Re: Terrible Thursday

[Guest guest]

Hi Salli,

I'm wondering if perhaps the buspar is actually helping the anxiety go down

but he allows the more violent stuff to come out.

I'm so sorry you had to live that whole Thursday mess! ((((Salli)))

I wish there was more I could do for you. I will think on it and always be

hear to listen. Sometimes listening only helps so much, though. :-(

love and peace your way,

kandie

Kandie and (8 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A>

*

[Guest guest]

Salli,

how are you hanging in there? I feel for you and your whole

family. I can't even imagine you are guys must be going through. And

poor Enrique....He must be a mess. I hope that the risperdal might

help. Maybe a child psychiatrist would be better suited to Enrique's

needs. Hang in there.

Jacquie H

> I have been unsure whether or not I would have the energy to write

up the events of Thursday, but I will try as I value all your

opinions and support. But I must try to find the real beginning of

the very distressing events of the week that culminated in the crisis

on Thursday.

>

> Enrique was sick, quite genuinely sick, with some upper

respoiratory infection that started a week ago on Friday. I hoped he

could take it easy over the weekend and be better by Monday. I had

had this illness myself the previous week (well, really I am not yet

recovered from it) but naturally I took no time off as that is

impossible for me. Enrique had incredibly high levels of stress over

the weekend. He started off with having one of his worst tantrums

ever on Friday -- I never understood what it was all about but I

remember returning home tired and ill and discovering that I had to

mediate violence between Enrique and . Enrique intended

to " just hurt a bit, " which I could not allow. I did very

well, all things considered. At one point, Enrique was trying to

throw things at and I sat on Enrique's back and tickled him

as he tried to reach for things to throw. After about three hours

(no kidding) Enrique settled down, but remained upset. He

is basically Enrique's scapegoat, and it is a very unpleasant

position too. I was Lou's scapegoat so I know all about it.

>

> Enrique remained on edge all weekend, just barely missing full

tantrum but being very difficult to live with. He was sick and that

was a good deal of it, I am sure. I knew on Sunday night that I

would have to let him stay home on Monday. He was very anxious as he

knew that he was close to having too many absences; after ten, the

school requires a doctor's note. I know that rules are flexible, but

Enrique naturally hates the idea that rules might be flexible. He

wants them to be rules, perpetual and unyielding.

>

> I also let him stay home on Tuesday as he was still too ill. We

emailed teachers and he kept up with his homework, doing it every

night. But he was very very anxious.

>

> On Wednesday, armed with decongestants, he went to school. The

fact is that if he had not had a whole slew of absences previously

that I probably would have kept him home on Wednesday. He was by no

means 100%, probably not even 75%. This was a huge mistakem but I

would not immediately realize it. He returned absolutely exhausted

and very on edge. He said that all day people had asked him why he

was in such a bad mood. A friend of mine from church brought us a

dinner and while I was chatting with her I became aware that Enrique

was glowering at . As soon as I shut the door, he threw a

toy at . It turned out that Enrique had called

" Stupid " and had returned the insult. Enrique

was just beside himself with rage. It was really strange that he

would be so mad over what sounded very minor and typical sibling

stuff. was mystified.

>

> Just at the moment of impending and dreadful violence, the doorbell

rang. It was Rosemary from our church, bringing communion to

Enrique. " Great! " I thought, " Enrique will participate in a nice

little communion ritual and that should put him in a better frame of

mind. " The house was a total and embarrassing disaster but Rosemary

comes from a family of seven kids and she said she had seen it all

before which I hope was the truth! I usually sit in on the ritual

but Sophie kept screaming at me that she needed a snack and Putter

kept telling Rosemary " Bye bye, " and was making angry faces

at me from the doorway and so I just smiled at Rosemary and said " I

think my family needs me so I better not participate this week. "

>

> When Rosemary finally left, Enrique picked up exactly where he had

left off! I was amazed. He had kept his rage well stoked and at

full force throughout the whole communion service. Lou used to be

able to hang on to his anger for surprisingly long times and I was

just appalled to find that Enrique could do this too.

>

> If I had to pretend to be polite in a social circumstance, after a

short while, I would really feel what I was pretending to feel.

People make me in a better mood anyway. There is no way I could

remain angry if anything intervened between the cause and the

expression of anger. But what upsets me the most is seeing so much

of Lou in Enrique who I really truly love.

