Re: Does anyone understand this?

[Guest guest]

Wow , I really understand this. I too " think " or " know " feelings

more than actually feeling them.

Sadly, it's often the negative ones I can feel intensely. And often,

positive ones, like feeling pride in oneself, I " know " but don't feel.

For instance, I know I want to take better care of myself. Since the

school year started, I have gone to the gym 3 or more days a week,

even when I was extra-busy or didn't feel like it. So, I " should " feel

proud of myself. I " think " I am.

But I don't _feel_ that pride for myself. Odd! I can feel it on behalf

of my kids, or my husband or my girlfriends. My best friend was afraid

of showing her beautiful art to anyone but her family/friends, and yet

she was so brave and last week had her first show at a local gallery!

I felt so happy for her, and proud of her for doing something she was

afraid of.

But for myself, I can't or don't feel that stuff, even if I can

recognize it (like the gym). It's depressing. And like you, , I

would be really interested to hear stories from people who have made

some steps in this.

Sometimes when I'm thinking negatively--and quite often lately, I've

been having a lot of negative thoughts like, " I'm a f***ed up hopeless

mess " --it cheers me up to see the ways in which my kids are better.

Probably all of us have this wish that the next generation will be

happier than we were. When I hear my preschooler say, completely

un-self-consciously and with such genuine happiness, " I'm pwoud of

myseff " I think of this as...redemptive. I might indeed BE a f***ed up

hopeless mess, who will never _feel_ pride in herself, but it does

warm my heart to see my child feel those positive things towards herself.

Janie

[Guest guest]

Janie - thanks. I do understand. With my FOO, and for years (I'm

in my 40s), I was so far from feeling any kind of pride - which

means a sense of my worth. All I knew from them, which for a long

time was all I knew, was that I was only worthy of disdain, of

treatment that they (in their pride of being 'good people') would

not have dished out to a stranger on the street.

One thing that has helped more recently is having a couple of people

close to me - a relative, a close friend - who understand my

struggles and have been very clear to say, " I am proud of you. "

Since these are people whose integrity and insights I've long

valued - from everything in life, not just me - I then give it

credence and feel like, wow, they must be right about me, too.

Through their eyes, I have begun to see myself as worthy.

Don't know if there are such trustworthy voices in your life, but if

there are, take them to heart.

>

> Wow , I really understand this. I too " think " or " know "

feelings

> more than actually feeling them.

>

> Sadly, it's often the negative ones I can feel intensely. And

often,

> positive ones, like feeling pride in oneself, I " know " but don't

feel.

>

> For instance, I know I want to take better care of myself. Since

the

> school year started, I have gone to the gym 3 or more days a week,

> even when I was extra-busy or didn't feel like it. So, I " should "

feel

> proud of myself. I " think " I am.

>

> But I don't _feel_ that pride for myself. Odd! I can feel it on

behalf

> of my kids, or my husband or my girlfriends. My best friend was

afraid

> of showing her beautiful art to anyone but her family/friends, and

yet

> she was so brave and last week had her first show at a local

gallery!

> I felt so happy for her, and proud of her for doing something she

was

> afraid of.

>

> But for myself, I can't or don't feel that stuff, even if I can

> recognize it (like the gym). It's depressing. And like you, , I

> would be really interested to hear stories from people who have

made

> some steps in this.

>

> Sometimes when I'm thinking negatively--and quite often lately,

I've

> been having a lot of negative thoughts like, " I'm a f***ed up

hopeless

> mess " --it cheers me up to see the ways in which my kids are better.

>

> Probably all of us have this wish that the next generation will be

> happier than we were. When I hear my preschooler say, completely

> un-self-consciously and with such genuine happiness, " I'm pwoud of

> myseff " I think of this as...redemptive. I might indeed BE a

f***ed up

> hopeless mess, who will never _feel_ pride in herself, but it does

> warm my heart to see my child feel those positive things towards

herself.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I understand this, and while I am not completely over it, I can

share with you what has helped me.

First, I recognized that the lack of self-love is coming from my

inner child feelings. And so when I would work on feeling pride in

my accomplishments, I tried to get to that stage of my inner child

that was not feeling self-love and congratulate my inner child. I

gave my inner child mental hugs, and lots of praise for whatever was

accomplished. That is how we would have learned to be proud of

ourselves if we had healthy parents. (I also tell my inner child

how sorry I feel for the rotten parents she had, but that now life

is better because she doesn't have them as parents any more.)

