Guest guest Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 ', 'She' would have aged 10 years anyway...get yourself free. Carol C. In a message dated 1/23/2006 11:33:41 PM Eastern Standard Time, annangstrom@... writes: Hi, I'm not a newbie, but I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been going along sort of okay. My mother is a hermit type mostly. The thing that has prompted me to write is that I've developed a health problem and my mother is starting to do the blame thing about it. I'm starting to feel like a ton of bricks has fallen on me after seeing her lately. She says she's aged 10 years because of my illness and it's so obvious to see how it's really all about her. Thanks for letting me vent. It's tough because I'm exhausted a lot and when she sees that she gets scared. But I wonder how deeply things really affect her. It's so strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 Hi . I think that the things that do affect bp's are expressed at their (emotional) maturity level. Your mom is scared and responds with blame...as does mine. I'm convinced that she truly believes that if she scolds me and tears me down for " imposing " problems on her that I will try harder to please her. It does the opposite actually. I feel angry and exhausted. I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope you find better days soon. Hang in there! Adria annangstrom wrote: Hi, I'm not a newbie, but I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been going along sort of okay. My mother is a hermit type mostly. The thing that has prompted me to write is that I've developed a health problem and my mother is starting to do the blame thing about it. I'm starting to feel like a ton of bricks has fallen on me after seeing her lately. She says she's aged 10 years because of my illness and it's so obvious to see how it's really all about her. Thanks for letting me vent. It's tough because I'm exhausted a lot and when she sees that she gets scared. But I wonder how deeply things really affect her. It's so strange. Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 > > Hi . I think that the things that do affect bp's are expressed at their (emotional) maturity level. This is so true! <Your mom is scared and responds with blame...as does mine. I'm <convinced that she truly believes that if she scolds me and tears me <down for " imposing " problems on her that I will try harder to please <her. It does the opposite actually. Right. < I feel angry and exhausted. Yes, it's very tiring. I'm going to have to not be around my mother as much. Thanks for your great response! It really helps to talk to someone who has similar experiences! > I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope you find better days soon. Hang in there! > Adria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 > > > ', 'She' would have aged 10 years anyway...get yourself free. Carol C. > Hi Carol, I'm going to not be around her as much anyway. I've got my defenses up, but sometimes that's not enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 Hi , Calling your mother a Yeti made me laugh! Yes, they don't take responsiblity for themselves and do the FOG thing. It does take time to sort it all out, but it can be done! We will all just have to hang in there and keep getting stronger and more knowledgeable! Thanks, > > Hi , > My Yeti responds with criticism. This is part of the guilt (FOG) that > binds. If I was perfect and above any reproach, she thinks she would not > have to feel guilty about being beneath it. She hates me because I > @make@ her feel guilty. So she critcises (at least, she did before I let > her be whatever she wants) and tries to make me take the burden of her > guilt. > > I'm still sorting out what is hers and what is mine, fleas, etc etc > etc... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 My nada did the same thing. I developed ulcerative colitis. It got very bad very quick and I was in the hospital for a month and ended up with surgery and then a second surgery due to complications. She came to see me (this is before I realized she was BPD) and stayed with me i n the hospital a couple days. It was actually a pleasant visit until right before she left. She spent 30 minutes telling me how hard this was for her and how much she had suffered (um . . . who had their colon ripped out, me or her?). Then she left. Afterward my nurse came in and I broke down in tears asking her why my mother would tell me that. I understand. It is your health problem. Do what you need to do to be well and let her age. Hugs . . . Re: aging mother ', 'She' would have aged 10 years anyway...get yourself free. Carol C. In a message dated 1/23/2006 11:33:41 PM Eastern Standard Time, annangstrom@... writes: Hi, I'm not a newbie, but I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been going along sort of okay. My mother is a hermit type mostly. The thing that has prompted me to write is that I've developed a health problem and my mother is starting to do the blame thing about it. I'm starting to feel like a ton of bricks has fallen on me after seeing her lately. She says she's aged 10 years because of my illness and it's so obvious to see how it's really all about her. Thanks for letting me vent. It's tough because I'm exhausted a lot and when she sees that she gets scared. But I wonder how deeply things really affect her. It's so strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 , Ugh. What a lovely thing for your nada to do. It is mindboggling how a BP can behave. I hope you are a lot better now! - In ModOasis , " Kayne & New E-mail " <y2kxmaskids@n...