>

> ran out of the house and Enrique was just beside himself

with rage. He could not leave the house to go after him and ordered

me out. I took Robbie and Putter out with me as Putter annoys

Enrique horribly. Robbie was already on my hip but Putter was behind

Enrique. I called him. He tried to come, but Enrique picked him up

and tossed him back behind him again. Putter started crying. I went

inside and took Putter's hand and led him outside to relative

safety. However, we were in the front yard which I avoid because of

little children venturing into the road. Enrique stood at the

windows, pounding and screaming at us to come back inside. He ripped

the curtains down. I was worried because I knew that Sophie was

somewhere inside. Finally I ventured in with Robbie and Putter

because they would not stay outside with . I asked Enrique

where Sophie was and I could tell he had hit her. He would not say

though. I found her hiding in my closet and led her outside too; she

was supposed to go over to a friend's house and then to her soccer

practice so she ran off down the street to her friend's house where

she was supposed to be anyway. I was glad to see her out of it.

>

> Finally I extracted a promise from Enrique not to hit .

Enrique was shaking and scarcely able to talk; he looked totally

insane. We came inside and I spent a couple of hours talking him

back to some form of sanity. It was horrible. Later that night he had

another tantrum, terrifying Putter horribly. Putter laid down on the

bed, flat on his face and would not respond to anyone. I got him out

of that but Enrique was both angry and frightened. He pointed to

Putter and screamed, " Why is he doing that? " But he knew it was

because Putter was terrified of him; he has always feared that Putter

would see him as he does Lou but he seemed unable to prevent the very

thing he most feared from happening. I had no comfort to offer; I

thought Putter was beginning to feel that way too. Nonetheless

Enrique did his homework and we planned for him to go to school the

next day. He still had some reading to do but first he wanted to

work on a language he was inventing, called Vegan (the star, a sort

of science fiction language, I guess). He never got around to doing

his reading.

>

> So, when he got up the next morning, I asked if he had finished the

reading. He had not and was very upset that he still had homework.

He is an extremely fast reader so I knew he could finish that small

amount of reading before school, but he was very angry and upset and

became violent when I tried to talk to him about school. He was far

angrier than ever before. He said he still felt sick and I should

have listened to him but I was very worried about his absences.

Anything I said about it made him lunge at me. Finally he caught me

by my hair and pulled me down to the floor, ripping out big chunks of

hair. In the process he stepped on Putter's toes. Putter cried and

cried. I told Enrique to go back to bed, that I would deal with him

later. But he refused. I got all the kids, except Enrique, into the

car and took them to Mc's where I called Enrique's psychologist

and asked her to PLEASE call me. Then I called his guidance

counsellor and left a message for her to call me ASAP. Enrique's

psychologist called me back immediately. I told her all that had

happened and she said the medications that Enrique was on were not

right or not enough. She said she would talk to his pediatrician and

see if we could figure something out. I was to see her with Putter

later that day so I knew we would talk it over then.

>

> I recalled that I had not finished peeling Putter's apple for

school and so I returned home. Enrique was asleep. We dropped

Sophie off at her school and I took Putter to his school. He cried

and clung to me, clearly not wanting me to leave him. I stayed a

little bit longer but eventually I had to leave him. Robbie and

and I ran some errands and we returned home to Enrique who

was now awake. He made no particular apology for his behavior but

worried about what would happen to him if he missed school. Sigh.

>

> I met with his and Putter's psychologist that afternoon. She had

not yet reached my pediatricians; both of the ones who have worked

with Enrique were naturally out of the office. I think she plans to

encourage them to try Risperdal again; I don't think we gave it

enough time and I think it might help with these almost psychotic

episodes. She is going to meet with Enrique next week and tell him

that any violence will end in one of three ways: living with his

father as I will have to protect his younger siblings, a residential

hospital, or juvenile home. I gasped at the latter as I consider

Enrique pretty vulnerable; she agreed with me but said that Enrique

should understand the full range of possibilities, that he must

understand he could not behave violently ever again. So I am very

worried about what will happen.

>

> And that was the day that Lou decided to come over and cut the

boys' hair.

>

> Salli

>

> Enrique, 14, AS, TS

> , 12, NT

> Sophia, 7, NT

> Xavier, aka PUTTER!, 5, autism

> o, 2, NT

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe a child psychiatrist would be better suited to Enrique's

> needs. Hang in there.

We have not found a psychiatrist that we liked. Sigh.