Something else that helped me was to take some time at the end of

the day to write down what I did that I was proud of. And since

this was still part of my inner child work, the things on my list

could be very simple ones. (Hey - sometimes brushing my teeth

before going to bed might be on the list - I also was teaching

myself to take care of myself!!!!!)

, congratulations on doing so well during your first year of

therapy. I am sure you have a great deal to feel proud of. It has

also helped me to assess the difference from where I was to where I

am now. That is something else to feel proud about. Don't set

yourself up for self-criticism by thinking about where you think

you 'should' be. If your negative voice is getting on your case,

tell it to 'shut up'! Life is a journey, and for KOs, that journey

includes learning as adults the things we were not taught as

children.

Take care

Sylvia

>

>

>

> A year into theropy and I have come to realize the biggest

hurdle

> and most painful part for me to heal is I still do not love myself

the

> way I should. I often beat myself for mistakes and do not feel the

> pride and happiness of my accomplishments. I know nada did this to

me.

> IT IS SO HARD TO GET OVER. My theropist said I have come alone way

in

> a year and have taken a bunch of baby steps in the right

directions.

> It is funny how you realize that you truely do not feel certain

things

> after years of pushing feelings away in order to survive. This is

> something that must be fixed in order for me to really heal.

>

> I know alot of you out there have to feel this way too. It is

> horrible. She said I should be proud of myself because I decided

to

> get help to get better when alot of people do not. I think that,

BUT

> do not feel that. Alot of my responses are thought and not really

felt.

>

> Anyone ever get over this????

>

[Guest guest]

/Janie,

Congratulations for being aware of this problem. It's the first step

to taking better care of ourselves. I'm standing up to be counted

here...yes, it sure does ring a bell. I can beat myself up until

doomsday over whatever I think I've done wrong, and I can feel it in

exquisite humiliating clarity. But for me, it takes a very conscious

effort to recognize what I've done right...and my feelings toward

that are just this side of do not rescusitate. KO's are so well

trained, aren't they? All the things we experienced in childhood,

all those negative messages we heard over and over again were so

intense. But if you're anything like me, your accomplishments were

minimized...you heard things like 'don't get a swelled head, or 'it's

nice, but why are you making a big deal over what you should be doing

anyway'. No wonder we are desensitized to our positive feelings--

they were squelched on a regular basis! But were we raged at for any

little slight, real or imaginary? Oh yes, I think so. There will be

no joy in Oz, unless it is for the honor of the King/Queen.

I am trying to record some new tapes for my head to listen to. This

year, I'm writing down my accomplishments. It's amazing how many

there really are, but I tend to first invalidate, then forget they

ever happened. I am forcing myself to acknowledge their existence,

then I do something else that is hard for me to do. I reward

myself...my latest reward was wine and cheese night (the kind that

doesn't involve squirt cheese and cheap port, thank you very much)

and it was to recognize how well I did on negotiating a good price on

my car. And I'm making a conscious effort to quit beating myself for

things I don't do so well. I can't actually stop the old mental tape

from starting up, but I can moderate it now with responses... " it's

not as bad as you're making it out to be, I'm human and no human can

get through life without making mistakes " or " nobody does this right

the first time, give it time and you'll get better. " I'm not going

to kid you, making a fuss over your positive accomplishments feels

silly at first. That's because there's another tape running courtesy

of FOO that says nasty things like you're being stupid or putting it

down as weird psychobabble. I usually tell that tape to go get

stuffed. Nothing wrong with being open to change, especially if the

old coping skills aren't working.

I hope this helps, I think for me it IS beginning to seep in. I know

that I've been a lot more positive and feeling more confident

lately. Not so much of an f***ed up mess, anyway

Cheers,

Sakura

>

> Wow , I really understand this. I too " think " or " know " feelings

> more than actually feeling them.

>

> Sadly, it's often the negative ones I can feel intensely. And often,

> positive ones, like feeling pride in oneself, I " know " but don't

feel.

>

> For instance, I know I want to take better care of myself. Since the

> school year started, I have gone to the gym 3 or more days a week,

> even when I was extra-busy or didn't feel like it. So, I " should "

feel

> proud of myself. I " think " I am.

