Re: Is it just me or are nada's incapable of ASKING for anything????

[Guest guest]

Trish,

The answer to the question is " Noooooo, they can't ASK for what they want,

cuz if you really REALLY loooooved them, you would pay attention enough (or be

psychic enough) to KNOW what they want at all times, and you would unfailingly

provide it, and they would never HAVE to ask... "

-Flea (sleep deprived, in the midst of a horrible weekend)

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Mail

Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments.

[Guest guest]

Trish,

Maybe one boundary could be to never go on 'vacation' w/her again? I

was actually kind of surprised to read that in your first few lines. ?

Thinking to myself 'what a brave girl you are!' I think if I'd call

spending my free time off of work that my job paid for once or twice

a year were a vacation, might as well spend a few days in the state

Penatentiary as well. ugh. Like I said, no thanks. I've done that a

couple of times but I never spend the night w/her and always have a

way out- my own car.

Yes, it does suck being the only one who sees a problem. I've

definitley been down that road a gazillion times. Perhaps your dh

will only get it when he sees how stressed out you get and how it

turns on him- I'm not saying 'turn' on him like a BP. I'm just

saying when he has to pick up the psychological bag of once again

nada's trash she leaves on your doorstep, then he may see some value

in being more aware. I know that's what happened w/my dh. Now he

picks up much more on some of her games and picks up things that even

I miss. He actually offers some deeper shades and perspectives than I

have ever seen as an outsider.

Kerrie

>

> Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad

and

> have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask for

> what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

>

> Here are some examples:

>

> When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? " I

> know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

> not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do not

> want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

pretend

> I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER

it

> is she's trying to do.

>

> When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want to

> sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion

when

> it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

> she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> staff if we can have a different seat.

>

> So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get it.

He

> has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it happened,

I

> got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out and

> just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit (according

> to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted it.

> When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> would have thrown that tantrum around me.

>

> I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

> " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

> going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll have

to

> set another boundary.

>

> Trish

>

[Guest guest]

Yuck! I've wondered the same thing! I KNOW that if we were to go to the

resturaunt she'd want American Fries...and her first question is ALWAYS, " Are

these REAL american fries?? " With my nada it's always " hint' " and " suggest " and

when your having a hectic day with your young ones and nada is doing that, it's

hard to see at the time that she is really wanting your complete attention. LOL

I told her once that my three year old was better behaved than she was... I

ended up deciding that when I ran her somewhere, I had to have gound rules with

her...it was weird.

But as the old saying goes on this list...it's always gotta be about them!

Shaking my head,

tlblack2006 wrote:

Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad and

have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask for

what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

Here are some examples:

When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? " I

know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do not

want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to pretend

I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER it

is she's trying to do.

When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want to

sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion when

it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

staff if we can have a different seat.

So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get it. He

has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it happened, I

got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out and

just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit (according

to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted it.

When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

would have thrown that tantrum around me.

I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

" requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll have to

set another boundary.

Trish

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline

Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

It took me a really long time to figure out that when nada asked if

I wanted something, it was really something she wanted. I also

found out - later - that this was one of my nada's 'manners'

things. She didn't know how to ask for something she wanted, and

she also didn't think it was polite to ask for yourself, so in her

twisted BP head, she was doing the polite thing. I guess also since

she was so enmeshed, and projected so much, she couldn't even

separate her own needs from what she thought others needed. This is

in no way a defense of her, but I did find it interesting to figure

out her mind worked this way. Now, however, if you didn't get her

what she wanted, then her manners and politeness went completely out

the window and in came the rage and the FOG and every other

manipulative thing she could do to retaliate for anyone being so

inconsiderate!

I ended up doing the same thing. I wouldn't play her game. So if I

didn't want something, I'd say no. My reasoning was the same, if

she wanted it, she would have to either ask for it, or just get it

herself. Needless to say, she never figured this out either. I

guess by my not saying yes to what she offered, she probably thought

I was being so inconsiderate (for not accepting whatever it was that

she really wanted for herself!) EICH! It still hurts my head to go

through these mental contortions of my nada's.

Sylvia

>

> Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad

and

> have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask

for

> what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

>

> Here are some examples:

>

> When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? "

I

> know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

> not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do

not

> want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

pretend

> I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER

it

> is she's trying to do.

>

> When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want

to

> sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion

when

> it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

> she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> staff if we can have a different seat.

>

> So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get

it. He

> has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it

happened, I

> got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out

and

> just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit

(according

> to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted

it.

