Seeing Zebras (as Salli would say!)

[Guest guest]

Ok - this has been concerning me for quite a while...

Am I seeing Zebras where there are only horses as Salli has asked of herself?

Is this a case of " A little knowledge is dangerous " ?

I'm going to share some of the things that are ringing alarm bells for me

reguarding my presumably NT 14 yr old son Matt...

1. Matt went to see Gladiator when it was on at the cinema...he can home and

'without my asking', described (in detail) the entire film to me from start to

finish including sound effects...while I rolled my eyes, sighed, yawned and

subtely tried to give him the hint that " enough was enough already " without

hurting his feelings...he didn't give up...there was absolutely no stopping

him...I hardly needed to watch the film myself when it came out on video. He

totally missed my cues that I wasn't really interested and I've noticed that he

hardly ever picks up on this type of body language...

2. Matt has never been big on eye contact, preferring to look anywhere but into

your eyes. He can and will give eye contact but it is definitely forced and

seems to be uncomfortable for him...

3. When we moved the big boys helped clean up the old house...I asked Matt to

take down the old shower curtain and put up a new one...He asked me " how do I do

that " - he seemed to genuinely not know how to do this...and didn't even make an

attempt until I physically showed him how. I had to leave the boys at the house

while transporting a load of rubbish...I had to explain in detail to Matt how to

scrub the front of the cupboards and the benchtop - explicit detail - each and

every step...

4. We washed the car together last week...when we had finished I asked him to

take everything inside for me - a couple of days later I noticed that he had

taken the bucket inside still full of water and had not emptied the dirty water

out. I asked him to take the hose out the back and he said he didn't know how to

take it off the tap even though he had done this before...

5. He has this finger flicking thing he does and HAS done for as long as I can

remember...he also has things he does repetitively, like tossing balls, bits of

scrunched paper or similar, into the air and catching them again with the same

hand over and over. He has always touched everything...I mean to the extent that

he was always being told to stop touching everything...he also has always chewed

plastic toys etc and still occasionally gets caught doing this...

6. I think I posted once before about the time I told him he couldn't watch a

movie...I'm positive I actually told him he couldn't watch it...I said " It's an

awful movie, every 2nd word is f***...anyway 10mins later I caught him watching

it and when I told him off he said I didn't tell him he couldn't watch it, all I

said was every 2nd word is f***...he seemed genuinely confused...

Ok - sorry this has gotten so long but I need to know...am I completely crazy or

is this extremely suspect behaviour...Salli? , I know Dale is NT - what's

he like? Anyone/Everyone what do you all think???

(inAus) getting quite desparate!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/28/01 8:10:13 AM Pacific Daylight Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

<< Mine, too. Did you know that one of my dh's family's favorite stories is

how every time they'd go to the beach, Marc would go in the water once and

then come out and immediately take off his bathing suit -- because you

weren't supposed to wear wet clothes.

>>

Ha!

This sounds EXACTLY like .

So, they can deny all they want but it *is* suspect behavior. Is he still

that way?

kandie

Kandie and (8 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A>

*

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/28/01 8:48:42 AM Pacific Daylight Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

<< It was heartwrenching and depressing, and I was feeling like this must be

the end. He had been silent for a long time, staring out into space. I

asked him, " what are you thinking about? " and he said, " I think I've just

figured out how to fix the toaster. " >>

That is terribly funny!

It is very sad but hysterically funny...the kind of funny you would see in a

sit-com. laughing, rolling on the floor funny.

I'm sorry Jacquie, I am not laughing at you, but picturing that whole scene

is funny.

So, you had some practice dealing with AS people before , didn't you?

kandie

Kandie and (8 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A>

*

[Guest guest]

Jeff wont leave the reciever volume on any numbers but 5's and 0's.

All on the pretty numbers he says. He will actually get up and change

the reciever if I leave it on the wrong numbers. He also has to eat

things symetrically. When we eat pizza and it is split down the

middle we have to eat one peice from each side one at a time. Drives

me batty! As if the boys werent weird enough right? I will give my

inlaws a break though. They were drunk or stoned most of the time

Jeff was growing up:( Jeff also has bipolar tendencies which he

doesnt feel the need to take care of. Calgon, take me away!

Jacquie H

>

> > I dont know what to tell you but he does sound a lot like my

husband.

> > Jacquie H

>

>

> Mine, too. Did you know that one of my dh's family's favorite

stories is how every time they'd go to the beach, Marc would go in

the water once and then come out and immediately take off his bathing

suit -- because you weren't supposed to wear wet clothes.

>

> They all deny this is AS behaviour.

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> >

> > Mine, too. Did you know that one of my dh's family's favorite

> stories is how every time they'd go to the beach, Marc would go in

> the water once and then come out and immediately take off his bathing

> suit -- because you weren't supposed to wear wet clothes.

As Putter would say, " No wet pants! "

Salli

[Guest guest]

> Ha!

> This sounds EXACTLY like .

> So, they can deny all they want but it *is* suspect behavior. Is he still

> that way?