>

> But I don't _feel_ that pride for myself. Odd! I can feel it on

behalf

> of my kids, or my husband or my girlfriends. My best friend was

afraid

> of showing her beautiful art to anyone but her family/friends, and

yet

> she was so brave and last week had her first show at a local

gallery!

> I felt so happy for her, and proud of her for doing something she

was

> afraid of.

>

> But for myself, I can't or don't feel that stuff, even if I can

> recognize it (like the gym). It's depressing. And like you, , I

> would be really interested to hear stories from people who have made

> some steps in this.

>

> Sometimes when I'm thinking negatively--and quite often lately, I've

> been having a lot of negative thoughts like, " I'm a f***ed up

hopeless

> mess " --it cheers me up to see the ways in which my kids are better.

>

> Probably all of us have this wish that the next generation will be

> happier than we were. When I hear my preschooler say, completely

> un-self-consciously and with such genuine happiness, " I'm pwoud of

> myseff " I think of this as...redemptive. I might indeed BE a f***ed

up

> hopeless mess, who will never _feel_ pride in herself, but it does

> warm my heart to see my child feel those positive things towards

herself.

>

> Janie

>

[Guest guest]

richardson,

That's a great idea and it's helped me, too.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- richardson20214 wrote:

> Janie - thanks. I do understand. With my FOO, and

> for years (I'm

> in my 40s), I was so far from feeling any kind of

> pride - which

> means a sense of my worth. All I knew from them,

> which for a long

> time was all I knew, was that I was only worthy of

> disdain, of

> treatment that they (in their pride of being 'good

> people') would

> not have dished out to a stranger on the street.

>

> One thing that has helped more recently is having a

> couple of people

> close to me - a relative, a close friend - who

> understand my

> struggles and have been very clear to say, " I am

> proud of you. "

> Since these are people whose integrity and insights

> I've long

> valued - from everything in life, not just me - I

> then give it

> credence and feel like, wow, they must be right

> about me, too.

> Through their eyes, I have begun to see myself as

> worthy.

>

> Don't know if there are such trustworthy voices in

> your life, but if

> there are, take them to heart.

>

>

> >

> > Wow , I really understand this. I too " think "

> or " know "

> feelings

> > more than actually feeling them.

> >

> > Sadly, it's often the negative ones I can feel

> intensely. And

> often,

> > positive ones, like feeling pride in oneself, I

> " know " but don't

> feel.

> >

> > For instance, I know I want to take better care of

> myself. Since

> the

> > school year started, I have gone to the gym 3 or

> more days a week,

> > even when I was extra-busy or didn't feel like it.

> So, I " should "

> feel

> > proud of myself. I " think " I am.

> >

> > But I don't _feel_ that pride for myself. Odd! I

> can feel it on

> behalf

> > of my kids, or my husband or my girlfriends. My

> best friend was

> afraid

> > of showing her beautiful art to anyone but her

> family/friends, and

> yet

> > she was so brave and last week had her first show

> at a local

> gallery!

> > I felt so happy for her, and proud of her for

> doing something she

> was

> > afraid of.

> >

> > But for myself, I can't or don't feel that stuff,

> even if I can

> > recognize it (like the gym). It's depressing. And

> like you, , I

> > would be really interested to hear stories from

> people who have

> made

> > some steps in this.

> >

> > Sometimes when I'm thinking negatively--and quite

> often lately,

> I've

> > been having a lot of negative thoughts like, " I'm

> a f***ed up

> hopeless

> > mess " --it cheers me up to see the ways in which my

> kids are better.

> >

> > Probably all of us have this wish that the next

> generation will be

> > happier than we were. When I hear my preschooler

> say, completely

> > un-self-consciously and with such genuine

> happiness, " I'm pwoud of

> > myseff " I think of this as...redemptive. I might

> indeed BE a

> f***ed up

> > hopeless mess, who will never _feel_ pride in

> herself, but it does

> > warm my heart to see my child feel those positive

> things towards

> herself.

> >

> > Janie

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

,

I went through this at many different times in therapy. It is part of the

therapeutic technique. I still have moments when I feel that way, but, if I

can offer a little advice:

1. Tell you therapist that you think this way but don't FEEL it. If you

don't feel in therapy, you're wasting your money. Which brings us to number 2.,

2. These are not things that are fixed. They are embraced. They are

embraced with feelings of love and caring and compassion for yourself. I think

that you are right on the verge of it, as you are mad as hell about it (and this

is scary).

