Re: Asperger's & Co-Dependency?

[Guest guest]

> My therapist says that I show signs of being a co-dependent. Is

> this something that happens to an Aspie as they grow to an adult?

> He says I shouldn't self-diagnose, but I didn't really, go figure.

> My son's psych. is the one that informed me that I have the Aspie

> traits and my mother sees them too. How do I get him to understand

> where I am coming from?

Co-dependant is a pop-psychology jargon term coined to describe a few

*very* specific dynamics (if it describes anything accurately at all).

It is widely misused even if one were to take its original meaning at

face value. *Widely* misused.

[Guest guest]

Carissa wrote:

>My therapist says that I show signs of being a co-dependent. Is

>this something that happens to an Aspie as they grow to an adult?

>He says I shouldn't self-diagnose, but I didn't really, go figure.

>My son's psych. is the one that informed me that I have the Aspie

>traits and my mother sees them too. How do I get him to understand

>where I am coming from?

Fire him (if he persists in refusing to educate himself about autism).

Jane

[Guest guest]

Bonnie wrote:

>Is Co-Dependency real?

>If it is real, is it really so bad?

>What's wrong with caring for another and becoming

>involved in their life.?

I am not an expert, nor am I personally experienced in this area.

Many years ago, it seemed as if the theory of " co-dependency " was

used to explain to some people (usually, in the cases I heard about,

women) that they did not need to remain in abusive relationships. The

typical scenario was along these lines: A woman married to an abusive

alcoholic (who was abusive only when drunk) would say, " He's a good

person, I can't ditch him; and he's only abusive when drunk. " The

co-dependency theory would say: " But as long as you stay with him,

you are telling him -- with your acceptance of his continuing

alcoholic abuse -- that being an abusive alcoholic is acceptable. In

other words, you are helping make it possible for him to remain

abusive, you are providing a stable environment in which his abusive

behavior is accommodated. The better [the more effective, from some

points of view, or the more moral, from other points of view] thing

for you to do would be to withdraw your support of his lifestyle that

includes being an alcoholic abuser. "

Within the narrow parameters of helping certain people understand

that accepting bad behavior can be part of ensuring that bad behavior

will continue, I see nothing bad about " co-dependency theory. " It can

be (and apparently has been) taken too far, though, being used as a

ready-made, one-size-fits-all " diagnosis " for any and all situations

for which the diagnostician has no comprehensive understanding.

Diagnosticians who feel pressured to come up with a diagnosis can go

pretty far into unreality. And when (as does not seem to be the case

in your situation, fortunately) this kind of manufactured " false

certainty " becomes part of a bureaucratized " treatment " regime, the

results can be very bad indeed. [That phrase " false certainty " comes

from a Sam interview I read recently. He said: " With false

certainty, anything is possible " -- meaning, for example, as he said:

" If I believe that I can get into Paradise by flying a plane into a

building, and I am content to believe this without evidence, then

there will be nothing another person can say to dissuade me, because

my leap of faith has made me immune to the powers of conversation. " ]

Jane

[Guest guest]

> What makes you an expert?

I didn't claim to *be* an expert.

> Are you a board certified psychologist? Do you have any training in

> this field?

No, and yes, but both of those are irrelevant.

It *is* a pop psychology term (as any research into its usage would

tell you) and it *is* overused (frequently applied to people who just

happen to care about other people, even used to tell people that

taking care of their loved ones during a crisis like anybody would is

a form of sickness, frequently used to tell people to become more

selfish).

You don't need a piece of paper to notice that these things happen.

It bewilders me that someone would think it took a piece of paper to

do so, and also that someone would attach such significance to that

*particular* piece of paper (which if you know enough psychologists,

you know doesn't mean they understand a thing more about human nature

than the average person -- many will even use it to give their

pre-existing prejudices more weight).