Salli

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/6/01 6:16:33 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

bunnytiner@... writes:

<< You know what worries me? I used to think that if Lou were gone we would

be

happy and peaceful and it is as if Enrique has stepped into his place. So

now if Enrique is gone, will things be peaceful? Or will move

into that position. He is pretty angry about all this; what if there were

no one stronger than him in the family? Will I just be moving family

members out until no one is left but me and the cats?

>>

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Salli)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

What an awfully sad picture that paints in my mind.

I think that is WAY off.

kandie

Kandie and (8 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A>

*

[Guest guest]

Salli,

I am sorry. I figured you probably had been looking for one. Good

luck.

Jacquie H

> Maybe a child psychiatrist would be better suited to Enrique's

> > needs. Hang in there.

>

> We have not found a psychiatrist that we liked. Sigh.

>

> Salli

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/6/2001 9:16:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

bunnytiner@... writes:

> You know what worries me? I used to think that if Lou were gone we would be

> happy and peaceful and it is as if Enrique has stepped into his place. So

> now if Enrique is gone, will things be peaceful? Or will move

> into that position. He is pretty angry about all this; what if there were

> no one stronger than him in the family? Will I just be moving family

> members out until no one is left but me and the cats?

>

> Salli

>

>

>

Salli,

Is Enrique ever embarassed or remorseful after he has calmed? I know in your

original post you stated he made some kind of comment that was suppose to be

an apology.

I guess I'm wondering if he sees his behavior as wrong and can't control

himself while it's happening or is he more inclinded to blame somone else for

his behavior or does he see his behavior as " normal? "

Just wondering.

Ron

[Guest guest]

I feel like Enrique's psychologist is right. You have to think about the

other kids. Poor things. I know how they feel. I had a brother like that --

he is supposedly NT . He was always beating my sisters and I up. I got him

back a few times, but that's another story. If I'd had a gun I would have

probably shot him on more than one occasion. My life was hell with him

around. He always fought with my mom and dad too. I was sooooo glad when he

moved out. He moved out at age 16. He' a genius too. If you don't believe

it, just ask him.

I know Enrique probably can't help the way he's acting, but that doesn't

make it any easier to live with. Poor Sophie should not be hit by her much

older brother. Little Putter should not be terrified. shouldn't be

made to feel so frightened. I don't know how this affects Robbie, but it

must.

And YOU should not be harmed by your son.

Salli, we know you love Enrique. We read it in your words.

You can't sacrifice your other children's happiness and mental stability for

his. It doesn't sound like he's very happy anyway.

He's probably under a great deal of stress. Living with Lou as a father, the

divorce, the new diagnosis, school, trying to prove himself ... that will

take its toll on anybody.

Maybe Enrique really needs a break. I know the rest of you do. Maybe just a

short stay (one month?) somewhere -- so he can collect his thoughts. It

doesn't have to be forever.

If the med changes don't work -- and it doesn't look like they are going

to -- you'll have a very hard decision to make. I don't envy you.

I wish I could help make this easier for you. I just don't know what to say.

Thinking of you,

Sissi

[Guest guest]

Salli,

OMG!! What a horrible couple of days!! I don't know how you can manage

Enrique, let alone try to protect the other kids! You poor thing! You

definately should have locked out Lou!!! You didn't need anything else

going on at all!

Of the three possible future choices for Enrique, I'd have to say

residential living sounds the safest for him. I can't imagine how horrible

it would be for him to live with Lou!!! And he would be a perfect victim in

the other situation.

I sure hope he finds some way to control himself, for him and the rest of

your families sake.

Sue

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[Guest guest]

>>>>She is going to meet with Enrique next week and tell him that any

violence will end in one of three ways: living with his father as I

will have to protect his younger siblings, a residential hospital, or

juvenile home. I gasped at the latter as I consider Enrique pretty

vulnerable; she agreed with me but said that Enrique should

understand the full range of possibilities, that he must understand

he could not behave violently ever again.<<<

I am utterly speechless.

For better or worse, Salli, I think the psychologist is right.

Enrique needs to be made to understand that any and all violence is

totally unacceptable. I know he does not want to become Lou, but as

we've discussed before...it could so easily happen.

Enrique needs FACTS. And, Enrique wants RULES. This is a RULE that

must never, ever be broken. If he feels rage, he needs another way to

vent it. I don't believe that " control " is going to work, so he

needs some other tools to be able to work through it.. And she's

right...He needs to understand the seriousness of this. Period.

We're all here to do what we can...well, as much as we can as our

distance allows, anyhow.