You are exactly where you need to be right now, despite it feeling shitty.

And I even remember yelling at my doc about when the F! is this going to feel

better. (I was expecting too much too soon). This stuff didn't happen over

night and it heals faster than all those years of abuse, but it still takes

time.

((((()))))

Greg.

maryec73 wrote:

A year into theropy and I have come to realize the biggest hurdle

and most painful part for me to heal is I still do not love myself the

way I should. I often beat myself for mistakes and do not feel the

pride and happiness of my accomplishments. I know nada did this to me.

IT IS SO HARD TO GET OVER. My theropist said I have come alone way in

a year and have taken a bunch of baby steps in the right directions.

It is funny how you realize that you truely do not feel certain things

after years of pushing feelings away in order to survive. This is

something that must be fixed in order for me to really heal.

I know alot of you out there have to feel this way too. It is

horrible. She said I should be proud of myself because I decided to

get help to get better when alot of people do not. I think that, BUT

do not feel that. Alot of my responses are thought and not really felt.

Anyone ever get over this????

---------------------------------

Get your email and more, right on the new Yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

As a matter of fact I struggle with this on and off. Some times I

feel like the old Corelle plate no matter how many times you drop

it….it just won't break and yet others I feel like the most fine

antique china just smashed on the concrete. I can understand this.

Lizzy

>

>

>

> A year into theropy and I have come to realize the biggest

hurdle

> and most painful part for me to heal is I still do not love myself

the

> way I should. I often beat myself for mistakes and do not feel the

> pride and happiness of my accomplishments. I know nada did this to

me.

> IT IS SO HARD TO GET OVER. My theropist said I have come alone way

in

> a year and have taken a bunch of baby steps in the right

directions.

> It is funny how you realize that you truely do not feel certain

things

> after years of pushing feelings away in order to survive. This is

> something that must be fixed in order for me to really heal.

>

> I know alot of you out there have to feel this way too. It is

> horrible. She said I should be proud of myself because I decided

to

> get help to get better when alot of people do not. I think that,

BUT

> do not feel that. Alot of my responses are thought and not really

felt.

>

> Anyone ever get over this????

>

[Guest guest]

Sskura, I love the idea of having a party for yourself. I think you

celebrating with wine and cheese is great! I like the idea's you

gave. I love the positive attitude you have. I always think the same

thing about my kids, like I will do my best I can but I have the

hope that the next generation will do it better. You seem like you

really have your head on straight. I am sure you will make it!

Thanks for the helpful tips. Love Lizzy

> >

> > Wow , I really understand this. I too " think " or " know "

feelings

> > more than actually feeling them.

> >

> > Sadly, it's often the negative ones I can feel intensely. And

often,

> > positive ones, like feeling pride in oneself, I " know " but don't

> feel.

> >

> > For instance, I know I want to take better care of myself. Since

the

> > school year started, I have gone to the gym 3 or more days a

week,

> > even when I was extra-busy or didn't feel like it. So,

I " should "

> feel

> > proud of myself. I " think " I am.

> >

> > But I don't _feel_ that pride for myself. Odd! I can feel it on

> behalf

> > of my kids, or my husband or my girlfriends. My best friend was

> afraid

> > of showing her beautiful art to anyone but her family/friends,

and

> yet

> > she was so brave and last week had her first show at a local

> gallery!

> > I felt so happy for her, and proud of her for doing something

she

> was

> > afraid of.

> >

> > But for myself, I can't or don't feel that stuff, even if I can

> > recognize it (like the gym). It's depressing. And like you,

, I

> > would be really interested to hear stories from people who have

made

> > some steps in this.

> >

> > Sometimes when I'm thinking negatively--and quite often lately,

I've

> > been having a lot of negative thoughts like, " I'm a f***ed up

> hopeless

> > mess " --it cheers me up to see the ways in which my kids are

better.

> >

> > Probably all of us have this wish that the next generation will

be

> > happier than we were. When I hear my preschooler say, completely

> > un-self-consciously and with such genuine happiness, " I'm pwoud

of

> > myseff " I think of this as...redemptive. I might indeed BE a

f***ed

> up

> > hopeless mess, who will never _feel_ pride in herself, but it

does

> > warm my heart to see my child feel those positive things towards

> herself.

