@ - and everyone else...

[Guest guest]

I don't necessarily dispute what you and your therapist are saying. I

don't know you specifically and obviously can't say what is best. I

know many people that choose to remain single or not have children.

It is a choice and right everyone should have. I respect those with

the guts to make these tough decisions.

It just seems you are sad or angry that this is your lot in life.

" Unfortunately I will pay the price of what my nada did to me in some

ways for the rest of my life. "

Maybe I am alone in thinking this but does this have to be true? It

is a struggle and a very long road but I refuse to let nada's behavior

or the fleas I picked up in childhood dictate the rest of my life. I

am worthy of being just as happy as anyone else in the world. It may

take more work to get there. Some doors may be shut but they

certainly aren't locked.

I don't know how long you have been in therapy but being a ko usually

means that our opinions of ourselves are a bit skewed. I have found

mine changes a great deal the older I get and the longer I am away

from nada.

You also said:

" I need a guy who can do his thing and I can do mine, then we

can work together to spend time with each other and work on a good

relationship. "

" I could never have a relationship with someone who wants to or needs

to be with me all the time or who wants me to fit into to his social

circle of friends if he happen to be more of a people person than I

am. I am a loner. "

This is something I would have had engraved on my tombstone once upon

a time. I have learned that I cannot nessesarily control the

direction or outcome of a good relationship - once I was open to it.

I may be way off base but it seems the same as saying I will only

marry a guy with blonde hair. That could be the only natural fit for

me. You may very well end up with a blonde partner but maybe that

redhead would have made an excellent partner too. Happiness may very

well come to us in forms we do not expect.

By your standards my dh would be considered very needy. If I had not

opened mysself up to the possibility his neediness did not stem from

some pychiatric illness than I would have missed out on a whole lot.

It's not that I think you can't be happy with the choices you are

making. I just hope that they are made because this is the way you

feel you can get the life you want, not because you are running from

the life you don't want.

Geez...did that make sense to anyone out there?

Just my thoughts,

[Guest guest]

> " Unfortunately I will pay the price of what my nada did to me in some

> ways for the rest of my life. "

>

> Maybe I am alone in thinking this but does this have to be true? It

> is a struggle and a very long road but I refuse to let nada's behavior

> or the fleas I picked up in childhood dictate the rest of my life.

I agree with and would like to recommend Dr. 's new book

" Bad Childhood--Good Life " I just finished reading it and it just

helped to reinforce my own determination to not be a victim. We do

have the power to be and do whatever we want, but only if we are

willing to let go of our past and not dwell on it or be limited by it.

This book is full of examples of people who have done just that. I

like the premise that we can be happy. NO MATTER WHAT OUR EARLIER LIFE

WAS LIKE.

Don't settle for less than is your due. Dee