Re: spouses

[Guest guest]

No you are not the only one that has been treated that way. That is one of the

reasons why I'm now single. I was told that I was lazy, addicted to pain meds,

depressed (I was but not only because of the pain), and attention seeking. You

name it...and yes, it was abusive. I didn't know about this group then and I

felt very alone. I stayed longer than I should have because I was afraid I

couldn't make it on my own. I have a friend that calls that, " selling your soul

for a pot of stew! "

 I can't advise anyone else on what action to take in their relationship but for

me leaving the relationship was better than being made to feel like sh*t about

myself. For me there are worse things that being alone. Let me stress that I am

only referring to my situation and I am not attempting to advise. I am only

sharing my experience.

LIVE AND LET LIVE

RITA 

 

Subject: spouses

To: Hugs-N-Pain

Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008, 9:46 PM

hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerativ e disc disease,how are your

spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I use

pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered nurse,and

of all the people who you would think understands. My counselor has

often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll on

me.

I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated this

way,am I?

I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions, thanks,kat

[Guest guest]

I used to be a registered nurse/substance abuse councelor and like many

doctors...the nurses can be very ignorant about pain.  The " Old School " pain

teaching may still be going on.  It's like they are hypervigilant when people

are on opiods.  They have a real out of date way of determining if someone is

drug seeking.  They don't seem to understand that if you're in real pain...of

course we are...duh...

 

" Nursing education is also lacking in the area of pain management. Ferrell and

her colleagues (1992) did a content analysis of 14 nursing textbooks published

since 1985—including texts on pharmacology—which sheds considerable light on the

source of nurses’ misinformation on pain management. Most texts used confusing

terminology in their discussion of opioid analgesics and the low incidence of

addiction when these drugs are used for pain management. Some texts even

promoted the fear of addiction when opioids are used for pain control. "

 

http://www.cssa-inc.org/Articles/narcophobia.htm

 

Some of the explanations on this page are right on.  The terms narcophobia and

pseudoaddiction bring a whole new meaning to understanding the behavior of under

treated chronic pain patients and under educated health professionals....and

major ignorance about opoids, addiction and those that depend on opoids for

their very lives.

 

The concentration of the media on those that misuse these drugs add big time to

that ignorance.

So...because you are a member of the medical community doesn't give you the

right to call someone an addict or have the audacity to say " Suck it up " .  When

they can run around with a bear trap on one foot and carry on with the words

" Suck it up " ...we'll listen. 

 

Determining addiction takes someone who is trained in addiction and can diagnose

it.  Not all doctors/nurses can do that.

 

" Suck it up " .....If it weren't such a stupid thing to say I'd laugh. 

 

What really goes on is many people feel very helpless in the face of people with

chronic pain.  They can't " fix " it..  So....making it something that it is

not...like all in your head...(making it YOUR fault) it's easier for them to

deal with.  You have to inform them it's not about them.  Health professionals

want to " Fix " it.  They can't with chronic pain.  They fail in " fixing " it...so

they gotta make it your fault.  They aren't even aware of it. 

 

What helps us is stuck in controversy....opiates...so it makes it double hard. 

Opiates are one of the safest pain meds out there....and the poppy extract has

been with us for about 3000 years and not everyone gets addicted.  It just makes

the loudest noise so everyone pays attention to that.  Opiates work on pain,

spasms, alter pain perception...and generally do a good job.

 

I have fibro/myofacial pain syndrome/L3 L4 cave in on the nerves/advanced

osteoarthritis/sciatica.  I just had a lousy bout with the myofacial aspect of

this.  My jaws go nuts then the headaches and just feel horrible...better

now...but ouch!!!

 

Both my sons are ok with the pain...I mean they don't like and have seen " The

Beast " since they were in middle school so are aware and used to it...but they

don't like me in pain. 

 

" The Beast " is a right should blade spasm that I've had for 18 years, put me on

disability and is opiate controlled because it interrupts the synapse from

signal to spasm and so can prevent it..but only opiates.  Nothing else will

control it...now you try to explain that to a doctor who wouldn't understand and

there's a lot who wouldn't.

 

What a curse!!!

 

Anway...DON " T let anyone pull that crap about sucking it up or ever, ever try to

get away calling you an addict. 

Lotacats

Express Chronic Pain Awareness

http://www.cafepress.com/lotacatspix/5815010

Zazzle Star

http://www.zazzle.com/lotacats*

Myspace

http://www.myspace.com/lotacats

Deviantart

http://lotacats05.deviantart.com/

Subject: spouses

To: Hugs-N-Pain

Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008, 7:46 PM

hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerativ e disc disease,how are your

spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I use

pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered nurse,and

of all the people who you would think understands. My counselor has

often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll on

me.

