Re: how grandmother's BPD affects grandchildren

August 27, 2007

Hi Joanna,

Yes there are a lot of suggestions based on the experience we've had.

To not be redundant, a good thing to try would be to do a search with

the word " grand " I've posted a lot, have quite a lot of painful

experience from trying to keep nada as part of my child's life. My

experience was extreme, so I don't want to jump in here with all of it.

But definitely read here in prior posts from all of us. It's a great

place to find experience from those who have been there.

Glad you found the group...it's very good.

Phoenix

>

> hello, my husband and I are in therapy to deal with the effects his

> mother's behavior have on us. Our therapist firmly believes that my

> mother-in-law has BPD with Narcissitic PD as well. All of the

> literature and books that we have read (exhaustive research) indicate

> this as well. We have a two year old child. While my husband and I

> feel reasonable sure we can protect ourselves emotionally from her

> actions we are concerned of the effects her behavior will have on our

> child, her grandchild. Does anyone have any information on how to

> protect small children from this?

>

August 27, 2007

Okay, sorry if this is too obvious. My one suggestion is to never

leave your child alone with her.

> >

> > hello, my husband and I are in therapy to deal with the effects his

> > mother's behavior have on us. Our therapist firmly believes that my

> > mother-in-law has BPD with Narcissitic PD as well. All of the

> > literature and books that we have read (exhaustive research) indicate

> > this as well. We have a two year old child. While my husband and I

> > feel reasonable sure we can protect ourselves emotionally from her

> > actions we are concerned of the effects her behavior will have on our

> > child, her grandchild. Does anyone have any information on how to

> > protect small children from this?

> >

>

August 28, 2007

Thanks for you thought- our therapist actually told us in no uncertain

terms to never leave our child alone with his BPD grandmother,

something I have always had a very strong intuition about. BPD MIL has

non-existent personal boundaries, has on two occasions " molested " me

(what my therapist called it). Aside from this, I have seen her be

extremely insensitive to her other, older (but still young)

grandchildren, to the point that it made them cry. BPD MIL has NPD as

well. Setting boundaries is extremely difficult and when I have,

gently, I have been the focus of vicious, verbally abusive and

sometimes physically threatening distortion campaigns. Again, I feel I

am capable of defending myself and deflecting her behavior but I know

my child is not. He is too young. I feel obligated to reconcile at

some point (MIL has cut off all contact with us and made it clear to

the rest of the family to do so as well for over two months). I don't

know how this will work, though, as I both respect my son and his

right to know his grandmother but I feel an overwhelming need to

protect him from someone who behaves this way without any regard to

the needs/feelings of others. BPD MIL is 70- I think it is unrealistic

to hope for change on her part.

> > >

> > > hello, my husband and I are in therapy to deal with the effects his

> > > mother's behavior have on us. Our therapist firmly believes that my

> > > mother-in-law has BPD with Narcissitic PD as well. All of the

> > > literature and books that we have read (exhaustive research)

indicate

> > > this as well. We have a two year old child. While my husband and I

> > > feel reasonable sure we can protect ourselves emotionally from her

> > > actions we are concerned of the effects her behavior will have

on our

> > > child, her grandchild. Does anyone have any information on how to

> > > protect small children from this?

> > >

> >

>

August 28, 2007

Thanks- your suggestion was helpful. There is a lot to read. I hope I

can generalize enough to apply to my specific situation.