Re: Re-intro

October 28, 2004

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Hi Rhonda,

I really wish you well in the 'pulling your life together dept.'

You've had some pretty major life changes in the last year and a half!

The first year of marriage for me was without doubt one of the

hardest but it was those early times that I now recall with the

greatest fondness. We were certainly alot poorer financially back

then,but we valued the simple things in life with gusto. I remember

our first Christmas tree. Rob went out into the Australian bush as

you do and chopped one down(it was actually on a friend's property and

we had permission) but it wound up being infested with insects though

we were unaware till we got it home and had already decorated it!

After spraying the tree with an Aussie insect repellant called Baygon,

well let's just say, the tree died, the insects thrived. We itched

ourselves something silly and eventually the stick of a tree that

remained after baygonning this tree to death, was put out to pasture!

We went on to find an appropriate substitute!

I certainly am very aware of how fortunate I am in my marriage. I

didn't know I was an Aspie until a couple of years ago so from the

mountain of research and reading I've done since,I've come to realise

that it isn't all that common for these relationships to work. But

clearly, there are quite a few of us out there who are determined to

make it work and defy the odds! After a bit of an initial identity

crisis, I couldn't be feeling more positive than I currently do.

Family is everything to me, always has been,always will be.

Babies grow up so quickly and the time you have with your daughter

right now is sacred. I had been terribly ill throughout my last

pregnancy, hospitalised in both Los Angeles and in the U.K. so I have

even more to be thankful for. My baby survived,I survived and I have

a husband who can cook like a cordon bleu chef!!! Now that's a good

deal!

Take Care,

-- In AutisticSpectrumTreeHouse , " Rhonda " <rkage@j...>

wrote:

>

> ,

>

> It is rare, and refreshing, to hear of someone speaking so favorably

> about their lives and families as you do.

>

> I am also fortunate in many ways.... but I am not to the point of

> saying, " It's a great life! " I actually struggle with trying to pull

> my life together and to get to the point in which I can do the things

> I want.

>

> I do love my baby, though, and an additional benefit (it sounds weird

> to say this) is at least when nothing else gets done (and it probably

> wouldn't have been done in the past, either) at least instead of

> sitting there feeling sorry for myself or being upset at my seeming

> inability to get things done, I can sit on the floor and play with my

> daughter and at least know I am not only NOT wasting my time, but that

> I am doing something actually positive for her, doing what matters

> most for her.

>

> Rhonda

> www.geocities.com/connectingthedots_2002

October 31, 2004

At 01:39 PM 10/29/2004, C B Bonham intoned:

>Typical moms have trouble with their Two's because

>Two-Year Olds are beginning to exercise their will and

>develop their personalities. In this beginning stage

>of what will be their adult form Two's are not

>typical. Treat each day as new--without bringing in

>yesterday's conflict or mistakes. Treat each situation

>as typical to your Baby--without comparison to another

>child [or sibling] or something in an article or book.

I had NO trouble with the " terrible " Twos because of understanding this.

The kid is discovering his " I " , that he has very definite likes and

dislikes. When you work with that, there's nothing terrible about it, it's

a wonderful time to gently introduce the concept of everyone having an " I "

and having their own needs and wishes and how you can work together so

everyone is happy.

When you see the constant " No " as natural and normal, you can appreciate

the humor in it, too. When my daughter was doing that, I would look her in

the eye and say " Are we feeling negativistic today? " and the answer would

be a terse " NO! " . This never failed to make me laugh.

Z

" What are we going to do tonight, Brain? "

" The same thing we do every night, Pinky. We're going to try to take over

the world!! " ---Pinky and the Brain

Visit me at <www.zolaweb.com>!

ICQ#2048151

October 31, 2004

Hello, ,

Sorry it took so long for me to reply! The past few days has really

been something! My husband and I both went into

meltdown--->shutdown-mode plus we're still recovering from the flu.

At any rate, I've got a tree story, too! A couple of years ago, my

husband and I were living in a tiny apartment--so small most of our

things remained in boxes. He brought home a cat for me earlier that

year, and she was such a loyal cat to me (she's missing right now). In

December, I bought a very cheap fake tree, and the branches barely

balanced in the slots. While I was decorating the tree, my cat became

EXTREMELY jealous and was hissing at the tree. She seemed to calm

down, but a couple of days later, my husband and I went out of town

leaving in the moring and returning in the evening. When we opened the

door, all we saw were branches, broken ornaments and garland covering

the whole apartment floor. The cat was romping in the mess with a

flared up tail. Apparently, she only wanted to break the gold and red

ornaments, not the purple or blue ones. She also broke the base to the

tree!!

<snip>After a bit of an initial identity crisis, I couldn't be feeling

more positive than I currently do. Family is everything to me, always

has been,always will be.

> Babies grow up so quickly

You're right--my baby's almost 7 months old, which is so hard to

believe. It's odd, that the event of giving birth seems so distant in

my mind, yet the passage of time with respect to my daughter seems so

quick. And she's so tall!

Rhonda

November 1, 2004

Thanks for the encouragement, Bonnie.

I figured the one thing I've got going for me is that I like toys and

playing.

