Guest guest Posted September 19, 2006 Report Share Posted September 19, 2006 Charlie, I can see why you'd feel like crap, but I don't think you did anything wrong. I think you did what most people would do. Torture victims will sell you the souls of their children and say anything you want if you torture them long enough. You've been tortured your whole life by your nada and being split good is part of her ammo. That way when she shows you her ugly side that's not directed at you, the removal of punishment is a sick form of reward in behavior psychology. That's why torture victims under duress like maybe Patty Hearst was, will say anything and do anything to stay alive. Survival is the basic human instinct. The ones who do the torturing are the ones in the wrong, not the victims. You benefited from being split all good and didn't say anything to speak up for your morals b/c you'd been raised around her all your life and you knew from previous encounters that she'd start messing w/you again. Sure you use to scream at her when things like that happened but weren't you split all bad then? The only problem I see is that you are still engaged so much with the person who tortures you the greatest that you are not free, your soul is not free, to learn about other kinds of love besides abuse and victim type roles. This kind of encounter does soil the soul and it takes a while to get over and the mind will wrap itself around stupid things like feeling cowardly and what not and what that will end up doing is bringing more situations into your life where you think you are not speaking up or confused about when and where to speak up and its part of the shame game. That's also pretty much why I can't have anything to do w/my nada. I don't like how she 'soils' me as you put it and the relationships in my life that are NOTHING like where I come from but turn black as well after engaging w/her version of reality for too long. I was tortured too long by her not to have an effect. Dh is not effected, but I am b/c of my history and so I can not handle these situations- they make me feel like crap about who I am and what I stand for in life. The only way I could find not to feel that bad about myself was to disengage totally- be it a split good or split bad as I've been split good several times too and end up talking too much to her like she is really a normal person and then I feel like crap for wagging my tongue too much to someone who uses intimate details of various relationships for her blackmail and vengeful purposes. And I've felt like you in those moments of having been split good to get me under her grips. It sucks. I know what you mean about the television though. My nada does things like that. Its not what she says most times but the amount of venom she spews when she says things. For example, someone could say 'man, that girl looks slutty.' about someone on tv whose dressed really scantily and well slutty and it comes off sounding kind of funny. Nada would say it and its different- more like a total condemnation of the person dressing that way vs just making fun of how the person dresses (big difference- I make fun of how I dress sometimes- not exactly slutty, but a little too casual at times- residue from working w/sailors). I think everyone could use a little good ribbing every now and then. Life w/o humor is just not life in my opinion. But one thing I noticed about bps is that lack a humor gland. They have what they think is humor, but it is caustic at best and down right evil if you ask me. My humor is one of the first things to go when I'm around my FOO. Dh pointed that out to me several years ago and I've noticed its true. I have to keep my guard up b/c there is so much hatred, venom and malice contained within the walls of my mother's heart and mind. After a while when I learned she wasn't going to change, I decided I just didn't like being around people who make me feel like $h1t for breathing the same air they inhale. And yes,I know what you mean about wondering why they are still in existence- especially when I've had some good friends die this year. How unfair it all is that she'll probably live to be 101 and then other good people who actually give great value to the world and give so freely of themselves will have their two year old daughter die in the middle of the night. I struggle with reconciling these things. The 'why' of it all. But I don't feel guilt. I don't wish she was dead. She thinks I do and she use to say that to me after my dad died when I was 8- " you wish I died instead of your father. " But in truth, I don't. I wish she wasn't sick. I'm not a doctor though and I can't fix her and since she doesn't want to go to a doctor, then I'm off the hook- officially let myself off. Best wishes to you. I'd say let yourself off the hook, but its hard when you are raised in so much FOG- like you control the rising of the sun and the setting of the stars. Its hard discerning what it is we can and should control and be responsible for and what we can't ever control. Kerrie > > Hi everyone, I've got a recent antecdote I need to share. First may I say welcome to the > newcomers, and also that it's especially nice to see some names I haven't for awhile-- > , Kerrie, cre8-- just to name a few. I am in a part of my recovery now where I don't > post (or read) as much as I used to, but I still value all of you tremendously and am > grateful you're out there when I do need to post. And I need to now for sure, if only to try > and