> >

> > Janie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sakura,

Your post helped a lot! I totally relate to your FOO quote

of 'it's nice, but why are you making a big deal over what you should

be doing anyway'. I heard those exact words! Often! Like if I came

home with a straight-A report card, I got those words. But then--one

time I wrote an essay and nada thought I had misplaced a comma--no

kidding, a comma, I was verbally berated really horribly, for an

entire afternoon and evening, until I thought I was a worthless idiot

and was close to tears. Yes, all this turmoil for a stinking comma!

The other thing I relate to is your discovery that you tend to

invalidate, then forget what happened. I do that too, not just with

accomplishments but also with other positive things. So writing

them down is a great idea. And celebrating them too. (Too bad I'd like

to celebrate going to the gym with a great big dinner out, haha.)

I do find overcoming " the tapes " the hardest of all. They are

stuck in there but GOOD. In fact, I like your suggestion of new tapes

Sakura, and I think maybe that's something I've tried. Sort of saying

to myself " Everyone makes mistakes " or whatever, but...it's almost the

same problem. I feel FOO's tapes with full-force negative emotion,

but with my competing tapes, I " know " but don't " feel " ... Maybe that's

just something that comes with practice. I'm encouraged that it's

working for you, so maybe I'll keep trying that one.

Congrats on negotiating a good price on your car btw! That's

something I totally dread!

Janie

[Guest guest]

richardson20214,

Thanks for posting on this! And I'm glad having those " outside " voices

telling you good things (when our " inner " voices aren't doing the job)

has helped.

You know, I have been blessed to have some close people say such

encouraging things to me. But...I don't listen so well... Ha ha. I

appreciate when I hear something nice like that, and I know the person

saying it is being genuine. But somehow that doesn't do it for me....

Maybe this is an area in which I'm extra flea-infested...

Like, my friend will say " Oh you're such a good mother to do ___. " And

immediately, I think of all the ways in which I wish I were a better

mother. I think of how I lost my patience that morning cuz my son was

slow to get ready for school. Or whatever. Or my husband will say " Wow

you got a lot done today " and I'll think of all the times that I waste

time, or sat on the couch instead of vacuuming the floor. Or whatever.

It's almost like people's praise has the opposite effect somehow. Go

figure.

Janie

> >

> > Wow , I really understand this. I too " think " or " know "

> feelings

> > more than actually feeling them.

> >

> > Sadly, it's often the negative ones I can feel intensely. And

> often,

> > positive ones, like feeling pride in oneself, I " know " but don't

> feel.

> >

> > For instance, I know I want to take better care of myself. Since

> the

> > school year started, I have gone to the gym 3 or more days a week,

> > even when I was extra-busy or didn't feel like it. So, I " should "

> feel

> > proud of myself. I " think " I am.

> >

> > But I don't _feel_ that pride for myself. Odd! I can feel it on

> behalf

> > of my kids, or my husband or my girlfriends. My best friend was

> afraid

> > of showing her beautiful art to anyone but her family/friends, and

> yet

> > she was so brave and last week had her first show at a local

> gallery!

> > I felt so happy for her, and proud of her for doing something she

> was

> > afraid of.

> >

> > But for myself, I can't or don't feel that stuff, even if I can

> > recognize it (like the gym). It's depressing. And like you, , I

> > would be really interested to hear stories from people who have

> made

> > some steps in this.

> >

> > Sometimes when I'm thinking negatively--and quite often lately,

> I've

> > been having a lot of negative thoughts like, " I'm a f***ed up

> hopeless

> > mess " --it cheers me up to see the ways in which my kids are better.

> >

> > Probably all of us have this wish that the next generation will be

> > happier than we were. When I hear my preschooler say, completely

> > un-self-consciously and with such genuine happiness, " I'm pwoud of

> > myseff " I think of this as...redemptive. I might indeed BE a

> f***ed up

> > hopeless mess, who will never _feel_ pride in herself, but it does

> > warm my heart to see my child feel those positive things towards

> herself.

> >

> > Janie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy-

I'm glad it resonated with you...wine and cheese was definitely a

wonderful treat (and there's some lovely tiramisu that was purchased

with the wine and cheese...mmmm). I'm getting my head on gradually

with a lot of help. It's easy to talk about taking care of and

being kind to yourself in theory...but it really takes getting used

to in practice. I've mostly lurked on this list, but it's really

helped me understand my fleas and I'm impressed with all the

kindness and good advice to be found here. Flylady.net has been

enormously helpful too. I love her gentle reminders to take

organization in babysteps and that I don't have to be perfect.

