Re: new to BPD and struggling...

[Guest guest]

Let me put your question in another frame - If this person were not

your mother-in-law, would you want her to care for your children?

Sylvia

>

> I married a great guy three years ago who came from a priveleged

> family, his dad's a lawyer, his mom's a realtor and they were

fairly

> well off growing up. His parents got divorced when he was in high

> school (his dad was an alcoholic through his childhood and cheated

> on his mom)ANYWAYS..., when I met his mom, I thought she was this

> super nice, generous, intelligent, outgoing, energetic lady. And

she

> LOVED me, right from the start. As I started to spend more time

with

> her, I realized I didn't like her as much because she talks ALL

THE

> TIME, she thinks she is right ALL THE TIME and she gets her

panties

> in a wad if you disagree with her or have your own opinions which

> differ from hers. My husband has an older sister who, I was told,

> was the black sheep of the family, didn't talk to them much, and

was

> very self-centered. My husband was the good son / peacekeeper of

the

> family. No real way to make this long story short but to say after

> one VERY stressful family vacation in Hawaii, I never want to see

my

> mother-in-law again! She was rude to my sister and dad and their

> families, she threw nightly hissy-fits that ended in her going

into

> the other room and sobbing, and she got offended when my 2 1/2

year

> old son didn't want a bite of HER pizza, and wanted his dadddies

> instead!!! it's AMAZING how messed up in the head she is! And she

is

> watching my 2 little kids once a week.... should I be concerned

that

> she will hurt them or make them crazy like she is????

> She is VERY intelligent and wealthy and uses her money as a way of

> buying us things and helping us out when we need financial help,

but

> then she makes sure we remember all the good things she does for

> us... VERY manipulative. I haven't seen a lot of the behaviors I

> have read on these posts in her, I don't think she has ever been

> suicidal or depressed, but she does drink a fair amount and is

> totally mean to her elderly parents who are going senile. My

husband

> agrees she has issues, but isn't ready to sign off on her yet

(even

> though he ends up throwing the phone down and cussing for a long

> time every time he gets done talking with her) I guess I just dont

> know where to start with her..... are my kids safe? She seems to

> treat them VERY well, brags to everyone about them and spoils them

> rotten. I already keep contact with her to a minimum unless I am

> picking up the kids and I have no choice.

>

[Guest guest]

Once a week doesn't seem like it could do much damage -- if she's

not drinking. If she starts interfering with your parenting, or

sabotages you through your kids, THEN I would reconsider letting

them go over there.

Sylvia has a very good point -- only you know the answer to that

question. And sometimes a BPD can change toward grandchildren as

they grow older and more independent. It's easy for her to spoil

them when they're young and under her control.

My own mother is afraid of my kids now -- and they're wonderful

young people. She just doesn't want to go to the trouble to

interact with them now that they're older. It's sad.

-Kyla

> >

> > I married a great guy three years ago who came from a priveleged

> > family, his dad's a lawyer, his mom's a realtor and they were

> fairly

> > well off growing up. His parents got divorced when he was in

high

> > school (his dad was an alcoholic through his childhood and

cheated

> > on his mom)ANYWAYS..., when I met his mom, I thought she was

this

> > super nice, generous, intelligent, outgoing, energetic lady. And

> she

> > LOVED me, right from the start. As I started to spend more time

> with

> > her, I realized I didn't like her as much because she talks ALL

> THE

> > TIME, she thinks she is right ALL THE TIME and she gets her

> panties

> > in a wad if you disagree with her or have your own opinions

which

> > differ from hers. My husband has an older sister who, I was

told,

> > was the black sheep of the family, didn't talk to them much, and

> was

> > very self-centered. My husband was the good son / peacekeeper of

> the

> > family. No real way to make this long story short but to say

after

> > one VERY stressful family vacation in Hawaii, I never want to

see

> my

> > mother-in-law again! She was rude to my sister and dad and their

> > families, she threw nightly hissy-fits that ended in her going

> into

> > the other room and sobbing, and she got offended when my 2 1/2

> year

> > old son didn't want a bite of HER pizza, and wanted his dadddies

> > instead!!! it's AMAZING how messed up in the head she is! And

she

> is

> > watching my 2 little kids once a week.... should I be concerned

> that

> > she will hurt them or make them crazy like she is????

> > She is VERY intelligent and wealthy and uses her money as a way

of

> > buying us things and helping us out when we need financial help,

> but

> > then she makes sure we remember all the good things she does for

> > us... VERY manipulative. I haven't seen a lot of the behaviors I

> > have read on these posts in her, I don't think she has ever been

> > suicidal or depressed, but she does drink a fair amount and is

> > totally mean to her elderly parents who are going senile. My

> husband

> > agrees she has issues, but isn't ready to sign off on her yet

> (even

> > though he ends up throwing the phone down and cussing for a long

> > time every time he gets done talking with her) I guess I just

dont

> > know where to start with her..... are my kids safe? She seems to

> > treat them VERY well, brags to everyone about them and spoils

them

> > rotten. I already keep contact with her to a minimum unless I am

> > picking up the kids and I have no choice.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You have to protect yourself, family and children. Since your husband is the

peacekeeper, I suspect that MIL will remain in your life to some extent, but you

certainly do not need to deal with her ridiculous behavior. Life is too short!

