Re: I'm New

[Guest guest]

wrote:

> If someone talks about how they feel,does or wants to do something,mom

> believes thats how she feels and wants to do that too.Mom will answer

> questions about anything with I don't know.She wants other people to

> tell her how she should live her life.

Hi ,

I was waiting for someone else to respond since I'm not always very

good at keeping up with the threads on this list (sometimes I don't

read or post for a week or so). But here's my two cents...hope it

is helpful!

From what I have read, people who have BPD have a very hard time

knowing what they want or how they feel. They become very chameleon

like and sometimes take on other people's likes/dislikes because they

don't have a strong sense of their own identity. It looks like your

mother's behavior might fit this pattern.

My mother doesn't do this--at least, not externally. It's possible

(likely?) that she is not in touch with her feelings or needs but she

does not say so out loud. I have noticed a few times where she adopts

a behavior or a position from someone she has painted " all good. " But

then she changes to something new. She never sticks with anything. So,

it's probably true that she has a very unstable sense of identity.

> I don't know what to do.

I hope this doesn't sound too dense but I'm not sure what information

you are looking for. I think most on this list would agree that you

can't change your mother (only she can change herself, and only if and

when she wants to do so) *but* you can change your own behavior.

There are a lot of good books about how being the child of a person

with BPD might have affected you and how you can learn more healthy

habits. One book that I keep recommending is Surviving a Borderline

Parent by Kimberlee Roth. A more general book on BPD is Stop Walking

on Eggshells. Understanding the Borderline Mother is also a good book

but I'd read the other two first.

Hugs,

Marjorie

http://www.bookcrossing.com/mybookshelf/ahimsa

[Guest guest]

On Fri, 2006-02-03 at 16:55 -0800, ahimsa on bookcrossing wrote:

> wrote:

> > If someone talks about how they feel,does or wants to do

> something,mom

> > believes thats how she feels and wants to do that too.Mom will

> answer

> > questions about anything with I don't know.She wants other people to

> > tell her how she should live her life.

Hello ,

I'm afraid I missed the orginal post - maybe it came in late .

Ive found that Yeti does that too. Up to a point.

It depends on the person. Actually it depends upon her, whether or not

she's split them black. If you've been split black, no matter what you

do, and no matter what you say, she's already decided she's going to be

opposed to both it, and you. If you do tell her something you are going

to do in that case you had better watch out, because she'll do

everything in her power to thwart it. A BP with a mouthful of venom is a

highly excited critter. I didn't tell her ANYTHING I was doing for at

least 3 years before I went NC. I got sick to death of her making dramas

for me, my employers, friends, neighbours, ex's, etc etc etc

If she's split you white she's already decided you can't do any wrong,

and she'll agree even to the point of calling white black... because for

her they are.

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