Left her speechless ;-) (long)

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Haven't had much time on the computer. Was having real problems there for a

while, from full blown panic attacks to just down right depression and zoning

out. Not a good place at all. Found a new therapist and that seems to be

helping a lot. Have been no contact for three weeks now before today. Of

course that meant that by the second week NADA had left 150 messages on the

machine! Everything from cajoling to raging.

Been thinking about a lot of things working through some of the stuff some on my

own and some with the new therapist.

For the past week though I have been thinking about when I was 15 and how it was

one of the best times of my life even though I was sick for about three months

that winter. NADA had moved out of state taking my two younger siblings with

her and leaving me at home with my dad. I spent a lot of time that year with

relatives, staying at my school (it was a combination day school/boarding

school) and feeling free and happy. I think the one reason I was so sick for

so long though was when family and friends would repeatedly ask me to write or

call my mother. When I didn't respond to her she would start the " poor me, my

daughter doesn't call me " routine with anyone and everyone. I think my guilt at

not calling her along with the guilt over the happiness I felt at not being in

touch with her caused me to stay sick for so long. I have been sick with the

exact same thing for the last three weeks and it hit me this morning that I bet

that's why. I am happy not talking to her but feeling a bit guilty about it.

Then I was thinking about how happy I was this afternoon listening to our

animals enjoying a warm spring day and thinking if it hadn't been for my husband

and oldest dog none of what I have would exist.

Then I had a flash and realized it was all her fault! ;-) If she hadn't

brought me out to live with her the year after I was 15 and then hadn't moved us

again I would never have met my husband and I certainly wouldn't be living the

way I am now. (which of course she hates!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I was supposed to become a high powered career oriented single woman who spent

the rest of my life with her. Ha!

So I picked up the phone and called her. When she answered I said " Thank you "

She asked what for and I said that if she hadn't moved us all around the country

I would never have met my husband and would never be living out in the country

with and I listed them : 7 dogs, 43 chickens, 4 guineas, 5 cats, and a turkey.

LOL LOL LOL LOL

She was speechless.

Four months ago she called me up telling me all the dogs needed to be put to

sleep because she had heard about a canine virus going around that children

could catch and that all the birds needed to be " slaughtered " because of the

bird flu. She hates animals with a passion and always got rid of my cats

growing up.

She didn't say anything at all for a minute and then told me that she has lip

cancer, there was a spot on her latest mammogram and that she can't afford to

have someone come in to help her if anything happens to her.

I know this one isn't true because the last time she was hospitalized I checked

with her insurance and she can get in home help!

Anyway told her I had to go just wanted to tell her thank you and got off the

phone.

Made me feel pretty good. She's always complained about my lifestyle and now I

told her she was the one responsible. I know in a few days she's going to be

livid but I feel so good tonight I don't care and I won't let it bother me at

all. I have spent the last 30 years resenting her for moving us away from all

our family without stopping to think about what she ultimately did for me!

There are still other things I have lots of problems with but that particular

one isn't going to bother me ever again!