredibly relaxing to me.

>

YES!

>I am not interested in the people particularly, nor the drinking, nor the

> " atmosphere " of the club.

>

That's why I prefer the underground rave scene. Get together and dance

in a warehouse somewhere,

or better yet, out in the woods under the stars. Anywhere we can drag

a sound system and if

needed a generator.

I'll go to a club if there aren't any good undergrounds and I really

need to dance, or if the club is

featuring somebody I really want to see.

>It's a meditation in motion, and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoy rocking

>and bouncing on a trampoline--that there is music, which I also love, just

>adds to the experience.

>

>Z

>

EXACTLY. Traditional meditation techniques don't work for those of us

who don't do still.

RIDE THE MUSIC

AndyTiedye

[Guest guest]

We had both a junior and senior prom. I did not go to either one

because no-one made me go and that's the only reason I would go.

Someone tried to " fix " me up with someone but I declined. I don't know

if I made some excuse or just said I didn't want to go. I think I

remember wondering if the person's feelings were hurt because I didn't

go but my memory is fuzzy on this. Oh, now I remember, I said

something " blunt " about not going and a girl said I shouldn't have

said that and I tried to make clear to the person she was trying to

fix me up with that it wasn't because they were ugly or something that

I didn't want to go.

June