So, I guess I'm not too speechless.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Penny

[Guest guest]

Salli,

I have no idea what to say. I knew that there were times when it was bad,

but I didn't know it was this bad. I truly hope that there is something

that someone can do to help Enrique. Let me know if there is anything that

I can do. I could always come and pick up the little ones for a while if

you need me to.

Amy H

Kepler 4 ASD and Bethany 5 & 1/2 NT

" Illegitimus non carborundum "

(Lat: Don't let the bastards grind you down)

-Gen. ph Stilwell

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

> I have no idea what to say. I knew that there were times when it was bad,

> but I didn't know it was this bad.

Well, you have seen him pretty awful. That time you were over and he kept

saying to me, " Couldn't they just go home? " and he and bickered

nearly the whole time. Yuck. I was so glad that you ignored him since he

was just appallingly rude. I hate bad manners, but there are enough other

issues with Enrique that it is not top of my list of things to work on with

him!

I truly hope that there is something

> that someone can do to help Enrique. Let me know if there is anything

that

> I can do. I could always come and pick up the little ones for a while if

> you need me to.

Thanks, Amy!

Salli

[Guest guest]

>

>Well, you have seen him pretty awful. That time you were over and he kept

>saying to me, " Couldn't they just go home? " and he and bickered

>nearly the whole time.

I just felt so bad for you that day. I would be so worn out having to deal

with that all of the time. It was stressful for me to watch, with no idea

how to help. There really was very little violence that day though (kept in

check because of my presence I imagine) and I didn't know he was getting

that out of hand.

Amy

_________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

> I feel like Enrique's psychologist is right. You have to think about the

> other kids. Poor things. I know how they feel. I had a brother like

that --

> he is supposedly NT . He was always beating my sisters and I up. I got him

> back a few times, but that's another story. If I'd had a gun I would have

> probably shot him on more than one occasion. My life was hell with him

> around. He always fought with my mom and dad too. I was sooooo glad when

he

> moved out. He moved out at age 16.

You know what worries me? I used to think that if Lou were gone we would be

happy and peaceful and it is as if Enrique has stepped into his place. So

now if Enrique is gone, will things be peaceful? Or will move

into that position. He is pretty angry about all this; what if there were

no one stronger than him in the family? Will I just be moving family

members out until no one is left but me and the cats?

Salli

[Guest guest]

> I just felt so bad for you that day. I would be so worn out having to

deal

> with that all of the time. It was stressful for me to watch, with no idea

> how to help. There really was very little violence that day though (kept

in

> check because of my presence I imagine) and I didn't know he was getting

> that out of hand.

That day was pretty normal and I could have kept things under control, I

imagine. I usually can. But it is a lot of work and it just wastes hours

of my day. I don't think I should have to work that hard to stop him from

making his siblings miserable.

And then, you know, they just went off and played Nintendo together,

perfectly happy pretty much the rest of the day. That is what is so odd.

Salli

[Guest guest]

? I used to think that if Lou were gone we would be

> happy and peaceful and it is as if Enrique has stepped into his place. So

> now if Enrique is gone, will things be peaceful? Or will move

> into that position? Will I just be moving family

> members out until no one is left but me and the cats?

Salli,

I hope realizes that you don't mess with mom. He is NT after all.

And stop this! You ARE strong. Getting help for Enrique and protecting your

children is not weak. These are the hardest decisions any parent can ever

make.

You and the children cannot be expected to live under these conditions. It's

not healthy and it's not sane. What do you think this is teaching Putter? (I

think maybe the same thing that Lou taught Enrique) The situation is

escalating and I'm afraid somebody is going to get hurt. Go back and read

your posts over the past six months. Your Enrique posts have changed

dramatically.

You have been hurt twice now. What happens next time?

This is just a theory I have and I may be completely wrong, but a lot of

things have changed for him. He can't handle it. He can't handle school. His

pride won't let him tell you. So, he has these illnesses, psychosomatic

maybe? I don't know. I know things weren't perfect before he started school,

but they weren't this bad.

He needs help, and so do you. Maybe you should call Louser and be honest. He

can't hide his head in the sand forever and I think he's the one who's

responsible for this chain of violence. Enrique is scared of Lou and that's

why he doesn't pull this stuff on him. Maybe a little fear is what he needs.

He wants everyone else to live in fear so he can be in control.

I wish I could make you feel better, but I know you won't until this is

resolved. I just wish you had some peace.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

>

> This is just a theory I have and I may be completely wrong, but a lot of

> things have changed for him. He can't handle it. He can't handle school.