> When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> would have thrown that tantrum around me.

>

> I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

> " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

> going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll

have to

> set another boundary.

>

> Trish

>

[Guest guest]

Eeeargh, I just lost my whole post! Well, my grandnada does this to

a T. Are you hot? You look cold. Do you want to go to X

restaurant? When it's HER that wants or feels all of these things.

My mother does this as well but with less hints. She seems to expect

more pure psychic ability.

>

> Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad

and

> have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask for

> what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

>

> Here are some examples:

>

> When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? " I

> know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

> not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do not

> want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

pretend

> I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER

it

> is she's trying to do.

>

> When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want to

> sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion

when

> it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

> she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> staff if we can have a different seat.

>

> So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get it.

He

> has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it happened,

I

> got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out and

> just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit (according

> to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted it.

> When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> would have thrown that tantrum around me.

>

> I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

> " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

> going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll have

to

> set another boundary.

>

> Trish

>

[Guest guest]

One time in recent years my grandnada said to me " You look tired, you

should take a nap. " in compassionate solicitous tones. She was in

the hospital and I was visiting. That was when a big lightbulb went

off and I realized why it's so hard for me to know my own feelings

and needs. Since the beginning my nadas have been doing that to

me. So I try hard now to say no and turn it back around as often as

I can to make them state it as their want/need.

Dee, it makes my head hurt too!

sunny

> >

> > Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad

> and

> > have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask

> for

> > what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> > being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

> >

> > Here are some examples:

> >

> > When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want

X? "

> I

> > know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for

her

> > not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do

> not

> > want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

> pretend

> > I want something so she can feel good about having it, or

WHATEVER

> it

> > is she's trying to do.

> >

> > When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want

> to

> > sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion

> when

> > it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made

that

> > she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> > untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> > staff if we can have a different seat.

> >

> > So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get

> it. He

> > has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it

> happened, I

> > got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out

> and

> > just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit

> (according

> > to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted

> it.

> > When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> > would have thrown that tantrum around me.

> >

> > I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not

fufilling

> > " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad

are

> > going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll

> have to

> > set another boundary.

> >

> > Trish

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sylvia, yes, it's been hurting my head too! I've just been figuring

this out lately as well. It's such a fundamental thing to be able to

say what you want--and to accept that you may not get it all the time.

Thanks for the validation.

> >

> > Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad

> and

> > have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask

> for

> > what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> > being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

> >

> > Here are some examples:

> >

> > When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? "

> I

> > know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

> > not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do

> not

> > want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

> pretend

> > I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER

> it

> > is she's trying to do.

> >

> > When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want

> to

> > sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion

> when

> > it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

> > she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> > untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> > staff if we can have a different seat.

> >

> > So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get

> it. He

> > has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it

> happened, I

> > got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out

> and

> > just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit

> (according

> > to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted

> it.

> > When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> > would have thrown that tantrum around me.

> >

> > I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

> > " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

> > going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll

> have to

> > set another boundary.

> >

> > Trish

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, I recently had a " talk " with my husband who gave into my nada's

whining at a restaurant and asked to have our seat moved so that she'd

be happy although she was ASKED where she wanted to sit and REFUSED to

say--just threw a nada-fit about the outcome. I asked him if he

planned on using that technique with our children someday and he just

started laughing because it's true. If I had a 3-year old, I would

absolutely want her to start ASKING for what she wanted and I would

hope that she would be better behaved than nada.

Trish

> Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad and

> have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask for

> what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

>

> Here are some examples:

>

> When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? " I

> know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

> not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do not

> want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to pretend

> I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER it

> is she's trying to do.

>

> When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want to

> sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion when

> it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

> she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> staff if we can have a different seat.

>

> So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get it. He

> has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it happened, I

> got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out and

> just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit (according

> to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted it.

> When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> would have thrown that tantrum around me.

>

> I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

> " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

> going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll have to

> set another boundary.

>

> Trish

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @...

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the

Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, "

(Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author

SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kerry, I am in contact with my nada and am still trying to spend time

with her sometimes but I live far away. For me, I think " vacation " is

my best option. I don't like going to visit at her place and get kind

of freaked out having her but her nose in at my place. It's better to

stay on neutral ground--separate rooms (and I did take my own car this

time, it was a great idea!). And I also split my vacation time so

that first I'd have an actual vacation with my husband and then a

" vacation " with the parents and finally, 2 days to recover from the

" vacation. " I definitely know better than to think a couple of days

with my parents will leave me feeling rested.

