Re: a good accomplishment!!

[Guest guest]

Well crafted!

Patting you on the back---

Sofia

>

> Hi all,

> I want to share a letter that I wrote to the therapist that came

to evaluate my dad's home to determine custody of my 5 younger sibs

(ages 16-6). I feel pretty good about how I articulated things. It

was good for me to be able to put it down on paper and actually send

it to someone:). Now all we have to do is hurry up and wait for this

guy to finish his report. I hope and pray that my message got

through to him because nada had her charming act on heavy when he

visited her house. She even baked a cake! Anyway here's my letter:

>

> Dr. E,

> I am grateful for the opportunity to speak with you and to send

you this letter. On Saturday you asked me what I thought would be

important for you to know. I have thought all week about this, and I

finally concluded that in order for my family to heal, I should be

candid about things. It really doesn't do anyone good to ignore

unpleasant things, especially in situations like this.

> I am concerned for my siblings and definitely do not want to see

them hurt. My mom does not have the capacity to provide for them

physically or psychologically in the role of primary caregiver. She

is an unstable person right now, mostly because she refuses to

acknowledge her diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder and the

inappropriateness of her behavior. Obviously, I am not a

professional in the psychiatric field, as you are, but I have

learned much about BPD and my mom shows the defined characteristics

very clearly. In addition to this, I have spoken to my aunt (mom's

sister) who told me that mom was reluctant to have the kids full

time again because it was nice to be free of the burden. In my

opinion, mom is fighting for custody for the wrong reasons. She

likes to fight and so far she has used my siblings as proverbial

carrots to manipulate my dad. She threatens and demeans and gives

reprimand to my dad and siblings and then expects to be accommodated

at the drop of a hat

> without hurt feelings.

> She shows disregard for the consequences of her behavior and the

impact on others. For example, I was babysitting J on 10/28/05 and

she wanted to come to the house to take things she felt entitled to.

I did not want a confrontation so I tried to leave before she

arrived. As I was fastening my daughter and J into my car she pulled

up. She demanded to have Jon go with her. I told her that we were

leaving and backed out of the driveway. She went out to the middle

of the road and stood in front of my car, blocking me in. When I was

able to get around her, she called the police and reported that I

had kidnapped J and intentionally tried to hit her with my car. She

did make contact with the car but only as she was trying to run in

front of it in the middle of the road! She was not injured she was

vengeful that I did not cave to her demand.

> Another example, shortly before my wedding in 2001, mom and I

had a disagreement about minor details of the reception. She became

so upset that she took a knife from the kitchen and threatened

suicide. She stabbed herself in the stomach right there in the

kitchen and then went to lay on the couch. She told me that I had

driven her to suicide- it was my fault. She forbid me to call 911.

She was not being reasonable so I had to call 911. She required

surgery to repair her liver. Afterward she told me that she was so

disappointed when she woke up in the hospital. She said she really

wanted to be dead.

> Over the years, mom has said and done very hurtful things to our

family. She does not restrain her anger and can be violent toward

those who are not complying with her wants. She has repeatedly

spanked all of us kids with kitchen instruments- spoons and ladles.

She pulls knives often. A few months ago she forced E out of the car

in the freezing cold three miles from home to walk because they

disagreed. E had no coat and was recovering from pneumonia. She has

told C that he was stupid several times. One occasion saying " You

are a stupid f-ing sloth! " Mom often tells us that we are sinful and

need to repent when we don't agree with her. This is not limited to

religious topics. There are too many of these examples to continue-

I'd end up with a novel size letter for you.

> I'm sure that all of this may sound excessive. We knew something

was wrong but couldn't sort it out. It wasn't until recently that we

learned that there was a name for the way she is. She denies

anything to do with BPD and that she does not know why we want her

to get help for something she doesn't have. I am sad and frustrated

by this. My family would not be in this situation if she didn't

behave the way she does. She is tearing us apart. Although none of

us are perfect or even near so, I feel that my mom is not able to be

a competent primary caregiver to my siblings. They are much safer

with my dad. He is attentive and able to provide a better home

environment.

> Thank you again for your time and attention.

> Sincerely,

> Adria

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Mail

> Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Adria,

I agree with RW and Sofia. Outstanding. One thing: you never know, your

view, however truthful, articulate and professionally expressed, may be

disregarded, ignored and disagreed with. Be ready for anything. That

doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You're doing your part. Keep going.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- R W wrote:

> A very well written letter. Expressed in a 'professional' sounding way,

> to the point covering all bases. A thorough letter. Good job!