I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated this

way,am I?

I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions, thanks,kat

[Guest guest]

Hello,

This is such a great topic. My husband is the opposite he treats me

like I will break or something. He gets mad and yells if I vacume or

carry in groceries so on a good day I get frustrated I can not do

anything. If we have plans to go out to dinner he will all of the

sudded come home with dinner because he thought I looked like I was

in pain but he does this without asking and on a good day I want to

go out, I miss my old hangouts he over protects me. He has even

turned down pre-season Bears game invites to stay home with me. I get

frustrated because I feel he stopped his world to take care of me

when he always says I have been there done that too many times and I

want to be home here with you.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!

When money is tight it is quite different! He is a dentist but he

tends to let too many people make payments therefore puts us behind

in the office because we still have to pay the staff and the lab

ect... But he has had the same patients for 28 yrs and if they are

short in the economy he can not say no. This and with so many extra

school expenses for the begining of the school yr it seems no one

pays th Dentist!

So long story short: When money is an issue he suddenly starts with

why are'nt you working more (I work as a fill in in billing for a

friend when she gets behind) I have too do every thing, why can't the

kids just keep the house clean, I work all day then make dinner and

wait on you!!!!! and he yells that really hurts me BAD we have only

been married a yr but I swear he has never raised his voice at me

until the other day and when it comes to money I think that is the

root to all evil in men. but the next day I get the I am sorry and

roses a case of snickers! Like that takes away that feeling of being

helpless because you are really in too much pain to work, or to drive

for petes sake!

I do not mean to sound rude so please do not take it that way and by

all means I do not have all the answers,

Have you stood up to him and told him NOT to talk to you that way,

you are his wife not a child and you love him but he can leave if he

is so unhappy and thinks there is better out there? The is the phrase

I used along with even with my pain you will NEVER find a women like

me so please try!

Ok sorry for the book but I just can not take it when men are asses

because of pain like you can controll it.

You take care and remember you have this group to be here for you!

a

>

>

> Subject: spouses

> To: Hugs-N-Pain

> Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008, 9:46 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

> pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerativ e disc disease,how are your

> spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I

use

> pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered

nurse,and

> of all the people who you would think understands. My counselor has

> often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll

on

> me.

> I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated

this

> way,am I?

> I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions,

thanks,kat

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think alot of people go through some form of this with their spouse. Mine

doesn't tell me I'm lazy (YET) but he does NOT understand the pain and

depression. He will always say to me " you're fine one minute and the next

you're not...I don't get it " He thinks I can still do everything I could before

this occurred and it frustrates the heck out of me. The funny thing is that he

had RSD (as I do) before in his thumb. But lucky for him, it didn't spread and

he had a nerve block and no symptoms since. So you think he would get the pain!

Hang in there. It's up to you what you want to do with your relationship. As

someone else wrote, we can't tell you what to do in your relationship, only you

can determine that, but when making your decisions, just remember that you are

NOT lazy and can't control the fact that you have pain. Don't let anyone make

you feel any different than that.

>

>

>

> Subject: spouses

> To: Hugs-N-Pain

> Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008, 9:46 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

> pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerativ e disc disease,how are your

> spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I use

> pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered nurse,and

> of all the people who you would think understands. My counselor has

> often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll on

> me.

> I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated this

> way,am I?

> I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions, thanks,kat

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kat,

I was with my husband for 20 yrs when I ended our marriage. We had been together

since I was 13. I had been sick for a year and a half and he wouldn't even

believe I was sick period. He'd say that I was really convincing to the docs as

to why they would put me on disability. WOW, I'm a great actress!! He would tell

me how worthless I was among other things, thinking that if he belittled me

enough, I'd get off my ass and move. After this time, I found the Internet and

found that I was still alive and worth something. I was still a living,

breathing human who deserved to be treated better. Then I asked him one final

question: " What happened to what you vowed, In Sickness and In Health? " He

responded with " those are only rituals that everyone says at their wedding " . I

had tried to get him to come see my Counselor, to come to the support group I

was a member of for Chronic Fatigue and Fibro, he wouldn't go. I tried to get

him to read books I had obtained from the library, or let me read them to him,

to no avail. So after his response to my question. I knew it was over and I had

to make him leave. It was Thanksgiving weekend when I learned how he truly felt.

So I waited till well after the holidays and made him leave in February. A wk

and a half later, he begged to come back, promising to go to all of these things

and read the books. I had to hold to my guns. I knew he was wanting this for the

wrong reasons. He didn't love me anymore, not the way I loved him and it just

wouldn't work. So I declined. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my

life, but I had to do it. I had to be alive. During that year and a half, I

had been in patient in a Psych Hospital for suicide ideation's, I had written

multiple suicide notes, then when getting to the one I'd write to my young son's

I just couldn't go through with it. I'd call my Counselor and talk. I just

couldn't live like that anymore. And my son's didn't deserve to live in a

loveless marriage.