B

kristiderby wrote:

I married a great guy three years ago who came from a priveleged

family, his dad's a lawyer, his mom's a realtor and they were fairly

well off growing up. His parents got divorced when he was in high

school (his dad was an alcoholic through his childhood and cheated

on his mom)ANYWAYS..., when I met his mom, I thought she was this

super nice, generous, intelligent, outgoing, energetic lady. And she

LOVED me, right from the start. As I started to spend more time with

her, I realized I didn't like her as much because she talks ALL THE

TIME, she thinks she is right ALL THE TIME and she gets her panties

in a wad if you disagree with her or have your own opinions which

differ from hers. My husband has an older sister who, I was told,

was the black sheep of the family, didn't talk to them much, and was

very self-centered. My husband was the good son / peacekeeper of the

family. No real way to make this long story short but to say after

one VERY stressful family vacation in Hawaii, I never want to see my

mother-in-law again! She was rude to my sister and dad and their

families, she threw nightly hissy-fits that ended in her going into

the other room and sobbing, and she got offended when my 2 1/2 year

old son didn't want a bite of HER pizza, and wanted his dadddies

instead!!! it's AMAZING how messed up in the head she is! And she is

watching my 2 little kids once a week.... should I be concerned that

she will hurt them or make them crazy like she is????

She is VERY intelligent and wealthy and uses her money as a way of

buying us things and helping us out when we need financial help, but

then she makes sure we remember all the good things she does for

us... VERY manipulative. I haven't seen a lot of the behaviors I

have read on these posts in her, I don't think she has ever been

suicidal or depressed, but she does drink a fair amount and is

totally mean to her elderly parents who are going senile. My husband

agrees she has issues, but isn't ready to sign off on her yet (even

though he ends up throwing the phone down and cussing for a long

time every time he gets done talking with her) I guess I just dont

know where to start with her..... are my kids safe? She seems to

treat them VERY well, brags to everyone about them and spoils them

rotten. I already keep contact with her to a minimum unless I am

picking up the kids and I have no choice.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Kristi,

I think your concerns are very valid. I think of

the situation this way: the things she’s done are

just the things you KNOW about, and you know she

has severe boundary problems. What incentive

does she have to behave well when alone,

especially with young children? If it were me,

no amount of pleading from my nada or money saved

by having her babysit would convince me to leave

her with ANYONE’S children. I have a sibling who

did it and I think he – and his children – are

going to pay for it, big time, later on. It’s

not worth the risk. Please protect your

children.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- kylaboo728 wrote:

> Once a week doesn't seem like it could do much

> damage -- if she's

> not drinking. If she starts interfering with

> your parenting, or

> sabotages you through your kids, THEN I would

> reconsider letting

> them go over there.

>

> Sylvia has a very good point -- only you know

> the answer to that

> question. And sometimes a BPD can change

> toward grandchildren as

> they grow older and more independent. It's

> easy for her to spoil

> them when they're young and under her control.

>

>

> My own mother is afraid of my kids now -- and

> they're wonderful

> young people. She just doesn't want to go to

> the trouble to

> interact with them now that they're older.

> It's sad.

>

> -Kyla

>

>

> > >

> > > I married a great guy three years ago who

> came from a priveleged

> > > family, his dad's a lawyer, his mom's a

> realtor and they were

> > fairly

> > > well off growing up. His parents got

> divorced when he was in

> high

> > > school (his dad was an alcoholic through

> his childhood and

> cheated

> > > on his mom)ANYWAYS..., when I met his mom,

> I thought she was

> this

> > > super nice, generous, intelligent,

> outgoing, energetic lady. And

> > she

> > > LOVED me, right from the start. As I

> started to spend more time

> > with

> > > her, I realized I didn't like her as much

> because she talks ALL

> > THE

> > > TIME, she thinks she is right ALL THE TIME

> and she gets her

> > panties

> > > in a wad if you disagree with her or have

> your own opinions

> which

> > > differ from hers. My husband has an older

> sister who, I was

> told,

> > > was the black sheep of the family, didn't

> talk to them much, and

> > was

> > > very self-centered. My husband was the good

> son / peacekeeper of

> > the

> > > family. No real way to make this long story

> short but to say

> after

> > > one VERY stressful family vacation in

> Hawaii, I never want to

> see

> > my

> > > mother-in-law again! She was rude to my

> sister and dad and their

> > > families, she threw nightly hissy-fits that

> ended in her going

> > into

> > > the other room and sobbing, and she got

> offended when my 2 1/2

> > year

> > > old son didn't want a bite of HER pizza,

> and wanted his dadddies

> > > instead!!! it's AMAZING how messed up in

> the head she is! And

> she

> > is

> > > watching my 2 little kids once a week....

> should I be concerned

> > that

> > > she will hurt them or make them crazy like

> she is????

> > > She is VERY intelligent and wealthy and

> uses her money as a way

> of

> > > buying us things and helping us out when we

> need financial help,

> > but

> > > then she makes sure we remember all the

> good things she does for

> > > us... VERY manipulative. I haven't seen a

> lot of the behaviors I

> > > have read on these posts in her, I don't

> think she has ever been

> > > suicidal or depressed, but she does drink a

> fair amount and is

> > > totally mean to her elderly parents who are

> going senile. My

> > husband

> > > agrees she has issues, but isn't ready to

> sign off on her yet

> > (even

> > > though he ends up throwing the phone down

> and cussing for a long

> > > time every time he gets done talking with

> her) I guess I just

> dont

> > > know where to start with her..... are my

> kids safe? She seems to

> > > treat them VERY well, brags to everyone

> about them and spoils

> them

> > > rotten. I already keep contact with her to

> a minimum unless I am

> > > picking up the kids and I have no choice.

> > >

> >

>

>

>

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