Not in that exact situation, but that is a generalized behaviour with him. If

something is a rule once, it is a rule ALWAYS. He cannot change his learned

behaviours in response to a different siutation. Does that make any sense?

Like, if I say to him, " Don't take out the recycling tonight; I want to sort the

boxes, " then he will never again take out the recycling the night before. When

I ask why not, he says, " You said NOT to, " even if the previous conversation was

4 months ago and he'd taken out the recycling every night before for six years

previously.

When we first started going out, I would get in the driver's seat of the car,

then lean over and unlock his door. That was 12 years ago. 12 years later, if

I get in and DON'T do this, he gets very upset. That's my ROLE.

And addressing some of 's original post, Marc's eye contact sucks, although

that's fine with me, since so is mine. His MOST AS trait is the *talking*. He

talks and talks and talks about work. He is a mechanical engineer (is this

surprising?) and will spend literally HOURS after work telling me what he did to

what machine for how long and with what tools, assuming all the while I know

what the heck he is talking about. Over and over I say, " tell it to me like I'm

in first grade, " but he CAN'T. Not even when my eyes glaze over.

But can he listen? Nope. His eyes glaze over.

THE MOST NOTABLE AS INCIDENT IN OUR LIVES: We were having a big

discussion/fight about 4 years into our relationship. It was heartwrenching and

depressing, and I was feeling like this must be the end. He had been silent for

a long time, staring out into space. I asked him, " what are you thinking

about? " and he said, " I think I've just figured out how to fix the toaster. "

I SWEAR THAT IS TRUE.

So you see, everyone with AS sons, there ARE women out there who marry them.

I'm one, I truly believe it. If I could marry him after THAT...

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> AS men (not the one I married, but no matter) can have some fine qualities.

> For one thing, they are often extremely loyal (not mine again, but that was

> because I treated him so badly).

Yes, Salli, you must have been an AWFUL wife to make Lou treat you that way.

8-P

Yes, Marc IS very loyal. To me, to his family that I hate... loyal beyond all

reason.

[Guest guest]

..

>

> So you see, everyone with AS sons, there ARE women out there who marry

them. I'm one, I truly believe it. If I could marry him after THAT...

AS men (not the one I married, but no matter) can have some fine qualities.

For one thing, they are often extremely loyal (not mine again, but that was

because I treated him so badly).

Salli

Enrique, 14, AS, TS

, 12, NT

Sophia, 7, NT

Xavier, aka PUTTER!, 5, autism

o, 2, NT

[Guest guest]

:

I think it is a little suspect. What was he like as a toddler? The problem

with our oldest kids (he is your oldest?) is that if they were odd as a

toddler we don't necessarily notice.

Did you try the CARS test or the ATEC on him? I was startled, to say the

least, by my results on that.

Salli

Enrique, 14, AS, TS

, 12, NT

Sophia, 7, NT

Xavier, aka PUTTER!, 5, autism

o, 2, NT

>

[Guest guest]

> THE MOST NOTABLE AS INCIDENT IN OUR LIVES: We were having a big

discussion/fight about 4 years into our relationship. It was

heartwrenching and depressing, and I was feeling like this must be

the end. He had been silent for a long time, staring out into

space. I asked him, " what are you thinking about? " and he said, " I

think I've just figured out how to fix the toaster. "

>

> I SWEAR THAT IS TRUE.

I had to laugh out loud at this! Oh My, so this may explain why he

doesn't always " get " what your talking about?!

Kerri

Mom to:

Mitchel 6 on October 10th!!, Autistic

8.5 - NT

See the Family: http://www.johnswdwpage.com/family.htm

" I thank God and America for the right to live and raise my family

under the flag of tolerance, democracy and freedom. "

-Walt Disney

[Guest guest]

, if it concerns you and these things pose problems for him in

school and in relating in general than I would have it checked out.

No harm in checking things out right?

and I have noticed that family memebers seem to share traits and

characteristics of AS and related syndromes while not necessarily

having the full fledged syndrom itself. This is another possibility,

but still worth checking out.

Good luck to you.

[Guest guest]

> > THE MOST NOTABLE AS INCIDENT IN OUR LIVES: We were having a big

> discussion/fight about 4 years into our relationship. It was

> heartwrenching and depressing, and I was feeling like this must be

> the end. He had been silent for a long time, staring out into

> space. I asked him, " what are you thinking about? " and he said, " I

> think I've just figured out how to fix the toaster. "

> >

> > I SWEAR THAT IS TRUE.

Okay, this is funny. Really funny. Sad, but really funny. I can

see it all so clearly.

[Guest guest]

-

I certainly do not want to make light of your concerns at all.

A lot of what you describe sounds like 14 year old teenage behavior.

Maybe a bit on the ADD side. A lot of what you described sounds like

my son and he is 19 now. I think if he would be evaluated now, he

would probably considered somewhat ADD. MAYBE.

So that's my take on it. 14 year olds are funny creatures. I'd just

watch and not get too alarmed.

How does he do in school?

Does he have friends?

Is he happy?