Reminds me: I dated this guy once--OK we went on seven dates in

all--and the thing I wanted to do more than anything is go to the

park. Why? Because I like to play on the playground equipment. This

one couldn't handle it: he told me that if I want to play on the

swings, then I should have kids. He thought it embarrassing to hang

around with an adult woman who enjoys the playground. I told him that

if he couldn't handle it, then we had nothing in common. I didn't know

I had AS back then--and in a way, glad, because I was doing was I

purely believed in for myself without the notion of thinking it had

something to do with a neurological condition.

<<as you wrote>> Treat each situation

> as typical to your Baby--without comparison to another

> child [or sibling] or something in an article or book.

This is something I have vowed never to do: make comparisons between

children in any way that may have negative implications. I don't mind

the benign sort of comparisons. My baby has caused both of my

step-children to inquire of my husband as to how they were like at

that age. Nothing wrong with that.

It was my dad who always pitted sibling against sibling--my sister and

I are still trying to work through the problems of the past. She was

six years younger than I was. If I did something wrong, my dad would

say, " Even your sister knows better. " This was a constant thing and he

also tried to get us to tattle on each other and keep tabs on each

others activities. It was ridiculous, actually.

**********************

is a lot of fun right now, actually. She's also very

independent. Since she 'seems' like me, I'm trying to do some things

differently from what my parents did with me at that age. I'm not

saying they did anything wrong--this is rather innocent. I believe

that because I played so well independently and was not a 'lap child,'

that my parents fully afforded me much independence at a young age and

that may have had the effect of decreasing my bonding with them. So, I

am on the floor a lot playing with her or near her rather than letting

her just be happy by herself.

My concerns for later arise out of my inadequacy toward my stepkids

and also my nieces. If they become too repetitious, from a sensory

standpoint, I have difficulty handling it. I don't scold often--I'm

more likely to retreat, but when I do, It has strong impact causing

them to withdraw completely and it forms a divide that is hard to

resolve for an entire day. I don't know that I know how or when to

display appropriate sympathy while at the same time enforcing that a

negative behavior is not repeated. My husband is remarkable at

resolving those kinds of issues, knowing when and how to re-approach

and make a lesson that always results in good communication on both

sides. I am in awe when I see this process, but I lack the appropriate

tone of voice (and 'warm' feeling that goes along with it that kids

can sense) to actually do it. He seems to have the ability to be firm,

yet not too much so.

Rhonda

November 1, 2004

> -----Original Message-----

> From: Rhonda

> Reminds me: I dated this guy once--OK we went on seven dates in

> all--and the thing I wanted to do more than anything is go to the

> park. Why? Because I like to play on the playground equipment.

I used to do this all the time when I first left home. Especially if I was

feeling stressed, I'd go walking through the neighborhood looking for a

playground. Problem was, I'd do it in the middle of the night. Then after

a couple of years, I started noticing curfew signs at the parks, and I

didn't feel comfortable going at night anymore. I always thought a good

business idea would be to make something like Pandemonium (remember that

anybody?) or Discovery Zone for adults. A huge indoor playground, but adult

sized instead of child sized, with maybe a few extra kicks thrown in. But

maybe it would be harder than I think to get NTs to come?

> This is something I have vowed never to do: make comparisons between

> children in any way that may have negative implications.

I try so hard on this, but with triplets it's next to impossible. And

really, comparison is probably the only way we noticed my younger daughter's

symptoms as early as we did. Now it's becoming more obvious, and we may be

able to get her diagnosed formally soon, but even when she was two, her

therapists (for CP) could see it like I did and agreed she would probably

end up on the spectrum. I try not to let it show in my parenting, though.

Does anybody else wish there was just a nice, straightforward parenting

manual out there? I thought " Children are from Heaven " was a good one, but

the techniques it recommends aren't really possible with small triplets.

Elayne

http://cablespeed.com/~solinox/index.htm

" If you are part of a society that votes, then do so. There may be no

candidates and no measures you want to vote for...but there are certain to

be ones you want to vote against. In case of doubt, vote against. By this

rule, you will rarely go wrong. If this is too blind for your taste, consult

some well meaning fool (there is always one around) and ask his advice. Then

vote the other way. This enables you to be a good citizen (if such is your

wish) without spending the enormous amount of time on it that truly

intelligent exercise of franchise requires. " -- Lazarus Long

November 1, 2004

A lot of us need our vestibular stims, and not all of are willing to

have kids just so we can

use the playground.

Did you ever try one of these?

http://www.teeterhangups.com/products/rack.html

Ride the Music

AndyTiedye

Elayne Glantzberg wrote:

>>-----Original Message-----

>>From: Rhonda

>>Reminds me: I dated this guy once--OK we went on seven dates in

>>all--and the thing I wanted to do more than anything is go to the

>>park. Why? Because I like to play on the playground equipment.

>>

>

>I used to do this all the time when I first left home. Especially if I was

>feeling stressed, I'd go walking through the neighborhood looking for a

>playground. Problem was, I'd do it in the middle of the night. Then after

>a couple of years, I started noticing curfew signs at the parks, and I

>didn't feel comfortable going at night anymore. I always thought a good

>business idea would be to make something like Pandemonium (remember that

>anybody?) or Discovery Zone for adults. A huge indoor playground, but adult

>sized instead of child sized, with maybe a few extra kicks thrown in. But

>maybe it would be harder than I think to get NTs to come?

>

November 1, 2004

Seen them, haven't tried one. Always thought it looked like fun, though!