And I am definitely hoping that my husband will catch-up on reading

the nada-games. I try to point it out when I see it, but I think he's

got a double blind. First: he is from a normal family so it's not

something he's sensitive to. Second: English is his second language

and not what he and I speak at home, so when listening to a group

conversation in English, he misses alot. I've discussed this weekend

with him already and filled in the blanks. . .he's looking forward to

next year when we'll live even farther away from my family! So am I.

Trish

> >

> > Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad

> and

> > have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask for

> > what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> > being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

> >

> > Here are some examples:

> >

> > When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? " I

> > know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

> > not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do not

> > want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

> pretend

> > I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER

> it

> > is she's trying to do.

> >

> > When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want to

> > sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion

> when

> > it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

> > she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> > untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> > staff if we can have a different seat.

> >

> > So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get it.

> He

> > has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it happened,

> I

> > got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out and

> > just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit (according

> > to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted it.

> > When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> > would have thrown that tantrum around me.

> >

> > I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

> > " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

> > going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll have

> to

> > set another boundary.

> >

> > Trish

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Flea, thanks for the reply! I hope that you will feel less

sleep-deprived soon. URGH, those nadas!

>

> Trish,

> The answer to the question is " Noooooo, they can't ASK for what

they want, cuz if you really REALLY loooooved them, you would pay

attention enough (or be psychic enough) to KNOW what they want at all

times, and you would unfailingly provide it, and they would never

HAVE to ask... "

> -Flea (sleep deprived, in the midst of a horrible weekend)

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Mail

> Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sunny, I think I saw your other post--about your grandnada--so all is

not lost:) As for the " pure psychic ability " I've been wondering if

my nada perhaps just can't see how I wouldn't be able to read her

mind. I get the feeling that she thinks she's so right that everyone

else ought to be able to figure it out too. God, that's still

annoyinng me. . .

> >

> > Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and dad

> and

> > have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to ask for

> > what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us for

> > being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

> >

> > Here are some examples:

> >

> > When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want X? " I

> > know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason for her

> > not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I do not

> > want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

> pretend

> > I want something so she can feel good about having it, or WHATEVER

> it

> > is she's trying to do.

> >

> > When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you want to

> > sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any opinion

> when

> > it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made that

> > she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and whining

> > untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks the

> > staff if we can have a different seat.

> >

> > So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get it.

> He

> > has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it happened,

> I

> > got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-out and

> > just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit (according

> > to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she wanted it.

> > When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish she

> > would have thrown that tantrum around me.

> >

> > I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not fufilling

> > " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my dad are

> > going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll have

> to

> > set another boundary.

> >

> > Trish

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hello all--

I am loving this thread! I was recently made aware that I had this

flea by my DH. I never threw a tantrum or anything but sometimes I

would just " hope " that he knew that something upset me instead of

saying so. Also, I would put everyone's desires ahead of mine, but

I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

I made the correlation to it being a flea when nada complained to me

(before I went NC) that my SIL had come to visit me and had not

asked her if she needed her to bring anything for the baby. I

said, " SO why didn't you just tell her you had something? Better

still, you know there IS something, an old invention, really, called

the postal service. " She ignored me....

Point being, they are incapable of asking for anything. And in my

nada's case, she is also incapable of going to the post office!

I am so grateful to get over that flea and even more grateful to be

NC and nada-free!

As for the original thread, I would just refuse to cave in to

whatever they whine about....I did it to my nada...Give them the

ol' " Well, you should have spoken up earlier then. Live and learn---

next time you'll know better. " And let them simmer and just get

everyone on board to totally ignore the hissy fits. I have very

little tolerance for people who actively choose something, just so

they can ruin everyone's experience by complaining.

The other thing you could do is go up to a waiter, and request a

table for one.....you know the rest.

Hugs to all---

Sofia

> > >

> > > Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and

dad

> > and

> > > have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to

ask

> > for

> > > what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us

for

> > > being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

> > >

> > > Here are some examples:

> > >

> > > When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want

> X? "

> > I

> > > know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason

for

> her

> > > not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I

do

> > not

> > > want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

> > pretend

> > > I want something so she can feel good about having it, or

> WHATEVER

> > it

> > > is she's trying to do.

> > >

> > > When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you

want

> > to

> > > sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any

opinion

> > when

> > > it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made

> that

> > > she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and

whining

> > > untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks

the

> > > staff if we can have a different seat.