>

> babiechickum wrote: Hi all,

> I want to share a letter that I wrote to the therapist that came to

> evaluate my dad's home to determine custody of my 5 younger sibs(ages

> 16-6). I feel pretty good about how I articulated things. It was good

> for me to be able to put it down on paper and actually send it to

> someone:). Now all we have to do is hurry up and wait for this guy to

> finish his report. I hope and pray that my message got through to him

> because nada had her charming act on heavy when he visited her house.

> She even baked a cake! Anyway here's my letter:

>

> Dr. E,

> I am grateful for the opportunity to speak with you and to send you

> this letter. On Saturday you asked me what I thought would be important

> for you to know. I have thought all week about this, and I finally

> concluded that in order for my family to heal, I should be candid about

> things. It really doesn’t do anyone good to ignore unpleasant things,

> especially in situations like this.

> I am concerned for my siblings and definitely do not want to see them

> hurt. My mom does not have the capacity to provide for them physically

> or psychologically in the role of primary caregiver. She is an unstable

> person right now, mostly because she refuses to acknowledge her

> diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder and the inappropriateness

> of her behavior. Obviously, I am not a professional in the psychiatric

> field, as you are, but I have learned much about BPD and my mom shows

> the defined characteristics very clearly. In addition to this, I have

> spoken to my aunt (mom’s sister) who told me that mom was reluctant to

> have the kids full time again because it was nice to be free of the

> burden. In my opinion, mom is fighting for custody for the wrong

> reasons. She likes to fight and so far she has used my siblings as

> proverbial carrots to manipulate my dad. She threatens and demeans and

> gives reprimand to my dad and siblings and then expects to be

> accommodated at the drop of a hat

> without hurt feelings.

> She shows disregard for the consequences of her behavior and the

> impact on others. For example, I was babysitting J on 10/28/05 and she

> wanted to come to the house to take things she felt entitled to. I did

> not want a confrontation so I tried to leave before she arrived. As I

> was fastening my daughter and J into my car she pulled up. She demanded

> to have Jon go with her. I told her that we were leaving and backed out

> of the driveway. She went out to the middle of the road and stood in

> front of my car, blocking me in. When I was able to get around her, she

> called the police and reported that I had kidnapped J and intentionally

> tried to hit her with my car. She did make contact with the car but only

> as she was trying to run in front of it in the middle of the road! She

> was not injured she was vengeful that I did not cave to her demand.

> Another example, shortly before my wedding in 2001, mom and I had a

> disagreement about minor details of the reception. She became so upset

> that she took a knife from the kitchen and threatened suicide. She

> stabbed herself in the stomach right there in the kitchen and then went

> to lay on the couch. She told me that I had driven her to suicide- it

> was my fault. She forbid me to call 911. She was not being reasonable so

> I had to call 911. She required surgery to repair her liver. Afterward

> she told me that she was so disappointed when she woke up in the

> hospital. She said she really wanted to be dead.

> Over the years, mom has said and done very hurtful things to our

> family. She does not restrain her anger and can be violent toward those

> who are not complying with her wants. She has repeatedly spanked all of

> us kids with kitchen instruments- spoons and ladles. She pulls knives

> often. A few months ago she forced E out of the car in the freezing cold

> three miles from home to walk because they disagreed. E had no coat and

> was recovering from pneumonia. She has told C that he was stupid several

> times. One occasion saying “You are a stupid f-ing sloth!” Mom often

> tells us that we are sinful and need to repent when we don’t agree with

> her. This is not limited to religious topics. There are too many of

> these examples to continue- I’d end up with a novel size letter for you.

>

> I’m sure that all of this may sound excessive. We knew something was

> wrong but couldn’t sort it out. It wasn’t until recently that we learned

> that there was a name for the way she is. She denies anything to do with

> BPD and that she does not know why we want her to get help for something

> she doesn’t have. I am sad and frustrated by this. My family would not

> be in this situation if she didn’t behave the way she does. She is

> tearing us apart. Although none of us are perfect or even near so, I

> feel that my mom is not able to be a competent primary caregiver to my

> siblings. They are much safer with my dad. He is attentive and able to

> provide a better home environment.

> Thank you again for your time and attention.

> Sincerely,

> Adria

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Mail

> Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments.

>

>