what to do

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone, I have not visited this site in about a year and have just spent

the last hour

reading recent postings and feeling understood and not alone. thank you. I

just had a

situation happen that I need some outside perspective on. My brother and I have

spent

our adult lives coming to the rescue of my (undiagnosed of course) borderline

mother.

Mostly my brother because I've often managed to be in another country. I've

done therapy

off and on for years, he hasn't, and consequently has allowed her to stay in his

home (and

wreck it) for a couple of years at least twice. Thankfully he is now seeking

therapy too,

and is deciding that he needs a break from her and because of some situations

with his

daughter and our mother, he is letting her " take a break " from grandma too.

(This is his

daughter's wish as well - 13 years old). I've had one year at a time nc with

mother but just

in this last 6 months have welcomed her back into my life and am offering her

work in my

center and keeping her close by as she has nothing and nobody and needs

assistance. Of

course you all know that it works really well when she is being utterly looked

after and

supported and catered to, so it's been quite an eventless 6 months. DILEMA:

brother and

niece come into town (him for work) and it turns out don't really want to

communicate

with mother but they are staying at my house. mother sees me at work each day

and I

need to tell truth...they are here...I'm sorry I don't really know what's going

on (white lie?)

I''m sorry he isn't calling you but I do know that he has a lot of issues he

wants to work out

with you for he and his daughter and isn't ready to spend extensive time with

you until he

can do this. response " viscious anger/ISSUES WITH ME???? what do you mean?/

what

nonsense...you're all so deranged and dramatic etc etc....Brother asks me and my

children

to spend the weekend skiing with them. He doesn't want mother to come. I spend

the

whole week agonising over my decision to go, sick to my guts, high anxiety. I

do the

healthy thing, I decide to go. I tell my mother where I'm going, and what I'm

doing and

with whom, that it must hurt but if she wants to work it out, brother will be

available to

speak, I know, but she needs to be willing to hear what he has to say. I am

accused of

having no heart..doing just what's in character etc. I invite her over to

dinner when we

return (at brother's blessing - dinner is a short visit) and call three times to

invite and she

never answers calls and doesn't come. Brother and niece leave the country to go

home,

mum never shows up at work for two days, and then shows up and has a cloud of

lightnening bolts and smoke coming off her aura all day and then after snapping

at me

endlessly says " I really can't bear to stay here any longer, I'm going home " .

My dilema

is:do I address things, do I ignore it? I'm sick to go into my own company

today (small

office!!!!!!) I wish wish wish she'd have one of her " turns " and leave the

country in a huff so

that I could never choose to have her so close again. but this too, tears my

heart to

shreds. sooooooo sad.........did anyone make head or tail of what I just said?

sorry

sooooo long.