FLYing (finally loving yourself) applies to so much more than

cleaning house.

Cheers,

Sakura

> > >

> > > Wow , I really understand this. I too " think " or " know "

> feelings

> > > more than actually feeling them.

> > >

> > > Sadly, it's often the negative ones I can feel intensely. And

> often,

> > > positive ones, like feeling pride in oneself, I " know " but

don't

> > feel.

> > >

> > > For instance, I know I want to take better care of myself.

Since

> the

> > > school year started, I have gone to the gym 3 or more days a

> week,

> > > even when I was extra-busy or didn't feel like it. So,

> I " should "

> > feel

> > > proud of myself. I " think " I am.

> > >

> > > But I don't _feel_ that pride for myself. Odd! I can feel it

on

> > behalf

> > > of my kids, or my husband or my girlfriends. My best friend

was

> > afraid

> > > of showing her beautiful art to anyone but her family/friends,

> and

> > yet

> > > she was so brave and last week had her first show at a local

> > gallery!

> > > I felt so happy for her, and proud of her for doing something

> she

> > was

> > > afraid of.

> > >

> > > But for myself, I can't or don't feel that stuff, even if I can

> > > recognize it (like the gym). It's depressing. And like you,

> , I

> > > would be really interested to hear stories from people who

have

> made

> > > some steps in this.

> > >

> > > Sometimes when I'm thinking negatively--and quite often

lately,

> I've

> > > been having a lot of negative thoughts like, " I'm a f***ed up

> > hopeless

> > > mess " --it cheers me up to see the ways in which my kids are

> better.

> > >

> > > Probably all of us have this wish that the next generation

will

> be

> > > happier than we were. When I hear my preschooler say,

completely

> > > un-self-consciously and with such genuine happiness, " I'm

pwoud

> of

> > > myseff " I think of this as...redemptive. I might indeed BE a

> f***ed

> > up

> > > hopeless mess, who will never _feel_ pride in herself, but it

> does

> > > warm my heart to see my child feel those positive things

towards

> > herself.

> > >

> > > Janie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, all that for a lousy comma? I think I'd have just stopped

punctuating after that...worse yet, misplace the comma on nada's

tombstone (if she were mine). Grrr, they make huge issues out of

things that overall do not mean squat.

I'd come home with nearly straight A's and one B+...of course, the

focus was on the B+ and what the hexx was the matter with me that I

didn't bring home all A's. You know the drill.

You are so right about the tapes. I'm hoping that repetition will

be the key...after all, it was repetitious conditioning that started

me down the path of the dark side (insert Darth Vader's lightsaber

here). Too bad nobody makes an easy flea dip for KOs.

Thanks for the congrats on the car purchase...it was something that

I completely dreaded. After weeks of researching and steeling

myself for all the tricks, it ended up being surprisingly easy

Cheers,

Sakura

>

> Sakura,

> Your post helped a lot! I totally relate to your FOO quote

> of 'it's nice, but why are you making a big deal over what you

should

> be doing anyway'. I heard those exact words! Often! Like if I came

> home with a straight-A report card, I got those words. But then--

one

> time I wrote an essay and nada thought I had misplaced a comma--no

> kidding, a comma, I was verbally berated really horribly, for an

> entire afternoon and evening, until I thought I was a worthless

idiot

> and was close to tears. Yes, all this turmoil for a stinking comma!

>

> The other thing I relate to is your discovery that you tend to

> invalidate, then forget what happened. I do that too, not just with

> accomplishments but also with other positive things. So writing

> them down is a great idea. And celebrating them too. (Too bad I'd

like

> to celebrate going to the gym with a great big dinner out, haha.)

>

> I do find overcoming " the tapes " the hardest of all. They are

> stuck in there but GOOD. In fact, I like your suggestion of new

tapes

> Sakura, and I think maybe that's something I've tried. Sort of

saying

> to myself " Everyone makes mistakes " or whatever, but...it's almost

the

> same problem. I feel FOO's tapes with full-force negative emotion,

> but with my competing tapes, I " know " but don't " feel " ... Maybe

that's

> just something that comes with practice. I'm encouraged that it's

> working for you, so maybe I'll keep trying that one.

>

> Congrats on negotiating a good price on your car btw! That's

> something I totally dread!

>

> Janie

>