Re: Valentine's Day

February 13, 2006

> I guess I'm posting b/c I just feel sick to my stomach when I even

> see her name and address on a return address label in my mailbox. Its

> like I just wish she'd up and croak sometimes though honestly I'd

> just prefer to have her healthy or never have anything to do w/me

> again.

Yeti knows (Ive already told her) that if I see the return address on

any mail I will " RTS " it with " deceased, return to sender " .

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

February 13, 2006

Hi Kerrie,

I hear you. For me, there're holler-days I used to spend with FOO. Then,

there are holidays I've pleasantly spent alone, with women I was in

relationships with (when we were getting along!), and with my family of

choice. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your family of choice.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- Kerrie wrote:

> Well I got several cards in the mail today from nada to celebrate

> Valentine's Day. This is the first contact she's attempted since our

> blow-out at the end of December. I have NOT tried to reconnect at all.

>

> I guess I'm posting b/c I just feel sick to my stomach when I even

> see her name and address on a return address label in my mailbox. Its

> like I just wish she'd up and croak sometimes though honestly I'd

> just prefer to have her healthy or never have anything to do w/me

> again. Naturally she acted like all was fine- writing this whacked

> out stuff to my children. I threw the card addressed to me in the

> trash after opening it and reading it. It was stupid. She can't send

> gifts so now she's going to pump up on Hallmark cards (recap- she

> can't send gifts b/c I told her not to or else they'd be returned-

> the latest boundary). She never sends Valentine's Day cards and I

> think its freaky to do so when we've definitely not made any peace

> between us since December. I suppose she just wants to sweep it all

> under the rug. I feel the same most times- just sweep the whole damn

> relationship under the rug and never bring out for the light of day

> again. Just forget about her and never respond again, KWIM? I don't,

> however, feel even a remote inkling to pretend anymore that everthing

> is okay or that it ever will be okay. I have no desire to live in

> denial anymore or to have a false sense of peace that inside is just

> the dormancy of a volcano that will eventually erupt again. I just

> don't have any compulsion to go down that road again- to buy any of

> her lies, to have any hope in the relationship, to look forward to

> any reconcilliation. I have more hope than I have ever had in my

> entire life right now, but none of it is associated w/the FOO. Rather

> the life I've built far away and vastly different than the way I was

> raised.

>

> Anyway, I'm sure some of you can relate to the awful feeling of just

> ulkiness as you walk from your mailbox to your living room to open

> the mail and contemplate just throwing it in the trash or what

> craziness she's going to try and pull next. In the end, I am even

> wondering why I don't throw away the cards addressed to my kids when

> I threw the one to dh and I away right away. Why do I feel compelled

> to protect a relationship I do not want to exist currently? The

> grandparent relationship. Why do I respect the autonomy of that

> relationship when she clearly has no respect for my rights as a

> parent to parent as I see fit (saying crap such as 'you're holding my

> grandkids hostage' vs 'holding your kids hostage'- no its about nada-

> not me...I don't even have a right to claim MY children. They are HER

> grandchildren- ugh). I will sit on it for a while and perhaps throw

> these cards in the trash too.

>

> Wow- so much has changed in me. So much. And yet still so much left

> that needs to be changed and addressed. Just mulling over the ulky

> feelings that came up today.

>

> Thanks for listening/reading.

> Kerrie

> PS Hope everyone has a Happy Valentine's Day!

>

__________________________________________________

February 13, 2006

Hi Kerry, I'm up late with the same ucky feelings in my stomach too wondering

if I will

someday end up where you are now. I've gone through grief and lots of sorrow at

the idea

that insisting on not being abused would cause me to loose my relationship with

my FOO.

Now I just don't know if I care anymore. I know what you mean about that good

old, " what

will she pull next " feeling.

It sounds like you've done the right thing for yourself and your kids. It is

interesting that

you are sort of second guessing whether to give the cards to your kids. To me

it seems

like a logical part of your NC to do that. But I know you'll figure out what

you need to do

with those. I like your idea of just putting them aside while you think it out.

That way,

you avoid any knee-jerk reactions and make a decision that's right for you.

Good luck with your NC.

Trish