get some of this slime off me. > > I have a longstanding policy not to watch tv with nada. I established this before I even > knew about bpd, because she made me so uncomfortable. I didn't know why then; I just > knew that whenever I tried to watch tv w/her, she made me feel awful and uncomfortable. > > Well, I know more now. And I've done something that I feel very guilty about, I think. I > would appreciate input from the rest of the board. For various reasons, which I hope > include my own newfound skills, I am split very good right now. Being aware of that, and > being at nada's house one evening recently, I knew that if I watched a bit of tv with her, I > would be split even more good. And a game show was on, so I figured that wouldn't be so > bad--no action or characters for nada to comment on, no story for nada to ugly-fy or > ruin. Boy, was I wrong on that one. > > I watched a game show with nada. Or-well--part of one. First, overall, I now realize that > nada must make the entire experience about her. Everyone must have *her* reaction to > the show, whatever it is, and we must in truth be watching *her*, not the tv. So, she has > to comment and basically be in control of the entire situation. Watching tv is really not > allowed, you see--only watching her is allowed. I now understand why she would never > let me watch the XFiles or other sorts of drama shows--she would always come and try to > ask me some banal question and keep me from hearing key parts of the dialogue. She > couldn't bear for me to be paying attention to something else, ANYTHING else. So. Now > that is understood. > > But that's just nada being a three year old. That's not my moral dilemna. It's this. Now-- > in my defense, I did not plan to watch a show w/nada, and I didn't have any defenses > planned for this sortof behavior. I had almost forgotten the type of things she says, > because I avoid these situations. Well, the first thing she does is start making racist > comments. Several of them. And I did not react at all. I was perfectly silent. When I was > a child, I used to call her on that sh*t, and all she would do is just project hostility onto > me--I didn't mean it like *that*, why are you *attacking* me, why are you so *hostile*? So, > it wouldn't have worked. But that's not why I remained silent. It's because I didn't want to > get split black. It would have been too painful. I did not stand up against racism, because > I was trying to avoid the consequences to myself. yes--they would have been intolerable, > but, my God. I feel awful. > > Then she made some comments that, in her lurid nada way, were terribly insulting to my > father's family, and yet also terribly racist at the same time. And by the way, since she is a > high-functioning nada, these are always by implication, they are never exactly direct. > They are completely obvious for the most part but have the tiniest amount of wiggle room, > maybe 2%, just enough so that nada can project comfortably if challenged. Again, I did > not defend my father. I just didn't respond at all. > > Finally, she made several comments about the 'immoral' women on the show, saying for > example that their 'boobs were hanging out' of their clothes. I can't tell you how often I > heard that ugly phrase growing up. She was obsessed with it, and used it to describe > many a normal, modest outfit or prom dress. It made me feel very uncomfortable, it > always has--it has always made me feel sexually violated. She cannot handle ANY > sexuality at all, none, and any time any sortof sexuality is even hinted at on tv, she > projects her discomfort onto the innocents in the room. She then does not feel it--I do. I > still do. I can't even watch loves scenes in movies by myself, much less with good friends. > > I know I was in a lose-lose situation, and that confronting her on each of her appalling > comments would not have made her admit to them or change her behavior. But maybe > taking on the authoritative parent attitude would have--as some of you know, it can work > when you say--'no, missy, you will NOT talk about people that way in front of me, or I'm > leaving', and just stick to your guns on the rule no matter what they try to project. I wasn't > prepared. I had forgotten, to be honest, what APPALLING things nada says about other > people. Just insults to peoples' BASIC human dignity. Just portraying them as ugly and > desperate and pathetic. Finally I walked away from the show, pretending to be done with > dinner. I know what I am about to say sounds harsh, but as I walked away I did not see > why my nada had the right to exist on this earth. She contributes absolutely nothing; or if > she does, it must be cancelled out by the terrible insults and degradation she commits on > others. > > I want to be in a position where I never have to feel slimed and compromised like this, as if > I didn't stand up against racism, or for my father, or even for women who are not *that* > scantily clad, and certainly not in a pornographic movie (which is how she spoke of > them--it was in her tone). I feel awful about it. No more tv with nada! I feel so confused, > and guilty because I benefitted from staying silent--I really did. She did all kinds of > helpful things because I was split good that visit. > > Ugh. Thoughts? I'd appreciate them. > > Take care everyone, > Charlie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2006 Report Share Posted September 20, 2006 My nada is fixated on true crime stories -- plans her days around shows.....reads those paperback true crime sagas. Which, I guess by itself is not a bad thing, but that is ALL she reads. Her guestroom closet is stacked to the ceiling with all of her crime books. She watches Court TV 24/7. My husband pegged it years ago when he said " Your mother has an affinity for the dark side. There's something up with that. " I am just now understanding how right his observation was. Kyla > > > > Hi everyone, I've got a recent antecdote I need to share. First may > I say welcome to the > > newcomers, and also that it's especially nice to see some names I > haven't for awhile-- > > , Kerrie, cre8-- just to name a few. I am in a part of my > recovery now where I don't > > post (or read) as much as I used to, but I still value all of you > tremendously and am > > grateful you're out there when I do need to post. And I need to now > for sure, if only to try > > and get some of this slime off me. > > > > I have a longstanding policy not to watch tv with nada. I > established this before I even > > knew about bpd, because she made me so uncomfortable. I didn't know > why then; I just > > knew that whenever I tried to watch tv w/her, she made me feel awful > and uncomfortable. > > > > Well, I know more now. And I've done something that I feel very > guilty about, I think. I > > would appreciate input from the rest of the board. For various > reasons, which I hope > > include my own newfound skills, I am split very good right now. > Being aware of that, and > > being at nada's house one evening recently, I knew that if I watched > a bit of tv with her, I > > would be split even more good. And a game show was on, so I figured > that wouldn't be so > > bad--no action or characters for nada to comment on, no story for > nada to ugly-fy or > > ruin. Boy, was I wrong on that one. > > > > I watched a game show with nada. Or-well--part of one. First, > overall, I now realize that > > nada must make the entire experience about her. Everyone must have > *her* reaction to > > the show, whatever it is, and we must in truth be watching *her*, > not the tv. So, she has > > to comment and basically be in control of the entire situation. > Watching tv is really not > > allowed, you see--only watching her is allowed. I now understand > why she would never > > let me watch the XFiles or other sorts of drama shows--she would > always come and try to > > ask me some banal question and keep me from hearing key parts of the > dialogue. She > > couldn't bear for me to be paying attention to something else, > ANYTHING else. So. Now > > that is understood. > > > > But that's just nada being a three year old. That's not my moral > dilemna. It's this. Now-- > > in my defense, I did not plan to watch a show w/nada, and I didn't > have any defenses > > planned for this sortof behavior. I had almost forgotten the type > of things she says, > > because I avoid these situations. Well, the first thing she does is > start making racist > > comments. Several of them. And I did not react at all. I was > perfectly silent. When I was > > a child, I used to call her on that sh*t, and all she would do is > just project hostility onto > > me--I didn't mean it like *that*, why are you *attacking* me, why > are you so *hostile*? So, > > it wouldn't have worked. But that's not why I remained silent. > It's because I didn't want to > > get split black. It would have been too painful. I did not stand > up against racism, because > > I was trying to avoid the consequences to myself. yes--they would > have been intolerable, > > but, my God. I feel awful. > > > > Then she made some comments that, in her lurid nada way, were > terribly insulting to my > > father's family, and yet also terribly racist at the same time. And > by the way, since she is a > > high-functioning nada, these are always by implication, they are > never exactly direct. > > They are completely obvious for the most part but have the tiniest > amount of wiggle room, > > maybe 2%, just enough so that nada can project comfortably if > challenged. Again, I did > > not defend my father. I just didn't respond at all. > > > > Finally, she made several comments about the 'immoral' women on the > show, saying for > > example that their 'boobs were hanging out' of their clothes. I > can't tell you how often I > > heard that ugly phrase growing up. She was obsessed with it, and > used it to describe > > many a normal, modest outfit or prom dress. It made me feel very > uncomfortable, it > > always has--it has always made me feel sexually violated. She > cannot handle ANY > > sexuality at all, none, and any time any sortof sexuality is even > hinted at on tv, she > > projects her discomfort onto the innocents in the room. She then > does not feel it--I do. I > > still do. I can't even watch loves scenes in movies by myself, much > less with good friends. > > > > I know I was in a lose-lose situation, and that confronting her on > each of her appalling > > comments would not have made her admit to them or change her > behavior. But maybe > > taking on the authoritative parent attitude would have--as some of > you know, it can work > > when you say--'no, missy, you will NOT talk about people that way in > front of me, or I'm > > leaving', and just stick to your guns on the rule no matter what > they try to project. I wasn't > > prepared. I had forgotten, to be honest, what APPALLING things nada > says about other > > people. Just insults to peoples' BASIC human dignity. Just > portraying them as ugly and > > desperate and pathetic. Finally I walked away from the show, > pretending to be done with > > dinner. I know what I am about to say sounds harsh, but as I walked > away I did not see > > why my nada had the right to exist on this earth. She contributes > absolutely nothing; or if > > she does, it must be cancelled out by the terrible insults and > degradation she commits on > > others. > > > > I want to be in a position where I never have to feel slimed and > compromised like this, as if > > I didn't stand up against racism, or for my father, or even for > women who are not *that* > > scantily clad, and certainly not in a pornographic movie (which is > how she spoke of > > them--it was in her tone). I feel awful about it. No more tv with > nada! I feel so confused, > > and guilty because I benefitted from staying silent--I really did. > She did all kinds of > > helpful things because I was split good that visit. > > > > Ugh. Thoughts? I'd appreciate them. > > > > Take care everyone, > > Charlie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2006 Report Share Posted September 20, 2006 slarsen--You are very welcome! And kyleboo too. I remember how validating it is to read all those similar stories. One threat that particularly wowed me was how nadas always destroy whatever their kids/husbands' most prized possessions are. Wedding dresses, school trophies, musical instruments--whatever you care about, keep it from nada! Trish and I also have a lot of very similar stories re the sorts of emotional manipulation attempted by nadas. Hang in there guys! > > WOW. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this story -- you've set off major lightbulbs for me. I always avoided watching tv with my nada and always felt guilty about this and never understood why I was even doing it.... but I could SO relate to what you were saying that now I really do understand!!! > > It's really important for newbies like me to hear this stuff -- so thank you again, big time! > > Shana > > nadas and television > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > > Hi everyone, I've got a recent antecdote I need to share. First > > may I say welcome to the > > newcomers, and also that it's especially nice to see some names > > I haven't for awhile-- > > , Kerrie, cre8-- just to name a few. I am in a part of my > > recovery now where I don't > > post (or read) as much as I used to, but I still value all of > > you tremendously and am > > grateful you're out there when I do need to post. And I need to > > now for sure, if only to try > > and get some of this slime off me. > > > > I have a longstanding policy not to watch tv with nada. I > > established this before I even > > knew about bpd, because she made me so uncomfortable. I didn't > > know why then; I just > > knew that whenever I tried to watch tv w/her, she made me feel > > awful and uncomfortable. > > > > Well, I know more now. And I've done something that I feel very > > guilty about, I think. I > > would appreciate input from the rest of the board. For various > > reasons, which I hope > > include my own newfound skills, I am split very good right now. > > Being aware of that, and > > being at nada's house one evening recently, I knew that if I > > watched a bit of tv with her, I > > would be split even more good. And a game show was on, so I > > figured that wouldn't be so > > bad--no action or characters for nada to comment on, no story > > for nada to ugly-fy or > > ruin. Boy, was I wrong on that one. > > > > I watched a game show with nada. Or-well--part of one. First, > > overall, I now realize that > > nada must make the entire experience about her. Everyone must > > have *her* reaction to > > the show, whatever it is, and we must in truth be watching > > *her*, not the tv. So, she has > > to comment and basically be in control of the entire situation. > > Watching tv is really not > > allowed, you see--only watching her is allowed. I now > > understand why she would never > > let me watch the XFiles or other sorts of drama shows--she would > > always come and try to > > ask me some banal question and keep me from hearing key parts of > > the dialogue. She > > couldn't bear for me to be paying attention to something else, > > ANYTHING else. So. Now > > that is understood. > > > > But that's just nada being a three year old. That's not my > > moral dilemna. It's this. Now-- > > in my defense, I did not plan to watch a show w/nada, and I > > didn't have any defenses > > planned for this sortof behavior. I had almost forgotten the > > type of things she says, > > because I avoid these situations. Well, the first thing she > > does is start making racist > > comments. Several of them. And I did not react at all. I was > > perfectly silent. When I was > > a child, I used to call her on that sh*t, and all she would do > > is just project hostility onto > > me--I didn't mean it like *that*, why are you *attacking* me, > > why are you so *hostile*? So, > > it wouldn't have worked. But that's not why I remained silent. > > It's because I didn't want to > > get split black. It would have been too painful. I did not > > stand up against racism, because > > I was trying to avoid the consequences to myself. yes--they > > would have been intolerable, > > but, my God. I feel awful. > > > > Then she made some comments that, in her lurid nada way, were > > terribly insulting to my > > father's family, and yet also terribly racist at the same time. > > And by the