Being isolated

[Guest guest]

I went to school, but my nada had me

tied pretty closely to the nest in an unhealthy way--in terms of not

being able to participate in activities that interested me or allowing

me to interact with other people, which might have given me some

much-needed sources of hope or role-models. Flea

.......I can really identify being held so close to the nest. My nada

(widow)remarried when I was 11 and she had two sons by step father. I

was unpaid maid, so after school activities, only limited outings with

friends. Step father noticed that I was not too social and encouraged

me to make friends; nada blocked outside activities by " needing me to

help " . Any friends that came to the nada's home were treated like

either like royality visiting or sharply critized after they left.

Sometimes both. I received very confusing messages: I was

not " allowed " to seek companionship in peers (remember being in a

confused state because of double messages from nada). Stuff feelings

and denial.

Now as I look back on several incidents in childhood I realize that

other adults around us had an idea that something was " off. " Not too

long ago, step father's SIL told me " if anyone deservs to be happy, xx,

it is you. " This brought tears of validation to my eyes. I see that

people with open hearts can see the horror and devastation that a nada

causes in the lives of others around her. And no one wants to " rock

the boat " and be unpleasant.

Each of us must make our own path and rise out of the mire of nada

land. I know that being beaten down has made me a more compassionate

perperson and more soft spoken. I think there is a fine line between

tactact and speaking the truth. I am learning to express negative or

critical in a more tactful way. I am learning to speak up for myself.

Thank you everyone; I am learning so much. Take care, mg