His

> pride won't let him tell you. So, he has these illnesses, psychosomatic

> maybe? I don't know. I know things weren't perfect before he started

school,

> but they weren't this bad.

Yes. This worries me too. He went to school one day last week. Of course,

he was sick, but still. He is very upset by it. I think he would never

have made it at all without the Buspar but I don't think it is enough.

>

> He needs help, and so do you. Maybe you should call Louser and be honest.

On Thursday, I had punched in Lou's number on my cell phone when

said to me, " Daddy will say what he said at Christmas. " " What? " I asked.

" He'll say Mama wants some time off I see. " At Christmas Lou and I were

still talking and I was trying to involve him more in the problems with

Enrique. So when Enrique had a very nasty tantrum, I called Lou and asked

him to take Enrique for a day or two. I thought that Lou could at least be

supporting me in important decisions about Enrique and could be helping out

in some fashion. But Lou seemed to think the whole affair was my fault and

apparently he remarked to the other kids that I was just being lazy and

trying to get some free time (and why wouldn't I send off Robbie and Putter

who are generally more labor intensive?).

Then I remembered the next time I tried to tell Lou about Enrique. I think

I have mentioned this before, but Enrique had a fit because he didn't want

to go to his psychologist appointment. We had already arranged for Lou to

take him to it because the psychologist wanted to meet Lou (and said to

Enrique, " Well, your father seems like a nice easy-going guy, " at which

Enrique laughed). Anyway, when Lou arrived, I told him what was going on.

Enrique got in the car and Lou immediately began making sympathetic noises

about how I had always been unkind to him and he understood how Enrique

felt. He never asked Enrique what happened at all; just made a bunch of

assumptions. Enrique told me about it because he apparently was disgusted

by it; I think he would actually have preferred to get in a bit of trouble

over the whole thing and get to tell his side than to have Lou just telling

him stuff about Lou and never listening to Enrique at all.

That makes me doubt Lou's ability to participate constructively in any way.

I would love to involve him but I fear his involvement will be harmful. So

I don't know.

Salli

He

> can't hide his head in the sand forever and I think he's the one who's

> responsible for this chain of violence. Enrique is scared of Lou and

that's

> why he doesn't pull this stuff on him. Maybe a little fear is what he

needs.

> He wants everyone else to live in fear so he can be in control.

>

> I wish I could make you feel better, but I know you won't until this is

> resolved. I just wish you had some peace.

>

> Sissi

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Is Enrique ever embarassed or remorseful after he has calmed?

Ron:

I am not sure. He does not apologize, but he is embarrassed I think. He

doesn't want to talk about it.

I know in your

> original post you stated he made some kind of comment that was suppose to

be

> an apology.

> I guess I'm wondering if he sees his behavior as wrong and can't control

> himself while it's happening

Well, this is definitely true, with the added horror that he sees himself

turning into someone he does not want to be. He easily agrees it is wrong

but says he can't help it. And in his tantrums he shouts at me to help him;

he says in fact over and over again " Mama, please help me. You have to help

me. " But I never know exactly what to do and he doesn't know either.

or is he more inclinded to blame somone else for

> his behavior or does he see his behavior as " normal? "

I don't think he sees anything about himself as normal, but he is inclined

to blame for making him act certain ways. Mostly it is when he is

mid-rage that he thinks it is everyone else's fault.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> " He'll say Mama wants some time off I see. "

Is it possible to despise someone you've never even met? I really think I

despise him.

Sissi

[Guest guest]

Oh dear. This sounds horrid. Enrique can not continue like this at

all. This is completely out of bounds. Is Sophie all right? How is

Putter doing around Enrique? This is not a good thing at all.

Enrique must know that he can not act like this, that it is

completely against the rules/laws and that he can and will be held

accountable at some point for his actions. How awful for you Salli.

I hate it when things like this happen. It is all so ugly and mean.

> I met with his and Putter's psychologist that afternoon. She had

not yet reached my pediatricians; both of the ones who have worked

with Enrique were naturally out of the office. I think she plans to

encourage them to try Risperdal again; I don't think we gave it

enough time and I think it might help with these almost psychotic

episodes.

I sincerely hope it works. If he has more rages he may require

hospitalization until his medications are worked out.

>She is going to meet with Enrique next week and tell him that any

violence will end in one of three ways: living with his father as I

will have to protect his younger siblings, a residential hospital, or

juvenile home. I gasped at the latter as I consider Enrique pretty

vulnerable; she agreed with me but said that Enrique should

understand the full range of possibilities, that he must understand

he could not behave violently ever again. So I am very worried about

what will happen.