> wrote: > > My nada did the same thing. I developed ulcerative colitis. It got very > bad very quick and I was in the hospital for a month and ended up with > surgery and then a second surgery due to complications. She came to see me > (this is before I realized she was BPD) and stayed with me i n the hospital > a couple days. It was actually a pleasant visit until right before she > left. She spent 30 minutes telling me how hard this was for her and how > much she had suffered (um . . . who had their colon ripped out, me or her?). > Then she left. Afterward my nurse came in and I broke down in tears asking > her why my mother would tell me that. > > I understand. It is your health problem. Do what you need to do to be well > and let her age. > > Hugs . . . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 > > One of the truths I have accepted is that everything is always about her,(My mother). Just last week my sister was pretty sick with the flu. She was in bed with a fever. All my mom could say and worry about was how she could call her each day. She fretted that her husband wasn't taking good enough care of her and was injured if my sister didn't let her know each day how she was. Never mind that she needed to rest and didn't feel like talking on the phone. I just visited her today and told her I had my wrist x-rayed again yesterday and there is a hairline fracture in the radius bone. Just before I left she turned to me and said she was sure glad I hadn't broken my wrist. What!!! I did. Oh well, she just can't pay much attention to anything other than her own complaints. It is so predictable now that it is laughable. I find myself telling her less and less about anything going on in my life because if she knows she expects a full report and wants to tell you what you should have done or what she thinks you still need to do. It is the same with my diabetes. I have known I had it for three and a half years now. That first year she kept telling people I had borderline diabetes. I would correct her and then she would make the same statement again. Her memory isn't that bad, I just don't think she ever really heard the information. She just never took it in because it wasn't about her. It's ok with me. I don't look to her for validation, support, or any of my needs to be met. After a lifetime of feeling resentful and not understanding why, when I found out about BPD it was just a relief and I set to work doing and believing all the books advised for the child of a BP. I truly have been able to give up any expectations that would cause me any frustration now. She is still annoying because I hear the same complaints over and over and over. But I no longer try to solve anything for her. Nothing is solvable for her anyway. She can't change now. I feel sorry for her. She is miserable. I can't help her so I do what I can and concentrate on my own life. Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hi , My Yeti responds with criticism. This is part of the guilt (FOG) that binds. If I was perfect and above any reproach, she thinks she would not have to feel guilty about being beneath it. She hates me because I @make@ her feel guilty. So she critcises (at least, she did before I let her be whatever she wants) and tries to make me take the burden of her guilt. I'm still sorting out what is hers and what is mine, fleas, etc etc etc... > Hi . I think that the things that do affect bp's are expressed at their (emotional) maturity level. Your mom is scared and responds with blame...as does mine. I'm convinced that she truly believes that if she scolds me and tears me down for " imposing " problems on her that I will try harder to please her. It does the opposite actually. I feel angry and exhausted. > I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope you find better days soon. Hang in there! > Adria > annangstrom wrote: > Hi, I'm not a newbie, but I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been > going along sort of okay. My mother is a hermit type mostly. The > thing that has prompted me to write is that I've developed a health > problem and my mother is starting to do the blame thing about it. I'm > starting to feel like a ton of bricks has fallen on me after seeing her > lately. She says she's aged 10 years because of my illness and it's so > obvious to see how it's really all about her. Thanks for letting me > vent. It's tough because I'm exhausted a lot and when she sees that > she gets scared. But I wonder how deeply things really affect her. > It's so strange. > > > > > > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! > > >From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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