@ Bridget

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

So sorry you are going through this. I know what it's like to have a

dishrag that just won't get it. At first mine gave me time to cool

off - which was funny cause I wasn't the one needing to cool down.

Then he tried to reason with me - arghh, none of what nada does is

reasonable I had finally figured out. I had to move to an undisclosed

location & unlist my telephone number before he/they actually took a

clue.

You did the right thing. Can you block them from your email so you

don't even see the messages that come in? I realize you run the risk

of them just showing up but that is another bridge to cross at a later

time, kwim?

I also understand how you miss them. You haven't been nc very long

yet and it takes a while - if this is the road you want to take. It

was well over 8 months before the " feeling sick " reactions to anything

nada or foo started to subside. More than a full year to get a better

grip of what I had done. You are still pretty emmeshed in the

drama/trauma and it really does take time to be able to step back and

cope better.

It's not your fault they spent the money on the tickets. I mean, what

normal person would even go see someone who did not want them there?

Alos, it is normal to wish for the kind of visit you could have had

with them if nada weren't a nada. We all wish these things from time

to time.

As far as the rest of the world. They do not matter. I am a paraih

(sp?) in my foo and with their friends/aquaintances. Stuff legends

are made of - by now. My dishrag has cancer and I still won't tell

him where I live. People will never understand. My foo is ripe with

mental illness and I don't think have the brain capacity to get it.

Those others out there didn't grow up like we did. It scares people.

The whole...what if my *** did that to me - crap.

I can't stress the time thing enough. No it won't cure everything.

Yes, it helps to have help like thereapy. I really believe that we

need to detox ourselves from the nada relationship. We can't be

raised like we were and just nc without issues. The longer you are

away the more time you have to heal. That's why I suggest not even

reading the emails. At least for me, it was imperative that I not

even hear nada or dishrags voice (even through text) until I had began

to find myself, learn coping skills and truely see situations for what

they really are.

Don't know if I helped at all. I could feel your pain and angst

through the board and just had to reach out to you. I so know what

you are going through. I was you back in 2003. I don't know how far

I've come but it is quite a ways. Cut yourself some slack. This is

by far the worst/hardest thing I have ever done too. You are a great

person.

One day at a time Bridget. Deep breaths. You will get though this.

You will be a better person for it

This place is fantastic. There are so many good people here. This is

where you come to fall. We can all help catch each other.