I understand. I worry myself with recent events and only

nine. I'm grateful that 's meds seem to be working for her and

that she is well placed with my parents for the school term. I think

things would be ugly if she were here, well uglier. As it is I am

barely coping but at least it is a bit more manageable without her

here, and frankly she is happier there.

>

> And that was the day that Lou decided to come over and cut the

boys' hair.

How awful. I'm so sorry. Lou should be shot or at least not allowed

to come within 1000 feet of the house.

[Guest guest]

> When Rosemary finally left, Enrique picked up exactly where he had

left off! I was amazed. He had kept his rage well stoked and at

full force throughout the whole communion service. Lou used to be

able to hang on to his anger for surprisingly long times and I was

just appalled to find that Enrique could do this too.

>

and do this also. It mystifys me that they are able to

turn their rage on and off like water, shutting the tirad off in mid

fit when someone arrives or they are in public, and resuming in mid

sentance almost as soon as the door is shut. I do not understand the

mechanics at all. It seems to me like they separate parts of

themselves, compartmentalize I guess, and access that. I don't

know. I've ever only been truly very angry maybe three times in my

entire life and I just can't fathom their reactions.

[Guest guest]

Oh Salli, you live in an absolute nightmare. I hope somebody can help

you quick before something worse will happen (I pray for you that it

will not). Getting attacked from the own child is terrible, I know.

The Risperdal may help a bit; but I also think there is some of his

father in him that the Risperdal cant take care of. I got the same

problem with .

Hang in there Salli.

n

[Guest guest]

> Salli,

> Is Enrique ever embarassed or remorseful after he has calmed? I

know in your

> original post you stated he made some kind of comment that was

suppose to be

> an apology.

> I guess I'm wondering if he sees his behavior as wrong and can't

control

> himself while it's happening or is he more inclinded to blame

somone else for

> his behavior or does he see his behavior as " normal? "

> Just wondering.

>

> Ron

I had started to answer with something to the effect of addressing

the issue of remorse and responsibility but then I changed my mind

and wrote a different reply. Since it is still rattling around in my

head I will revisit it now.

especially is prone to this type of response. too,

but in particular. When she is upset or ill or stressed or

tired it is up to everyone else to recognize this and avoid anything

that will further irritate her. If anyone (sibling) does anything

(breathe, exist, speak) that annoys or irritates her she feels no

responsiblity for her outburst of rage. It is THEIR fault for

annoying her and she says that she cannot control it. is not

as prone to the degree of physical violence that Enrique is but we

have had several incidents. Gail is her scapegoat and I do believe

that both girls are better served by their separation.

is more inclined to the physical violence but has thus far

confined it to kicking my doors, breaking door frames ( also),

hitting my walls and throwing things. He did take one half hearted

swing at me this summer but stepped in after that. laid

the rules out very clearly. is NEVER to hit me. If he

does he WILL answer to . is never to hit his siblings,

especially the babies. I know that if did not believe that

could and would intervene should he hit me or the babies, that

would have attacked me in one of his rages. is probably

half the size of Enrique and he is too big for this kind of behavior.

Enrique must learn that there are limits and rules and he MUST obey

them. I don't know if Chris's meds and therapy are going to work,

but I do know that if it doesn't we may have to reconsider

residential placement for a time. It's not fair for to be

unable to control hisself, and it isn't safe or fair to the rest of

us.

It's the same for you Salli. Safety first. Enrique must gain

control of his behaviors. Courage Salli.

[Guest guest]

If anyone (sibling) does anything

> (breathe, exist, speak) that annoys or irritates her she feels no

> responsibility for her outburst of rage. It is THEIR fault for

> annoying her and she says that she cannot control it.

You just described my supposedly NT brother's oldest and supposedly NT son.

Sissi who's suspects a family connection but nobody will listen

[Guest guest]

>>>....or is he more inclinded to blame somone else for

> his behavior<<<<

No, that would be MY son, Ron.

Penny ;-)

[Guest guest]

>>>>And in his tantrums he shouts at me to help him;

> he says in fact over and over again " Mama, please help me. You have

>to help me. " But I never know exactly what to do and he doesn't

>know either.<<<<

>

Oh Salli -

It sounds like Enrique has so much inner turmoil. Sounds like he is

having a constant tug-of-war with himself.

I so hope you can find the right help for him!!!

Penny {{{hugs}}}}