> > >

> > > So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get

> > it. He

> > > has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it

> > happened, I

> > > got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-

out

> > and

> > > just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit

> > (according

> > > to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she

wanted

> > it.

> > > When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish

she

> > > would have thrown that tantrum around me.

> > >

> > > I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not

> fufilling

> > > " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my

dad

> are

> > > going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll

> > have to

> > > set another boundary.

> > >

> > > Trish

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sofia requesting a table for one would be so funny! I will keep that

in mind if ever I'm just too annoyed. It's far better than hiding in

the bathroom while I calm down! What you said about making sure

everyone else is on board to ignore the whining is really important,

though. My dad usually caves and the last time, my own husband

actually broke down and asked the waiter to move us! I had a talk

with him about it later to explain to him what the perils of

responding to her tantrums are. My nada is very good at finding the

weak link. It is so infuriating.

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada and

> dad

> > > and

> > > > have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how to

> ask

> > > for

> > > > what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes us

> for

> > > > being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

> > > >

> > > > Here are some examples:

> > > >

> > > > When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you want

> > X? "

> > > I

> > > > know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason

> for

> > her

> > > > not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no, I

> do

> > > not

> > > > want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going to

> > > pretend

> > > > I want something so she can feel good about having it, or

> > WHATEVER

> > > it

> > > > is she's trying to do.

> > > >

> > > > When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do you

> want

> > > to

> > > > sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any

> opinion

> > > when

> > > > it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been made

> > that

> > > > she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and

> whining

> > > > untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else asks

> the

> > > > staff if we can have a different seat.

> > > >

> > > > So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't get

> > > it. He

> > > > has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it

> > > happened, I

> > > > got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to hide-

> out

> > > and

> > > > just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit

> > > (according

> > > > to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she

> wanted

> > > it.

> > > > When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of wish

> she

> > > > would have thrown that tantrum around me.

> > > >

> > > > I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not

> > fufilling

> > > > " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my

> dad

> > are

> > > > going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like I'll

> > > have to

> > > > set another boundary.

> > > >

> > > > Trish

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Trish,

Yes, that will be a good excuse. I have an aunt and uncle in Alaska

and they've got an awesome excuse for only coming home every two to

three years- costs a fortune to fly. So good for you!!!!

K

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi everyone! I've just returned from " vacation " with nada

and

> > dad

> > > > and

> > > > > have come to the conclusion that my nada doesn't know how

to

> > ask for

> > > > > what she wants. She either forces us to guess and punishes

us

> > for

> > > > > being wrong or just throws a tantrum.

> > > > >

> > > > > Here are some examples:

> > >

> > >

> > > > >

> > > > > When shopping for food we will all eat she asks, " do you

want

> > X? " I

> > > > > know that she really wants it, and since there is no reason

for

> > her

> > > > > not to be able to ask for it or get it herself, I say, " no,

I

> > do not

> > > > > want X. " and do not buy it. Let's be real! I'm not going

to

> > > > pretend

> > > > > I want something so she can feel good about having it, or

> > WHATEVER

> > > > it

> > > > > is she's trying to do.

> > > > >

> > > > > When we are sitting at a restaurant, I'll ask, " where do

you

> > want to

> > > > > sit? " She'll say, " I don't care. " and refuse to give any

> > opinion

> > > > when

> > > > > it's time to make a choice, BUT, once a decision has been

made

> > that

> > > > > she doesn't like, she'll keep complaining and pouting and

> > whining

> > > > > untill the weak link breaks(usually dad) and someone else

asks

> > the

> > > > > staff if we can have a different seat.

> > > > >

> > > > > So frustrating. The worst is that my husband just doesn't

get

> > it.

> > > > He

> > > > > has no idea how mad it makes me or why. The last time it

> > happened,

> > > > I

> > > > > got so irritated that I quickly went to the bathroom to

hide-

> > out and

> > > > > just calm down--but I left abruptly. My nada threw a fit

> > (according

> > > > > to my husband) and my husband requested a seat where she

wanted

> > it.

> > > > > When I came back she was acting normal. Freak. I kind of

wish

> > she

> > > > > would have thrown that tantrum around me.

> > > > >

> > > > > I've been trying to deal with this indirectly by just not

> > fufilling

> > > > > " requests " that are not asked for, but if my husband and my

dad

> > are

> > > > > going to cave to her, it's not going to work! Looks like

I'll

> > have

> > > > to

> > > > > set another boundary.

> > > > >

> > > > > Trish

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>