way, since she is a > > high-functioning nada, these are always by implication, they are > > never exactly direct. > > They are completely obvious for the most part but have the > > tiniest amount of wiggle room, > > maybe 2%, just enough so that nada can project comfortably if > > challenged. Again, I did > > not defend my father. I just didn't respond at all. > > > > Finally, she made several comments about the 'immoral' women on > > the show, saying for > > example that their 'boobs were hanging out' of their clothes. > > I can't tell you how often I > > heard that ugly phrase growing up. She was obsessed with it, > > and used it to describe > > many a normal, modest outfit or prom dress. It made me feel > > very uncomfortable, it > > always has--it has always made me feel sexually violated. She > > cannot handle ANY > > sexuality at all, none, and any time any sortof sexuality is > > even hinted at on tv, she > > projects her discomfort onto the innocents in the room. She > > then does not feel it--I do. I > > still do. I can't even watch loves scenes in movies by myself, > > much less with good friends. > > > > I know I was in a lose-lose situation, and that confronting her > > on each of her appalling > > comments would not have made her admit to them or change her > > behavior. But maybe > > taking on the authoritative parent attitude would have--as some > > of you know, it can work > > when you say--'no, missy, you will NOT talk about people that > > way in front of me, or I'm > > leaving', and just stick to your guns on the rule no matter what > > they try to project. I wasn't > > prepared. I had forgotten, to be honest, what APPALLING things > > nada says about other > > people. Just insults to peoples' BASIC human dignity. Just > > portraying them as ugly and > > desperate and pathetic. Finally I walked away from the show, > > pretending to be done with > > dinner. I know what I am about to say sounds harsh, but as I > > walked away I did not see > > why my nada had the right to exist on this earth. She > > contributes absolutely nothing; or if > > she does, it must be cancelled out by the terrible insults and > > degradation she commits on > > others. > > > > I want to be in a position where I never have to feel slimed and > > compromised like this, as if > > I didn't stand up against racism, or for my father, or even for > > women who are not *that* > > scantily clad, and certainly not in a pornographic movie (which > > is how she spoke of > > them--it was in her tone). I feel awful about it. No more tv > > with nada! I feel so confused, > > and guilty because I benefitted from staying silent--I really > > did. She did all kinds of > > helpful things because I was split good that visit. > > > > Ugh. Thoughts? I'd appreciate them. > > > > Take care everyone, > > Charlie > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2006 Report Share Posted September 20, 2006 Kerrie! This was the message that truly helped me feel better. I wasn't looking at it from the perspective of having a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse in captivity. I was guilting myself as if I had never encountered nada before, as if she was just some Jo on the street. But there is a three year old inside me who deserves to do whatever necessary to protect myself from nada! And I have very big bruises. I also think she lit into this mode because she knew she had me 'captive'--I was there for a certain amount of time. I was not captive though, I could have left any minute--I should have told myself that. Also the toxic humor thing really, really resonated with me. You are so right! My nada has said two or three truly funny things her whole life. The rest are her laughing while making fun of people in bizarrely cruel, inhuman, yet *implied* ways--and everybody else is expected to laugh with her. Just like she was doing the other night. A phenomenal movie example of this occurs in 'In Her Shoes'. The step-mother (a bpd) throws a wedding shower in 'honor' of her stepdaughter. She does a pictoral 'tribute' that she narrates. She says we're so glad she's getting married, FINALLY. (Everybody laughs). Then she shows these terribly unflattering pictures meant to depict her as a pig, like one of her eating a pizza, and goes, sometimes we thought it would NEVER happen... Later the girl pulls a knife on her. She didn't use it, she just made her go screaming out the kitchen. The girl who pulled the knife looked like the demon, of course. It was so classic nada, and a prime example of this caustic 'humor' you mention. During the game show all the racist remarks, vulgar remarks, remarks about my Dad's family, etc, they were indeed all said as jokes--and she laughed. I didn't. At least I didn't participate. Oh I sent you an email by the way. Love Charlie > > > > Hi everyone, I've got a recent antecdote I need to share. First > may I say welcome to the > > newcomers, and also that it's especially nice to see some names I > haven't for awhile-- > > , Kerrie, cre8-- just to name a few. I am in a part of my > recovery now where I don't > > post (or read) as much as I used to, but I still value all of you > tremendously and am > > grateful you're out there when I do need to post. And I need to > now for sure, if only to try > > and get some of this slime off me. > > > > I have a longstanding policy not to watch tv with nada. I > established this before I even > > knew about bpd, because she made me so uncomfortable. I didn't > know why then; I just > > knew that whenever I tried to watch tv w/her, she made me feel > awful and uncomfortable. > > > > Well, I know more now. And I've done something that I feel very > guilty about, I think. I > > would appreciate input from the rest of the board. For various > reasons, which I hope > > include my own newfound skills, I am split very good right now. > Being aware of that, and > > being at nada's house one evening recently, I knew that if I > watched a bit of tv with her, I > > would be split even more good. And a game show was on, so I > figured that wouldn't be so > > bad--no action or characters for nada to comment on, no story for > nada to ugly-fy or > > ruin. Boy, was I wrong on that one. > > > > I watched a game show with nada. Or-well--part of one. First, > overall, I now realize that > > nada must make the entire experience about her. Everyone must have > *her* reaction to > > the show, whatever it is, and we must in truth be watching *her*, > not the tv. So, she has > > to comment and basically be in control of the entire situation. > Watching tv is really not > > allowed, you see--only watching her is allowed. I now understand > why she would never > > let me watch the XFiles or other sorts of drama shows--she would > always come and try to > > ask me some banal question and keep me from hearing key parts of > the dialogue. She > > couldn't bear for me to be paying attention to something else, > ANYTHING else. So. Now > > that is understood. > > > > But that's just nada being a three year old. That's not my moral > dilemna. It's this. Now-- > > in my defense, I did not plan to watch a show w/nada, and I didn't > have any defenses > > planned for this sortof behavior. I had almost forgotten the type > of things she says, > > because I avoid these situations. Well, the first thing she does > is start making racist > > comments. Several of them. And I did not react at all. I was > perfectly silent. When I was > > a child, I used to call her on that sh*t, and all she would do is > just project hostility onto > > me--I didn't mean it like *that*, why are you *attacking* me, why > are you so *hostile*? So, > > it wouldn't have worked. But that's not why I remained silent. > It's because I didn't want to > > get split black. It would have been too painful. I did not stand > up against racism, because > > I was trying to avoid the consequences to myself. yes--they would > have been intolerable, > > but, my God. I feel awful. > > > > Then she made some comments that, in her lurid nada way, were > terribly insulting to my > > father's family, and yet also terribly racist at the same time. > And by the way, since she is a > > high-functioning nada, these are always by implication, they are > never exactly direct. > > They are completely obvious for the most part but have the tiniest > amount of wiggle room, > > maybe 2%, just enough so that nada can project comfortably if > challenged. Again, I did > > not defend my father. I just didn't respond at all. > > > > Finally, she made several comments about the 'immoral' women on the > show, saying for > > example that their 'boobs were hanging out' of their clothes. I > can't tell you how often I > > heard that ugly phrase growing up. She was obsessed with it, and > used it to describe > > many a normal, modest outfit or prom dress. It made me feel very > uncomfortable, it > > always has--it has always made me feel sexually violated. She > cannot handle ANY > > sexuality at all, none, and any time any sortof sexuality is even > hinted at on tv, she > > projects her discomfort onto the innocents in the room. She then > does not feel it--I do. I > > still do. I can't even watch loves scenes in movies by myself, > much less with good friends. > > > > I know I was in a lose-lose situation, and that confronting her on > each of her appalling > > comments would not have made her admit to them or change her > behavior. But maybe > > taking on the authoritative parent attitude would have--as some of > you know, it can work > > when you say--'no, missy, you will NOT talk about people that way > in front of me, or I'm > > leaving', and just stick to your guns on the rule no matter what > they try to project. I wasn't > > prepared. I had forgotten, to be honest, what APPALLING things > nada says about other > > people. Just insults to peoples' BASIC human dignity. Just > portraying them as ugly and > > desperate and pathetic. Finally I walked away from the show, > pretending to be done with > > dinner. I know what I am about to say sounds harsh, but as I > walked away I did not see > > why my nada had the right to exist on this earth. She contributes > absolutely nothing; or if > > she does, it must be cancelled out by the terrible insults and > degradation she commits on > > others. > > > > I want to be in a position where I never have to feel slimed and > compromised like this, as if > > I didn't stand up against racism, or for my father, or even for > women who are not *that* > > scantily clad, and certainly not in a pornographic movie (which is > how she spoke of > > them--it was in her tone). I feel awful about it. No more tv with > nada! I feel so confused, > > and guilty because I benefitted from staying silent--I really did. > She did all kinds of > > helpful things because I was split good that visit. > > > > Ugh. Thoughts? I'd appreciate them. > > > > Take care everyone, > > Charlie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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