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At the age of 34, I think I have figured out what is wrong with my

mother. Problem is, she is still in my head enought o make me doubt

what I even read is true. Maybe someone can help me. My mother has

ALWAYS had controll issues, going way back. My growing up years were

very difficult, my father very passive. I have 2 siblings, and she

has only mamaged to do her thing to my brother and I. Not the oldest

sister. I am really the one who receives the brunt of it. Let me

give some examples and maybe you can tell me if I'm clear on this or

maybe I am wrong.

-Mom " checks in " at least twice a day with all 3 siblings. (my

brother lives away and he just ignores the phone) If she does not get

a hold of you, she will keep calling and get mad, won't admit she's

mad, but she will have a tone to her voice and you kow she is mad)

-Mom is NEVER wrong. never an apology for anything.

-She can be fine one minute and the next just absolutely attack

someone over a perceived slight.

-If she is leaving town, she will call and ask for me to drive over,

drop everything, so she can kiss her grandson goodbye...she lives one

block away and sees him everyday, and is going to be gone for 2 days.

If I dont drive over, she is very mad. She wont say shes mad, she

will pout and hold it against me later on down the line.

-She has always been suspicious of my brother Dad and I. She is

always checking up on my dad, convinced he is having an affair. After

41 years of marriage, she still hasn't caught him yet.

-She calls my husband on a Sunday morning, 8am, to explain that she

thinks something he said, 2 weeks ago, (and it was harmless) she told

him she had a problem with what he said and has been thinking about

it and wanted to tell him she thought he was rude.

-I have tried to calmly sit down with my mother and explain my

feelings to her and she immediately will launch into, " oh, you are so

hormonal. you are out of control " and I say, " Mom, why can't I share

my feelings with you " , and she tells me I am over the top.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I don't know what to do with

this. The first step is I got a book on emotional blackmail. I

explained to mother that she cannot call here and upset my family on

a sunday morning and confront my husband like that and so now she is

punishing me by not coming over AT ALL, for 2 weeks, even to see the

kids. she used this line on my husband, " as much as I babysit your

children and this is how you treat me " . that is all she can threaten

us with, is the control of the children. So I am seeing how sick she

is that she will even punish the kids by not having contact with them

just because we confrontted her and told her she was wrong. Man,

what a life. Can someone give me some insight? Thanks for

listening.