Do I regret it? Well, it doesn't really matter now as he is gone. He committed

suicide 4-1/2 yrs ago. Because he, himself fell ill and couldn't handle it. He

came up with Hep C and Bi-Polar and wasn't going to live his life sick. He would

be 49 this yr, if he were alive. A part of me regrets not taking him back, as he

IS the love of my life, but I can't change that now.

I'm not really sure if I really have a message here to you, but this was my

experience. Every situation is different.

~Tommie~

www.myspace.com/tommiejj

PH, CFS, FMS, Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome

Don't waste energy second-guessing what you're missing or

what can go awry. If you put enough energy into doubt,

something will undoubtedly go wrong.

Instead, focus on the positive possibilities with a hopeful attitude.

spouses

hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerative disc disease,how are your

spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I use

pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered nurse,and

of all the people who you would think understands.My counselor has

often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll on

me.

I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated this

way,am I?

I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions,thanks,kat

[Guest guest]

hi heather my wife is juct like your husband my wife thanks i can just bounce

around the farm doing everthing that i have no pain and that i donot have to

take pain pills donnieKY

spouses

> To: Hugs-N-Pain@ yahoogroups.. com

> Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008, 9:46 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

> pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerativ e disc disease,how are your

> spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I use

> pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered nurse,and

> of all the people who you would think understands. My counselor has

> often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll on

> me.

> I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated this

> way,am I?

> I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions, thanks,kat

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG Tommie,

How horrible! I am embarrassed to admit my DH is great. If he has any non

belief of my pain, it was pretty much delineated with my last MRI, even he

could see something was wrong. He has been really great and supportive,

This weekends is a prime example. Friday night he made dinner and we had sat

down to eat, Within about 20 minutes, I started feeling nauseous and then

started tossing cookies. After the cookies cam the sink the shed and every

single painful item you can think of. It was by far one of the most painful

experiences I have ever had. Finally he had enough I guess because he swept

me up took me to the ER where the gave me some zofran and some blessed

dilaudid and a CT. Turns out i had an intestinal blockage and went to

surgery that night. I am home now, off and on with the drugs, but semi lucid

occasionally

Ruth

> Hi Kat,

>

> I was with my husband for 20 yrs when I ended our marriage. We had been

> together since I was 13. I had been sick for a year and a half and he

> wouldn't even believe I was sick period. He'd say that I was really

> convincing to the docs as to why they would put me on disability. WOW, I'm a

> great actress!! He would tell me how worthless I was among other things,

> thinking that if he belittled me enough, I'd get off my ass and move. After

> this time, I found the Internet and found that I was still alive and worth

> something. I was still a living, breathing human who deserved to be treated

> better. Then I asked him one final question: " What happened to what you

> vowed, In Sickness and In Health? " He responded with " those are only rituals

> that everyone says at their wedding " . I had tried to get him to come see my

> Counselor, to come to the support group I was a member of for Chronic

> Fatigue and Fibro, he wouldn't go. I tried to get him to read books I had

> obtained from the library, or let me read them to him, to no avail. So after

> his response to my question. I knew it was over and I had to make him leave.

> It was Thanksgiving weekend when I learned how he truly felt. So I waited

> till well after the holidays and made him leave in February. A wk and a half

> later, he begged to come back, promising to go to all of these things and

> read the books. I had to hold to my guns. I knew he was wanting this for the

> wrong reasons. He didn't love me anymore, not the way I loved him and it

> just wouldn't work. So I declined. It was the hardest thing I've ever done

> in my life, but I had to do it. I had to be alive. During that year and a

> half, I

> had been in patient in a Psych Hospital for suicide ideation's, I had

> written multiple suicide notes, then when getting to the one I'd write to my

> young son's I just couldn't go through with it. I'd call my Counselor and

> talk. I just couldn't live like that anymore. And my son's didn't deserve to

> live in a loveless marriage.

>

> Do I regret it? Well, it doesn't really matter now as he is gone. He

> committed suicide 4-1/2 yrs ago. Because he, himself fell ill and couldn't

> handle it. He came up with Hep C and Bi-Polar and wasn't going to live his

> life sick. He would be 49 this yr, if he were alive. A part of me regrets

> not taking him back, as he IS the love of my life, but I can't change that

> now.

>

> I'm not really sure if I really have a message here to you, but this was my

> experience. Every situation is different.

>

> ~Tommie~

> www.myspace.com/tommiejj

> PH, CFS, FMS, Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome

> Don't waste energy second-guessing what you're missing or

> what can go awry. If you put enough energy into doubt,

> something will undoubtedly go wrong.