Penny :-)

[Guest guest]

14 year olds are funny creatures.

They are aren't they!

>

> How does he do in school?

> Does he have friends?

> Is he happy?

I think those are the points to consider. Can he function? If he

can't then you look.

How is your son doing Penny? Is he doing well away from home?

[Guest guest]

> So, you had some practice dealing with AS people before , didn't you?

>

I certainly didn't know it at the time! ;-)

But to tell you the truth, a lot of the qualities that attracted me and kept me

there despite the weirdness are very AS qualities:

-he accepted me without question

-he accepts everybody without question

-he is loyal

-he is BRILLIANT

-his solid dependable non-emotional nature balances out my volatile nature

-he is trustworthy, and is incapable of lying -- I've seen him try

-he is predictable -- which is VERY important to me, because of my own illness

Unofrtunately:

-I get stuck making all all family business calls and meetings (school, etc)

-he will never phone for the stupid pizza

-two weeks ago he was anticipating all of us going for a drive. I didn't want

to go at the last minute. He didn't speak to me for two days, he was so

frustrated by having the plan changed.

-I argue and cry and FEEL while he sits back and tries to analyze things from a

logical perspective ( a la Spock -- ie, he doesn't think that my being fat is an

issue in our relationship, therefore I shouldn't, therefore he's not interested

in just lending me an ear about it)

Yeah, I've been trying to get him to agree to be assessed, but he won't do it.

He says that if he IS, that means that 's autism will be his fault and he

doesn't want to know.

I disagree, but you all know there's no point in trying to convince him

otherwise.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> I disagree, but you all know there's no point in trying to convince

him otherwise.

>

In my house that means I'd get further speaking to a brick wall.

Your house too?

[Guest guest]

>

> How is your son doing Penny? Is he doing well away from home?

>

>

-

Yes, thank you for asking. He actually is more " home " than I am. All

of my family (and of course, his) is back there. His Dad lives there

as well as my Mom and all of her family.

He is doing a very good job of figuring out how life works. I think

he's grown-up considerably over the last year. It seems that this

move was good for all of us.

Penny :-)

[Guest guest]

----- Original Message -----

> , if it concerns you and these things pose problems for him in

> school and in relating in general than I would have it checked out.

> No harm in checking things out right?

>

> and I have noticed that family memebers seem to share traits and

> characteristics of AS and related syndromes while not necessarily

> having the full fledged syndrom itself. This is another possibility,

> but still worth checking out.

>

> Good luck to you.

>

>

>

,

That's actually a very good observation! One of the specialists we've heard

speak actually said that if you look through your family tree, you'll see

various people with different characteristics of autism and that they

manifest together in one child (the one with autism). Didn' t know you knew

that much about it, did you?

Sue

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[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

Have you told him you think you are too? Then it couldn't be all his fault

anyway. Besides, I don't look at it as being something Mark or I 'caused'.

It just Is. Period.

Sue

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[Guest guest]

> THE MOST NOTABLE AS INCIDENT IN OUR LIVES: We were having a big

discussion/fight about 4 years into our relationship. It was heartwrenching

and depressing, and I was feeling like this must be the end. He had been

silent for a long time, staring out into space. I asked him, " what are you

thinking about? " and he said, " I think I've just figured out how to fix the

toaster. "

>

> I SWEAR THAT IS TRUE.

And I swear, this is the funniest thing I have read in weeks

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And NOW you complain about him being apathetic LOL!!?

You know, it would surprise me to know that a lot of men tune out during

what they consider a " silly meaningless argument " and think of other things.

But the difference with Marc is that when you asked him what he was thinking

about - - - he actually TOLD YOU LOL!!! I can't even IMAGINE the

expression on your face when he said this LOLOL!!! HEE HEE HEE

Grace

[Guest guest]

>>>I asked him, " what are you thinking about? " and he said, " I think

>I've just figured out how to fix the toaster. " <<<

> >

Is this anything like being in the middle of a sentence and having dh

say something, out loud, that has absolutely nothing to do with what

you were saying...and you tell him he just interrupted you and

ask " why " ? and he says " I was just thinking out loud " .

Sorry for the run on sentence.

Penny :-)

Speaking of run on sentences.....Where the heck is Sissi? computer

still down?

[Guest guest]

> And I swear, this is the funniest thing I have read in weeks

> ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> And NOW you complain about him being apathetic LOL!!?

Weeeelllllllllll.........after 12 years this does get a little trying, no matter

whether you love someone 'unconditionally' or not. :-)

[Guest guest]

Jacquie - I was outside smoking a cigarette this afternoon, sitting there in

peace, listening to my neighbor mow his lawn.

Out of the blue, I busted out laughing thinking about this again.

It is honestly hilarious. )

Grace

Re: Re: Seeing Zebras (as Salli would say!)

>

> > And I swear, this is the funniest thing I have read in weeks

> > ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> > And NOW you complain about him being apathetic LOL!!?

>

>

> Weeeelllllllllll.........after 12 years this does get a little trying, no

matter whether you love someone 'unconditionally' or not. :-)

>

>

>