> Instead, focus on the positive possibilities with a hopeful attitude.

> spouses

>

> hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

> pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerative disc disease,how are your

> spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I use

> pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered nurse,and

> of all the people who you would think understands.My counselor has

> often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll on

> me.

> I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated this

> way,am I?

> I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions,thanks,kat

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tommie you are a strong person and have been through so much I wish

you more comfortable happy days ahead.

a

>

> Hi Kat,

>

> I was with my husband for 20 yrs when I ended our marriage. We had

been together since I was 13. I had been sick for a year and a half

and he wouldn't even believe I was sick period. He'd say that I was

really convincing to the docs as to why they would put me on

disability. WOW, I'm a great actress!! He would tell me how worthless

I was among other things, thinking that if he belittled me enough,

I'd get off my ass and move. After this time, I found the Internet

and found that I was still alive and worth something. I was still a

living, breathing human who deserved to be treated better. Then I

asked him one final question: " What happened to what you vowed, In

Sickness and In Health? " He responded with " those are only rituals

that everyone says at their wedding " . I had tried to get him to come

see my Counselor, to come to the support group I was a member of for

Chronic Fatigue and Fibro, he wouldn't go. I tried to get him to read

books I had obtained from the library, or let me read them to him, to

no avail. So after his response to my question. I knew it was over

and I had to make him leave. It was Thanksgiving weekend when I

learned how he truly felt. So I waited till well after the holidays

and made him leave in February. A wk and a half later, he begged to

come back, promising to go to all of these things and read the books.

I had to hold to my guns. I knew he was wanting this for the wrong

reasons. He didn't love me anymore, not the way I loved him and it

just wouldn't work. So I declined. It was the hardest thing I've ever

done in my life, but I had to do it. I had to be alive. During that

year and a half, I

> had been in patient in a Psych Hospital for suicide ideation's, I

had written multiple suicide notes, then when getting to the one I'd

write to my young son's I just couldn't go through with it. I'd call

my Counselor and talk. I just couldn't live like that anymore. And my

son's didn't deserve to live in a loveless marriage.

>

> Do I regret it? Well, it doesn't really matter now as he is gone.

He committed suicide 4-1/2 yrs ago. Because he, himself fell ill and

couldn't handle it. He came up with Hep C and Bi-Polar and wasn't

going to live his life sick. He would be 49 this yr, if he were

alive. A part of me regrets not taking him back, as he IS the love of

my life, but I can't change that now.

>

> I'm not really sure if I really have a message here to you, but

this was my experience. Every situation is different.

>

> ~Tommie~

> www.myspace.com/tommiejj

> PH, CFS, FMS, Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome

> Don't waste energy second-guessing what you're missing or

> what can go awry. If you put enough energy into doubt,

> something will undoubtedly go wrong.

> Instead, focus on the positive possibilities with a hopeful

attitude.

> spouses

>

>

> hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

> pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerative disc disease,how are your

> spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I

use

> pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered

nurse,and

> of all the people who you would think understands.My counselor

has

> often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big

toll on

> me.

> I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is

treated this

> way,am I?

> I would be interested if anyone has any input or

suggestions,thanks,kat

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you a. I do get tired of being so strong. It just wears me out

sometimes.

I hope you are having a good day.

Hugs

~Tommie~

www.myspace.com/tommiejj

PH, CFS, FMS, Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome

Don't waste energy second-guessing what you're missing or

what can go awry. If you put enough energy into doubt,

something will undoubtedly go wrong.

Instead, focus on the positive possibilities with a hopeful attitude.

spouses

>

>

> hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

> pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerative disc disease,how are your

> spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I

use

> pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered

nurse,and

> of all the people who you would think understands.My counselor

has

> often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big

toll on

> me.

> I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is

treated this

> way,am I?

> I would be interested if anyone has any input or

suggestions,thanks,kat

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lotacats,

 

Thank you for a very well written post. If only all the doctors in the world of

pain management could read it and understand what we have to deal with everyday

for years and years.

LIVE AND LET LIVE

RITA 

 

Subject: spouses

To: Hugs-N-Pain

Date: Saturday, August 23, 2008, 7:46 PM

hi all, I was just wondering how many people with fibro,chronic

pain,failed spinal fusions,degenerativ e disc disease,how are your

spouses handle these conditions.I am constantly being told that I use

pain as an excuse,to suck it up etc.My spouse is a registered nurse,and

of all the people who you would think understands. My counselor has

often said this is a form of emotional abuse,it is taken a big toll on

me.

I just do not believe I am the only person in pain that is treated this

way,am I?

I would be interested if anyone has any input or suggestions, thanks,kat